|chapter twelve:: killer|

I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.

I felt like I repeated that about ninety times to myself even as we sat in a circle comforting Lu for her actual crime. She didn't meant to- she couldn't have. She's not a killer.

Ander sat next to me, but neither of us had anything to say. He was the first person to come to me after seeing me at the broken window. He pulled me away from the crowd that was forming upstairs, though I was too in shock to acknowledge him checking on me before Guzman told us to follow him. He then explained to me what Lu did, but I couldn't get my chronic thoughts out of my head.

I pushed him off of me. His shirt slipped through my fingers and I couldn't do anything else but watch him fall. Lu wasn't the only murderer here in the circle. It was my fault he was dead too.

I look over to my left and past Rebeca to see Valerio calming Cayetana down, who was sobbing harder than anyone else here. Lu cried for the first couple of minutes, but now she was just as in shock as me.

Polo's dead because of me. I couldn't save him.

"I didn't mean to," Lu finally said after minutes of silence, unless you count whispers and cries from Cayetana, "I didn't."

"It was an accident, Lu." Carla assured Lu, before glancing back at me, showing the pain she was feeling, "It was an accident." She was trying to comfort me too, but I felt nothing but guilt and no amount of reassurance could make me feel better.

"It was my fault," Lu whimpered.

"No," I spoke up, meeting my eyes, "It was mine." Ander then turned to me, but I kept my eyes on Lu as my voice cracked, "I pushed him off me."

"It wasn't intentional, Adriana," Ander whispered to me. I told him what happened past my stammers and bothersome thoughts. "You didn't mean to do it."

I stayed silent because it was true. I didn't mean to either.

"We'll say it was an accident," Nadia advised as Valerio came back into the group.

"Nobody will believe that," He claimed, "Everyone saw Lu throw a drink in his face and probably saw Adriana push him into the glass too."

"But it's the truth."

"No one cares for the truth anymore, Nadia," I sighed, "It's either you did it or you didn't."

"The cops are going to want to close this case," Samuel inputted, agreeing with me, "They want to find someone to blame, and lock them up for 20 or 30 years."

I'm going to jail.

"We have no choice," Guzman suddenly stated and I turned to look over at him.

"Yes, we do." Samuel objected, "We can put an end to this nightmare once and for all. We've all suffered enough. Too many lives have been shattered. We'll walk out of here together, free, and we'll leave this shit behind forever."

"Her fingerprints are on the bottle," Ander informed us all and I remembered mine were too. I groaned to myself placing my head in my hands, not even caring about the dried blood that was still on my palm or that they were trying to come up with how to destroy the evidence.

My head was pounding as Valerio spoke again, "What if there are other fingerprints?" I look up at his words, "What if they found all of our fingerprints on it?"

"It would be the same as not finding any." Carla added on, "Polo did something horrible, but.. he wasn't a murderer and neither are you guys." She looked between us both. "He wouldn't want you guys to waste your life paying for one mistake like him." I felt my eyes starting to water at the thought of Marina. He didn't mean to kill her and we didn't mean to kill him.

I then watched as Carla dug in his purse to pull out the neck of the broken bottle from earlier before everyone began huddling around her to block outsider's views. I stand up too, but a small taste of acid in my mouth left me grimacing as Samuel was the first to put his hands on the bloodied bottle neck before passing it to Rebeca who continued to pass it around the circle.

When Guzman had it in his hands, I hesitantly took it from him, considering it to be my turn, though I couldn't help but stare at the blood on the bottle and on my hands before I felt Ander's hand get placed on top of mine. I look up at him, watching him give me a sympathetic smile as he took the bottle from me.

Soon he passed it to Omar and when Omar was about to pass it to Nadia, Guzman spoke up, "Nadia, you're risking the scholarship in New York."

"What?"

"Before coming, Polo convinced his moms not to cancel it," Guzman told her and I felt a tear involuntarily slide down my cheek when I shut my eyes tight at Guzman's words. I heard Lu beginning to cry again, but softer as I opened my eyes again to see Nadia holding the bottle after reassuring Lu that they were going to go to New York together.

"We're missing one more," Rebeca said after Cayetana then touched the bottle, "The most important." I grew even more nauseous at the thought, "We could make it look like a suicide."

"How would we do that?" Ander asked her, but we all knew the answer to that. We had to put that bottle next to Polo. Rebeca then said that Cayetana had to do it since it's more believable and that she was go with her.

That left us upstairs, with nothing but each other and our thoughts. After a few minutes of sitting with the idea, I place my balled up hand over my mouth as Guzman looked down at me, "Adriana, what's wrong."

"I think I'm going to throw up." I muffled before rushing off to the nearest bathroom, though all I could see was the trail of Polo's blood that I followed. I quickly go into one of the stalls only to crouch over and throw up ever drink that I came across tonight. My head was still hurting as I kept thinking of what happened.

I then stared at my hands before looking away to flush the toilet and leave the stall, only to see Guzman at the sink. I met his eyes briefly before going to the sink. I was about to cup my hands under the water to drink from it, though Polo's blood still resides on my hands.

"You need to lie to them, Adriana," Guzman suddenly told me, but I was focused on what just happened- all that blood. God, what was I doing? "Adriana," Guzman called out, grabbing both sides of my face with his hands so I'd meet his eyes, knowing I was too deep in my head, "You need to focus, okay?"

"How can I focus right now, Guzman?" I whimpered, my bottom lip quivering as I tried to hold back my tears, "Polo is dead."

"Adriana-"

"Polo's dead and it's because of me, Guzman," I felt tears slid down my cheeks. So much for trying to hold them back. Guzman pulled me into him, hugging me tight, "It's all my fault, Guzman. I killed him."

"No," He mumbled, "You didn't kill him, Adriana." I silently sob at his words, which completely contradicted mine.

I was about to say something, but before I could, the nearby police sirens made me forget. I pull away from Guzman and he stared me, concern on his face. They're going to interrogate us. Again.

"Guys," We heard and we turn to the door to see Ander, "We have a problem." And that's when my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. Lu believed people saw her follow Polo into the bathroom before he died, which caused me to think people probably did see me push him, like Valerio said.

Everything was moving too quick now, as began to panic. I told Guzman they might have saw me too, but he assured me that all is well if we stick to the plan.

I was trying to repeat his words to me in my head, but every time my overbearing truth kept forcing his words away. I killed him.

"I can tell them it was me," Ander suddenly told me as he sat next to me again, looking over at me as I tried to keep my hands from shaking, though he quickly grabbed my hands so I could meet his eyes, "I can say that I was mad at him. That I blamed him for my illness and with the broken bottle neck, I followed him into the bathroom and killed him."

I furrowed my brows, pulling him close to me as I whispered, angrily, "Ander, are you fucking crazy?" I glanced around the room before shaking my head, "No, you're not taking the fall for this. Don't be some hero, now is not the time."

"What else can we do?" He questioned.

"We follow the plan." I responded and he looked down at his lap, so I sighed, "We got to stick to the plan, Ander."

I should have made myself believe my own words first before telling him since he gave me a look, "I have nothing to lose, Adriana, I'm dying anyways." He claimed and I clenched my jaw to stop further tears, though my eyes were already dry, "You would lose everything."

"You have me and I would only lose you," I pointed out and he met my eyes, "I'm not losing you over this or cancer, do you hear me?"

"Are you saying this as a friend?" He wondered and I looked down at my lap briefly. Was I?

"I'm saying this as someone who's lost enough," I huffed, "Don't do this for me or just because you feel like your clock is ticking. I won't let you."

He silently stared at me before sighing deeply and nodding, "Okay... okay, fine." I let a sigh of relief and pulled him to me, hugging him tightly for him to hug me back, "I want you to know that I will always love you, Adriana, no matter what."

I froze at his words, unable to respond to it, though I could tell he didn't care if I did. He was just trying to comfort me because he knew that those words from him would. They always will.

"It's important that you tell us everything you saw tonight," The detective said to all of us at the club still after almost thirty minutes of casing the crime scene and involuntarily giving us time to come up with a plan. "Anything you think could be useful- everything. Any detail could be key."

None of us were sure this plan would work, but I was sure that I wasn't going to have Ander take the fall for it because it was a simple plan: We have to blame each other.