The painted broken heart evolves each time Renjun visits his sketchbook and he experiments with new colours – colours he imagines Mark's soulmate dust would be. During the day, he meets Mark after morning class and they walk to lunch together, before heading to the library to study, whispering more than they read or write. Then during the night, Renjun hunches over his desk, paintbrush poised in his hand as inspiration floods his mind. He doesn't know where to start, overwhelmed by the foreign urge to just paint.

The damaged heart goes from black to red, but Renjun bites his cheek and frowns. There's only the flicker of his rose-scented candle to illuminate his work and yet the red is too mundane, he knows. Too predictable for a love that is anything but. It's not a movie, nor a drama. So, the next night, Renjun tries again. A professor had suggested he return to his mindmap. He does, only to be drawn to the same concept of fragile, hopeful love.

On Wednesday, the heart turns blue to match the oversized hoodie that hugged Mark's frame that afternoon. On Thursday, after spending their free day at Mark's apartment, the wounds begin to heal. The elder plucked his guitar and encouraged Renjun to sing along to all the Bruno Mars songs. Although a little shaky and inexperienced, their voices grew and intertwined like roses climbing an arch that finally met in the middle under the gleaming sun. The rubber bands that had been squeezing Renjun's skull weakened as the hours passed and their bond strengthened. The heart in his painting grows wings to replace the scars.

On Friday, Mark turns up at Renjun's dorm room with a yellow gift bag.

"Open it," Mark says.

He sits on the end of the bed to watch Renjun pull out the bracelet: a golden chain with a single pendant in the shape of the North Star.

"Because you're my star. You guide me and brighten up my life." Mark's voice wobbles just enough to give away the emotions brewing under the surface of his lovestruck smile.

The emotions spill over when they hug. Mark's shoulders heave and Renjun's fingers curl into the thick coat on the elder's back, unable to find purchase but secure nonetheless. He runs his fingers over the knobs of Mark's spine and bites back a comment on how thin he is. Frail, almost. Energy fizzes in the air around them, alive like a swarm of fireflies attracted to the glow of the soulmate dust and to the glow of Mark's heart, no matter how faint it might be. It's persistent and fierce, ready to fight for what it's worth. Renjun nearly slides off the sofa but Mark doesn't let him fall. He clings to the younger like it could be their last embrace. For Renjun, it feels like their first, intense as ever.

That night, the heart breaks out of the glass jar. It flies free, and when Renjun shifts his attention to who its owner might be, he finds himself staring back at Mark three hours later. Mark in art form, dancing through a field at midnight. Mark soaring above the city, far from the angry traffic and littered streets to join the stars. Renjun loves the stars. Mark resting in a tree, wings draping off the branch where he lays with one leg hanging as he gazes up at the sky.

Renjun supposes he's always loved a bit of fantasy. He spent hours with imaginary friends as a child. He could devour a whole fantasy book series in a week. And now, swirling his brush in the glass of murky water, he figures loving Mark feels like a fantasy. It feels surreal. Forbidden even, because it's not meant to work, because the universe tried to block them and yet they still eat ice cream together on the rusty roundabout in the playground, shivering from the bite of the evening chill but still warm in each other's presence.

"For me?" Mark asks when they're at the same playground on Saturday morning. The sunrise trickles over the horizon, and the light is enough for them to see each other's smiles, and to turn their breaths to white puffs that meet in an intricate dance as they laugh. They're high off love – the strongest of drugs – and high off fatigue. Neither has slept all night, since Renjun messaged the elder once his painting was complete. They met up and snuck through the darkness to watch the sunrise.

"Of course. So we're matching," Renjun explains. "Kind of."

"Matching," Mark repeats, nodding as he fastens the bracelet around his wrist and intertwines their fingers.

The gold star of Renjun's bracelet and the gold heart of Mark's click together, capturing the orange sunrise to shimmer like the soulmate dust around the younger's neck.

"It's so pretty," Mark breathes out. There's no need to raise their voices above an intimate whisper when it's just the two of them in the company of a sunrise that promises another day together.

Renjun follows Mark's gaze down to the vial resting on his chest. The gold pulsates as though preening under the attention, and when Renjun clasps it in a tender fist his heart swoops. "Pretty like you," Mark adds, quieter.

Birds chirp in a nearby tree. The wind coaxes a murmur from the branches. A car passes, its engine only a brief disturbance to the peace. The sun wakes up an inch at a time, until the orange haze bleeds into blue sky when it emerges past the horizon and greets the soulmates with its own glow. It allows Renjun to see Mark's face better. His skin is pale but vibrant at the same time as he caresses his cheeks with a thumb. The simple action clouds Renjun's mind and fills his chest, but he knows he has to drop his hand back to his lap when Mark's own turns limp where they're still intertwined. Again, Renjun lets go, holding onto the chains of the swing to rock himself a little. The caps of his old boots scuff in the dirt. He doesn't stop to retie his laces.

"You think I'm pretty?" Renjun asks after a short while, when his body has gotten used to the cold distance again and his mind has cleared of desire.

Mark laughs, soft and short, and swings in time with Renjun. "Of course."

The confession lifts the corners of Renjun's lips and he ducks his head, so his bangs tumble over his eyes and his smile is probably more obvious as it twitches, eager to keep flirting and keen to invade his entire face.

"The yellow is... just wow," Mark continues. His eyes remain focussed on the necklace. When their gazes meet, Renjun swears the elder's eyes reflect the dust more than they do the sun, and when Mark blinks the movement is slow, as though capturing the younger in a photograph he'll treasure forever. "I've always dreamed about what my soulmate's dust would look like. But I never thought I'd, you know..." Mark trails off. Renjun pauses on the swing, toes curling to dig his shoes into the ground. Mark inhales before finishing. "I never thought I'd actually get to see it. To see my soulmate."

Renjun opens his mouth to voice one of the many reassurances and concerns that float around his head, but Mark's distant expression tells him he's not done.

"People always leave. I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a single night." Against the backdrop of the sun, Mark's jawbone appears sharper than ever as he nibbles his lip. "Waking up to see them gone shouldn't upset me as much as it always did."

"Who are you on about?" Renjun doesn't want to shower Mark with the same old reassurances when he can see the torment blazing through his gaze. The past troubles Mark, but the past is gone, a sealed deal that he can't shake off no matter how many times Renjun tells him it's okay.

"The one-night stands." Mark mutters. "I already told you, didn't I?" He asks when Renjun remains quiet. The younger nods, an invitation for Mark to keep going. "A few friends left me, too. They were all into dating and were on some sort of mission to find their soulmates before they even turned eighteen. I was the youngest of the group, you see. And when I turned eighteen and didn't get a necklace... they didn't want anything to do with me. They knew about my heart. Vaguely. But everyone just treats the soulmate stuff like it's the most important thing there is. Like it should be your goal in life. And I... I couldn't have that." Mark sniffs and tips his head back, eyes shut. "I thought I couldn't have that."

"But you can have that," Renjun replies. His voice wavers, but he hopes Mark doesn't notice. "I promised to wait for you. We'll get there."

"I'm sorry I can't keep up with you and your heart," Mark says.

Cars pass more frequently and the steady rumble of traffic builds while the city wakes up. Fatigue tugs on Renjun's eyelids, makes it hard to clear his thoughts, but he forces himself for Mark's sake. His throat is scratchy from talking all night when he replies. "It's not your fault. I'll tell you this every minute if you need to hear it that many times. It's not your fault, Mark. It's just the shitty world being shit, as always."

"What happened to the optimism?" Mark asks, head cocked to the side. A smile teases his lips, but Renjun rolls his eyes.

"I've used up my daily allowance."

The elder squints at his phone. The lockscreen is a photo of the clouds on a rainy day, slightly out of focus. "It's barely half past five in the morning. The day hasn't really started yet."

Mark pouts, so Renjun pouts back and it has them both bursting into laughter. They start to swing again. They kick their legs higher and higher, ignoring the creak of the chains to soar through the air. Renjun imagines they have wings, like in the painting, and his mind spills stars back over the sky as he wishes he could stop time and spend an eternal night with Mark and the stars. That way they wouldn't have to meet expectations. They wouldn't have to study, or attend lectures, or risk explaining their situation to anyone. They'd have their own world where time doesn't matter. Where nothing matters, except each other.

Nothing matters when they jump off the swings, landing in a giddy heap of laughter before taking off to the bench in the corner of the playground. Nothing matters as they catch their breaths.

And nothing matters as they steal each other's breaths all over again by crashing their lips together.

The kiss is clumsy and desperate, but it's warm and smooth like the route their hands take around each other's waists. Mark toys with the hem of Renjun's jumper and a chill sneaks under the clothing, making him shiver, then he gasps into the elder's mouth when it meets the heat his soulmate's touch brings. His skin prickles, on fire. He wraps his own arms around Mark's waist to pull him closer, diving back in for more. Tongue reaching out to flirt with Mark's lower lip, Renjun takes and takes, hooked on the taste of Mark. He can't place it as anything in particular. But it's sweet, raw, and it's Mark, who gives and gives.

Mark's back arches when Renjun gains entry to his mouth. The noise that escapes his throat is nothing but a whine, half satisfied, half begging for more, so Renjun tangles his fingers in Mark's hair. It's long due a trim, disappearing under the hood of his coat. He experiments with a tug and the elder's gasp sets the rhythm for their dancing tongues.

Renjun ends up on Mark's lap. He pins Mark down, and Mark melts into every kiss to his neck and every touch to his waist.

"So pretty," Renjun returns the compliment. Mark's breath hitches.

Renjun comes up for air, although nothing can slow the pace of his breathing or heartbeat in the moment, entire body alight with pleasure and greedy for more, and locks eyes with Mark. Mark stares back, eyelids heavy and pupils glassy. His lips glisten with spit. Bitten red, they part to entice Renjun back for another round.

The sound of their lips is barely audible over the thumping of Renjun's heart. Dawn has fully broken, it's still his vial of soulmate dust that provides the light, although he's sure he could map out Mark's skin in the dark using just his instinct. It's their first shared kiss, but it comes naturally. The pace slows, the rush of excitement mellows to a steady, tingling haze and Renjun's heart orchestrates the exploration of his soulmate.

And Mark lets himself be explored. He parts his lips, kisses back with equal fervour, releases such pretty noises when Renjun returns to his neck, head thrown back and fingers gripping the younger's biceps for stability as though he would fully melt away otherwise.

The world blurs. Drunk on the spirit pumped from his heart, Renjun can only see his soulmate. They don't care about the possibility of keen morning runners passing by. Their hands meet and neither cares about the stickiness of their palms.

"Wanna come back to mine?" Mark's words are more breath than voice, but Renjun understands. Perhaps it's his instincts that fill in the gap, his heart that knows everything about Mark and is desperate to never leave his side. They knew they'd have to leave the park eventually, so he accepts the offer in a heartbeat.

They giggle again and get to their feet. Mark's knees buckle, but Renjun catches him and supports him as best he can with his own trembling legs, not wasting the chance to share a final short kiss before they walk down the street, hand in hand.

𓆩♡𓆪

The calm before the storm <3

Little life update: there's a week before I move into uni, so I'm very busy rn and I don't know when I'll get round to next updating this book. I'll say now that updates will likely be slower from now on, since I don't know how much free time I'm going to have (I'm scared it won't be a lot), but I'll keep you all updated <3