|chapter nine:: never stop|

WITHOUT another word said, I left Azucena's car. She gives me a small smile and I give her one back before looking at Ander to see him looking out the window again. I hesitantly turn on my heels before the car took off, only to see Nic come into my view. He walked towards the front of my house door, so I could see him as he watched Azucena's car drive off before he met my eyes.

"Makes sense why you didn't answer my calls," He suddenly said, "Or texts."

"Look, Nic, I'm sorry." I apologized but he shook his head.

"Adriana, I'm a patient person, or at least I try to be," He sighed, "So I tried not to be overbearing and text you repeatedly but you haven't responded to me in days."

I glanced down at my shoes, "I've been busy."

"Yeah, I can see that," He grumbled, and when I meet his eyes with furrowed brows, he huffed out, "Are you avoiding me because of the whole Stanford thing because I told you I thought it would be a great surprise."

"Yeah, it was a surprise, but it was also something you should have talked to me about first," I told him, "I never gave you an answer."

"And you still aren't, which is why I just went ahead and told my father about it," He explained, "This is a great opportunity at one of the best schools."

"But why do you want me to go?" I asked, "Is it for you or is it because it's a 'great opportunity'?"

He looked away, running his hand through his hair, "Is it so wrong that I just want be with you, Adriana?" At his question, he looked at me, waiting for a response I didn't give, "I know it was wrong for me to talk to my father on your behalf, but I thought I was doing you a favor."

"A favor?" I remarked, "Just because Brown didn't accept me, you thought that I was signaling a need for help from you?"

"Well, I don't know what you want anymore, Adriana!" He suddenly exclaimed, "One minute, you want me, the next you want Ander-"

"Is that what this whole thing is about?" I asked him, "This is all about your feelings towards Ander? You asked your father to help me because you were jealous?"

"Can you blame me?" He retiorted, "Every waking moment your with him."

"Because he's sick and he needs someone right now, Nic." I informed him, "Don't be selfish."

"I'm not, I'm just realizing the truth and that it's that I'm not good enough for you. I never was," He pointed out, "And I'm stupid because I put myself out there to you, again, telling you that we should just be friends with benefits."

"How are you stupid for that?"

"Because I still love you," He answered, stepping close to me, "I knew that I couldn't separate my feelings from my desires when it came to you, but I didn't care because I truly thought we would get somewhere."

"Nic," I sighed, "I told you I didn't want a relationship."

"Why not, though?" He wondered, "Is it because you still want to be with him? After all that he's done to you?"

I shook my head, "No, that's not it."

"Then what is, Adriana? Because months ago, you practically hated him and felt disgusted whenever you saw him, but now," He paused, "Now, it's like he never left your life."

"I forgave him, Nic!" I huffed.

"Okay, but why not Carla or Polo too? How is he so different from the rest?" He questioned and I didn't respond, so he groaned deeply before rubbing his forehead, "I want to be you, Adriana. I want you- only you and if that means giving up Stanford and going wherever you go, then fine, I will because I'm not giving up. But if you want to be with him, like truly want to forgive him and get back with him, that's fine too. I just... I need to know, Adriana."

I looked down at my balled up hand that still held my necklace inside. I just want to be happy, and Ander wants me to be. He wants me to be with Nic because he makes me happy and he does make happy, but so does Ander.

Nic suddenly placed his hands on both sides of my face, having me look up at him, "You don't have to decide now, Adriana. We have a month before I leave for Stanford, I'm just hoping that you'll be there with me on that plane, ready to go with me."

I give a hesitant nod before he kissed my forehead longingly before pulling away and leaving me alone in the front of my house as he left without another word shared.

My eyes slipped close before me, my body tense as I sat next to Guzman, "I can't believe she expelled you, Guzman. What did you do?"

"Nothing," He exclaimed, "All I did was break up the fucking fight, but Polo's mother doesn't care and neither does Azucena."

I opened my eyes again and looked over at him as we sat on the school bench outside, "I can't believe you're not graduating with me, graduation is literally  tomorrow."

"I know, Adriana," He sighed, but chuckled a bit, "You're officially going to be older than me. Education wise and time of birth wise."

"I will always be older than you, no matter what," I laughed too, but briefly before leaning my head  on his shoulder, a sigh escaping me, "Nic wants me to go with him to Stanford. There's a spot there with my name on it, apparently."

"Are you serious?" He asked and I nodded, still resting on him, "I think you should go."

I then raised my head, my brows furrowed, "You're okay with me going?"

"Even though it's with Niccoló," He huffed out, rolling his eyes, "Chances like this don't come around often. You should take it."

"But what about you, mom and dad?" I asked him and he smiled a bit.

"I think after today, they'll be somewhat glad that one of their kids are staying home for another year." He joked and I laughed lightly, "Do you want to go?"

"Lately, I've been told to do what makes me happy and this could be it." I responded to him, looking out to the parking lot to see everyone get in there car.

"And who told you that?"

"Ander," I simply responded, glancing over at him to see him part his lips a little with realization, before pulling out my necklace from my blazer, "He gave this back to me, I guess to tell me that he's officially over me."

He scoffed and I give him a look, so he returned one, "Ander Muñoz will never be over you, Adriana. He's hardcore in love with you, even though I don't see what's to love," I gasped at him and shove him, causing a laugh to leave him. "What I'm saying is that, he knows he put you through hell, so he's giving you an out."

"An out?"

"He's giving up what he wants and his happiness for you to be happy," He explained, but sighed deeply, "Azucena told me he wants to stop doing chemo."

I snapped my head over to him, "What? What are you talking about?"

"He told her that he wanted to spend time by himself and start 'preparing'," Guzman clarified, so I jumped up from my seat, "Where are you going?"

"He was trying to push me away the other day because he wanted this all along," I responded, slinging my bag onto my shoulder, "I've got to talk some sense into him." Guzman only nodded before I rushed off to my car. As I drove to his house, I had to force my thoughts away, though it pained every part of me to do so.

Don't think, I told myself, Just drive.

I had to repeat that to myself the whole way, even as I walked up to his door and knocked lightly for Azucena to open it. "Adriana, what's wrong?"

"Uh, is Ander here?" She nodded and motioned to the backyard as I came inside. I thanked her and went through the house and to the backyard where Ander was sitting in his uniform still, his eyes shut. I cleared my throat, "Hey."

He then peaked through one eye and smiled lightly, "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you," I explained, "What are you thinking?" He furrowed his brows at my sudden questions so I sighed, "I heard you want to quit chemo, Ander."

He let out a loud groan, standing up, "My mom told you?"

"No, she told Guzman and he told me, I guess because I'm the only person that could change your mind," I presumed and he shook his head.

"You can't change my mind, Adriana," He refuses, "Not on this."

"What even is this, Ander? Because it sounds like you're giving up," I mentioned, "It sounds like you want to live out the rest of what could be your last days in isolation."

"I do," He huffed out, "Why does it matter if I want that for myself?"

"Because there are people busting their asses for you, Ander. People that care and for you to just say 'fuck everyone', is fucked up," I told him.

"You don't understand, Adriana!" He snapped, "You don't get what it's like."

"Then enlighten me because I've been trying to understand this- trying to understand you," I suggested, tossing my hands up, "But here you are, pushing me away again."

He looked away from me, "I'm not trying to push you away, Adriana. I'm trying to get you to live your life instead of focus on mine." He then met my eyes, "You're going to graduate and go off to college next year, but me.. I'm might not even be here next year."

I shook my head, "Don't say that."

"Why, Adriana? It's the truth." He claimed, "I don't want you having regrets like me and wasting your time on me- I don't want that for any of you."

"No one is wasting their time-"

"Yes, I am." He cut me off, "Chemo isn't working, Adriana, I'm not getting better, so why can't you get that I'm tired of it?"

"Because I refuse to give up on you, even if you given up on yourself," I answered, "I won't do that to someone I- to someone I care about." He looked down at the grass beneath us, "Ander, you can do whatever the hell it is you want, even if it means jumping off cliffs, but don't isolate yourself from us, please, because I can't handle losing someone else I love," He met my eyes again, causing me to notice they were beginning to well up with tears, "And if you are dying-which is going to be a chance in hell if I have anything to do with it- then I want to be by your side every step of the way because I wasn't there Marina, but.. but I could be there for you, okay?"

He kept his gaze on me for a few silent moments before nodding and reaching for my arm to pull me into a hug. He squeezed me tightly in the hug and return it, wrapping my arms around his as his chin rested on the top of my head. We didn't say nothing more after that, both of us already drained from the conversation and what happened today in general, though something replayed in my head as I continued to stay in Ander's longing hug.

I told him I love him.

{author's note:: heyy sorry it took awhile for me to update the last chapter, i have been so caught up on my late work and dealing with college decision day, plus watching NCIS which is absolutely the best so far besides Criminal Minds but here you guys go.

thank you guys for the unconditional support btw!}