𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗮 𝗟𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗶 comes with a lot of baggage, to say the least. Many know who she is but not many actually know who she is. It sounds confusing as shit — trust me, I know — but I've been best friends with her since fucking middle school, and I still don't know shit about her. What I do know, however, is that she's completely fucked up in the head.

But then Lexi Howard came along and her life turned upside down, in a good way. I didn't see her for a while, which is a good thing because me and Tana being together only means we're fucking shit up. No, for a short while there, Montana was doing good. Lexi changed her, I guess.

However, if Montana Lestari has learned one thing in her life, it's that no favourite person, no amount of therapy, no medicine, is going to take away the thoughts that constantly raid her mind. Nothing will stop the demons that attack her for simply breathing.

Lexi Howard wasn't aware of this. She thought she fixed things, she thought they'd run away in a field of dandelions and live forever.

Montana Lestari was never made to live forever. And although the months with Lexi were good, she knew that there was no saving her.

Movies make it seem like the mentally fucked up boy changes for the cute, shy girl he meets at a party. Movies make it seem like they live happily ever after.

Well, throw away your popcorn kids — welcome to reality.

Fezco stands at the front of the ceremony. I've never seen him dress up before, but I'm not gonna lie, the man looks good in a suit. However, the dry tears that cling to his skin, like they've been superglued there, don't.

He really loved her.

The day they found Montanaʼs body, everything shut down. It felt like the whole world froze for this very moment. Tana disappears all the time, she always makes it back, but apparently this time was different. It was two weeks after she went missing — Ashtray was finishing up some business when he seen it. Her. In the back of some guyʼs car. Needle marks in her arms, slit in her throat.

Nobody knows what happened. We don't know if it was a murder, we don't know if it was a suicide. And to be honest, we don't want to know. Too many people loved Montana, she just didn't see it behind all the shit she was going through in her own head.

Beside Fezco are his little brothers, Ashtray and Monty, who are both nearly enough as distraught as him. Monty clutches hard to a toy Rick and Morty portal gun and Ash holds his other hand. The three boys have lost a lot throughout their lives, but losing their sister has got to be the worst of it.

"...ʼN I jusʼ really up you're happy up there, Tana," Fez finishes up his speach nicely as another tear escapes the corner of his eye. Honestly, I didn't think he'd ever have so much to say — dudeʼs lacking a few braincells — but his goodbye to his little sister was long. "We love you."

There's a loud sob from one of the front seats. Jules squeezes my hand in comfort before I can cry anymore, but when I see the look on Lexi Howardʼs face, I break. She's been like this for weeks now, she's been obsessing over the day Montana should've come home, she even redecorated her room for her, convinced her mom to foster her and Monty, too. But now there's no point for any of that. She's gone. Montana is really gone.

I don't think the loss has really hit me yet — it all happened so fast — I blame the drugs. But I know things will be different from now on. Things here will never be the same without Montana. How could they be?

"I just...I need her," Lexi sobs loudly as her mom and sister cradle her in their arms. "I need her back."

Maddy Perez, Kat Hernandez and BB all stand in one corner, silent tears spilling down their faces. Montana always said she never had friends, but she did. She had a lot. All those comments on her socials, all those parties she was invited to — all these people cared so much about her. And now she will never know.

At last, the shiny, bright pink casket is shut, and our girl is lowered to the ground in peace. Or maybe it's peaceful for her, at least. Not so much for us.

"NO!" Lexi screams. I've never seen her breakdown before and it's not pretty. Her makeup is washed into patches and the circles around her eyes are a disgusting mixture or red and purple. But she doesn't care. Wearing her tight black dress with tears down her face, she does not care. She just wants Montana back. She just wants her girl back. "STOP! NO!"

Fezco watches her, and I can see he's doing all he can not to break into tears again. His hands are placed firmly in front of him and he looks up at the sky.

"PLEASE!" Lexi cries. "PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!"

Ashtray clenches his jaw and mirrors his brother as he takes down a large gulp. I've never seen this kid so much as smile, it's strange to see him so mixed up in grief. Apparently he killed the guy who kept Montana in the car, but I'm not that sure — and honestly, I'm too scared to ask. I'm too scared to do anything these days.

At least I have Jules. At least the boys have each other. Lexi has no one.

"I NEED HER!"

Monty Lestari finally looks her way. He was kicked out of school last week — he beat the shit out of some guy for no reason. He still isn't sure why he did it, but it felt really good. Losing his sister hit him harder than it hit anybody (including Lexi). She promised so many things. It was supposed to be the two of them against the world. Now it's only him. They were supposed to protect each other forever. Now it's only him.

Montanaʼs casket slams against the muddy ground. Soon she'll be nothing but a stone on a patch of grass. Soon she'll be nothing but a couple of flowers.

Lexi Howard gives one last dying scream. "NO!"

And now Montana Lestari is gone. Forever.

Reality sucks.

Authorʼs note

thank you for all the support you've given me this last month while i've been writing this. i apologise that it came to a short end, but writing montana — although i love her — put me in a very bad place. i deal with bipolar, paranoia and hpd, which means writing this fic felt like i was becoming my oc, and it put me in a very self-damaging and dangerous position. i'm grateful for all the lovely comments and votes, but i don't want to scare myself into doing something bad. i am taking a lot of professional help and i am on medication, and i advise anybody who feels these things to do the same. my future ocs will be a lot more stable because i really can't go transforming myself into another montana or tatum. anyway, i really hope you enjoyed this fic and i'm sorry it had to end after one season. love, tay <33