Chapter Four:
"There's Something Fucking Wrong With Me."
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

"When Leilani was thirteen, she snuck out of her house to go to her first high school party. That's when she met Lexi for the first time. Lexi was a year older than her, taller than her and the prettiest girl she had ever seen. Leilani didn't understand why her heart skipped a beat when she saw her smile. I mean, she certainly wasn't a lesbian, right? Dead fucking wrong. Leilani may put up one hell of an act, but I see straight through that 'straight' shit. And I see exactly how she feels for Lexi. Leilani was definitely, definitely fucked up. There's no getting around that. But something happened to her when she was eight that made her repress the slightest idea of liking girls. She crushed that thought under her Gucci shoes before it could even finish formulating."

"That night, she also had her first kiss. Unfortunately, it wasn't the best. In fact, it kind of fucking sucked. She was sitting at the edge of the pool when a boy walked over. Now, this boy was definitely in high school and definitely gonna grow up to be a perv living in a 'should have been fucking abandoned, rat infested, flea infested, gross ass apartment'. He kissed her without permission. Leilani thought she was supposed to like it, but she didn't. She hated it so damn much."

"Leilani hated it so much that when she got home that night, well past the ass crack of the middle of the night, she cried in the shower, rubbing her skin until it was red and burned. The water was turned at the highest setting and she sat there crying until it was ice fucking cold."

"It's a big dick, right?" Jules grinned, handing over her phone to Rue.

"Uh.." Rue scrunched her nose up, tilting for Leilani to see.

"Come on!" Jules whined, "It is!"

"Ew, bitch-" Leilani squinted her eyes, but at the reaction of Jules, she continued. "I mean.. How the hell are we supposed to scale it? What if he just had small ass hands? Or big ass hands?"

Jules groaned, taking the phone from Rue's hands. "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Scale it." Rue shrugged, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"With like.. A ruler?" The blonde said slowly, tilting her head.

"No! With, like.. a water bottle. Like an evian bottle. Those things are huge as fuck." Leilani shrugged, glancing over at the gym doors as Maddy, Cassie, Kat, and BB walked in. "'Kay, gotta go. See you later."

Jules waved goodbye as Leilani stood from the table and walked over to sit with her other friends.

"So, you're staying with him the entire weekend?"

"Yeah, like.. Friday and Saturday night." Cassie explained, giving Leilani an odd look.

"I-"

"Do any of you know how bitcoin works?" Kat asked suddenly, looking up from her phone.

"Uh, no. Who needs bitcoin when you got stacks?" Leilani giggled, tapping her fingers against her hoop earrings.

"No.. But you know who probably does?" Maddy glanced over at Leilani, "Ashtray."

"Ashtray?" Kat furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yeah, he's Fez's little brother. He's like nine and sounds like a motherfucking sailor, but-"

"No, no. I know who he is." Kat interrupted, putting her phone on the table face down.

"Why do you need it anyway?" Cassie asked.

Kat smiled nervously before she answered, "Oh, uh, no reason.. just wondering."

Leilani shared a look with Cassie, but decided to ignore it

~~

"I need to talk to you." Lexi's voice rang out through the bathroom.

Ah, fucking shit, should've locked the damn door. Shit!

Leilani poked her head out from behind the current. "Lexi, what the fucking fuck? I'm naked! What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Wouldn't be the first time I've seen you like that." Lexi crossed her arms, but turned around nonetheless. "We need to talk, and you're not leaving until we do and neither am I."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Leilani groaned loudly, water droplets falling from her hair and onto the floor. "Right now?"

"Right now."

Leilani groaned, pulling the current back. "But why now?"

"Because you walk away from me every other time." Lexi snapped, crossing her arms as she focused on the brown door.

Leilani stayed silent, covered her body with her hands as she sunk to the shower floor. Minutes passed in an extremely uncomfortable silence before she realized that Lexi was serious. Her voice came out quiet as she spoke. "What is it?"

"I just wanna know why." Leilani could hear the desperation in Lexi's voice. "That's it."

"Why?" Leilani furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yes, why. Why you spent the entire summer making me fall for you, why you made me keep everything a secret, why you stopped texting back and Facetiming me halfway through August, why you started ignoring me completely. Why."

Leilani stayed silent, pulling her knees to her chest as she laid her head against the shower wall.

"Because.." Leilani shook her head, though she knew that Lexi couldn't see her.

"Because isn't an answer, Leilani. Why?"

"Because there's something fucking wrong with me, okay?" Leilani raked her hands through her hair.

Lexi's arms dropped to her sides, "What?"

"I'm fucked up, Lexi. I'm a mess. I know I am, but just because I know that doesn't mean anyone else needs to know that. I have something wrong with me!"

"And.. what is it?"

When Leilani didn't respond, Lexi slowly turned around. "Lani, what is it?"

"I-I.. I don't know! Ever since I caught my mom with my dad's stupid secretary I've been a mess! And you better not fucking tell anyone that."

Lexi shook her head, "I wouldn't."

"And-And.. I just.. I feel like there's something wrong with me, because of that."

"Because your mom cheated?"

"With another woman. And-And my dad.. he hasn't been the same since..And I just feel like-"

Leilani cut herself off, realizing tears had slipped from her eyes. "Nevermind."

"When Leilani was eight, she caught her mom with her dad's secretary. Ever since then, she felt like if she liked girls she was betraying her dad. It was a majorly fucked up idea for her to have, but it's not her fault. The first ever 'relationship' she was exposed to completely fucking ruined her family life. What else would she think? I certainly wouldn't welcome it with open arms if I was Leilani, either. But, finally, she had started her road ro progess. She admitted something was fucked up."

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

{ Word Count: 1118 }

{ A/n: Brought to you by: a breakdown in my bedroom }

{ Edited: No }