This chapter reminds me of "Space Song" by Beach house

Head between my hands I sat behind the
kitchens. My chest was tight and constricted like someone was sitting on my lungs. I couldn't take a full deep breath, I was starting to get frustrated. The truth was, I didn't even know why I felt so upset. My hands shook as I rubbed my face, a weak attempt at wiping my feelings away. My tips of my fingers grazed skin and found something warm and wet. Tears. Geez how pathetic can I get. I rocked myself, cradling my legs and muttered over and over again like a prayer.

"Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop. Crying." I smacked myself in exasperation.

"Hey." A voice spoke tentatively "Are you okay?" Newt. Of course. I turned my head away from him, shielding my eyes from him with my hand. My face flushed with heat and shame I spoke back, my voice cracking all the while.

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone Newt." I heard a small sigh.

"No, you're not fine." The grass rustled as he sat down. I sniffled.

"Just please go away." An arm was slung around my shoulder. He lightly touched me as if I was a China doll about to break. I recoiled from him but slowly sank into the sort of half hug he had me in.

"Shit." I said laughing with tears painted on my cheeks. "I must look like a total baby right now" He gave me a light squeeze and patted my head.

"I don't think babies win big huge hulking boys at the circle game." He retorted. I stared ahead my vision blurring. An unnatural grin stretched my face, the kind that makes you feel even worse about yourself when you've been crying.

"Why do I feel so full but empty?" He gave a slight chuckle.

"Oh I've felt that before Greenie." He paused and with surprising lightheartedness said. "More like been there done that got the t-shirt." I gave a dry laugh.

"I don't belong here. Nobody likes me, they probably all hate me." The irrational thoughts from the ugly part of my brain fell out of my mouth. Newt looked me in the eyes.

"That can't be true." He said softly. "I like you." His dark eyes searching for something in mine, I quickly looked away. I broke out of my sad stupor and wiped at my nose.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay to cry sometimes, you're okay." He paused. "And you've got nothin to be sorry for." I cleaned my face drying my tears.

"You lied." I said. Newt's confusion wasn't very well hidden as he turned his head and lifted his eyebrows. "From earlier." I gave him a weak smile. "You said you weren't good at all that crying stuff. But I guess you are." His face softened.

"Yeah? Well thanks Greenie. Now how abouts we get you some food, you got to be bloody starvin." I grinned, the only remnants of my crying were just my red eyes.

"I am so unbelievably hungry." He chuckled.

"Alright then I'll grab you some of Frypans disgusting stew." He almost left but hesitated. "You stay here though. Wouldn't want some stupid shank to say something to you." I was left to my own devices, my fingers grasped the grass which had now turned sharper and stiff. My thoughts wondered to Newt.

There was something there. Some kind of connection that couldn't quite be clicked into place, it was like knowing the tune of a song, but not the words. That same thing with Chuck that made me feel some kind of deja vu. It made the skin on my neck crawl. Ugh. I shook the thoughts away.

"Here you are Greenie." Newt placed a metal tray on the ground next to me. I snatched up the fork next to it and shoveled stew in my mouth hungrily. Once I started slowing down I realized it tasted good, delicious even. I questioned Newt.

"I thought you said Frypans stew was disgusting?" He grinned and gave a small laugh.

"That's one of our jokes around here. You'll see, we make new jokes like that all the time here." I smirked then spoke.

"Y'know one thing I'll never forgive the stupid people who put us here for is not feeding me before sending me here." Newt joked.

"Oh yeah, it's pretty bloody unforgiveable." Tiredness washed over me and my muscles somehow ached even though I didn't do much of anything today.

"Hey Newt where am I going to sleep?" I saw Newts mind working.

"Oh. Well usually Greenies sleep in the hammocks or in sleeping bags around the glade and people who've been here the longest sleep in the homestead." I thought to myself silently. If I stayed sleeping with a big group of the boys, one of them could do something to me. If I went all the way across the glade and slept, someone could follow me and hurt me. But no one would be able to hear me if I screamed for help.

I couldn't win either way. I dug my nails into my palms with anger. It wasn't fair. It would never be fair. "Oh I have an idea!"

I turned my head to Newt. "Here it's better if you just follow me. On the way we'll get you set up with your other stuff."

AUTHORS NOTE: I made a spotify playlist for this story my name is notsoquirkykid and the playlist is called Sour boy//GallyxReader