21

Touya: Soooooo


Touya: Izukuuuuuu


Izuku: Yes?


Touya: You're 5 years old too, right?


Izuku: Ah— no, I'm 16


Touya: hmmmmm


Touya: Sooooooo


Touya: You have a boyfriend, right?


Izuku: Uh yeah, I thought you knew this???


Touya: Uhuh uhuh


Touya: And you're...


Touya: Shouto's boyfriend, right?


Izuku: Yes!


Touya: And you've been together for how long?


Izuku: A few months


Touya: Mhmhm so you guys have kissed, yes?


Izuku: Yeah actually we have (^///^)


Touya: Mhmhm okay okay


Touya: Tongue?


Izuku: H-huh? What..?


Touya: T O N G U E


Izuku: Saying it again isn't gonna—


Touya: D I D Y O U O R D I D Y O U N O T U S E T O N G U E


Izuku: Uhmmm 😳


Natsuo:



Shouto: Izuku, we're leaving


Izuku: Okay!!


Izuku: Where?


Shouto: Somewhere very far from here...


Touya: NO YOU CAN'T PLEASE I HOPE I PRAY I BEG


Shouto: You have Hawks to keep you company


Touya: Ik but he's always with me, it's like he's a leech


Natsuo: WOOOOOW THAT WAS SO FUCKING RUDE OMG


Keigo: This is why I chose the Yakitori over Frozen yesterday smdh


Touya: You always choose the Yakitori over me </3


Keigo: I SAID OVER FROZEN


Touya: You know that when we say Frozen it's another meaning, we talked about this </3


Keigo: I know but


Touya: No buts, unless it's your butt


Shouto: choke


Shouto: Why haven't we LEFT YET


Izuku: I'm sorry I'm sorry my mom told me to take care of the house ;-;


Shouto: Oh... alright. Can we go out tomorrow then?


Izuku: Of course! I'll ask my mom!


Shouto: Okay. I'll wait


Touya: Keigo, why don't we have that kind of chemistry </3


Keigo: It's not my fault you put my pet chicken in the oven


Touya: FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT WAS NOT A CHICKEN


Touya: THAT WAS ONE OF HANDJOB'S MANY HANDS


Natsuo: So now he's handjob


Izuku: Handjob?


Shouto: Don't engage


Izuku: Uhhh... should I be concerned though?


Shouto: V e r y


Keigo: Then how did a roast chicken come out huh??


Touya: Someone here, not saying names *cough cough* Fuyumi *cough cough* KEEPS BLACKMAILING ME AND HANDJOB FOUND IT IN THE FUCKING OVEN AND PUT YOUR CHICKEN IN TO GET ME IN TROUBLE


Fuyumi: Oh my. What did I do??


Touya: DON'T EVEN FUCKING PRETEND


Fuyumi: Sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about. It's not like I came into the kitchen and turned on the oven when I saw a chicken inside


Touya: I—


Touya: WAIT SO THAT'S HOW THE OVEN TURNED ON >:0


Fuyumi: How?


Touya: KEIGO ARE YOU READING THIS?


Keigo: Yeah. And apparently she wasn't the one who did it


Touya: OMFG YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE AN OVEN, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS


Keigo: She LITERALLY just said that it WASN'T her


Touya: Keigoooo stop turning me on you're being mean


Natsuo: Was that autocorrect


Touya: No ;)


Natsuo:



Shouto: Why are you two acting like an old married couple though


Touya: Are you saying I'm old?


Shouto: You look the part


Shouto: Have you seen those wrinkles?


Touya: Those are BURN MARKS from how HOT I am


Shouto: Sure, whatever you say


Touya: ANYWAY BACK TO MY POINT


Touya: KEIGO


Touya: CAN WE NOT ARGUE LIKE THIS


Touya: PLS BELIEVE ME FFS


Keigo: How?  All the evidence leads to you being the culprit


Touya: Everyone in this house hates me </3


Touya: Even my fiancé hates me now </3


Touya: Yumiiii can you please stop being mean


Fuyumi: Mmmmmm that'll be ¥400000


Touya: WTF DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF THAT MUCH MONEY??


Fuyumi: People would pay that much to see you shirtless


Shouto: Please don't give him ideas


Touya: So what you're saying is that I should perform some good old fashioned fan service


Shouto: Annnndddd I'm officially going to jump off a cliff


Shouto: Natsuo, I'm leaving you with one job: Make my death look like a murder


Natsuo: I got the perfect idea :D


Shouto: Like what?


Natsuo: One word: Ostrich


Shouto: I meant make it look like I got burned to a crisp, not fucking ostricize me


Touya: Ostricize


Shouto: What?


Touya: N o t h i n g


Touya: *cough cough* Anyway, I need to figure this out


Touya: Keigo


Keigo: NO YOU KILLED MY CHICKEN I'M GOING TO FIGHT YOU


Touya: You leave me no choice


Touya: Give me a second, I'm going to google "How to survive a chicken attack"


Touya: Ooh there's a WikiHow


Shouto: Don't open it


Touya: "How to Protect Yourself from an Attacking Rooster"


Touya: I think they misspelled cock


Shouto: Why am I even surprised at this point


Touya: 1) Distract him with snacks.  A fabled rooster-defense tactic with proven effectiveness, tossing out a bit of feed will likely distract your rooster with remarkable consistency


Touya: One of the benefits of feeding your rooster is that this shows him that you are not another rooster.  Essentially, feeding your rooster will help them recognize that you're just the giant, uninteresting creature that occasionally feeds them


Touya: 2) Equip yourself with a rooster shield


Touya: 3) Dress for a beak and chicken-feet resistance. Wear leather gloves for protection, as well as long-sleeved shirts and pants when dealing with an aggressive rooster. Wear boots too, as roosters tend to be much shorter than humans and default towards fighting with their feet


Touya: OH OH HOW ABOUT THIS ONE


Touya: 4) Consider pinning your rooster instead. This won't hurt him, it will just scare him a little bit, and that is what you want. To pin him, you need to grab him, put him on the ground, and hold him down. He will panic a little but don't worry you aren't hurting him. Hold him down until he is calm and then let him go


Touya: Who needs to let him go when you can fuck him senseless ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Shouto: I'm going to puke


Touya: OH THIS ONE


Touya: 5) Cuddle him into submission. Place him beneath one arm, with his wings held against his sides and his feet beneath him. You may need to use your other hand to hold both of his legs together at first.Hold onto him for at least 15 minutes, not matter how angry, loud, and recalcitrant he becomes


Touya: Is it just me or is the only thing I'm getting out of this is dirty thoughts


Shouto: I'm not going to answer that


Touya: 6) Be patient. You will likely have to repeat the process for weeks, as the rooster will not readily cede power to you and your less attractive feathering. Eventually, however, he'll accept your gentle tutelage and resort to only bullying everyone else


Touya: The moral of this story?  Fuck him until he starts bullying everyone else


Touya: P e r f e c t


Touya: Oh Keigo~ come out come out wherever you are you sexy ass chicken~


Shouto: Alright so clearly Touya didn't learn anything, goodbye, please invest in bleach if you haven't already done so


Touya: Oh you're right


Touya: My mistake


Touya: Where's that sexy cock at~


Shouto: NO—

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