royal au

-

You're walking through the yard of your family's palace, putting one foot in front of the other slowly. The windflowers growing here during the spring and autumn have wilted. Here and there you find a lone petal, having taken on a dead shade of brown. You keep your eyes mostly directed on the path leading through the garden, sometimes taking note of a pebble lying around in the dust. There's not much to see here anymore, now that the colors of your beloved flowers have faded.

The corset of your dress makes it hard to breathe for you-or maybe it's the fact that this is the evening leading up to your 18th birthday. Birthdays have always been happy occasions for you, with your parents organizing only the most delicious food and presents and letting you have a party with all the other girls from the royal families living nearby.

"[name]!" you hear a familiar voice calling out to you, tearing you out of your gloomy thoughts. You whirl around to find her dashing towards you over the grass, holding the skirt of her pompous blue and pink dress up so she can run properly.

"Yujin! The gardener's going to kill you if he sees you trampling all the grass again!" She halts right in front of you, throwing her head over her shoulder so quickly that the tips of her long black hair almost hit you in the face. She eyes the crushed grass, in which the path she took is clearly visible, and when she turns her head back to you, she sticks out her tongue.

"Well, nobody needs to know it was me," she cheekily replies, before letting out a mischievous laugh, her eyes sparkling with joy. You smile at the sight, and having her with you brings you some peace of mind. You reach out to wrap your fingers around hers, entwining them. Then you take a proper look at her.

"You look beautiful today," you whisper as you gaze at her with adoration in your eyes.

"I think you meant to say I look especially beautiful today?" She replies, and you laugh, before you lean in to place a quick peck on her pink-colored lips.

"Of course," you say. You find surprise in Yujin's expression.

"What are you doing? Aren't you scared someone will see us?"

"They're all busy celebrating that the only daughter of the house will finally be married off anyway..." you answer, and you fail to swallow the bitter aftertaste the words leave in your mouth. You've been putting up a strong act all day, but now that it's just you and her, your face drops into a frown. You feel Yujin putting her palm against your cheek, making you look at her big eyes before she pulls you into a hug.

You two have always been together since you were 7. Yujin's family lives quite nearby, just over the hill that also leads to the village. It's like you two clicked almost immediately, and it's not like you never fight, but you wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

And then one day, you both began to realize that your friendship was slowly turning into something more, and you've been secret lovers ever since.

Yujin is lucky in your eyes. She has four sisters, and so her parents aren't that hung up on her having to marry as soon as possible. Besides, whenever her father would ask her what kind of prince she'd want to marry when she was a kid, she'd always shake her head vigorously, insisting that she wanted to marry you instead. I suppose her parents always thought she was just too young to grasp the concept of love, but ever since she's gotten a bit older, she tends to dodge that question.

You, on the other hand, are the only child your parents have been blessed with. Back when you were still a little girl, that came with its own set of advantages, because they would always devote themselves fully to you. But now that you're older and have reached the age where you can get married, you wish you had a few siblings to share the attention of your mother and father with. Then maybe they wouldn't have arranged for you to marry the oldest son of another family they're close with. Apparently, they helped your parents out with some financial matters just before you were born, and so your father promised his only daughter to them as the future wife of their oldest son once you've reached the age of 18. And that day is tomorrow.

Feeling Yujin's warm embrace while thinking about your more than unpleasant reality, you feel like crying. If you're married to a man, would you be able to keep seeing her?

"Oh there you are!" a distant voice echoes through the inner courtyard, and you two separate. Yujin's comfort being torn away from you like that leaves you feeling like somebody has cut the ground from under your feet for a moment.

Yujin explains to the woman who had just shouted at you, "She's feeling nervous, so I thought I should come out to talk to her a bit." She's one of the staff at your palace, and she's helping out to make the party run smoothly today.

"[name], your parents are looking for you! Your father can't start his speech without one half of the lucky couple missing!" She explains, an excited smile showing on her sun-kissed face.

"I'll be right there! Just a minute!" You shout back, and once she disappears inside, you take a deep breath and straighten your shoulders. You give Yujin an insecure look, but she squeezes your hands in hers and answers with an encouraging nod.

"You can do it. It's just a speech," she says, and you try to focus on that for now, without thinking about what that speech will lead up to as soon as morning comes.

You walk back inside, and the guests welcome you with applause and cheering. The moment you have to leave Yujin's side to sit next to your fiancé instead leaves you heartbroken, but the bright look in her eyes remains every time you glance over to her during your father's way too detailed speech. Well, he only gets to do this for one child, you think, might as well let him ramble on for a bit longer.

Eventually, even he runs out of words, and when it's time to toast, you raise your silver cup and make eye contact with your soon-to-be husband. You catch yourself thinking how you're glad the kissing part won't happen today, but even just sitting so close to him is bad enough. It's not even the fact that he's several years older than you, but you've just never really liked him. He doesn't look like it from afar, but once you get to know him a bit, you notice how highly he thinks of himself-and how lowly of everyone else.

What's more is that you feel the scrutinizing gazes of both his father and his mother resting on your figure with every move you make, as if one wrong gesture will make both of them get out of their seats to jump at you and give you the scolding of your life. You're a bit scared of the cold looks on their faces, and even the walls of their luxurious home emit no warmth. A shudder runs down your spine, and just as you hope nobody noticed, the man next to you puts his arm around you.

"Are you cold, my princess?" You feel the need to throw up at him calling you that, but you manage not to let any of those feelings surface.

"I'm fine," you say, hoping he'll turn away from you, but he seems to have other plans, as he rises to his feet, and you're forced to do the same to avoid causing a scene. His arm is still wrapped tightly around your waist.

"I will take her," she says, coming to your rescue, but your fiancé pulls your body away from her just before she can grab your hand.

"There is no need," he responds, putting a certain emphasis behind his words. He wants to be alone with you, you know that, but right now you want anything but that.

"The husband should entertain the guests, shouldn't he?" Yujin argues, "And even if the party isn't held at your own home, these people are still your guests as well. Or am I wrong?"

"They will be fine for a few minutes, right?" He now turns towards the crowd all gathered around the dining table, waiting for their agreement. Using this moment of distraction, Yujin wraps her hand around your wrist and pulls you out of his hold.

"A woman is still the best at taking care of another woman who does not feel well. Once she is legally your wife, she will be in your care, but for today, I think it is still the duty of her family and closest friends to be there for her." She speaks loudly, factually, and without too much emotion. She wants to be taken seriously by the tall man standing in front of her, because she knows that without his approval, she won't be taking you anywhere. Finally, he sighs.

"Fine then," he agrees, even though he isn't happy about how things played out for him. "Take her."

"Thank you," you mumble, still in shock over what just happened, and you let Yujin walk you upstairs at a quick pace. You only halt once you're in your room, standing by the foot of your bed, and she has closed the door that leads out into the hallway.

"Are you okay?" she asks as she turns around and you rush over to her, taking her face into your hands, and you kiss her for as long as the capacity of your lungs allows you. You don't know how to answer when you separate, but the way she looks at you as if her heart was breaking into a million pieces tells you you can't just remain silent. It must be taking a toll on her too, that she's about to lose you to that man.

"I-" you stammer, "I'll be fine..." However, she shakes her head.

"I don't believe you," she answers. "I don't believe you will be fine with a man who makes you feel so uncomfortable by just sitting next to you."

"I'll get used to it..."

"You will have to bear his children, [name]." Upon realizing what that implies, you feel the knot in your stomach growing, and you have to take a deep breath so as not to throw up on the spot.

"I will-"

"Let's run away," Yujin cuts you off.

"What?"

"Let's run away, [name]," she repeats. "You and me."

"But-" you stutter, "but my parents! They will be so mad at me if I do that..."

"Not if you never come back." Her mischievous smile returns to her face, her dimples popping in as she speaks those words, and she takes a hold of both your hands. With her thumbs stroking their backsides, she adds quietly, "We could finally live happily ever after..."

You look into her eyes. You take one thorough look at them and you find nothing but sincere care and love for you, and in that very moment, you know there is only one right answer to this question.

"Alright."

You're running. Hand in hand, you're running as fast as your feet will carry you. You just have to make it to the little forest to the north of the palace. Then you would be safe, but as long as you're on the open grass field, you're at risk of being spotted.

"Yujin, I can't-" You feel yourself falling behind slowly but steadily. As the daughter of a royal family, you're not used to running so fast and for such a long distance, and you're already out of breath, even though you still haven't reached the safety of the woods.

"You can do it!" she cheers you on, but at the same time the weight with which you're pulling her back is growing heavier. That is until she suddenly halts and crouches down, almost making you trip over in the process. You lower yourself to her level.

"Let's take off our shoes," she says, already slipping out of hers. "It's easier to run barefoot." You understand and nod, then you do as she says, and you both leave your pair behind to take off running again.

You only let go of Yujin's hand once you're well inside the forest. You lean your exhausted body against a thick tree, trying to regain your breath. Your mouth is dry from running all the way here, but you doubt you will find clean water anytime soon. Yujin also seems a bit tired out, though she looks like she took the run a lot better than you did. She looks around, and eventually her eyes widen. Something must've piqued her interest a bit deeper into the woods now, because a smile is growing on her lips now. She takes your hand to lead you down a narrow path between high-growing trees.

"Watch your step," she warns you. You can't see the ground well in the darkness of the night, so you have to be careful not to step on any small animals or traps set out by the huntsmen of the village. Eventually, you make it to a small clearing in the middle of the forest, the grass and flowers dyed a silver tone by the bright light of the moon shining overhead. You stop in your tracks and gasp at the sight in front of you.

"Wow... I've never seen anything like this..." you mutter, taken aback by the way the force of the moon seems so much stronger out here, when you're not looking at it through the windows of the palace. Yujin joins you in marvelling at the scenery for a while, until she takes a few light steps forward and spins around to face you.

"[name]," she calls out your name and tears your attention away from the moon. You find an expectant smile on her face. "Do you think it's already midnight?"

"I... don't know," you answer honestly.

"Let's say it is," she grins. "Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Just do it. Trust me."

"O-okay..." You do as she said, and for some reason, your heart starts pounding again. You feel something being put around your neck, with her skin grazing yours for a moment before she tells you to open your eyes. You feel the cold metal on the skin above your chest very clearly now, and you look down on yourself to find a silver necklace decorating your decolleté.

"It's a windflower. Do you like it?" Yujin asks, watching your reaction with great interest.

"I love it!" you exclaim, taking the jewelry between your fingers to have a closer look at it. "It's beautiful."

"Then I'm glad." She sends you a sweet smile. "Oh, you know what we should do?"

"Hm?" You can't even properly ask, when she already reaches for your hands and pulls you along with her to the middle of the clearing, spinning you around.

"We should dance! To celebrate," she explains, and pulls you close, putting one hand on the small of your back. Even without music, she leads you effortlessly. It's as if your feet are flying above the cool grass, and the happiness filling your chest leaves you no choice but to let out a joyous laugh. You thought you had used up all your energy while you were running earlier, but somehow dancing with her like this makes you forget all about your exhaustion.

You stop spinning and swaying eventually, both of you dropping down into the grass, beaming smiles on both your faces. Words aren't needed between you two; the loving gazes you both exchange are enough, and eventually you find yourselves sharing a sweet kiss, arms snaked around the other's body, heads full of nothing but thoughts of the other. You feel like you've never been as happy in your whole life as you are at this very moment, and so you wish this night would never end.

"Happy birthday, my love," Yujin whispers once you part, and you can still feel her warm breath on your skin as she speaks.

"I love you," you say, and just when you want to go in for a tight hug, you see something move behind her in the woods. For a moment you hold still, thinking it might be a fox or a wolf, but when you realize it's a man, fear hits you like a slap to the face.

"We need to run," is the only thing you can hear yourself say, before you get up and dash into the opposite direction, Yujin right behind you.

"Stop!" a male voice yells at you, and another one shouts,

"[name], wait!" Not one person, but a whole group of people is chasing you. You feel your feet growing tired within seconds this time, and Yujin overtakes you with ease.

"Come on, [name], you need to run faster!" The worry in her voice and all over her face is apparent, but you know you can't keep up with her, no matter what you do. She holds out her hand to you, but you hesitate to take it. And then you stand still. "What are you doing? Run!" she shouts, though even she should know it's too late.

"Run away, Yujin," you say, making sure to put enough force behind your words that she has no choice but to listen to you. "I'm sorry..." The next second you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders, and in front of you, you see the girl you love running away, just like you told her to.

"Finally, we found you." Your father's voice barely reaches your ears as he speaks from right behind you. All you can focus on is Yujin's back as she slowly disappears into the darkness, and once you're sure she's gone, your body sinks to the ground and you break down crying.

-

It's a sunny day in early spring. You're strolling through the inner courtyard of your home, finding countless colorful petals that have fallen to the ground and will soon begin to wilt. The windflowers are about to become dormant again, telling you that warmer days will soon arrive. And it also means that your birthday is drawing near, as well as your first wedding anniversary.

And the day that you last saw Yujin.

"Milady, lunch is almost ready," one of your parents' staff lets you know from across the garden. You look up, to find her standing inside, by one of the windows. She nods at you to signal that you understood, and she takes off to return to her work immediately. You let your eyes wander through the yard one more time before turning your back on it and returning to the inside of the palace.

There hasn't been a day that you haven't thought of Yujin. Sometimes, in the darkness of the night, you are shaken away from a nightmare, reliving the whole experience of attempting to run away and eventually losing her. However, usually you think of her fondly. Even though you haven't heard a single word from her since then, you're hopeful. She's not the type to give up easily, and you can't imagine her abandoning you forever, no matter how much time tries to convince you otherwise.

When you sit down in the huge dining hall to consume your lunch, nobody else is there except for the woman serving you your food. Your mother is probably still upstairs, reading and studying, while your father and your husband are out in the woods to hunt. They wouldn't return before sunset.

You have almost finished your meal when the servant puts a white envelope on the table in front of you.

"Milady, you have received mail." You wipe your mouth with a tissue before reaching for the letter. You turn it to the other side, then you turn it again, but no matter where you look, you find nothing but your own name written on it.

"No sender? Weird..." You open the suspicious envelope, and once you unfold the paper inside, a premonition starts blossoming inside you. Having a hunch that you know this handwriting, you start reading.

"My love,

It has been too long since we haven't seen each other. Still, I dream of you every night. If you still feel the same, there will be a black carriage arriving at your palace on Friday. It will lead you to where I live now."

There is no name at the end of the note. Instead, it is signed with the drawing of a windflower.

"There is no mistake..." you mutter, and the servant leans in a bit.

"What is...?" she allows her curiousity to take the better of her. However, instead of answering her question, you tell her to pack your things for a weekend trip. It's already Wednesday, so you don't have much time left.

"Oh, and," you stop her before she can rush upstairs. "Don't tell anyone about this. Not my husband, not my father, not even my mother. Understood?"

"Yes, milady. It will be a secret just between us." With an excited giggle and a sincere gaze, she gives you a nod, and then you watch her ascend the stairs at the end of the hallway.

Friday comes by quickly, and once your father and husband have left to go to the woods, you spend your day sitting on the wooden bench in front of the entrance instead of roaming through the yard for hours. You have brought a small book to keep you occupied while you wait for the carriage to arrive, but with how nervous you are, you can barely focus on the words. From time to time, you close your eyes, wrapping your fingers around the silver flower on the necklace that you've been wearing every day since Yujin gave it to you, and you take a deep breath to calm your fast beating heart.

Morning goes by, noon arrives, and still no sign of anyone picking you up. The servant who helped you pack your things steps outside and puts her hand on your shoulder in a comforting gesture. You haven't told her where you're going or that you probably won't return if the carriage really takes you where you think it will.

However, from her actions it is clear that she senses this journey is an important one to you, and that with every hour that you're waiting and nothing happens, your heart grows heavier.

"Do you want some of the food I made for your mother?" she asks. "You could use the energy." You think for a while. And just when you're about to agree to her suggestion, you hear the sound of hooves clopping on the paved street leading to your home.

You jump to your feet and stare at the big gate while you can hear the blood rushing through your veins. Expectations are rising, and time seems to be passing as slowly as it possibly can, until two white horses appear, pulling a black carriage and grinding to a halt just in front of the gate. You take a hold of your bag and you rush forward.

"I have been sent to pick up Mrs. [name]... is that you?" the carter asks, after stepping down from the carriage.

"Yes, yes that is me," you answer, almost stumbling over your words.

"Do you have the letter?"

"Y-yes, one moment." You let the bag sink to the ground and then rummage through the pockets of your jacket, eventually finding the piece of paper. You show it to the tall man, and after discovering the unusual signature, he nods.

"Step inside," he tells you, then he reaches for your bag to place it inside the carriage for you. As you're climbing up the few steps into the cart, you look back over your shoulder once. You try not to show the sadness on your face, which you suddenly feel upon realizing you're really leaving your home forever, fearing it might give away your real intentions to the servant still standing outside and watching you.

However, she has pulled out a white handkerchief, and is now waving at you cheerfully with the fabric swaying back and forth. With a thankful smile, you wave back at her with your bare hand, before taking a seat and having the carter close the door for you.

The journey takes all afternoon, and though you feel yourself growing tired after the first few hours, there is no way you could sleep sitting in a carriage that keeps uncomfortably vibrating because of the bumpy road.

You're lost staring out the window, watching the scenery pass by slowly. Your gaze drops to your hand, and the wedding ring on your finger comes into sight. You haven't taken it off even once for almost a year, even though you never wanted to put it on in the first place. So when you finally remove it from your ring finger with some difficulty now, you feel like you just escaped the prison you've been locked into on your birthday last year.

You stare at the ring, now held between your index finger and thumb of your left hand, like one would stare at any valuable possession that you actually never wanted. Looking out the window and finding a freshly tilled field, you take a big swing with your arm and throw the ring as far as you possibly can. The farmer who finds it eventually sells it for good money, granting his family a few years free from worry and hunger.

The carriage stops eventually, as the sky is already turning orange, and the door of the cart is opened for you. Again, the carter helps you put your luggage down onto the street, and you thank him for his services, paying him extra. He drives off, and eventually you find yourself standing next to the street alone. There is nothing but meadows and fields and peace all around you, and in front of you, you find one lone little house, surrounded by fences, behind which you see a few pigs and a cow.

You pick up your bag and start walking towards it, your steps quickening the closer you get. And then you stand in front of the wooden door and you drop your bag to knock. You wait, and for a little while, nothing happens. This is until you hear someone calling out your name from behind.

"[name]?" You turn around and you can't believe your eyes when you see her. There, merely a few steps away from you, stands Yujin, holding a wooden bucket in her hands, dressed in dirty clothes meant for doing farm work, her hair tied up in two practical braids. You run towards her and she sets the bucket down to catch you in a tight hug as soon as you've reached her.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me forever," you say as soon as you feel her arms around your body and her warmth enveloping you.

"How could I do that?" she asks. "I just needed some time to build up all of this," she continues and you loosen the embrace to be able to look at her face properly. Even though there is no trace left of the wealthy girl she used to be, her beauty still hasn't left her.

"I needed to bring you to a place that is safe and where no one will find you... if you're planning to stay, that is," she adds, lowering her voice a bit.

"What do you mean, if? Of course I want to stay with you," you answer without hesitation, then you pull her closer again, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, [name]." She pulls back just a little bit, and then she places her index finger under your chin, tracing the outline of your bottom lip with her thumb. "I really, really missed you," she repeats, and you can't stop yourself from following your urge to lean in and kiss her.

It's as if all your feelings for her that you couldn't convey to her in the past year are pouring out of you now, and into the kiss you share. And from the way she moves her lips against yours confidently and with no signs of wanting to pull away anytime soon, you can tell it's the same for her.

"Let's stay together forever, okay?" she whispers once you break the kiss, and her hands find your shoulders, eventually sliding down to your hips to hold onto you, just to make sure nothing and nobody can take you away from her ever again. "This time for real," she adds, and then she presses her lips against yours once more.