why'd you only call me when you're high




me and y/n had had a fight, you know those typical things that happen to couples, she hadn't written me and ignored me since tuesday, and now it was friday. don't try to say I didn't try to do anything to fix things, she was just too stubborn and had no intention of listening to me... oh women.

I was at a fucking party trying to clear my mind for a few hours, I was smoking the first joint of the night, sitting on a fucking couch watching other people having a good time while all I was doing was thinking about y/n, finding a solution to get things back to the way they were before.

maybe I knew why she was pissed off about me, she thought I wasted a lot of my time behind drugs, selling, buying and smoking weed, she also thought I smoked too many joints, but they were the only thing that could make me feel good after her. and so my smart girl thought that ignoring me for 3 days would help me be less addicted to weed.

"yo bro get up from here" my brother said as I sucked in a drag from my now finished joint, "aight" I replied as I got up from the little couch, struggling to stand up, I was used to the effect of weed, but since y/n didn't talk to me anymore I started smoking something like 5 joints a day, and my body wasn't used to this huge load of nicotine.

my vision slowly blurred as I followed my brother, my ears rumbled with music, it hurt so much but I love it, in a way it made me feel good. "have a glass of water" my brother said to me, handing me a cup, I grabbed it and downed the cold water which brought back some clarity, I knew my brother knew I was high as shit at that moment.

he took me into the garden of the house to breathe some fresh air, I breathed deeply finally filling my lungs with something other than weed. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, as if I was about to fall asleep, but I opened them again soon after. I got up slightly from my seat and squinted my eyes immediately after confused, was that y/n a few feet away from me or was my vision betraying me?

she was leavin' the party carryin' her heels, walking barefoot on the grass in the garden, I turned to Fezco, who was lighting a cigarette, I was about to speak but then when I turned back again y/n had disappeared. "oh fuck" I whispered passing a hand over my face, feeling my eyes burn, then I laughed, for no apparent reason.

"bro, you're high as shit" my brother said looking at me laughing, "maybe" I replied stopping laughing. I struggled out of my chair, falling down in the process, then walking toward the inside of the house as my brother yelled at me. I was constantly bumping into someone when I finally managed to reach a more secluded place.

I pulled weed out of my jacket, luckily I always had a few ounces behind me, and started rolling a joint, again. when I was licking the paper to close it I looked up, meeting y/n's gaze, looking at me angrily, disappointed. "you aren't real baby" I said shaking my head lighting the joint, I took a long drag and when I looked up she was gone

"told ya" I mumbled staggering toward the kitchen. I poured some vodka into my cup, and started drinking it while holding the joint in my other hand. I don't know why I was shrinking like that, or maybe I did know.

I don't know how I ended up in a bedroom but I lay down on the bed and took out my phone, went to the gallery and scrolled through all the pictures that y/n and I had taken of each other, she looked so beautiful when she was laughing, I wondered how someone like me, a drug dealer and a reefer addict, could make a girl like her happy like that.

"oh let's get up" I said turning off my phone as I walked out of the bedroom. my feet carried me toward the outside of the house, I started walking down the street, still smoking my joint, I had never been so high.

when I was far enough away from the house I lay down on a sidewalk, throwing the joint in the middle of the road. I looked around bewildered when I saw a familiar figure in the distance, I shook my head hiding my face in my arms, I decided that once again I was just of bumbin' into her.

I needed help, and I knew who to call.

I picked up my phone and checked the time... 3 a.m.

I went to her contact and hit "call", I don't know why I was calling her at that hour, she didn't answer my calls at 4pm, and she certainly wouldn't have responded to this one at 3am, there were several rings

"yes?" I heard deep breathing on the other end of the phone, her voice slurred by sleep. "ma, it's me Ashtray, I really need you" I tried to say without stuttering, torturing my lips.

"Ashtray it's 3 am, what do you want?" she asked annoyed, I knew this would happen, but it was worth a try. "I just wanted to hear your face, I mean voice, your voice sorry I-" she interrupted me abruptly.

"why'd you only call me when you're high?" she said bluntly, making me frown, "high?" I said without even thinking about what I was saying, "yes, why do you only phone me when you're high Ashtray?" she said for the second time, her voice trembling almost as if she was on the verge of tears.

"I... I'm sorry baby, seriously, I'm trying but your distance is not helping me improve at all" I admitted feeling the darkness of the night engulf me, I just wanted to have her by my side. "please say something..." I begged her when she had not yet spoken a word, I would have rather faced the truth than her silence.

"why are you always so stoned, you know I don't like it and more importantly it's not good for you ash" she said pulling up with her nose, "but it makes me feel good y/n..." I whined feeling my ears ringing, "you don't even understand how worried I am about you ash, now you're who knows where at three in the morning, high and drunk, only god knows what could happen to you" she said scared, even though I wasn't at all.

"I don't care y/n, I just want to see you, and hear you, I can't take it anymore" I said getting up from the sidewalk, staggering to stand. "you can't go on like this" she said, and I heard her get out of bed, "I know, and that's why I need to make things work with you" I said leaning against a car.

here I am at 3am. tryin' to change her mind.

"are you at a party?" she asked waking me up, "yes, yes I am" I replied quickly, hopeful, "get into the house immediately" she ordered me as I heard strange noises coming from her room, "yes ma'am" I replied start walking toward the house.

"will you stay with me ma?"

"always"

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