Mark stuffs his hands in his pockets and exhales.

"Do I really look okay?" He asks. Renjun stops beside him and rolls his eyes.

"You look fine." It's at least the fifth time he's had to tell Mark that his hair isn't sticking up, that his t-shirt isn't creased and that he's only visiting his friends, not the president. "They probably haven't showered or changed out of their pyjamas. First year student life and all that."

Mark runs his hands through his hair, dropping them to rest around his necklace instead when he chuckles, short and nervous. "I don't miss student dorms at all." They both laugh. "But I'm just... kind of stressed? It's been a while since I've, you know... had to make an impression. I want them to like me."

Renjun softens. He seeks Mark's hands, but they remain firmly buried in his pockets, out of bounds, so he doesn't push it, careful as ever. "You can always leave if you want to. But they love you already, from what they've heard," Renjun says instead.

"You talk about me?"

The look Mark gives him sets off fireworks in his chest, in his head, all over his skin. Eyes wide and head tilted to the side, Mark is curious.

"Let's just go." Renjun leads the way without answering the question, but the main reason is so that Mark can't see him blush.

When they reach the fourth floor, nerves settle into Renjun's stomach. So he can't even start to imagine how nervous Mark must be. He didn't think it was a big deal when he mentioned meeting his friends to his soulmate. Mark had agreed relatively quickly, too. But now, just a minute away from his room, the voices of his dormmates filtering through the thin walls, he realises that it is a big deal.

"What if Jaemin doesn't like me?"

"Why Jaemin?" Renjun asks. It's another excuse to stall. The elder explains anyway.

"Because you two were a thing. I feel bad," Mark mumbles like a scolded child, even though he's done nothing wrong. Renjun tells him just that, but Mark nibbles his lip, unconvinced. "If we're gonna be together I want to get on with your friends. That's an important part of this whole thing." He waves his hands around and Renjun still has to fight the urge to hold them tight.

"Jaemin likes everyone. He'll like you, and you'll like him. Trust me," Renjun says, stepping closer. Close enough to feel Mark's breath on his lips when the elder releases an unsteady laugh. The flickering industrial lights overhead pale his skin.

The younger is about to suggest they save the hangout for another day when Mark pushes past him to knock on the door with stiff determination.

"Let's just do it," Mark says with another exhale that's no more confident than the last.

"I have a key, you know. I could just-" The door opens, interrupting Renjun and making them both startle.

It's Jisung, and Jeno soon appears behind the youngest with eyes already curled into a charming smile. He had been particularly enthusiastic to meet Mark – a new friend he can induct into his world of video games.

"Is that Mark?" Jisung asks once the door is closed and they're all hanging around, waiting for someone to speak. He leans towards Renjun, tries to be subtle, but the attempt fails and earns him a slap on the shoulder from the Chinese. Mark clears his throat and Jisung splutters, cheeks red. "Sorry! Sorry. I just didn't want to get your name wrong. I wanted to make sure, you know?"

Renjun casts a cautious glance in his soulmate's direction, but Jisung's comment seems to have helped him relax, contrary to his expectations. Mark's probably glad he's not the only awkward one in the room.

"It's okay," Mark replies, polite as ever.

"That's Jisung. And this is Jeno," Renjun says, pointing to each in turn. "Our two resident nerds."

Jeno rolls his eyes and disappears into the kitchen while Jisung's mouth drops open in indignation. "Hey! You like space, too. I'm not a nerd just because I study a science."

"There's nothing wrong with being nerdy." Mark sticks close to Renjun's side as he talks. Jisung stops fiddling with the zip of his oversized jacket to stare at Mark. His eyes drop to the necklace, and Renjun bites back a scolding. "It's probably best you don't mention classical literature to me." Mark chuckles, then adjusts his glasses and asks if he can sit down.

Renjun jumps to guide him to the sofa while Mark reassures him he's feeling okay, not a bone or breath out of place. Renjun trusts him on that. Jisung follows them in and resumes the documentary on the television, sprawled across his blue beanbag with notes scattering the floor around him, untouched despite claims that he's watching it for an assignment. Renjun wishes he could enjoy his course enough to research things out of his own will. When Jeno returns, he has a bowl of dry cornflakes for him to crunch on while scrolling through twitter. Everyone else is used to it, but Mark scrunches his nose in confusion that has Renjun laughing.

"What?" Jeno grumbles. "They're nicer like this."

"Didn't say they weren't," Renjun quips back.

"But you're judging me."

"Nope. Just observing."

"I tried them and they're not too bad without milk," Jaemin says, flopping down beside Renjun with Donghyuck in tow to fight over the armchair with Chenle. Donghyuck wins, but Chenle is content to share the beanbag with Jisung.

"Thank you!" Jeno throws an arm up in protest while the others tut in disapproval.

Renjun hears Mark inhale. When he turns to check on him, his right hand has curled into the baggy fabric of his sweatpants and his left taps an erratic rhythm on the arm of the sofa. He wants to hug him, but Mark requested to keep things simple for the afternoon. No handholding, no hugs, just getting know his friends. Renjun agreed. He had to, even if it stung because his heart doesn't understand.

"Mark, right?" Jaemin speaks first. Renjun introduces his other friends, and Mark gives each a small nod before squinting at the television as though the names go in one ear and right out the other. In a way, Renjun finds his awkwardness endearing. But he also wants Mark to be comfortable around his friends and racks his brain for an answer.

For a minute, only the documentary fills the room with a speech on black holes, but the stares are louder. Renjun can hear the darting eyes, the silent conversations thrown between his friends. He can hear Mark's scratchy breaths and the rustle of his clothes when he shifts. Mark tucks his soulmate dust under his t-shirt. Jaemin makes a sound that starts as a snort and ends as a cough, then shrinks under the glare from his ex-boyfriend.

"Are you Spiderman?" Chenle asks, all casual with crossed arms and a killer smirk.

Mark frowns, then points to his chest in confusion. "Me?" Chenle hums to confirm. "What?"

"It was a dumb joke because they'd never met you," Renjun explains. He shuffles a little closer to Mark but backs off when the elder's breath hitches. Behind his glasses, Mark's eyes are round. "They thought you were being all secretive and wanted to hide from them because you're Spiderman." Renjun is careful to not mention it was when Mark disappeared for the first time. That would be pushing the boundaries, since his friends don't know the real reason and Mark made it very clear he doesn't want them to know. He wants Renjun's friends to think he's a normal person, that he's fully capable of loving Renjun with all his heart.

"So? What's the verdict, then?" Chenle asks as his smirk grows.

"Um... I'm not... sorry, but I'm not Spiderman," Mark says. His eyes search the room, never settling on a single person as though repelled by all of them, until they focus on Renjun's hands and stay there.

"Leave him alone, Chenle." The younger Chinese boy huffs in mock offense at Renjun's order.

The documentary finishes and Jisung gathers his notes, and the rustle of paper joins the crunch of Jeno's cereal and the unpredictable rhythm of Mark's breaths. Renjun doesn't mention it. The air sparks with a tension that makes him flinch, that makes Donghyuck open and close his mouth a few times without speaking, and Jaemin crosses his legs. His knee knocks against Renjun's thigh, who grits his jaw. He can't bring himself to meet anyone's eyes, fearing the judgement and embarrassed by how it isn't going to plan. He figured Mark wouldn't say much, but he was hoping his friends would.

He looks at Jaemin. The inch where their legs are touching allows rooms for discomfort to weasel its way into the elder's stomach. "We don't bite," Renjun huffs. The words snap and shatter in the air, and when regret slaps him in the face he plays it off with a chuckle that arrives too late to be natural.

"You're Jaemin, right?" Mark speaks next. He leans to look at him, licking his lips as he makes sure he's remembered the name right. "I think I remember you from the café."

"Yes. That's me." Jaemin flashes a charming smile, all bright white teeth and mischievous eyes.

"And you're Donghyuck? The soulmate?"

Donghyuck nods, then parts his lips in surprise. "You know about all that?" It's a careful question, and Renjun wishes it didn't have to be.

Mark hunches his shoulders and searches Renjun for permission to confirm that he does in fact know there was someone before him, someone that was written into Renjun's future only for the plans to be torn up in a dramatic display of heartbreak and anger. Mark, when he drops his gaze to the thinning carpet, is much quieter than Jaemin ever was.

Jaemin used to throw his arms around Renjun, pull him in for kisses, always reaching to shower him in affection. Mark does none of that and still somehow draws Renjun in. He sits there, lips sealed and expression wistful, yet Renjun knows he's choosing his words to make sure he doesn't create unnecessary tension around the topic, and that's his way of quietly caring for him.

"Renjun told me. But I don't mind."

"Maybe Jaemin can tell you all about Renjun," Donghyuck says. Innocence is feigned all over his expression but it didn't take Renjun long to learn to read the glint in his eyes; it wasn't an innocent question.

"I don't think..." Mark looks at Renjun, back at Donghyuck, at Jaemin, at the floor, and still doesn't know what to say.

Renjun sinks into the cushions. "Shut up."

"If you want," Mark finally says. He wears a grin, but the confidence doesn't reach his tired eyes.

His eyes do light up, however, when Jeno passes him a video game controller and offers him a turn on Mario Kart. Chenle grabs the other before anyone else can reach it, while the others all gawk at Mark who announces that he's never played the game before.

"Uncultured. How have you never played Mario Kart? It's Mario Kart, for heaven's sake." Chenle shakes his head in sharp disapproval.

The eldest pulls his knees to his chest and looks at the buttons on the controller with a curiosity fit for a toddler. Jeno has to explain how the game works and Mark asks all kinds of questions. His ears tint pink, but he doesn't shy away, brow creased in determination to understand and to win. He doesn't win. In fact, he loses by a good minute and still laughs and demands another round.

"My parents never let me have a console. And with uni... they're not exactly cheap, are they?" Mark explains when Donghyuck still can't believe he's never touched video games before. "The flat's expensive, but I don't miss student halls. You guys have a nice place, though. I was in a twin room and had to share a kitchen with the entire corridor. A suite was well beyond my budget."

Mark extends an arm to take the bowl of cornflakes off Jeno, thanks him without moving his eyes from the screen, and hums in approval of the dry cereal when he nibbles on the first handful. No one makes a comment this time. His words echo in Renjun's mind. As they repeat, he twists his fingers into the front of his red hoodie and sets his gaze on the video game, listening to Jisung's huffs of annoyance each time he slips on a banana or hits the side of the track. But he can't get his mind to quiet down. He can only think about all the money his parents have wasted so he can have somewhere nice to stay and graduate with a fancy job. Or as fancy a job as his art degree will allow with the way it's going.

All that money, and he's throwing it away by procrastinating instead of getting his ideas onto the page. Nowhere wants to hire him. Not even a single lame Saturday job. The extra money from his parents will only stretch so far, then he'll be on his own unless he gives up the accommodation and uses the money for food instead. He could have a buffet every day but wouldn't have a roof over his head. Shame burns his cheeks. His stomach knots, his ribs squeeze his heart like a balloon that could burst at any point, and he prays no one notices his sudden hesitance to contribute to the conversation.

"You good?" Mark whispers when the next race finishes. He lost again, but he ignores Jisung's victory to check up on Renjun instead.

Of course Mark would notice. Attentive Mark. Sweet, selfless and thoughtful Mark always notices.

It feels good to have someone looking out for him, and yet Renjun lies. "I'm fine."

"You don't look it," Mark says. He offers his cornflakes to Renjun. The younger declines. With dark circles under his eyes and gaunt cheeks, Renjun doesn't think Mark looks fine, either, although the words remain unsaid.

"Want another go?" Donghyuck calls to Mark, then his eyes meet Renjun's for a second just long enough for the art student to swallow and scratch his forearm.

He knows pessimism does him no good, but it's tough to escape the mindset even when his friends are cheering and shouting around him. Even when Mark relaxes and immerses himself in the game and in the conversation as though he's known them all since childhood. That's what Renjun had wanted when he invited Mark over. Yet he picks it apart. His thoughts tell him they're only trying for his sake, that they despise each other already, that it will all end in a horrible argument that fractures their relationship, too.

Renjun watches Mark carefully. He watches his hands fumble across the controller, smashing every possible button just to get his character to fucking move, and wonders what they are. They haven't chosen a label yet. Just that they want to try.

The next round of cheers interrupts his worries. If he thought Mark lost badly before, then Donghyuck absolutely annihilates him. Bickering sparks as soon as the leaderboard appears onscreen. Donghyuck sticks his tongue out, which has Mark scoffing and claiming that he cheated, and others pipe in to join the argument. Renjun freezes. It takes a minute for him to realise it's all light-hearted. Donghyuck crosses the room to poke Mark's cheek, then lands on Jaemin's lap while everyone laughs.

They don't despise Mark. The argument isn't really an argument, just a petty disagreement fuelled by hyper excitement. They're all glad to take a break from studying. Mark beams wider than Renjun has ever seen before, and when he notices he can't look away as his worries disappear.

The room quietens, but he's not sure if it's because everything fades into the background or if his roommates have actually stopped speaking. All he knows is that Mark is smiling back at him. There's a mole on his left cheek, another on his neck, and Renjun's gaze traces them in a constellation that guides him back up to his soulmate's eyes. His beautiful eyes. The eyes that are home to a million other constellations. Mark swipes his tongue over his lips and Renjun stiffens, torn between leaning in and pulling away but Mark makes the decision for him, and cold seeps through Renjun's skin when the elder turns back to the television.

Just like that, the moment is gone and the world starts to move again, an easy spin that disorientates him. Dazed, Renjun blinks, mind foggy and fingers tingling and heart racing at a hundred miles per hour. Maybe even two hundred, or five.

"He's so in love with you," Jaemin comments when Mark has gone home.

"Have you seen the way he looks at you?" Chenle adds, Jisung nodding along with enthusiasm.

"He kept staring at you. It was cute."

"Cute?" Chenle whips around to face Jisung. "I'd say it was kind of gross. Just kiss already."

"He gave into Jeno's dry cereal cult, though," Donghyuck says, much to Jeno's indignance. "Renjun, what are your thoughts on that?"

Renjun bites his cheek to hide a smile. He holds his breath, but that only summons more heat to his face so he gives up, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling and not think too hard about how close they were to kissing.

They can't. They shouldn't. Mark said so.

But, surrounded by his friends and their jokes, he realises he really, really wants to kiss Mark. It's not the first time he's had that thought, but it's the first time they were that close. So much for avoiding love and living the solo life.

"Renjun?" Donghyuck prods his shoulder to get his attention. Renjun vaguely swats him away, too absorbed in trying to comprehend the warmth invading every last inch of his skin and bones and lips.

"Oh God, we've lost another one!"

"Shut it, Chenle. It'll be you one day."

𓆩♡𓆪

I've started work now and it's actually fun, even if it's stressful and I have less time now, so mixed feelings on that one. But I met some more people going to the same uni as me today! They're all so lovely and I can't wait to meet them in person ^^ I think I need to start surrounding myself with some new people