University finally pauses and, while many students head back home to their families for a few weeks before exams drag them through hell, Jaemin and Donghyuck included, Renjun stays at the dorm. Campus is eerily quiet so he avoids the library, admitting to Chenle over takeout pizza that he just wants to avoid studying.

"You deserve a break," Chenle says with a shrug. "And your modules this year are mostly coursework, right? So... in theory you could still pass without turning up to the exams at all."

The theory sure sounds appealing to Renjun's drooping head. "But then my parents will stop paying my fees."

"Hm." Chenle takes another slice of pizza, then wipes his hand on his sweatpants before reaching for the television remote, until Renjun snatches it first.

"Not with greasy cheese on your hands. And what does 'hm' even mean?"

"It means you should probably study for your exams," Chenle laughs.

Renjun groans but gives him back the remote anyway. He checks the time on his phone. "I'm at the hospital if you need me." He promised Mark he'd be there by midday, regardless of if the elder heard him or not.

He heads to his room to get ready to leave, now familiar with the bus route and forgoing a box of expensive teas in order to afford daily trips, and pretends he doesn't see the sadness in Chenle's gaze on the way out the door. On the bus, he lets the sunshine hit his cheeks and replies to some texts from Jaemin. He's posted photos of his and Donghyuck's trip to Jeju on Instagram and Renjun leaves a string of emojis in the comments, pleased to see Jaemin so openly comfortable with his relationship. And he squashes the urge to scroll through old high school pictures of them, back when they were an item.

The receptionist smiles to Renjun once he's through the sliding doors. He greets her back, and signs in and walks through the corridors that don't seem so loud or smell so sterile anymore. He warms up with each flight of stairs instead. Over the course of just three days, Mark has steadily improved but has yet to sit up or fully open his eyes. Renjun knows he's awake, however, from the soft noises he makes and, when they hold hands, Mark smiles a little.

"Good morning," Renjun says, sliding into the chair in Mark's room. He's surprised it hasn't moulded to the shape of his back by now with how long he's spent curled up against the cushion. The clipboard tells him a nurse came just ten minutes ago, so they have nearly an hour alone together.

Renjun takes Mark's hand into his own before speaking again. His fingers have more colour, as do his cheeks, and his lips aren't so dry as his body regains strength.

"How are you feeling today?" Renjun asks, and he doesn't expect a reply, simply happy to spend precious time with his soulmate.

Mark sighs and moves his thumb to press it against Renjun's. His eyelids flutter, eyes cracking open ever so slightly before they close again with a frown and a soft groan.

"Is it too bright for you? I can dim the lights," Renjun says. The words come out laced with hope and excitement, shaky at the edges and rather high-pitched as he watches Mark's every tiny move with bated breath. He nearly gets up to fix the lights, but Mark whines again and twists his head to face him.

His hair fans across the pillow and his cheeks still aren't far from the white fabric in colour, but there's a slight dusting of pink that Renjun is glad to see. He uses his free hand to brush Mark's hair from his forehead, then pauses to twirl a soft tuft around his fingers. Mark sighs again. Like this, Renjun can pretend he's simply asleep. That it's early in the morning back in Mark's bedroom, and he's basking in the morning sunlight that sneaks through the curtains while his soulmate is still fast asleep. It's a peaceful morning.

Mark tries to open his eyes again, and this time they open enough to reveal his pupils, and enough for Mark to see Renjun. He blinks and Renjun gives his hand a tender squeeze.

"Hello there," Renjun says. Uncertainty swirls deep in his stomach and he really should have eaten breakfast instead of a single slice of leftover pizza, because how his head spins and he doesn't know what to do. He's been wishing for this moment all week, but he doesn't know what to do.

Mark's eyes are lidded and not quite focussed, but Renjun is sure they're looking at him. He squeezes his hand again. Mark huffs in response. Whether it's out of frustration, confusion or exhaustion, Renjun doesn't know. For a while, Mark watches him and each blink lasts several seconds without any sign on his face that he recognises Renjun or anything about his surroundings.

"It's Renjun." He strokes Mark's cheek and hair and holds his hand even tighter, until Mark screws his face up in pain and a nurse comes to coax him back to sleep.

"'enjun?" Mark is able to croak out his name the next day. His eyes open wider, soaking up sunlight and gleaming in wonder all afternoon. The feeding tube is replaced by a bowl of soup that Renjun feeds to him, carefully and lovingly. "Renjun." Mark's eyes shimmer with tears as they widen in what can only be realisation and relief, and they flood with happiness when Renjun nods, his own chest about to burst.

"I'm here," Renjun says. Mark squeezes his hand and rolls onto his side to fully face him, then his eyes rove around the room for a while as he works out where he is.

"What happened?" Despite being so deep, his voice is still soft and delicate, almost fragile.

Renjun takes a breath and can't look at Mark while the words form in his throat. He looks at his sketchbook that rests on the table instead. "Your heart... It got too weak. We took things too quickly."

A few quiet seconds pass before Mark replies. "We kissed."

"Yes," Renjun whispers, cheeks flushed. "We did."

"Was it good? Did you like it?" Mark is still staring, dazed and uncoordinated from the medication, and Renjun melts as soon as he makes contact with the shiny orbs that draw him in every damn time.

Lips tingling, he nods.

Mark's heart monitor speeds up, and he lays on his back again.

On Monday morning, Renjun stops in the doorway in disbelief. Then, he dashes across the room because Mark is sat up in bed, glasses back on, with a bread roll and a glass of apple juice. He barely gives himself time to leave his art supplies on the table before he's pulling Mark into a hug and repeating his name over and over again, unable to contain his happiness.

"Ow," Mark whines. "Mind the needles and stuff."

"Fuck, sorry," Renjun says, retreating to sit in the chair next to the bed. He leans forward to rest his elbows on the mattress and gaze up at Mark. "You seem so much better today. I wasn't expecting to... to see you."

Mark hums around the final bite of bread. The sterile white lighting hollows out his skin and greases his hair, but he's won back some of the blush on his cheeks that Renjun is so happy to see, reaching out to poke his cheek with a smirk that has Mark flinching away until he realises it's okay and leans into the touch. If he really were a cat, Renjun knows he would be purring.

"Things are kind of floaty, but apparently that's just the drugs," Mark replies. Renjun helps him adjust the pillows to support his back before he continues. "I'm sorry for letting things get this bad." Renjun tries to interrupt, but Mark shushes him with a finger and tiny shake of the head. His eyes shut, and his words are slurred. "I knew I was getting sicker, but... I didn't want to... admit it? I didn't want to let you down, or not pull my weight in the relationship, so I pretended I was fine. I thought it would all... go away, if I pretended. I don't know. I wanted you to be happy, only now you're not and you had to go through all this and it's all my fault. If I'd taken myself to the hospital, I could have been on this new treatment sooner."

Mark tilts his head up to the ceiling. "I was scared. I was scared the medicine would make me worse, that it might kill me or something because not many people have received it. Although I suppose not many people have needed it..." He laughs, nervous, twisting his fingers in his lap as he crosses his legs under the sheets. "But getting no treatment at all would have killed me," Mark says, much quieter.

Renjun holds his breath, head spinning, and he tries not to think about how much worse everything could have turned out. But he isn't angry at Mark. He tells him so, and Mark offers a watery laugh and a hug. It's awkward until Mark pulls back the sheets to let him wriggle into bed beside him, and they get comfortable with their arms round each other and the younger's head tucked into the crook of Mark's neck, breathing his natural scent and soaking up his natural warmth.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Mark whispers. They don't need to raise their voices when they're so close, but Renjun senses Mark is afraid to speak any louder in case he cries. "I'm sure I could run a marathon and my heart would be fine. I feel amazing, Renjun. So, so much better. Relaxed and safe."

"It's a fucking miracle," Renjun whispers back, and they both laugh. It's a bittersweet melody, though, for it conceals the battle they had to survive. "And don't be sorry. None of this is your fault, Mark. And who says I'm not happy?"

Renjun closes his eyes and curls up to focus on the steady drum of Mark's heartbeat. The beeping machine fades into the background so the real beat can sync with his own heart: a slow, comfortable rhythm that needn't rush, that gives them both an abundance of happiness. It's a simple moment, a moment that many would take for granted with their lover, but to them it means the world.

"You're right," Renjun says after a while. Mark hums in confusion. "You're right that it doesn't hurt. It's like my heart is finally satisfied. Before it would ache when it couldn't reach you, but now it feels amazing. When I held your hand a few days back, I knew we were connecting."

"Is this what's it supposed to feel like?" Mark asks.

Renjun sits up, and Mark panics thinking he's going to leave and squeezes him tighter. "What we had before was already love." It almost feels stupid to be saying such things, knowing he would have laughed at anyone else for saying such things only a few months ago, but Renjun pushes down his pride in favour of honesty. "Having a weak heart doesn't mean you aren't capable of loving, Mark. I always saw your passion for your interests and the people around you, so it still could have been perfect."

Mark screws his face up but doesn't let the objection that's so clearly burning the tip of his tongue escape.

"I felt you holding my hand," Mark says. "I wasn't always sure who it was, but it was nice to feel the warmth of someone else, you know?" His voice cracks and he cringes again, looking away with a repressed smile. Renjun can tell he's underestimating how much it meant to him.

Conversation pauses again and Mark admires Renjun's soulmate dust. Renjun lets him take it between his fingers and he handles it with care like it's the most precious, most priceless jewel, and the swell in Renjun's chest pulls him up, up, up into bliss. His emotions have always been like the sea, and him a tiny boat not quite fit for purpose. And often, there's a storm with thrashing waves that freeze him to the core and rock the boat in all directions until he doesn't know where he is and what his purpose even is. Now, for the first time in months, the sky clears and the water calms down. Each wave handles him with care, its crest giving him a gentle push as he learns to stand on his own two feet and embrace the day. While Mark falls for the charming glow of his dust, Renjun rides the waves, letting fate carry him to their destination, wherever that may be.

"It's so... I, shit... it's beautiful," Mark says. The gold reflects in his eyes and there's a particularly large wave that makes Renjun feel like he's soaring through the air.

Renjun clasps his hand around Mark's and their eyes meet. Despite the knot in Renjun's throat, he doesn't look away. The dust is warm in their joint grip. "They said you can extract some dust if you keep healing like you already are."

Mark blinks, disbelief flashing through all his features, and he drops his hand to run it through his hair and rub his chin, deep in thought. Renjun stays quiet to give him space to think, to process the information.

"Like yours?"

"Like mine," Renjun nods. The world around him is blurry, but he sees Mark in full clarity.

Mark doesn't reply, only pulls Renjun into the tightest hug and rocks them side to side and laughs with joy. Arms pinned to his sides and unable to move, Renjun laughs with him.

𓆩♡𓆪

Some happiness for the new year and Kun's birthday ♥

I really want to be squeezed by Mark like he does to Renjun >.< It's all fluffy markren from here onwards! If you've made it this far, I love you <3