please remember to vote, i really appreciate it, also get ready for a soft Ashtray!

I was feeling so insecure that day I could hardly believe it myself, usually I was pretty confident, but today my self esteem was below zero. I was sitting on the couch, with my head resting on ash's shoulder, scrolling through my Instagram feed. my gaze shifted to his screen when I saw out of the corner of my eye him liking the post of a pretty popular girl from our school, she is also very beautiful.

I didn't say anything and secretly kept checking what he was doing on his phone. beautiful girls kept showing up, with beautiful hair, and eyes, and with beautiful bodies. I was so jealous of them, of the fact that they were stealing my boyfriend's attention. I felt so bad at that moment that I got up from the couch and ran to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet and looked for the profile of that girl he had liked, I spent a couple of minutes checking the last picture she had put, the one Ashtray had liked, I felt even worse when I scrolled through her posts and saw that that was not the only post he had liked, but there were others, and in many of them she showed her perfect body.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and I cried looking at her pictures, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to alarm Ashtray in any way. I clicked on the profile of what seemed to be her best friend and scrolled through her pictures too, I cried even more when I saw that among five of her posts there was a like from my ash.

a thousand horrible thoughts ran through my head and I put my hand over my mouth to keep myself from sobbing. "are you ok ma?" asked ash knocking on the bathroom door, "yes, I just have stomach ache" I replied wiping away my tears, trying to calm my trembling voice, "are you sure ma? sounds like you're crying" he said worried, "I'm not I swear, I'll be there in a minute" I replied throwing the tissue in the wc.

I washed my face with cold water and after a few min I went back to Ashtray, sitting next to him. "what are you doing there, come here" he said putting an arm around my shoulders, drawing me to his chest, "are you ok now or do you want something warm?" he asked, "no I'm fine" I replied with a small smile at his concern, he nodded planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I calmed myself down with the beat of his heart, but those thoughts were still wandering in my mind.

I had been home for a couple of hours, chatting with my friends, finishing my homework, watching a tv series but my mind kept being filled with those stupid insecurities. I couldn't stop thinking about that girl, how beautiful she was, and how she could have taken ash away from me in one second, and who knows maybe he already liked her but felt bad about breaking my heart. the idea that Ashtray could have left me for her made me cry even more .

so I decided to turn my phone off once and for all, after saying goodnight to Ash, and go to sleep.

I woke up and since it was a friday I went to school. I spent the day with my friends, since Ashtray had decided to skip school again. my friends fortunately helped me to empty my mind by keeping me distracted throughout the day.

in the afternoon Ashtray had invited me to his house, we stayed together and he told me he had noticed something different about me, but I said there was nothing wrong, I didn't want to vent to him and make his life even more difficult for some stupid insecurities, I knew that if he would have found out he would have been angry since every day he always reminds me how beautiful I am and how little I should care about other girls.

I had brought a dress since we were supposed to go to a party for some business, so I changed into a red dress and we went to the party, even though I wasn't exactly in the mood I didn't want to say anything to Ashtray, another thing that would have pissed him off.

as we entered the house ash placed a kiss on my lips, "I'm going to go give out some shit ok, you look for the girls" he said staring me in the eyes, giving me one last kiss and then disappearing. I sighed and walked through the people, taking a short time to find Maddy and Cassie, "hi girls" I said with a smile, "hey bitch" Maddy said with a smile, "let's go get a drink" she said taking my hand.

we all three drank our drinks and started dancing. as we were dancing my head unknowingly turned to the backyard of the house, and I caught a glimpse of Ashtray talking to the girl he had liked the posts on Instagram, I immediately stopped dancing feeling an emptiness expand in my stomach.

"girls, I'm going to get some drinks" I said walking away. I went to the kitchen having a better view of the garden, and I saw the way he was laughing and joking with her.

"he only laughs when he's around you" fucking lies.

I filled my glass with vodka and downed it all. she was so beautiful in her black dress, her blonde hair was perfect and I could see the way he was staring at her, it just broke my heart even more. I saw the girl finally walk away after taking some weed from my boyfriend, then I saw him went back in the house, I did my best to get back to dance but I couldn't do it.

"yo ma what are you doing here?" ash asked behind me placing a kiss on my neck, "just drinking" I replied tightening my lips, "are you ok?" he asked placing himself in front of me scrutinizing my face, "I just want to go home" I admitted bitterly, shifting my gaze down, "yeah alright let's go ma" he replied leading me out of the house where Fezco was waiting for us in the car.

when we got home I changed into an ash's hoodie and my leggings and then lay down on his bed, inhaling his cologne. he came out of the bathroom and sat next to me, "ma can you please tell me what's happening to you, I know something is wrong... please just tell me" he begged me caressing my cheek with his soft hand, I looked into his eyes and felt tears fill my eyes, I knew I couldn't lie anymore.

"I just... I don't know" I replied bursting into tears, he immediately wrapped me in his arms, stroking my hair. "it's ok baby, I'm here, just throw it out" he whispered laying sweet kisses on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was just so insecure" I tried to speak again but was blocked by my own sobs, "take it easy, mh, take it easy" he whispered wiping away my tears.

I nodded taking a deep breath and resumed talking, "I saw you yesterday putting like on that girl's post on Instagram, and.. and then other posts again, and tonight you were talking to her, she was so beautiful... you were laughing together, you looked so happy and I felt so insecure that I wasn't good enough for you" I threw it all out, wiping my tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, feeling slightly embarrassed by my own words.

"baby why didn't you tell me earlier, you know I don't want you to get insecure about this shit" he said drawing me towards him, I instantly hid my face in his neck. "I feel so shitty that you felt this way for so long, you know how much I love you and you also know that you are too much for me, I'm the one who isn't good enough for you y/n, you are literally the best girl anyone could have and every guy would want to have. yeah she may be pretty but she's not as pretty as you y/n, remember I chose you not her, you're my girl not her, you don't even know how perfect you are and how lucky I am to have you" he said continuing to stroke my hair.

"you never, ever have to worry about other girls y/n, I swear for me there is no one but you. if I put like on her it's only because I need her money, since she always buys expensive stuff and I don't want to lose her as a customer, please don't ever get paranoid about that shit" he whispered lifting my head off his neck so he could look me straight in the eyes, he wiped my tears and smiled weakly

"I swear it's only you, only you bae" he said, I smiled for the first time in those two days and slinging my lips over his.

"you have no idea how lucky I am ash to have you too" I sighed on his lips, "I am so much more" he retorted with a smile making me giggle.