CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
WHAT I'VE BECOME

NIGHTMARES WERE SOMETHING THAT SAPPHIRE had always struggled with. Even before the capture of HYDRA, as a little girl she would have the most vivid nightmares that would cause her to wake up screaming until her parents would run in there and be forced to wake her up. It was something that hadn't happened to her in a while, having been able to wake herself up before it got too bad. But not this time. This time she was stuck in the HYDRA building, and she couldn't escape, her screams were silenced, needle after needle was injected into her skin, and she just couldn't wake up.

Daisy had been the one to quickly make her way towards the girl, pulling open the door and quickly grabbing onto Sapphire to wake her up. This of course would earn a reaction from Sapphire, and before she could stop her hand was shooting out with ice slamming against Daisy's chest as she went flying across the room. Sapphire sat there with wide eyes as she looked at the woman, eyes wide.

     "Oh―︎oh god." Sapphire stumbled over herself as she pulled the covers off her body, quickly running over to Daisy and kneeling down beside her, panic clear in her eyes. "Daisy? Daisy, are you okay? Please be okay. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. Daisy?" She was about to call out for help when a groan fell from her lips.

    Daisy blinked, clearing her vision to find a panicked Sapphire hovering over top of her. She frowned, trying to figure out what it was that had just happened. Sapphire helped her sit up before the two sat there in silence. Daisy searched the woman's eyes for a moment, frowning. "What was that?"

     "I'm sorry." Sapphire whispered, fearful tears pooling in her eyes. "I―︎I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

     "Sapphire." Daisy calmly called the woman's name. She wasn't mad, she was just confused. Sapphire looked at her with a fear in her eyes that almost made Daisy want to cry. The fear of how she was going to react. "Hey, it's okay."

     "No, no it's not." Sapphire whispered, her voice cracking. "I hurt you."

     Daisy frowned, sitting up straighter as she placed a hand on the woman's cheek, shaking her head. "Hey, you didn't hurt me. I'm alright, I promise."

     "You can't tell them." Sapphire pleaded. "Please. You can't tell them."

     "I won't tell them." Daisy assured her, tucking a strand of hair behind Sapphire's ear. "I just need you to tell me what just happened, okay? I'm good at keeping secrets, I promise. But I can't keep it if I don't know what's going on." Sapphire looked at her and Daisy offered her a gentle smile before pulling the woman up from the floor, ignoring the pain that exploded through her chest.

The two made it to the kitchen, Daisy taking it upon herself to fix the both of them some sandwiches. She slid one over to Sapphire before leaning against the counter as she looked at the woman who was looking down at her food with nothing but shame covering her face. Daisy frowned, but didn't pressure her into talking, knowing the woman would do so when she was ready.

Sapphire looked at her food, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to say. The answer was the truth. She couldn't escape it now. She took a bite of the sandwich before placing it down and taking a sip of water that Daisy had handed her. She clenched her jaw, her eyes closing before she took a deep breath and started to explain everything.

     "I was with HYDRA for two years." Sapphire started, her voice soft as she spoke. "And when I was there I was. . . tortured. Every day I was injected with needles, I was nothing but an experiment to them. I screamed until I couldn't no more, I cried until all of my tears were gone, and for the longest time I wanted to be found. But I gave up. A lot easier than I'd like to admit. Along the way I discovered that their experiment had worked. That I had been a successful test subject, and that I was going to be turned into a soldier if I wasn't found. I've never felt so much fear in my entire life.

     "They made me kill. They tested my limits, tortured me until my powers were set free. Writing down every piece of knowledge that they could get out of me. And not once did they ever teach me how to control it." She let out a teary laugh, a tear slipping down her cheek before she quickly swiped it away. "I mean, how do you control icicles shooting from your hands without a single warning? It just happens, and when I realize it's about to happen, it's always too late. I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. because I wanted to help people like you. . . people like me. I wanted to do the right thing. And then I got cocky, and stupid, and I got captured by an organization that I've been fighting most of my life."

     She finally looked up, meeting Daisy's eyes as a sad smile fell on her lips. "I guess it's a good thing I never wanted a normal life ever anyways." She shook her head, her jaw clenching. "What happened to me is the reason I'm still here. To keep my sister from ever ending up in a situation like that. To keep anyone from ending up in a situation like that."

     Daisy looked at the woman and shook her head. "I didn't mean to pry. I'm sorry that happened to you."

     She let out a scoff. "Yeah, so am I." She held her hands out in front of her. "There's just so much that I don't know."

     "I guess we both have things to solve about ourselves that we have yet to figure out." Daisy whispered.

     "I'm just. . . I'm so scared." Sapphire admitted, trying to hold back her fresh wave of tears. "I'm scared how Jemma's going to look at me once she figures out what I've become."

     Daisy frowned at this and made her way around the counter, sitting down beside of Sapphire as she turned her body to face the woman. "She's not going to see you any differently, Saph. It's Jemma of all people. Just because you aren't the same person that you were before you left, doesn't mean that she won't see you any less than her older sister that does everything in her power to keep everyone around her safe. Hey, look at me." She grabbed Sapphire's hand, causing the woman to look at her. "You will always be apart of us, no matter what HYDRA did to you, alright?"

     Sapphire looked at her for a moment before Daisy leaned forward, wiping the tear from her face. Her hand stayed on her cheek for a moment, and before Sapphire knew what was happening, their lips were touching. Her heart fluttered, before she carefully pulled away. "Thanks."

     "What? For kissing you?"

     "No, that was just a bonus." Sapphire shook her head, a small smile curling at the corner of her lips. "For letting me speak. For listening. We don't know each other all that well, but the fact that you took the time to sit here and listen to me, that means a lot more to me than you could ever know. Not a lot of people listen these days."

     Daisy offered her a small smile as she nodded her head. "I'm always here. And I promise your secret's safe with me."

     Sapphire smiled before standing up. "Goodnight, Daisy."

     "Goodnight." Daisy nodded before watching the woman walk away. She didn't turn around until she knew Sapphire was halfway down another hall. Her eyes widened. "What the hell did I just do?" She closed her eyes, and couldn't help but wonder if she had once again managed to destroy her new friendship with the Simmons girl. She let a sigh leave her lips as she placed her head on the counter. "Shit."