⚠️TW: This chapter will contain excess substance use and throwing up so read at your own accord please! Love you!⚠️

Birch tree trunk at my head I laid in fetal position. So childish...so needed. My world had spun on it's top last night but still birds had the audacity to chirp. Create jovial music. It was nauseating.

Using my spine, I rolled onto my feet. After stretching for a minute or two I decided to start the day as I normally would. As if nothing happened. Headed for the open clearing I stepped over anything that smoldered.

Nimbly, I found myself in the abandoned kitchen to search for the goods. Opening the refrigerator that somehow still ran, I dug through different containers till I found it. A jar of Gally's finest. Not caring to doctor it up, I cradled it in my arm. That was done. Time to collect the next item. To the homestead. Or to whatever was left of it.

I had to hop over the stairs banister due to the crushed in walls. Plaster littered the floor, smelling like chalk. I ran my fingertips against the now twisted hallway. Just as I did when I first went through it. Only I don't think a paint job could fix what the grievers had done. Funny. Spinning my heels, I was at the doorway of the medjack room. Perfect.

Traipsing in the emptied drab room I went to a drawer where Clint and Jeff had moved the medicine. Sliding it open I found a goldmine. The drawer was cram packed with bottles. At random I picked at a few. Treating it like a juvenile claw machine game. At the last second I decided to go with one of the surplus bottles of cough syrup.

Drugs in hand I snapped open the lock on the window, allowing me access to the roof. I stepped onto the flat surface. Taking a seat. Arranging the substances around me like guests at a tea party.

Zart was dead. Cold. I shuddered at the thought of his blank eyes staring back at me. I think they were blue. Maybe they were brown. I can't seem to remember. Is he already fading?

Whatever.

This is stupid. I can't waste forever thinking about him. How he was brutally killed. Left to die alone. On the ground. Face smudged with dirt. What if I had been there? What if I had saved him? What if I had been there just a few God damn minutes sooner?! He could've died looking up at me. Gazing at the girl he had a crush only a teenage boy could carry the burden of one last time. But I wasn't there.

He died alone.

A tear fell down my face. Then another. Rolling down my cheek. Every nerve and cell inside of me screamed. Aching with the confines of skin. I unscrewed the jar, bringing the sharp bitter liquid to my lips. The taste didn't seem to phase me anymore. Smiling as I cried, I took a swig of the cough syrup. Mmmh. Strawberry flavored. Perfect.

I could see the glade's horizon line. The sun tinged the top of the walls. Fizzling out. Like I did. I dumped the cough syrup in the alcohol. Drugging myself with strawberry. Sipping on my cocktail of grief. Topped with a few tears.

Things went in and out of focus. My muscles relaxing. It'd only take me away for a little while. Numbing me. Making the guilt declaw itself from me. I reclined on the tin roof to see the great expanse of blue across the sky. Color looked so much more vibrant. They were blue.

Zart's eyes were definitely blue.

________________________

"Woah." I said breathlessly. The first shock of euphoria had rushed into me. Creating a lazy pleasure as I basked in the sun. Unaffected from the glader's probably losing their minds below me. They should try floating like this sometime. It was way better than stressing over death and survival and anything ever again.

I felt like I was hovering. Like I was seeing from a new lens. My rose colored glasses were just my eyeballs now. Forever seeing everything in a unique way. Zart's blood had seeped into my pants. All dried up. I kissed the cloth. A pathetic attempt to be close with someone who wasn't even there. Fuck this. Fuck life. All I needed was this.

Oh how I loved how it made me forget.

"Y/n?" A small voice called my name from behind me. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" I turned to see Chuck at the window. Face still mucky from yesterday. No usual smile. "Oh hi Chuck." It rolled off pleasantly off my tongue. "How are you buddy? Wanna come sit?" I patted at the spot next to me, welcoming him out.

"No thanks." His focus averted to the jar I tried to hide. "Is that Gally's drink?"

"What?"

"Is that Gally's drink?"

"Uh yeah." I mumbled, offering it out to him. "You want some or something?" He shook his head, looking me up and down.

"Y/n did you drink all of that?"

"Yeah?" Was I not supposed to?

"Did you have anything else?" He looked upset. Oh no no no. I didn't want him upset. My stomach churned for an answer.

"No."

"Liar."

"I didn't take anything else I swear!"

"I don't believe you." Chuck said firmly, a tear running down his ruddied face. His jaw locked.

"I didn't."

"Stop lying." He sighed. Offering his hand out he ordered. "Get in the house y/n." As much as I hated authority I couldn't say no to Chuck. Scratching at my neck, I rose to my feet. Taking his hand. He led me downstairs. All the way to the bathroom. Pushing me in.

"What are we doing in here?" I asked, shifting around. The tiled walls looked as if they were breathing.

"You need to get rid of whatever you took." He said motioning toward the toilet. "Crap is going down and you need to be normal for what's going on."

"Chuck you don't need to be telling me what to do."

"Well I'm doing it now."

"Im older than you." Crossing my arms, I backed up into the corner. "You're a baby."

"You're not that much older than me."

"You don't need to protect me. It's my job to protect you, okay?"

"Don't be like that y/n." His hands fell on his hips sternly. "This is a two way thing. Just let me protect you for once. Don't be so proud. Do it." The young boy urged, nudging me toward the toilet. His eyes glimmered, pleading me to follow through with the task.

"Fine. I'll do it." I agreed. I'd do it for him. I hated seeing him like that. All disappointed and sad. Hunching over the toilet bowl I readied myself.

It wasn't very difficult but it was incredibly painful. All I had to do was think about the previous night. The dead bodies. The smell in the air. How sickened I was with myself for not doing more. Before I knew it, the mess was collected.

A little bit of bile on my chin and burning tears piercing my eyes. Withdrawing the memories my body was trying to block away made my everything hurt. Like an exorcism had just been performed on me.

"Alright Chucky." Wiping the stuff off my chin I stood up, legs shaking. "Let's go." I twisted the knob behind him, freeing me from the torturous bathroom. Chuck led me out of the back way of the house. He looked around corners squeezing my hand tight. His eyes flitting back and forth at every little sound. "Chuck, why are you being so weird?"

"Shhhh!" He hushed, pulling me out of view as a glader wandered around aimlessly. "We can't let you be seen." Chuck whisper shouted.

"Why not?"

"After last night Gally's gone crazy. He's taken over the glade like he's the leader now."

"Well then where's Alby?" I asked, keeping my voice low. Gally can't have just taken the position as leader by his own accord. Alby would've stopped him.

Chuck looked down sorrowful. His eyes helpless, tied down by something he saw. Something he witnessed.

"Alby's dead."

What? What?! How?! When?!

"When the fuck did that happen?!" My mouth fell from shock. Of course it wasn't impossible. It was just I thought I would've seen it happen. Then again I didn't see Zart's death. Fuck.

"Last night." Chuck mumbled, leading me towards the deadheads. Keeping an eye out as I kept my head down.

"Fuck man." The shadows of the thicket of trees was cast down on us. We stepped over irregular stones and unshapely sticks. A few mushrooms became victim to my shoes as I accidentally squished them to avoid a harrowing log. "That's some heavy shit." The words meant more than they sounded like.

I couldn't seem to take death very well. Either reacting like the world had ended or like it was a regular Tuesday occurrence. Even though both deaths hurt, making my heart burst. Funny.

I had a feeling on where we were going. If Gally had really taken over this would be the one place Thomas would be. Minho and Newt were already at the slammer, waiting for Chuck. Minho eyed me up and down suspiciously. He came forward, creating a wall between the concrete cell and me.

"What are you doin' here y/n?" His arms crossed stubbornly. The final hint that he wasn't letting me near the slammer.

"Relax Minho." Newt dusted his hands off, placing one on the unrelenting boy's shoulder. "We don't know if she's with Gally or not yet."

"They suck face, I'm pretty sure she's picked her side." Minho turned back to me, a solemn look in his eyes. Almost sad. Almost hurt? "Now why don't you just run along to your boyfriend."

"What side?" I huffed, skirting around him. "I don't even know what you're talking about. I haven't even seen Gally today!"

"Well he's on a hell of power trip. He threw Thomas and Teresa in the slammer." Minho stabbed a finger toward the prison. "See for your self." Sure enough when I peered in between the cell's stupid bars there they were.
It seemed logical. If Gally really had taken over this is first place I'd go to look for Thomas.

Teresa sat lopsided on the lone chair, peeking through her curtain of dark hair. Her lips were chapped. They went well with the light violet color under her eyes. It was weird how pretty she could look after enduring hell. Or maybe it was stranger that I could find those typically undesirable traits attractive.

Thomas was propped up against one of Teresa's knees. He was the yin to her yang. Looking like he just had the worst hangover of his life. Puffy eyes and a twisted face.

"You're awake." I remarked, looking down at him. "Rise and shine Buttercup. You look like hell."

"I just got back." Thomas's rasped, his voice still hoarse from the morning. When he turned his head slightly I was able to see a deep purple bruise that lay embedded in his skin.

"Hey that looks pretty bad. Does it hurt?"

"Just as much as it looks." Guilt seeded in my body. It was Gally that did this to him. The one that I vouched for.

"Well I'm sorry. But hey it just shows that you can really take a hit." I said, turning the apology to praise.

"It's not your fault y/n." Thomas gave a tired smile, tucking his hair behind his ear. I can't believe this guy actually stabbed himself. He was fucking crazy.

"On the other hand what the hell were you thinking!" Chuck chimed in, standing on his tip toes to reach the open slot.

"Now I'll have to call you Stabs instead of Major Tom." Teasing him was still fun on the brink of chaos.

"What happened when I was out?"

"Only like everything." I joked, a goofy grin splitting my face. Maybe if I acted happy everyone else would follow.

"Please." Newt snorted, giving me one of his famous bullshit detector looks. "And where have you been while everything's been happening y/n."

"Getting wasted and fabulously high thank you very much." I said proudly with a nasty smirk.

"Nothing less I'd expect from you." Newt rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to Thomas. "Gally's taken control." He moved Chuck aside to peer in at Thomas. He said we had a choice. Either join him or get banished at sundown with you."

"He what?!" I spun myself to look at Newt for reaffirmation. "He can't! Thomas didn't do anything wrong! He served his time for going in the maze."

"He doesn't really care y/n." Minho muttered.

"But where is the the democracy! The law! This is like America isn't it! Or some other country where we talk like this. It's probably not Europe, sorry Newt." I gave him an apologetic look. "Isn't a man given the right to a fair and speedy trial. And a woman!" Pointing towards Teresa I continued on my tangent. "You know he is just so infuriating sometimes! He can't just turn the glade into a dictatorship! It's unethical! He's marching around thinking that he's Stalin or something!" Fuming, I took a seat on the ground. Preceding to toil in injustice.

"Gally has everyone convinced that we're the reason all this has happened." Teresa explained. Her dreariness compelled me. No smile on her face yet still she remained lovely.

"Well he's been right so far." Thomas shifted about, fidgeting with his hands. What? I got to my feet in a flash.

"What are you talking about?" Minho narrowed his eyes, peeping in at him. Here goes Thomas talking nonsense agains. We waited for him to further his statement.

"This place, is not what we thought it was." He faltered, biting his lip. "It's not a prison, it's a test. It all started when we were kids." His gaze spaced out, glossy with memories. "They'd give us these challenges. They were experimenting on us. And then people started disappearing." Thomas readied himself for the next part. "Every month one after the other like clockwork."

"Sending them up into the maze." Newt added. We were starting to get it. Things began to click.

"Yeah, but not all of us." Thomas fidgeted even more, unable to leave his hands be.

"What do you mean? Why didn't everyone go into the maze?" Questions spilled out of me. I couldn't contain my curiosity anymore. Thomas looked straight up at us.

Silence.

"Guys I'm one of them." What the fuck?! Gally couldn't be right. It wasn't possible. Was it? Why would Thomas do this to us? Why were we here? Why would people hurt us like this? "The people that put you here, I worked with them. I-I watched you guys for years." Thomas faltered, it was hard to stomach. Especially for him. "The entire time you've been here, I was on the other side of it." He stared into Teresa, who had recoiled from Thomas. "So were you."

No way.

"What?" Teresa's chest rose and fell faster than before, she shrunk into herself.

"Teresa we did this to them." Thomas looked at her in pity.

"No." Shaking her head, denial ran it's course on her. "No that can't be true." A single tear fell down Teresa's face. Dampening her freckled skin.

"It is." Thomas nodded. "I saw it."

"Why would they send us up if we were with them?" Teresa protested, clinging on to her chair.

"It doesn't matter." Thomas uttered, brushing her off. How could he just say that? Like it was no big deal.

"I think it does." I argued, coming to Teresa's defense. To all of our defense. "You can't just drop a bomb like that and expect us to go along with life. That's earth shattering Thomas. You're the man with all the answers so understand we might have questions." He looked fixedly at me.

"I saw you y/n." Fell out of his mouth.

Blood rushed to my face making it it hot, my pulse doing double time. Everyone turned their attention. It was all on me now.

"What do you mean you saw me?"

"You were there after I stabbed myself." Thomas confessed. "You were one of the people I saw. The injection gave me a lot of flashes of things but no straight answers. I had to put things together by myself. Even now they're fading." He lost my eyes that now so desperately clung to him. "You know what never mind. It's stupid."

"No!" I ached for anything from my past. An answer to why I was different. Anything. "No, it's not stupid. Please tell me." My hand pressed onto the door. "Please." I begged.

"You were one of their favorites. The creators. I've known you forever." He blushed, turning a pretty pink. "Teresa and I were the only ones that would get to play with you when you were little. They hoarded you from everyone else." Sweat sizzled down my back. "You were so special they didn't want anyone else to have you. Any part of you. They hid you away. Keeping you all by yourself."

All by myself. All by myself. All by myself.

Alone. Alone. Alone.

My head pounded in a harsh steady rhythm. Dizzy, a memory shot into my skull like a bullet.

Cracking it open.