The final chapter... we can finally breathe out

We made it. My markren babies made it TT

Enjoy, my lovelies <3

𓆩♡𓆪

Days pass. Weeks pass. Then a month, and another month, exams trickling away into parties that Renjun doesn't go to, and then it's summer. Mark's birthday.

Renjun passes his first year, which gives him enough of a boost to decide to continue his degree, even if he can sense it's only false confidence, propped up on wobbly legs that wouldn't survive a gust of wind. Mark tells him he can do it, and Renjun believes him. So badly wants to believe him.

When Mark tells Renjun his heart is strong enough, Renjun doesn't even need to try to believe him. He can feel that Mark is telling the truth.

"Can I kiss you?"

Mark's question tickles Renjun's lips from the proximity. They're curled together on the couch in Renjun's dorm. The others cleared off to give them space after the birthday picnic in the park. Jaemin even shoved his folders and textbooks under the coffee table to give the illusion that he'd tidied. Most of his friends' belongings are packed into suitcases anyway. They'd all been waiting for Mark's birthday to pass before leaving to visit their families.

Renjun furrows his brow and swallows when his heart lurches into his throat, not wanting to let the persistent thrum of his pulse persuade him to doing anything they're not ready for. He studies the longing on Mark's face. He opens and closes his mouth, unsure what to say, what to do, because Mark is gazing at him with such intent that his face burns from the attention.

"I..." His eyes drop to their intertwined fingers, then to their tangled legs. There's hardly an inch of space between them, yet Renjun craves more. But he's been holding himself back. Mark had his final hospital check-up that morning. He ran down the corridor to swing Renjun round in his arms and press kisses over his damp cheeks, but never on the lips. Not quite.

"I..." Renjun tries again and gets no further.

"I'm better," Mark whispers. "I've never been better. My heart can connect with you now. I can... Renjun, I can feel you." He guides Renjun's hand to his chest and Renjun nearly flinches, only to tingle in the best way instead when it's warm like there's love pouring right from his heart and into Renjun's. "We can do everything together now."

Renjun still doesn't reply. Mark holds him tight and doesn't press. He rubs reassurance into the backs of his hands, gentle circles that slow Renjun's breathing and settle his mind into a trance, but anxiety continues to simmer deep in his gut. If something were to happen to Mark again, he'd be devastated. More than devasted. Torn, broken, lost, angry.

He trusts the doctors and he trusts Mark. His fears are sometimes just that tiny bit stronger.

Something gets pressed into his palm and Mark closes his fists around Renjun's to keep the object secure. Renjun's breath hitches and he closes his eyes, shaking his head and pleading under his breath.

It has to be real. He won't accept anything but, because he can work out what the item is without having to look.

String, just a little rough on his fingertips. Glass, smooth in its perfection.

A blue glow, unwavering as Renjun uncurls his fists to let the necklace hang.

He looks at Mark, who nods gently, then looks back at the necklace. The little glass bottle is identical to his own and to Mark's fake one. But the dust inside is blue.

"It's blue," Renjun whispers. Even as he utters those words, he struggles to believe them. He blinks, but the dust only glows brighter and his heart only beats faster. It's real.

The dust is as blue as the sky when they left the hospital that morning. Individual grains catch the light and twinkle like the stars they shared secrets with the previous night.

"Since when?" Renjun asks, still quiet and frozen in place.

"Yesterday. I tried last month, but the spirit in my blood wasn't enough," Mark says. "Then again two days ago. It worked perfectly." He twists his fingers in his lap. "Can you... would you like to... put it on me?"

The room is quiet as Renjun undoes the clasp. His head spins and he fumbles a few times, jaw tight with determination and heart racing so fast he can't breathe, and Mark cups his cheeks and reassures him and tells him to slow down, that he loves him, and Renjun can't hold himself together.

"I'm sorry," he blabbers repeatedly. He chokes on his sobs and presses his palms into his eyes until white spots dance across his vision, taunting. "I can't... fuck... it's amazing, Mark. Is it real? Really? It's yours?"

"All mine," Mark replies. And his eyes are full of so much hope and understanding that Renjun only cries harder.

Renjun slides the necklace around Mark's neck. The clasp shuts with a click so tiny it's almost anticlimactic, but Renjun feels it in his soul. The final piece slots into place. The final gate to Mark's heart unlocks.

"I always thought it would be blue," Renjun says. "I could feel it. My heart just... knew."

He stands up and Mark tries to pull him back down, but Renjun tells him to stay, says he'll be quick. Once in his room, he dives straight for the top drawer of his desk and grips the gift tight on the way back to the living room where Mark is waiting. For a short moment, he pauses. Mark is more beautiful than ever. His cheeks are full and his hair is brushed, the ends just starting to curl, and when he perks up at the sight of Renjun the blue pulses of his dust reflect in his glasses, then in his eyes when they glow brighter. When they press their bodies together, the two colours blend into a lush green that's purer than any leaf on a summer's day.

"For me?" Mark asks when the younger passes him the present. The wrapping paper shimmers in the light and neither of them care that more silver glitter is already on the sofa than on the balloons.

Renjun hums, then curls into Mark's side. "Happy birthday."

He's on a high. The world doesn't feel real under his fingertips when he reaches for the nearest cushion, but he fiddles with the tassel to give his hands something to do anyway. Mark shuffles around to cross his legs, then peels back the paper with uttermost care. The soft rip pierces Renjun. His head tells him it's cringy to make a whole collection of paintings for a soulmate. The voices regurgitate his parent's words. We can't believe you're prioritising some boy over us. The very words that strangled the final drop of willpower to go visit them over summer. He told them about the job he scored at a local art store, yet that didn't please them either.

Renjun's heart, however, promises Mark will love each and every painting.

At first, Mark's eyebrows sink in confusion. Then, he must realise what the present is because his eyes light up and he smiles bright.

"Can I?" Mark gestures to the sketchbook in his lap, and Renjun nods.

He can't watch when Mark opens it to the first page, but then he can't help himself and his eyes land on Mark's focussed expression while he reads the letter.

Renjun had only intended to write a short, sweet note. A sort of dedication, he supposes, so that they could look back and be reminded of the date. But then his heart seized the ink and took over, only stopping when he ran out of space. He had one final line left to sign his name and add some kisses.

Mark turns to the first painting. It fills a whole spread. Following his heart, Renjun painted the sky blue to match his soulmate's dust and painted the clouds to match the reference photos. In the middle, just to the left, is the biggest cloud: a heart as white as the purity of their love. Below that is a tiny fairy Mark squints at to appreciate the details. On the next page, the fairy is amongst the trees and he recognises the character as himself with a giggle, eager to drink in the flurry of colours and to praise the talent and time and love that Renjun has poured into the entire project.

"I thought..." Renjun's throat is sore but his honesty is pure, so he pushes on. "I thought it could, like, tell our story? Without the... sad stuff. I picked out our favourite photos of the places we'd been together as references. I'm sorry it took longer than planned."

Mark wraps his fingers around his necklace to mirror Renjun's habit, until they both lower their hands to let them fold round each other, bodies inching closer together.

"I love it," Mark says. It's a simple statement, teeming with truth. Renjun stares at Mark's lips. "I love it all. Thank you, baby. It's... it's perfect. They're beautiful. Each and every page is beautiful. Oh my God, it's that kitten we saw!"

Renjun laughs along with Mark. He feels on top of the world, yet at the same time he feels as though the world has beaten him down and hollowed out his carefully constructed layers so he has nowhere to hide. Collapsing into Mark's shoulder, he sobs and laughs and repeats his soulmate's name until his throat is hoarse and Mark bundles him up into a giant hug that fills him back up again.

"It's the best present ever," Mark says. The edge of his glasses presses into Renjun's scalp when he squeezes him to his chest, but he's somehow grateful for it. The ache reassures him it's all really happening when the fuzziness around his mind would suggest otherwise.

Renjun wipes his cheeks to erase the stickiness of dried tears. "When you ended up in the hospital, I thought the entire world was gonna end." Mark flicks back to the letter at the start of the book and traces a finger over the swirly lettering, head tilted to show he's listening. "It sounds dramatic, I know. But it's true. I really thought that. Chenle had to put up with me. And now you're here, and you have your necklace. Fuck, your necklace... it's..."

Mark looks at Renjun and all adjectives crumple in his throat. There are no suitable words, none with a deep enough meaning to describe the beauty of finally seeing his soulmate with glowing dust. He'd gotten used to the grey, had almost come to like it even in all its sadness. And although he silently and selfishly wished for more, nothing could have prepared him for today.

"You're alive."

"I'm alive," Mark replies. Neither of them says it, but Renjun knows Mark understands what he really meant to say.

Mark is alive, in all meanings of the word. Pink dusts his cheeks, his eyelashes flutter, his chest rises and falls, his hands hold Renjun's securely, and the predictability of all his movements comforts Renjun to no end. He's always been one to get stuck in the details, and Mark's details are his favourite.

So he traces them all. He joins the dots of his own personal constellation. The mole on Mark's cheek. The arch of his eyebrows. The embarrassed scrunch of his nose, then the pleased pout of his lips as Renjun passes lower. A soft whine purrs deep in Mark's throat when Renjun massages just below his right ear, before his fingers dip lower to his shoulders, then to his waist. Their breaths stutter, but their hearts never miss a beat. The rhythm marches on, working to connect the two of them and bind them together. Renjun leans in closer. He sways, unsteady, but is grounded by Mark. He's like a rocky moon orbiting a planet. He guides the waves of Mark's tears and will stick with him, always.

"Fuck, what did I do to deserve you?" Renjun asks Mark; he asks the world.

The world replies, "you kept going."

Renjun shudders when he opens his eyes, not realising they were even shut because all his other senses are so fine-tuned all of a sudden. He meets Mark's smile and the world unfolds in front of him. He lets himself be guided; the roles are easily reversed. They both pour their all into the connection.

Mark's voice rings clearer. His laugh is brighter. His touches linger for longer. Mark is more confident than ever. It all feels different. New and so wonderfully right. It's what it's all supposed to feel like.

He doesn't know where the world is taking him this time, but he can feel it's on a different track when it starts to move. His back sinks into the mattress and his limbs turn numb with anticipation. He trusts Mark to guide him in the right direction.

Every touch feels so right as they lay on the bed. Renjun pulls Mark close enough to feel his heart in his chest, and the rhythm of them both beating together is like a chant, a miracle, a spell that doubles the pleasure in every sensation.

Renjun's entire body comes alive.

"I love you so damn much." Renjun is sure when he finally answers Mark's question. "Yes."

And Mark is twenty when he kisses Renjun and feels it all for the first time.

𓆩♡𓆪

End note to come, as always