[no silent readers please]

𝗟𝗲𝘅𝗶 𝗛𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 sits at her long kitchen table beside the young boy she brought home last night. Avoiding everyoneʼs eyes, she stares down at her phone and taps her fingers along the light wood of the table, as she anxiously waits for a text message from Montana. Or Jules. Or Rue. Or Fezco. Or even Ashtray. She doesn't care. All she wants is to know that Montana is okay.

Cassie was more than confused when a seven-year-old took up the space of her bed last night, leaving her to sleep on the couch, but Lexi hasn't said a word to her about what's going on. All she knows is that they've got a random house guest. Though, she can see the clear worry in her sisterʼs eye.

From his seat, Monty sniffs and drags his hand over his nose. He isn't nearly as chatty as he usually is around Lexi. He's never chatty when it comes to Montanaʼs 'slip-ups'. No matter how many people tell her that she'll be fine, he refuses to believe it until he sees her. Sometimes he dreams, his dreams turn into nightmares, and then he won't shut his eyes for more than half a second because he's so scared of losing his big sister to her own fucked up mind. Days pass where he doesn't sleep, they turn into weeks, and then Fezco has to give him something to help because it gets that bad. He doesn't hate Tana — he loves her more than anything — but he hates the way her mind works, and he hates the way it makes her destroy herself and the people who love her.

"Um, here's a tissue," says Lexi kindly, her voice quiet and awkward as she tries to stay calm in front of the kid. But she's not fooling anyone; she's as much of a wreck as he is.

And then there's Cassie, who hasn't got a fucking clue what's going on or who this kid is, but she distracts herself from the uncomfortable breakfast by messaging McKay.

Monty doesn't say thanks, which isn't unusual for a kid his age, but he doesn't look at anyone either. He's turned into the shy, little boy Montana told Lexi about before introducing her to him. At first, Lexi didn't believe the boy she met and eat ice cream with was the same as the boy Tana described to her, but she sees it all now. She can't imagine being in this much hurt before even reaching middle school.

There's a knock on the door and it grabs everybodyʼs attention. "It's probably Mom," Cassie mumbles and stands up, happy for an excuse to leave the uncomfortable morning meal Lexi insisted on cooking for everyone in a way of trying to make Monty feel safe.

But when she opens the door, the blonde girl is surprised to see the person behind it. She almost forgot about her sisterʼs strange new friendship. "Oh, hey, Tana."

Montana smiles lightly and leans sideways to see inside. "Is my brother here?" she asks. "I'm here to take him home."

Cassieʼs eyes widen. "Monty?" she asks, unable to hide her shock. "Monty is your brother?" They're total opposites.

Tana nods. "Yeah, can I see him?"

The boy doesn't hesitate when he hears his sisterʼs voice. With a new burst of energy, he leaps out of his chair and sprints to the door, throwing his arms around Montana.

The girl laughs at the sudden tackle and pats his head. "Ready to go home, kid?" she aks, in which he nods a little bit too eagerly.

Still standing there, Cassie Howard is more than confused. This is not the same Montana Lestari she goes to school with, this is not the same Montana Lestari she has personally watched throw a glass bottle at a cop. This is a complete stranger. But yet she looks so similar.

When Montana looks back up from her brotherʼs head, she is faced with another Howard sister. The brunette one, the one who now stares at her like she doesn't know who she is anymore, like they haven't spent everyday of the last month together. It makes her frown a little. She was really starting to like Lexi. A lot. More than she has ever liked anyone before.

"Hey, can we talk later?" the brunette asks unsurely.

Montana nods. "Yeah."

"K, I'll text you."

"Okay."

The door shuts and Montana holds onto her brotherʼs hand as they cross to street to Fezcoʼs car.

"You broke your promise," Monty tells her.

"I'm really sorry, kid."

"It's okay." He looks up to send her a toothy grin, showing all his gaps. "If you promise me something else."

"Anything."

"I want you to keep Lexi. I don't want her to be like the others."

She nods and swings their arms back and forth. "You drive a hard bargain, kid," she laughs, and nuges him playfully before they enter the car. "I promise."

"For real this time?" he asks hopefully.

"For real this time."

❤︎

𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 rules of her text from Lexi, Montana Lestari waits at the swing set of pedo park for the girl. She has never been so nervous to meet up with someone in her life. She has never actually waited for anyone before. And she definitely has never planned a whole speech in her head because she actually wants to try and explain herself. She has never craved somebodyʼs approval so much. And she's doing this whole thing sober, which just makes her nerves a million times worse.

She watches the small figure leave her house, she watches Lexi Howard go from an elegant shadow to a beautiful glowing light, and her stomach does a flip. Falling in love isn't something that happens very often in Montana Lestariʼs life — up until now, it's never happened before — so when she falls, she falls fast. And hard. She finds herself wanting to open up, to tell Lexi the things she hasn't told anybody before, to depend on Lexi with her life, to lean of Lexi when she's sad, and to protect Lexi with every little piece of her.

And her heart only grows fonder when the first thing Lexi Howard asks is, "How's Monty?"

Montana meets her eyes — those beautiful, soft, caring brown eyes. "He's good. Helping Ashtray organise the fridge."

Lexi nods, arms wrapped around her stomach as she feels the cold late evening air through her thin cardigan, and sits on the creaky old swing beside Montana. "I want to help you, Tana," she says after a long moment of chilling silence.

Her statement takes Montana by surprise, as she was expecting to be friendship dumped. People don't usually stay with her when she scares them like this, and honestly she doesn't usually give them a choice. The second anybody sees her vulnerable states, she cuts them off. But not with Lexi. Never with Lexi.

"But I don't know how to help someone who doesn't want help."

Montanaʼs hopeful face drops, and horrid thoughts rush to her mind. She wants to smash in her temples until they crack and throw her unconscious, she wants to voices to go way, she needs the urges to fuck off and torture someone else. This is all her fault. She's so, so fucking stupid. Why can't she just be an ordinary person? Why does she have to be bullied by her own mind?

Lexi sighs, looking down at the grass on the floor as she slowly swings her legs back and forth. "I mean, hours ago you were fine," she goes on. "Then I get a text from Fezco." She finally turns her head up to meet Montanaʼs eyes, which are filled with regret and self-hatred. "My heart literally stopped, Tana. I was so confused. You were so okay — I just don't get it. All my life, I've been through shit like this with Rue, but at least when it comes to her, I can notice the signs before it happens. But with you..." Her voice trails and she shrugs.

Montana gulps down the lump in her throat, and she feels herself float away and around the sky like a spirit. She's no longer attached to her body; she's a viewer, judging the show in front of her. Everybody in the world is watching Montana Lestari from their television screens, and they're all judging her every move. She's nothing but a character from a show, and she can't do anything but read the script programmed in her mind. That's how it is inside her head, at least.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

Lexi just looks at her. "That's it?" she asks.

Montana stares at the ground.

"Tana, all I'm asking is for you to give me something," she goes on, voice going desperate. "Anything. Why can't you just open up?"

But no words leave the girlʼs lips. She wants to tell her everything, to list all the thoughts, all the fears, all the memories he mind holds, but she's just a viewer right now. She's not in her body, and she's not in her mind. She's watching from the outside, and she can't do anything about it.

All the families watching her as they eat their dinners shout and groan at her lack of communication. They all hate her. They throw food at the silver screen and ignore their mothers telling them to stop. They hate Montana Lestari and she should totally just die.

(a/n: to anybody reading this, ily) — tay <33