olivia told jayson he could either drink some tea and calm down before going home, or spend the night in the grey guest bedroom, the one furthest from liv's room.

he chose the first option.

so, liv made him some tea. he sat in the living room waiting, watching tv with a blanket laying on top of him. liv came back with two mugs in her hand, and she handed him one. he gave her a thankful smile, but all she did was take her own mug and sit down on the other leather couch away from him. she didn't trust to leave him alone in her house.

silence fell over them, but jayson quickly broke it.

"you didn't have to do this for me, y'know." he said, looking down into his mug. olivia nodded and looked at her own.

"i know." she agreed, simply.

"i really, really appreciate it, liv. olivia..i truly am so, so sorry. for everything." he spoke softly, being careful with his words. it seemed like all he has been doing lately is apologizing.

"i don't want your apologies. i just want you to, after tonight, leave me alone." she remarked quickly. when she looked at him, he was already staring.

not in a creepy way. but in a way where he was observing her, trying to read her body language but appreciating her at the same time.

"i don't think i can." jay shook his head.

"why?" she wondered. she was genuinely curious.

olivia knew she wasn't special. she was normal, typical. boring.

at least that's how things seemed. she couldn't keep fezco around, so clearly something about her had to be the problem.

"because holding on to me and you being something is all i have left to hold on to." jayson confessed.

olivia licked her lips, thinking to herself for a second. then, hastily and in a hurry, she put her mug of tea down on the table in front of her and hurried to the nearest bathroom.

it all of a sudden felt like there wasn't enough air in the world so that she could catch her breath again.

when she shut the door, she pressed her back up against it closed her eyes. she remembered how she used to get like this, flustered, irritable and unable to breath, when she was little and was thinking about her body. how much she genuinely fucking hated herself.

she remembered how she stared at herself in the mirror and picked out every imperfection or flaw she could find; from the two freckles below her spine to the scar she had on her hip from when she fell off her bike when she was three.

she hasn't felt this way in a long time. and, she used to be able to go to fezco to help calm herself down. but he wasn't here.

she walked over to the top of the sink where the counter was and picked up the benzos she had taken from elliot's house last time she was there.

liv never used to be a thief.

she sighed.

then, olivia shoved three of the small blue pills down her throat and threw her head back.

jayson started to get a little worried, but let out a sigh of relief when liv came out of the bathroom. she gave him a small smile and sat next to him.

he hadn't suspected a thing.

"we've both lost so much." jayson said, looking down. liv stared at him.

she saw the little stubble on his chin that didn't used to be there before. his thick eyebrows, and those chocolate brown eyes she used to never be able to say no to.

"jay..." she said.

he looked over at her, and noticed how her eyes could barely stay open. plus, they were super fucking watery, which probably wasn't a good sign.

not like he was gonna say anything. this was the closest he's been to olivia in months. he didn't care what state of mind she was in. he wasn't going to loose this. he couldn't afford it.

he put his mug down on the table and made his hand to sit on her neck. she was pouting sadly.

he shuffled a little closer to her.

"you want to kiss me." he said. when she didn't do anything but stare at him, he knew he had try harder.

"don't you?"

she never could say no.

their lips pressed together, slowly but surely. he brought his hand down her pants, and she threw her head back, even though she couldn't feel a fucking thing. her body was numb from the drugs, and so was her mind.

but she couldn't be a good daughter.

"olivia...once we leave..we don't want to keep in contact with you."

she couldn't be a good girlfriend.

"i'll see you around, jackson."

she couldn't be a good friend.

"i just feel like we might not bring out the best in each other."

she was just fucking worthless.