━━━ 05. for him


|chapter five:: for him|


"DON'T," I heard along with a grip on my arm. I turn to see Nic holding me back before he pulled me over to the opposite end of the bar, "You're drunk, Addy. Let me take you home."


"I can handle myself, Nic," I protested over the loud music, staring at Polo who stood at the other end of the bar, before looking at Nic again, "Why don't you go home, since you obviously don't want to be here."


"I'm not going to leave you here, don't be stupid." He told me, moving close to me, "I know you're mad that he's here, but you need to let it go. Marina isn't going to come back by you doing whatever you it is you were just planning before I came to stop you."


I rolled my eyes, trying to take my arm away from his tight grip, "Let me go, Nic."


"No, Addy, I'm not going-"


"Let her go, NiccolΓ³," We both turn to see Ander standing there, "I maybe weak from all the chemo, but I can still kick your ass."


Nic let out a dark chuckle before looking at me and letting go. He then turned his attention to Ander, stepping close to him with a smug look, "Fine, but whatever happens is on you." He then stormed off, leaving the club, having it just be Ander and I near the bar with a bunch of our other classmates.


Ander looked at me, coming close, "You alright?"


I gave a hesitated nod, "Yeah, I'm okay." He nodded as well, but grabbed my hand, slowly opening it to display the small knife I swiped. He gives me an emotionless face and I return the same one, neither of us able to say the first word.


Though when he placed the knife down, he sighed, still holding my hand in his as he looked weak eyed and unable to argue. Instead he gave me a small smile, "Lets go dance."


It's always when I think I'm okay being off my meds when things go to shit. I couldn't wait a second more like Guzman pleaded after telling me about Ander. It was like everything he said went through one ear and out the other as I hurried to my car and drove off. My mind was in a frenzy- a very scary one as everything was rushing through my head.


"Can we talk?"


He asked me to speak to him. Is this what he wanted to talk to me about? Why didn't I just let him speak?


"We have nothing to talk about, Ander


"Please, Adriana, it's important."


Damn it, it was important - it is still. He made Guzman not tell me, I see why. He thought I wouldn't care.


My car pulled in front of Ander's house faster than I could process because my mind was still trying to put the pieces together. Is that why he looked so exhausted all the time? I questioned, is that why he was saying that life was short?


My hands shook as I left my car. How could I not notice? How could I be so heartless? I continued to asked as I got close to his house, but then I remembered: we aren't together anymore. We're not friends anymore. Is this all my fault?


I looked down at.my jittery hands before ball one up and having it frozen in front of his door. Why am I here? What the hell am I doing here? I knock on the door anyways, my anxiety crawling up my spine as I stood silently in my own thoughts.


Get in your car, Adriana. Get in your damn car now and pretend like you were never here. Just pretend that-


It's like my thoughts were a tape that just immediately stopped in its tracks when the door as the door swung open to reveal Ander, who looked more confused than me.


He furrowed brows at me, "Hey, Adriana.. Uh, what are you doing here?" At his question, it hit me- the answer as I stared at him. That's why I'm here. I'm here for him.


"Hey, uh," I paused. I can't explain it at his doorstep. I motioned my head, "Can I come in?" Still confused, he nodded, moving out of the way for me to get through. I walked past him, looking around the house, "Where's everyone?"


"Omar is at the club and my mom is upstairs sleeping." He explained, "I was in the living room when you knocked." I hummed as I walked into the living room and he followed, but when I sit down on the couch and look at him, his confusion didn't drop, "Adriana, can I ask why you're here and still in your uniform?"


I looked down at my disheveled uniform and laughed lowly to myself before rubbing my now sweaty palms against my pants, before looking at him for a moment, my face clearly showing how I felt, "I'm sorry."


He kept his brows furrowed as he sat across for me, "Sorry for what?"


"I should have let you tell me whatever it is you had to tell me about the other day," I explained, "I just couldn't let myself talk to you."


"It's fine," He assured, but I shook my head.


"It's not fine, Ander," I protested, "None of it is."


He looked confused still as I beat around the bush, but groaned when he realized, "Guzman told you?" I only nodded, before he ran a hand through his hair, "I told him not to."


"Don't blame him, I pressed on the situation until he told me it was you," I informed him, but looked down at my flats, "I'm so sorry this happened to you."


"It's my punishment," He mumbled, causing me to snap my head up to meet his eyes, that welled up in tears a little bit, "I did this to myself. I deserve it."


"Ander, regardless of what you did, you don't deserve to die for it," I told him, gently, before looking past him briefly, "No one deserves this."


He was quiet for a moment, but cleared his throat, "How are you feeling?" I raised a brow, so he went on, "You practically scared everyone to death at school after you fainted."


My eyes go wide slightly at him mentioning it, "For a second I forgot about it," I chuckled and I realized I haven't laughed with him in almost forever. He noticed it too as he smiled at my laugh, even though it was shortly lived, "I'm not worried about myself though."


He still held his smile and it proved to me how much I missed it. The way his eyes would crinkle up when he did. "I'm okay, you know? I'm just doing chemo and going to school."


"Not a lot of people know, don't they?" I wondered and he shook his head, before I slouched in the chair, "Is it wrong that I'm blaming myself for this?"


"Yes, very," He honestly told me, "It's not like you could have prevented it from happening."


"No, but I could have been there for you this whole time instead of just staring at you and thinking you're okay," I ranted, "I've been so caught up in myself that I haven't even tried to reach out to you-"


"Adriana," He called out to me and I stopped talking.


"Huh?"


He looked down at his shoes, "We broke up, remember?" He then met my eyes again as realization washed over me. How could I forget that again? How could I not remember one of the worst nights of my life? He licked his lips briefly, "And it wasn't a good break up either, so don't start thinking this is your fault."


"I can't help, but feel like it is," I mumbled, rubbing my forehead from an oncoming headache, "I want to be there for you, Ander- as a friend. I want to attend your sessions and be there for you whenever you need me."


"Adriana, you don't have to do this," He assured, "Don't put yourself in this position where you're only doing this because I might die."


"I know I don't have to," I hummed, "But I'm going too because I still care for you, Ander, and I'm not going to sit back and do nothing anymore because of it." I bit my lip slightly, "That is, if you want me to?"


He smiled slightly at my question, nodding, "Omar claims I need more people to support me, so why not?"


I grinned and held out my hand, "Friends?"


He chuckled lightly and grabbed my hand causing me to instantly see the bracelet I gave him for his birthday still on his wrist. He still wore it. He never took it off? I looked back up at him to meet his smile, "Friends."

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