|chapter seven:: enough for now|

"ADRIANA, on the first day back from winter break, it was reported that you tried to attack Polo," The detective announced and I squeezed my hands tightly.

"Didn't everyone?" I retorted, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Yes, but it seems everyone only remembers how deep your anger towards him went," She explained, "Especially tonight when you threatened him." My mouth goes dry as she eyed me, "What did you say to him, Adriana?"

My breathing picks up. Calm down, Adriana, I thought to myself, calm down. I pressed my lips into a thin line, "I told him.." I trailed, no longer able to look her in the eyes, "I told him that he was a dead son of a bitch."

I grinned softly as I make my way over to Ander, placing my tray down on the lunch table before sitting next to him, "Nice haircut." He looked up at me from his book and smiled, rubbing his shaved head, "And that was very brave of you to tell everyone yesterday."

"Yeah, it was going to come out eventually," He sighed, eyeing my tray, "Is one of those for me?"

I looked down at my tray, staring at the two vanilla cupcakes that sat on there, before picking up one to place in front of him, "Yes it is," I nodded, but he raised a brow at me, so I sighed, "Fine, both were for me, but now I don't want to seem greedy, so here."

He laughed as he took the cupcake, quick to lick the icing off. Yesterday morning he told the entire class that he was diagnosed with cancer, causing me to think that if Guzman didn't tell me, I'd be the last to know like everyone else in class. I take my cupcake and bite into it, humming silently at the taste, causing another laugh to leave him, "Are you going to that party tonight?"

I shook my head, "Told you, I'm not a big fan of parties anymore," I muffled as I chew my food, "Only went to Lu's because she needed 'support'."

He nodded slowly, taking another bite from the cupcake but chewing it leisurely before looking my way, "Well, are you busy then?"

"Tonight?" I question and he nodded again, so I placed my cupcake down. Why was he interested in what I was doing? "No, why?"

"No reason, I just thought you would be with Nic tonight and I wanted us to hang out," He explained and I raised a brow at him before he cleared his throat, "As friends, of course."

"Of course," I hummed, finishing my cupcake.

"It's just that Omar is going to be working tonight and I'm going to be by myself, and not a big fan of watching movies alone," He continued, almost in a rush, and I nodded.

"Yeah, I know, Ander," I chuckled, "We did date, remember?"

He kept his gaze on me as if holding back something before chuckling lowly, staring at the bracelet, "How can I forget?" I looked at the bracelet, my chest tightening slightly at the sight of it. Should I tell him I'm busy? Is it too late to say I can't? But why would I, this is just us trying to be friends again.

I give a smile, "Okay, we can hang out." He smiled back at my answer, "Your house?"

"Yeah that's fine," He agreed and I nodded before snatching his half eaten cupcake out of his hand.

"Told you I wanted it," I told him, already eating the cupcake and he laughed, tossing his hands up. I'm not going to pretend like I don't miss him because clearly I do. I miss having decent conversations with him and joking with him all the time. I miss us and every part of my body wants everything to go back to normal between us, but I know and he knows that it's impossible. It's never going to happen.

It wasn't long before the school day ended and I was at his house, scrolling through the hundreds of movies on his TV, "Found a movie yet?"

I shook my head, but turn to see him holding a beer out to me, which I took willingly. Usually- or before- we would watch movies in his room on his laptop, but neither of us thought that was wise considering how we wouldn't even watch the movie, yet make out instead. I leaned back on the couch as he sat down a few inches away from me, "I didn't think there was so many movies to pick from."

"That's why you search category to category," He stated, placing the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of us before taking the remote from my hands. I then grab the bowl, quick to stuff my face as he looked for a movie now, "Matrix?" He asked and I shook my head, so he continued searching.

"How about Scary Movie?" I asked as I saw him scroll past it, only to go back to it and click it, showing he agreed with my decision. I went to my house before going to his, thinking it was best to change out of my uniform, and so did he because when I got to his house, he was in a golden sweatsuit that I used to and still loved on him. He sat back on the couch, relaxing on his side briefly before sitting up to take the bowl from my possession. I gasp at him, only left with my handful of popcorn that I was quick to eat.

For some reason, we were quiet during which should be normal for anyone, though we would always talk during movies or occasionally make out, mindlessly missing the movie only to say it was good when the credits rolled in. But now, we were silently eating popcorn and chugging beer, which I found comforting yet slight odd.

When I finished my beer, I look at him, "Want another?" He turned to me and nodded, causing me to reach and grab his empty beer bottle with mine before I went to the kitchen to grab more. Though, when I came back into the living room with the beers, I had seen the TV was off, "What happened to the movie?"

"Can we talk?" He asked, answering my question with his own. I hesitantly nodded, sitting down in my original seat, looking at him with a puzzled face. He sighed and fumbled with his fingers, "Be honest, is this weird? Us hanging out again?"

I glanced down, "Not as much as it did in the beginning, but I don't mind it now."

"Well, I do," He sighed, meeting my eyes, "I hurt you, Adriana, and I can't take that back."

I pressed my lips into a thin line, "Ander-"

"Just listen to me, please," He pleaded and when I didn't protest further, he let out another sigh, "I know that no matter how good we are right now with each other, deep down you're never going to be able to forgive me for it." He then looked at his hands, "And if I didn't have cancer, I know where we would both be right about now and that is nowhere near each other."

"After our break up, I told you I would hate until forever," I mumbled and he looked up from his hands to meet my gaze.

"Then what changed?" He asked, "The fact that I'm dying?"

"Yes," I admitted, "I don't know how things would be right now if you weren't diagnosed, but I do know that I'm not a huge supporter of 'what if's' and 'what could have been' anymore. I'm more interested in what's happening now, in this time zone, and I'm certain that what ever negative feelings I have about you that are eating me up will pass."

"Will you ever be able to forgive me?" He asked, causing me to stare at him longingly.

"Yeah," I answered, "I can't help, but forgive you."

"But why?" He wondered, "I did the worst thing I could ever do to you, Adriana."

"Because my feelings for you will always trump all the bad shit, no matter what." I told him, drinking from my beer before passing him his beer, "Regardless of what I said that night, Ander," I glanced over at him, "I will never be able to truly hate you."

He looked over at me, smiling softly before drinking his beer, "I'll keep that mind." I laughed lowly, continuing to drink before he turned to TV back on and pressed play on the movie. I then smirked and snatched back the bowl, placing it in my lap before tossing some popcorn in his direction. It landed on his lap and he chuckled before picking them up and tossing them back at me, soon causing a popcorn battle and our laughs to tune out the movie, just like old times.

"I can tell them it was me," Ander sighed, looking over at me as I tried to keep my hands from shaking, though he quickly grabbed my hands so I could meet his eyes, "I can say that I was mad at him. That I blamed him for my illness and with the broken bottle neck, I followed him into the bathroom and killed him."

I furrowed my brows, pulling him close to me as I whispered, angrily, "Ander, are you fucking crazy?" I glanced around the room before shaking my head, "No, you're not taking the fall for this. Don't be some hero, now is not the time."

"What else can we do?" He questioned.

"We follow the plan." I responded and he looked down at his lap, so I sighed, "We got to stick to the plan, Ander."

"I have nothing to lose, Adriana, I'm dying anyways." He claimed and I clenched my jaw to stop further tears, though my eyes were already dry, "You would lose everything."

"You have me and I would only lose you," I pointed out and he met my eyes, "I'm not losing you over this or cancer, do you hear me?"

"Are you saying this as a friend?" He wondered and I looked down at my lap briefly.

"I'm saying this as someone who's lost enough," I huffed, "Don't do this for me or just because you feel like your clock is ticking. I won't let you."

He silently stared at me before sighing deeply and nodding, "Okay... okay, fine." I let a sigh of relief and pulled him to me, hugging him tightly for him to hug me back, "I want you to know that I will always love you, Adriana, no matter what."

I froze at his words, unable to respond to it, though I could tell he didn't care if I did. He was just trying to comfort me because he knew that those words from him would. They always will.