As young as ten years old I saw my mother grappling with her addiction. Not having a proper concept of the damage she was causing to herself nor the danger she was putting me and my sibling in, I obeyed her request that she asked when I confronted her, to keep it a secret that I knew. Until one night while I was visiting my father for the weekend I told him that I knew my mother abuses narcotics and alcohol. I told him all about how I saw the white powder in baggies under the sink, along with walking in on her misusing aerosol cans. I explained to him how I have stopped her from using and how I have flushed pills that she had hidden, I told him about all the empty bottles under the bed, and I told him how long I had known. I was in sixth grade when he won custody of me and my twin.
While living with my mother she would pull me out of school repeatedly so she would not have to endure the day by herself. As my attendance will show staying home twice to three times a school week severely impacted my grades and social life with friends. When I first started school my goal was to go to college but as time went on I stopped caring about school, and I stopped caring about what I wanted to do with my future. It wasn't until I had to speak to a truancy officer, go to a counselor, and friend of the court that I realized needed to get back on track.
When me and my sister moved in with our father our relationship was rocky. We were scared of him, our mother falsely drilled nonsense in our heads that he was a bad man, when in all actuality he has only ever done what he believes is best for us. Slowly we became closer and closer and the fear faded away. We became more disciplined and better in school. Eventually it was our mom we became to "fear". I dreaded going to her house, I was tired of all of the lies and stress. They lied to us and kept us in an unsafe environment for years. I was especially mad at my grandmother, because she knew what my mother was doing and right outside of my bedroom and never did anything to try and get me or my sister out of that situation.
When living with my mom I could not have friends over because of her addiction and her criminal record involving the parents. I was embarrassed of my mother, she had gotten drunk one night with my friend over and I made my sister sleep in the same room as us in case my mother was too intoxicated to know better and did something dangerous. She had gotten alcohol that night I do not know from where and gotten so drunk she fell down in the middle of her room with my friend there to see everything, I helped her up and got my grandmother and we went to bed. At my fathers we do not have to worry about this because he does not drink around me or Hannah. We have friends over all of the time and I do not have to worry about what will happen and I do not have to worry about my friends hearing about my father doing reckless things and embarrassing us.
After four years of living with my father I can say I have grown as a person, that I have much more experience with dealing with difficult emotions, and I can honestly say I am happier than when I first moved in. Life throws crazy things at you and you have to deal with them, but life moves on and you must move with it or you will be miserable and stuck in the past.