A/N: Did you know repressing your memories and feelings can cause memory loss?

IM SORRY FOR NO WEDNESDAY POST, I WAS MAKING SURE I HAD ENOUGH CHAPTERS PRE-WRITTEN FOR NEXT WEEK SINCE IT'S GONNA BE BUSY. HERE U GUYS GO. THIS IS MY APOLOGY VID WITH TEARS. ENJOY THE ANGST.
ALSO I FORGOT TO POST CHAPTER 18 ON MONDAY HERE ON WATTPAD SO SO SORRY TO YALL TOO

ONCE AGAIN, TW FOR HOSPITALS. ALSO I MADE UP THE NURSE CHARACTER SO SHE HAS THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL NAME EVR

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When he woke up, he had absolutely no clue what was going on.

Distantly, he heard Saki's voice, but his eyes hadn't focused on the world yet. He felt kind of detached, somehow, like a plastic bag floating in the wind.

He sat up and immediately noticed the bandages around his arms; specifically his wrist. He also noticed that it hurt like absolute hell. Strange. He didn't remember being in any sort of accident that could cause something like that.

He was shortly after pushed back down onto the bed, and he looked up, confused.

"Don't sit yourself up on your arms, they're still recovering." A nurse lady said. Oh, so a hospital, then. He's slowly starting to piece together what's happening. So something happened to his arms, and now he's in the hospital... how great.

"If I may ask, why am I here?" He tilted his head as the lady helped reaccommodate him so he was leaning back against the pillows in more of a sitting position. She froze in her actions.

"You don't remember?" The nurse said, with a look of surprise. He was even more confused now.

"Am I supposed to?" Tsukasa replied.

The lady bit her lip, but ultimately sighed and finished helping him into his new position. "Well, you have visits. They'll probably be able to help you remember more than I can. My name is Suzuki Ran, so if you need anything, just call for me."

"Okay, Suzuki-san. Thank you." Ran walked out of the door, and he heard her voice talking with someone outside, before the sound of her heels clicking on the tiles got quieter as she walked away.

She had said visits, right? He wondered who would come see him. Saki, maybe. But he wouldn't blame her if she didn't. He had made this problem for himself, that much he was sure about, and Saki despised hospitals, so it made sense.

Distantly, he thought about his parents, but brushed that thought off immediately. His parents only cared when Saki was in the hospital due to her life-threatening illness. This was neither life-threatening nor an illness. Sure, Tsukasa's arms hurt quite a whole lot, and he felt horrible, but that was nothing compared to what Saki had to go through. So it didn't matter. It shouldn't matter to him, either, but Ran hadn't kicked him off the bed, so he assumed that she wanted him to stay there. And he didn't want to make a bigger problem by annoying the nurses.

He was dragged out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening and closing once again, and now there were finally faces he recognized in the room.

Emu, who looked like she would've jumped him if Rui wasn't holding on to her. Rui, who looked the most worried he'd ever seen him (and wow, was it hard to beat how he looked after he hit his head during the practice for their halloween show. The memory of how he had killed Rui's creativity with his mistake left a bitter taste on his tongue). Nene, leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed. And his sister, gazing at him with no little amount of concern.

It was kind of funny, in a way.

"Tsukasa-kuuuu~un! You're awake!!" Emu cried loudly. "I'm so sorry Tsukasaaaa!! Please forgive meee-!!"

"Emu, he just woke up after an accident, please keep your voice down, for both our sakes..." Nene sighed.

"Oh, right, sorry, Nene-chan!!" Emu whisper-yelled instead, and Nene let out another noise of disappointment.

"What are you apologizing for...?" Tsukasa asked. He was doing a whole lot of that today, he realized.

"We realized something was off about you, but we didn't say anything, Tsukasa-kun. We're sorry for not offering to help." Rui answered, and Tsukasa tried to remember anything off about his performance the day before... kind of hard when you don't even know what you were doing at all. "If it's okay, could you tell us what happened? And if there's anything we can do about it?"

"What... happened? Your guess is as good as mine." He shrugged. "I don't really know why I'm here, to be honest..."

The other four looked shocked, and his brows furrowed in confusion. "What, did I say something weird?"

Nene regained her composure and hummed thoughtfully. "Well, considering it's you, not really."

"Is that an insult or a reassurance?"

"Well, she's right." Rui said, looking more serious than normal. "I suppose forgetting things like this isn't unusual for you. Do you remember our pianist show, Tsukasa-kun?"

"You mean Torpe, right? Of course! I stunned Seiryuin Sakurako with my performance as him."

"Yes, him. Do you recall how I told you to try and find similarities between you and him?"

Similarities... ah, right, the piano and the stars! He remembers that much. "Yeah, I do!"

"I'm not supposed to tell you this, but..." Rui had an expression he had never seen on him before. Somewhere between worry and sadness, but it was so... different that no words his mind provided felt accurate. "Mi- Uh, I mean, the cat-like girl told me something about you after that show."

Oh, right, Saki didn't know they had a SEKAI. She didn't really seem to be in on the conversation, but Rui corrected himself regardless.

"What sort of thing?" He could feel himself getting nervous, but he didn't even really know why.

"She said that she was glad you were remembering more about yourself. About your childhood," Rui mumbled. "And that the Wonderland wasn't just created from your current feelings, but more so those repressed in your memories. Is forgetting traumatic things your brain's coping mechanism, Tsukasa-kun?"

It shouldn't have affected him that much.

It wasn't even an accusatory sentence. It wasn't like Rui had said something like, 'yaa, Tsukasa-kun, could it be you're so scared of your past that you simply try to forget everything?' or anything along those lines. If so, he probably would've gotten a hard smack from both Nene and Saki.

Still, it all came back to him then.

"We're coming home late again. Be a good older brother and sit tight, okay?"

"A future star doesn't cry! I have to stay strong so Saki can smile!"

"I was really looking forward to playing with her... it's fine! I'm not upset, I'll keep getting better and better until Saki can finally play with me!"

Selfish, annoying, obnoxious, childish, stupid.

Through those memories, those memories he had worked so hard to push back and forget, he saw himself.

And all he saw was a broken, attention-seeking child.

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