Some Memories Live in Our Blood

Note: Hey, babes. I'm posting early because I feel guilty for last week and because I have a long day tomorrow. I refuse to miss another weekend!

Honestly, though, thank you so much for your patience and support. I've been dealing with a lot of exhaustion and weakness lately. It's been difficult to even move or get out of bed some days, which, of course, makes it hard to write. It means a lot that you care about my health <33 I hope you all are doing well!

Fair warning, I've been watching way too much Criminal Minds. So... yeah... enjoy the unexpected (even to me) surprise in the middle of this story.

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter contains sexual assault and flashbacks. 

Also, this was requested by @gkjnrtg. I think this is slightly off from what you were imagining, but it contains plenty of protective Dean. Like... scary protective. So, I hope you like it! You're a sweetheart, and I love reading your comments so much.

Anna is seventeen.


Some Memories Live in Our Blood

It was cold outside, but not so cold that it could worm its way under her skin. It was just cool enough that the air seemed to spread like fog along her arms and legs. She inhaled sharply again and again, each time letting the breath out in pants. Her fingers spread over her knees, pale with the chilly air.

"One more," Dean shouted at her from across the track. He seemed so far away, and she had to run back to him. Right now. "Come on!"

Anna turned her eyes fiercely upward and straightened her spine. Her legs were nearly numb with the effort of running nonstop for the last twenty minutes. But she didn't waste time thinking of that. Dean had taught her a lot of tricks for endurance. Her favorite one? Distraction. You focus on one thing, whatever that may be, and you don't let your mind wander from it. You chase away every other thought, because your life might depend on it.

It was hard to find that focus when you were hurt or exhausted. But it wasn't so hard keeping it. And it worked.

Anna jumped her first hurdle. Her eyes were on the track, but her mind was with the scent of the air. It was going to storm tonight, and she could feel it like a miniature crack of thunder inside her lungs.

Hurdle number two, and she felt the force of her feet against the ground. It was lightning in her veins, itching its way from her heels to her hips. She would correct that. She would stick the next landing better. The air smelled clean and thick. The rain would start sooner than the weatherman had predicted.

Hurdle number three. She was nimble this time as she landed and kept going. She smelled sweat and maybe rubber. But mostly she smelled Kansas. The native plant life spread along the edges of the track and the oncoming storm in the sky.

Hurdle number four. Just one more, and she could run freely to the end of the track. Through the cool air and its tide of natural aromas.

Hurdle number five. Her ankles buzzed when they hit the ground. She'd been too eager. The air whipped her ponytail back and forth and trapped itself in her ears as she ran.

She was so close now. Dean was just another few yards away. And then a few steps. And then she was standing still again, but the world was rocking back and forth. She pressed her palms against her knees and doubled over, feeling dry air strain against the walls of her lungs.

"That was good," Dean told her and crouched in front of her so she could see him while she caught her breath. "Here."

Anna was quick to accept the water bottle he held out. She didn't bother with words, just threw her head back and took a few sips. She had a sensitive stomach when she was exercising. Too much water always made her throw up.

She handed the bottle back to her brother. The world was beginning to slow down. She was beginning to get her breath back. The air in her lungs was her own again.

"Spar?" she asked and straightened her spine, watching Dean stand at the same time. Her legs ached, but she was eager to keep training. It had been a long time since Dean had taken her out for a full-blown training session. Most weekends he would take her down to the shooting range at the bunker or teach her some field medicine.

Dean snorted and patted her shoulder. "I think we'll do something a little calmer now," he replied.

Anna shrugged and reach back to tighten her ponytail. "Target practice?"

"I was thinkin' exorcisms."

"On a demon?"

"Nice try," Dean told her.

Anna shrugged. It was always worth a shot.

()()()

There was something about overalls and lip gloss that always made Anna feel more feminine.

She pulled her Converse on and pulled the laces tighter before tying them into a single knot. Fuck double knots. They only made the process of getting the shoes off that much harder.

"Seriously?" she muttered to herself as she realized there was a small patch by her ankle that she'd missed when shaving her legs earlier. She was too tired to actually go get her razor and fix it, though. So she shrugged instead and looked in the mirror.

Her hair was about as tame as she could ever get it. She'd dutch braided it over the course of an hour. It was so hard doing fancy braids on her own hair. But she needed to look good.

This was her first date since Ian. And, though she hadn't told Dean or Sam, the boy she was seeing was a college student. The fact he'd even deigned to ask her out had lifted her spirits after what had been a horrible breakup. If a college boy was interested in her, then maybe she wasn't such a lost cause after all.

Her stomach had been twisting tighter and tighter since the plans had been made last week. And as she stood before her own reflection, Anna felt as if there were a crow in her chest making a racket. Dates were intimidating without the added concerns she had. If things went well tonight, she would want to tell him before they planned a second date that she was ace. That way no hopes could be dashed a month from now.

Finally, Anna rubbed her hands self-consciously over her stomach and did a turn to make sure she looked alright from each side. "Okay," she breathed. "Okay." And she walked out of her room with her phone and wallet.

Dean being, well, Dean, he'd insisted that he would drive her there himself so he could meet her date. Anna was only slightly worried that he might realize Leo was twenty years old and was not, in fact, a member of her high school class.

But Leo didn't look all that old. When she'd seen him last he'd had a bit of stubble on his chin and cheeks, but nothing more than a high school boy could grow. And his voice was low, but he was easygoing and mild-mannered.

With any luck, Dean would be none the wiser.

And then, later on, if Anna and Leo became a thing... then she would tell her brothers the truth... and weather the inevitable storm that came with lying.

When they parked at the restaurant, Anna saw Leo sitting on a bench outside. He was on his phone, scrolling aimlessly.

She turned to look at her brother. "Be nice," she told him sternly. "And don't scare him."

"Come on, would I do that?" Dean asked her.

Anna just tilted her head and gave him a dry look. They both knew he would do that.

"I just wanna talk to him," Dean defended. "And you." He pointed a finger at her, raised his eyebrows, and tilted his head forward. He was about to get all serious. "No funny business. You don't know this guy. If he gets fresh, punch him in the throat-"

"Dean. Nothing's gonna happen. And if it does, I can handle it. I'm seventeen. Practically an adult."

"So you keep reminding me." Dean got out of the car. "Alright. Let's meet this kid."

Anna felt her stomach do a flip. She pressed her lips together and felt the gloss on them smear against itself. She looked good, she told herself even as every imperfection she possessed suddenly rushed to the forefront of her mind.

She took a deep breath and hurried so she would be ahead of Dean. It totally wasn't attractive to hide behind your brother like a kid.

"Hey," Leo said and stood up. He dropped his phone into the front pocket of his ripped black jeans. "You look great," he told her.

"Thanks," Anna murmured. "You too."

He did. His hair was lightly gelled to one side in the front, and he was wearing a loose button down over a Nirvana t-shirt.

Dean cleared his throat, and Anna shifted to the side so she could motion between Leo and her brother. "Leo, this is my brother. Dean."

"Nice to meet you," Leo said and shook Dean's hand firmly. "You're not, uh... chaperoning?" he asked with a charming half-smile. It was clearly meant to be a joke to put everyone at ease.

Dean didn't budge. "Why? You planning to do something you don't want me to see?"

Anna looked away, annoyed and embarrassed. "Back off," she said, the words grazing against the backs of her teeth.

Dean didn't say anything.

"No, sir," Leo said, his charming smile long gone. "I was just- It was a joke."

Dean nodded, still staring the boy down with narrowed eyes. "How old are you?" he demanded after a second.

Anna's heart skipped a beat. She hadn't told Leo that she was lying to her family. But he did know she was seventeen. If Dean found out she was lying, he would drag her back to the car and throw a fit.

"Eighteen," Leo lied easily.

It should have been relieving. But the way the lie glided so casually out of his mouth made Anna's stomach clench. It was almost like he'd done this before.

It's fine, she told herself. He only lied because he can see how overprotective Dean is. You wanted him to lie, remember?

"Uh-huh," Dean said dully. "Well, she's seventeen. And if anything happens to her, I will find you, and I will do my worst. Am I clear?"

"Dean, stop," Anna griped. "Leave him alone."

"Am I clear?" Dean repeated when Leo just looked at him with a new fear.

"Yes, sir. Crystal clear."

"Good." He turned to Anna and looked more relaxed. "Have fun," he told her.

Anna glared at him. Way to embarrass the crap out of her and act like nothing had happened. "Goodbye, Dean."

Dean looked almost amused. But he finally turned around and walked back to the car.

"I'm sorry about him," Anna said. "He's harmless, really. He just talks a big game, you know? You can ignore him."

"So you mean he wouldn't kill me if I made you cry?"

"I didn't say that," Anna told him and smiled shyly.

"Should we go in?" Leo asked her and pulled the door open for her.

"Thanks," she murmured and slid inside. The place was crowded, but they were led to a table in the back where things were quieter. "This is nice," she said and picked up her menu.

"Yeah, I love this place. Get whatever you want. It's on me."

"I brought enough to cover myself," Anna protested.

"No, really. Chivalry's not totally dead yet."

Anna's feet shifted under the table. She really didn't want to let him pay. But she didn't feel comfortable arguing with him about it. "Okay," she said softly. She would just order something small. She didn't want to look gluttonous anyway. And she certainly didn't want him to pay for something expensive.

"So," Leo said after they'd placed their orders. "Tell me about yourself."

Anna smiled slightly, a light blush entering her cheeks as she tried to quickly come up with a response. It was always interesting figuring out what to tell people about her life. "Okay, well... I'm seventeen. But, you know that," she chuckled, and Leo did too.

They shared a nervous energy, and it was reminding Anna of the first time she'd seen Ian.

"I have two older brothers."

"Two?" Leo asked. "The other one isn't as scary as the one I met, is he?"

"No," she said. "You met Dean. He can be kind of intense. Sam is a sweetheart. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

That wasn't entirely true. If somebody laid their hands on Anna, he would be just as likely to throw a punch as Dean. But Sam really was a kind and gentle soul, and Anna always wanted people to know that about him. Especially since his appearance sometimes caused people to misjudge or be intimidated by him.

"Okay, what else?" Leo asked. He ran his hand over the bottom of his face and the spattering of stubble there.

"Um, I like coffee. Monster. Anything with caffeine in it, really. And I like music."

"Music," Leo repeated with a charming smirk. "Sing something for me?"

Anna wrinkled her nose and smiled at his teasing. "No," she told him. "I can't sing. I just like listening to music. It's kind of therapeutic, you know?"

"Yeah. I hear you."

"So, what about you? What do you like?"

"Well, I'm a music fan too," he replied. He opened his shirt so she could get a look at the Nirvana logo.

"Nirvana," Anna said before he could tell her what it was. "What's your favorite song?"

"Lithium."

Anna grinned. "Me too," she said.

"That's crazy. Man, are we perfect, or what?"

Anna's grin faded into a softer smile. "Yeah, I guess so," she agreed.

They talked for a few more minutes before their food arrived. Anna dipped a fry into a puddle of ketchup and gazed happily into Leo's distracted eyes. She'd been so nervous before, but she was fast growing comfortable in his presence.

"You know, you're eating those wrong," he told her playfully.

Anna frowned. "What are you talking about? This is how everyone on the planet eats french fries."

"So misguided," Leo said. He picked up the bottle of ketchup and squeezed it in a zig zag pattern over the top of his fries.

"No," Anna said in mock horror. "I can't believe what I'm seeing."

"This is the best way to do it," Leo laughed.

"You're gonna get ketchup all over your fingers."

"Nuh-uh," Leo said and picked up one fry very carefully.

"No," Anna said. "Stop. This is blasphemy."

Leo laughed harder and put the fry in his mouth in slow motion.

Anna blocked her eyes with her hands in exaggerated horror. "I have to leave," she joked. "I can't watch this."

"The fun was just getting started," Leo sighed.

Anna grinned at him. She and Ian had never flirted like this. He was usually only interested in one thing. Her body. She liked Leo better already. She hoped he liked her too. Suddenly, she was self-conscious about her appearance.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she told him. "I just wanna fix my makeup."

"You look great," he told her. "Just hurry back."

"I will," Anna said and bit down on another smile. She was swooning, and she hoped it wasn't too obvious. She needed to get a freaking grip.

She was just pushing the bathroom door open when she felt a presence at her back. She started to turn, but a warm hand clamped over her mouth.

Anna's brain short-circuited. There were flashes of another time in her mind's eye. A young woman's spirit, a large man at her back, and her own small hands struggling to get free.

She jerked against the arm that held both of hers to her front. She tried to speak but couldn't.

Then there was the voice.

"Don't move." Leo. "We're gonna go into the bathroom and close the door. And you're gonna be nice and quiet."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Nod that you understand," Leo told her.

Anna moved her eyes down, trying to see a way out. Her eyes watered, and her vision blurred. But she could just make out the blade in Leo's hand. If she shoved his arm, the knife would probably cut her. She was fucked. She had to do what he wanted for now.

She nodded and convulsively swallowed. She knew she needed to keep her head. But she was scared. Terrified.

Leo wasn't different. He was just like Ian– he only wanted her for her body. And she was so stupid as to think he might have liked her for her.

"Good," Leo crooned and slowly moved his hand.

Anna purposefully slowed her breathing. In through her nose. Out through her mouth.

It was just like running the track. Focus on one spot, and you'll get through it. It'll be over before you know it.

She stared at her own reflection in the mirror on the wall as Leo closed the door behind them and locked it. Her makeup looked fine. She wished she'd walked out the front door.

"One wrong move, and I'll cut your throat."

Well, that sounded like an unpleasant way to go. Anna couldn't even watch movies where someone's throat got slit. The thought of a blade opening somebody's throat made her cringe and itch. And now it made her shake with fear.

God, was she really gonna die tonight?

All that time spent fighting depression and rediscovering her will to live, and now she was going to get her throat slit in an unkempt restaurant bathroom?

"Take your shirt off."

Anna's heart pounded faster as she stared at herself in the mirror. She was surprised to see how blank her own face was. "If you're gonna rape me," she said in a trembling but fierce voice. "I'm not gonna help you."

"Rape?" Leo repeated in a mockingly innocent tone. "I bought you dinner. This is an exchange of goods."

"I'm a person," Anna spat back.

How could she have missed this? There had to have been red flags.

God, she was such an idiot. And she was going to die for it. She was going to be raped and murdered for it.

Leo held the tip of the knife to her neck as he slid the straps of her overalls off one shoulder and then the other. "You're so beautiful," he breathed.

And for once Anna wanted that not to be true. For once the thought that maybe she just might not be ugly and gross... it didn't make her feel a rush of confidence or joy. It made her want to cry and kill herself. She didn't want him to touch her.

Leo's hand moved down her side. A flash of a memory hit her again.

But it wasn't the kind of memory that she found inside her head. It was the kind that lived inside her blood. It wasn't a scene or a string of words. It was a feeling and a sound. A deep, dark voice in her ear with indistinguishable words, and a terrifying foreign touch on her body.

It ramped her fear up further. She felt like a little girl again.

"Don't do this," she begged as his hand slipped under her shirt. They were both sweating with their adrenaline. His hand inched higher and touched the bottom of her bra. Anna squirmed.

But she couldn't get her body out of his reach. She couldn't get his fingers off of her. Too much movement, and her throat would gush blood.

"It always works, you know."

Anna panted, her feet twitching in her efforts to get away from the touch. "What are you talking about?"

Focus on one thing. It can only last so long. She looked at her own face in the mirror. Her fear was more evident know. Mascara smudged beneath her eyes giving her the appearance of a chronic insomniac.

"High school girls. You all want to be loved. You want to be touched."

"You're sick," Anna moaned when his fingers slipped under the strap of her bra. "Don't. Don't touch me. Please." She gasped when his finger grazed the outside of her breast.

Leo made a pleased sound and moved his fingers again. "Baby, you might as well relax. It'll be easier if you just let it happen."

Another flash of a memory. Another horrifying rush in her blood. "No. No. Please. I'm only twelve-"

"What?" Leo asked and pulled his hand from her body.

Anna swallowed hard. She didn't know where that had come from. "I mean- I mean I'm only seventeen. I'm a virgin."

"Virgins are the best," Leo told her.

He reached toward her hip, and Anna snapped.

She swung her arm up to grab the outside of the one holding the blade, and she shoved it toward Leo. A small cut appeared on his chin. Anna moved fast, punching the inside of his arm and effectively making him drop the knife.

"Fuck you," she said darkly and stepped on Leo's hand.

She fixed her overalls and pulled her phone from her pocket. Dean was in the parking lot. She would get him in here, and she would be safe. Her heart was racing as she tapped his name.

No sooner had the phone started to ring before Leo grabbed her ankle and yanked. She tripped on his leg and landed with her head right beside the knife.

"We're gonna finish what we started," Leo told her. He shoved his hand over her mouth and pressed one knee into her stomach.

Anna could barely breath between the two predicaments.

Fortunately, Leo pulled his hand back from her mouth. Unfortunately, he punched her across the face with it. She didn't even have time to turn her head back toward him before he hit her again. Her cheek throbbed.

"This is gonna be so much worse now," he told her. "I told you not to fight me."

Anna panted, feeling nauseous and still finding it difficult to breathe.

Focus on one thing. It can only last so long.

Her overall straps where at her elbows. Leo reached for her chest before something in his eyes changed. He looked crazed as his hands migrated up to her throat.

Anna's eyes widened, and she struggled as he wrapped his hands around her neck. "No! Help!"

"Shut up," Leo ground out and squeezed her neck.

Anna stared into his eyes in horror. The eyes she'd been falling for half an hour ago now held an untethered rage. It was terrifying. Not only because Leo was angry and dangerous, but because his eyes showed no semblance of control.

There was a banging sound at the door.

Leo's head turned toward it. But his hands didn't move from Anna's throat.

Anna choked, reaching for Leo's face. She hated the thought, but she was out of options.

And girls get angry too.

Decision made, Anna rammed her thumb into Leo's eye. It felt horrible for the second it was there. Soft and sensitive.

But it worked. Leo let out a loud yelp and reached both hands toward his face.

"Anna!" Dean yelled from outside the door.

The next bang hit right under the doorknob outside. The bathroom door swung hard into the wall with a crashing sound.

Leo grabbed blindly for Anna and caught her by the front of her shirt while she was still hacking. With surprising strength, he threw her toward the wall. Anna's face hit the mirror and her stomach hit the sink.

"You son of a bitch," Dean growled. His voice was nearly inhuman as he let out a feral sound and lunged for Leo.

Her stomach ached as Anna let herself drop to the floor. She breathed hard and fast.

"My fucking eye!" Leo hollered right before Dean's shoulder hit his stomach and drove him into the wall.

Then it was the sound of bones cracking and flesh meeting flesh. Dean had to be beating the shit out of the guy. Anna wiped blood from her forehead where the cracked mirror had cut her.

"Dean," she breathed. Her ears were still ringing.

She got shakily to her feet and could finally see what was happening. Dean was ramming his fist over and over into Leo's face.

Behind them all, the bathroom door was being held open by a few scared onlookers.

"Dean," Anna said again, a little louder this time.

There was so much blood on Dean's hand and on Leo's face. There were no words coming from either of them anymore, just grunts and whimpers.

"Dean, stop," Anna pleaded, reaching for his arm. His elbow narrowly missed her face as he drew back for another round. "Dean!" She grabbed his forearm with both hands and tugged.

Dean finally took notice of her, and he reached for her with both hands to pull her against his chest. "You okay?" he asked urgently and held her at arm's length so he could look at her. His thumb brushed blood from her cheek and then her forehead. "You alright?"

Anna nodded, still staring at Leo's prone form on the floor. "Is he- Is he alive?"

"Not your problem," Dean said. He turned fiercely toward the people at the door. "What the fuck are you lookin' at?" he demanded.

He stepped in front of Anna. And it took her a minute to understand why. But she caught sight of her fractured reflection and saw that her overalls were hanging around her waist, and her shirt was crooked.

She hurried to fix her clothes, cheeks burning with shame. She still couldn't believe what an idiot she'd been tonight.

"The police are on their way. And an ambulance."

"I don't want to talk to anyone," Anna murmured against Dean's back. "I wanna go home."

But she knew as well as he did that there wasn't really going to be a way out of it this time. Too many people had seen Dean beat up Leo. And Anna looked a real mess.

"FBI!" Someone yelled outside. "Everybody out. Let's go."

Anna pressed herself against Dean's arm, and he wrapped it protectively around her. FBI? This whole thing was crazy, and it just kept getting worse.

"The fuck is the FBI doing here," Dean murmured. He gently put his hand on the back of Anna's head. "You okay?" Anna nodded, looking fearfully into her brother's eyes. "You sure you're okay?" She nodded again. "Just tell the truth, okay? It's self defense. We'll be fine."

A tall, thin man appeared in the doorway with an FBI bulletproof vest on and a handgun held in his bony hands. "Are you Anna Campbell?"

"What... yeah," Anna said in surprise. "How did you-"

A black man in a similar vest burst through the door. "You okay, Reid?"

"Fine," the first man said calmly. He lowered his gun and holstered it. "I think we're a little late, though." He was staring at Leo's body with concern.

The black man hurried past Dean and Anna to kneel beside Leo and feel for a pulse. "He's alive," he said, and Anna felt her chest nearly burst with relief. When the man pulled a pair of handcuffs from his back and started to secure them around Leo's wrists, Anna looked to the other agent with concern.

"I'm Dr Spencer Reid," he said and reached a gentle hand toward Anna. "That's Agent Morgan. We're with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. We've been tracking down a serial rapist. We found out from his roommate that he was taking Anna to this location." He looked at Dean. "Are you a parent?"

"Brother," Dean replied.

"Okay, come with me. There are medics outside who will tend to you both. This is a crime scene now." He guided them both through the door and out of the restaurant. There were people all over the place, some of them talking to local police officers and some just watching.

Anna's heart was in her throat as they stepped into the cooling night air. The only comfort she had was Dean's hand on her shoulder.

"J.J., this is Anna and her brother."

"Dean," her brother introduced.

Anna felt dizzy as she looked at the blonde haired blue-eyed woman before her. J.J., the first man had said.

"Hi, Anna. I'm gonna ask you a few questions if that's alright." She looked at Dean. "Agent Prentiss is going to talk to you. As soon as you're done, you can come see your sister. She'll be right over here," she said and pointed at a nearby ambulance. "I'll stay with her the whole time. Okay?"

"I'm not leaving her," Dean argued.

"We're just doing our jobs, sir," J.J. told him in a calm, controlled voice. "It's protocol that we question everyone separately. You can see her in just a few minutes, alright?"

Dean seemed mollified. He looked at Anna. "You okay?" Anna nodded again. She was still reeling from this whole thing, having a hard time focusing. "I will be right back," Dean promised vehemently.

"Okay," Anna said softly.

Dean's hand on her shoulder was replaced by J.J.'s. "I know you must be feeling pretty overwhelmed. This will be over soon, and you'll be able to go home."

"Okay."

"Okay," J.J. repeated and gave Anna an encouraging smile. "Everything's gonna be alright," she promised. "Here we go," she said and guided Anna toward an ambulance.

"I d-don't like hospitals," Anna half-whispered. Why was she shivering? "My dad died in a hospital."

Woah. Oversharing much, Anna? That wasn't like her.

"You probably won't need to go to one," J.J. told her gently. "Just let the paramedics take a look at you. You've got a nasty cut on your forehead. Can you tell me how you got that?"

"Leo. He- He..." Anna took a deep breath to try to get herself under control. "He was gonna... He was gonna r-rape me."

The reality of what had almost happened– of what had happened– left Anna shivering and her teeth chattering.

"It's alright," J.J. told her. "He can't hurt you now. Listen to me, Anna. I need to know– did he sexually abuse you?"

"He- He touched me. A lot," Anna said and felt her eyes watering. "I'm cold."

"You're in shock," J.J. replied with a calming nod. "Here we go." She gestured for Anna to step up and sit on the ambulance bed.

"Hi. Anna?" the paramedic said. At her nod, he added, "I'm Caelan. I'm just gonna clean up these cuts and bruises, and you can be on your way. Does that sound alright?"

Anna was still feeling so overwhelmed and confused that all she could do was nod dizzily. A heavy blanket was wrapped around her shoulders.

"Can you rate your pain for me?"

Rate her pain? She'd spent so much time ignoring it. Focus on one thing. It can only last so long. She wasn't sure where the pain was or how bad it was anymore. She felt like she was watching herself in the third person. She knew there was pain. She could practically see it. But she couldn't place it. And she couldn't rate it.

"I don't- I don't know."

"Okay, that's okay," J.J. said in a soothing tone. She gently touched Anna's forearm. "Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?"

Anna wasn't used to being spoken to this way. But it was calming, as much as she hated to admit that. "We were- We were on a date. I was such an idiot. I thought- I thought he liked me." And here she was. Oversharing again. There was something wrong with her.

"She's in shock," the paramedic said over her head. He'd just told her his name. Why couldn't she remember it?

J.J. nodded. "You were not stupid, Anna," she said. "These guys are good at what they do. They know just what to say and how to behave to get girls alone. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening."

Anna sniffled and nodded along. She couldn't believe she was crying in front of two total strangers. But she couldn't control her emotions. She could barely even feel them.

"I went to the bathroom," she continued. "I... I was almost there. He grabbed me from behind. He had a knife." She looked to J.J. for confirmation that she should keep talking. "He said high school girls are his favorite. That we're... easy."

J.J. almost seemed angry at that. "I'm sorry," she said. "He's in custody. He will never do this to another girl again."

Anna just looked down at her shaky hands in her lap. "While he was talking, I got the knife out of his hand."

"That's really good," J.J. said, leaning down so their eyes met again.

"I got him on the floor and pulled out my phone. I-" She could feel her heart beating faster again, feel her breath getting faster, her words tumbling over each other. "I- I called my brother and he tackled me and he was- he was touching me again."

Oh god, she could still feel his fingers on her. Could still smell both their sweat.

"He- He hit me. And he choked me-" She could feel her throat seizing at the memory. "I didn't know what to do, so I- I went for his eye and it worked and he got off me. That's when Dean kicked the door in and he beat the crap out of him."

"Hey," J.J. said softly. "Thank you. You did great."

Anna nodded. She could feel her whole body shaking. She wanted Dean to come back. She felt so vulnerable and exposed. She needed her brother. Hell, couldn't they at least get Sam down here? Couldn't somebody sit with her.

"I'm just gonna feel for swelling," Caelan told her.

Anna barely had time to nod before his fingers were gently prodding at her neck. She started to breathe more quickly.

"He's not here," J.J. reminded her with a gentle touch to her arm. "You're safe now."

Anna swallowed as the hands at her neck disappeared.

"I'm just gonna clean these cuts, and you'll be all set," Caelan said.

Anna nodded again. Her voice was hiding all of a sudden. The back of her head was buzzing like it did sometimes during a panic attack. But she wasn't panicking. She just couldn't seem to focus on anything. And that was the way through the pain– focus on one thing.

"Anna, I'm right here," J.J. reminded her. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Anna said softly. "Okay," more clearly this time. "Thank you." The blanket around her was really beginning to warm her up. And as her bones thawed, her brain did too. Embarrassment began to itch at her. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," J.J. replied.

"I know, I- I mean, I just... I'm okay," Anna said and swallowed. "I'm okay now."

J.J. looked almost more concerned at that proclamation. "You don't need to be."

Anna bit her bottom lip. She was more in control now. She had to maintain the hold on her emotions. It was bad enough she'd been such a mess when they first came out of the restaurant.

A stinging sensation on her forehead made her flinch.

"Sorry," the paramedic said quickly and dabbed a few more times with the disinfectant. "Almost done."

"Hey."

Anna looked up eagerly at the sound of her brother's voice. "Sam." She slid off the ambulance deck, inadvertently forcing the paramedic to chase her a little bit so he could finish securing a bandage to her forehead. "What are you doing here?" Anna asked as she collided with her brother.

"They called me," Sam said and turned his face into her hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Anna replied as she pulled back.

Sam grabbed the edges of her blanket and pulled them closer around her. His fingers moved to her chin and tilted her face up. "Ladybug," he said with a broken heart. He needn't say anything more.

Anna could see it all right there in his dim eyes. "It's okay. I'm okay," she promised. She turned to look at the agent she'd been talking to. "Thank you, J.J.," she said.

"Of course," the blonde woman said with a smile. She nodded at Sam and then put her hand on Anna's shoulder as she passed.

"Is Dean okay?" Anna asked urgently.

"I haven't seen him," Sam said. "Is he hurt?"

"No, but he- he almost killed that guy."

Sam's face paled slightly. "Did they arrest him?"

"They just said they wanted to talk to him."

"Let's see if we can find him."

()()()

"You're lucky they didn't press charges."

"Sam, don't try to high road me right now. You didn't see what the son of a bitch did to her."

"I'm not saying he didn't deserve it, Dean," Sam snapped. "I'm saying you have to be careful. I mean, the- the friggin FBI was there. You're lucky they didn't recognize you and start digging into your background."

Anna closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She had her legs spread out in front of her, and they stole cold from the floor beneath them.

"Sam, I am telling you to back the hell up."

She'd come here for comfort. She'd thought if she could hear the voices of her family that maybe she wouldn't feel so isolated and vulnerable. But for all their good intentions, the boys were just another conflict right now.

It didn't help they weren't aware she could hear them.

There was a thick silence emanating from the next room now. Even without any words passing between them, it took a minute for the boys to part ways.

Anna was still sitting on the hallway floor when footsteps made their way toward her. She knew there wasn't enough time to get to her room without being seen, so she didn't bother trying.

"Hey," she said before Sam had the opportunity.

"Hey." He didn't sound surprised. He looked down at her quietly for a moment. Then he rested his hands against the wall behind him and eased himself to the floor.

Anna wasn't sure exactly what her brother was thinking. But she had some clue what he must be feeling. Helplessness, anger, and maybe a little grief. It was how she usually felt when somebody she loved was in pain and there was no way she could stop it.

He didn't ask if she was okay, and Anna was glad for that at least. But the quiet grew suffocating before long.

Sam cleared his throat after a while. "Do you want to talk about anything?" he offered quietly.

Anna closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. "There's nothing left to say," she replied. She'd already changed out of her overalls and washed her hair. It was done. It wasn't over, but it was done.

"Do you still feel okay?" Sam asked, then stuttered for a second. "Physically?"

Anna rolled her head to the side and gave her brother a thread-bare smile. "Tylenol's helping," she said.

She closed her eyes again, and masochistically, she remembered.

Her heart beat faster in her chest. The utter helplessness of standing still as a stranger's fingers grazed her skin, of being thrown to the floor and choked... It stole her breath and her brain. It made thinking impossible beyond the most primal incarnation of fear.

She'd been so sure she was going to die. So sure she was going to be raped.

And as it happened, she'd said something so strange.

"Sam," she said in a small, breathy voice. "Did I ever..." She paused. Did she even want to know? Could she even risk the question? Would Sam tell her? Would he even know? "Did something happen when- when I was twelve?"

Anna felt her brother glitch. She didn't open her eyes. She couldn't look at him. If he said what she thought he was going to, then his eyes were going to look charred and mournful. She couldn't see that.

"Something like what, Ladybug?"

Anna swallowed. Did she want to know? She could still back out. "Something like what happened tonight."

Would he tell her? Would he lie? Would he even know?

She heard herself continue speaking, felt her head lift and her eyes open, saw the bedroom door across from them with the number 14 on it. "When he was... you know- I said something weird. I said I was twelve. And I had these weird, like, flashes of memory. Like... like I was somewhere else for just a second. But the same thing was happening."

She ran out of air and took that as her queue to stop talking and breathe.

Sam was quiet for a minute. Whether he was giving her time to say something else or giving himself time to form a sentence, Anna didn't know.

"Yes, Anna. Something happened."

Anna nodded, her chin dimpling. She didn't know why the confirmation brought tears to her eyes. Tonight was still fresh, playing in living color in her head. Whatever had happened when she was twelve... it was nothing but lingering traces of sensation and a creeping, terrifying feeling. Yet it was the latter that she couldn't withstand.

"Do you... wanna know?" Sam offered carefully. He sounded so sorry that Anna knew he was looking at her.

She didn't open her eyes. She just shook her head in the smallest gesture and pressed her lips more tightly together. Two thin tears slid from beneath her eyelids and crawled in slow motion down her cheeks. She was still baby-faced with her freckles and her slightly chubby cheeks.

She preferred to believe most of the time that she was old. But tonight, Anna felt like a child– a twelve-year-old– and she wanted to be protected like one.

She leaned to the side until her head found Sam's shoulder.

Neither of them spoke.

Sam moved his arm around her shoulders and held her tight despite the awkward position.

Anna wasn't the type to live inside of what ifs. She was more likely to break her legs to get her feet back on the ground than to let her head stay buried in the clouds. She didn't long for her childhood like some young adults did. The fact was, she'd been living a hard life for as long as she could remember. There hadn't really been a period of time where all was good.

But there had been a period of time when she hadn't known this. Hadn't known that something had happened. And Anna wanted to go there. She wanted to erase Leo from her life, erase the unknown man who'd found her first and carved his name into the delicate shell of her veins. She wanted to be sixteen and depressed or fifteen and grieving or nine and scared. Hell, she wanted to go back to yesterday.

She wanted anything but this. This, she couldn't handle.

()()()

"Thanks," Anna said tiredly, "for meeting me here."

In front of her, the running track was so big it looked almost like a maze. The wind was gentle with the grass, the trees, and Anna's curly hair.

"Of course."

"I'm sorry. I mean, I know there's a lot going on."

"Anna," Cas said gently. "What's wrong?"

Anna chewed on her lip for a moment. "Sam told me that you... erased something for me once. Something I couldn't stand to remember."

Cas frowned. "I believe I know what you're referring to."

He had to be itching to know how she'd found that out. But Anna was glad he didn't ask. She was exhausted, her eyes burning and her brain soft. She couldn't do anything more than what she'd come to do. "Cas, something happened the other day. Something like what you erased."

She looked up in time to see his face smooth out in understanding. "I'm sorry," he offered.

"I didn't come here for that," Anna said.

"Then what did you come for?" Cas looked almost scared. Like he wasn't sure he would be able to give her what she needed.

But he was the only one who could. Not only because he had the power, but because she trusted him to enter her mind and pick a splinter out of her reality.

"Do it again," she requested, straightening her spine.

Castiel looked puzzled for a moment. But then he looked deliberately away from her. "Anna... I'm sorry. But I can't."

Anna's heart slid sickeningly up her esophagus into her throat. "What?"

"My grace... I'm not strong enough." He looked back at her, and his brow was pulled in and up, his eyes deeply troubled. "I'm sorry."

"No," Anna said and shook her head. She bit her lip. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Would you like me to go?"

Anna swallowed. "No," she said again.

The wind finger-combed her hair and noisily rustled Castiel's trenchcoat.

Focus on one thing, she told herself at the surge of fear in her gut. The pain can only last so long.

But the finish line wasn't in sight this time. And she didn't feel very certain that her coping skill could hold out for the rest of her life.

"Cas?"

They turned to face each other at the same moment.

"Have you ever felt like you just can't? Like you can't take it anymore?"

Castiel frowned, and his eyes shifted as he considered her question. "Yes, I have," he said after a minute. "Do you... feel that way?"

Anna held his gaze, looking for something she couldn't describe in his blue eyes. She found it. And it hurt. "Yeah," she said. "I do."

"Anna, when I met you, you were ten years old. In human years, ten years is young. In angel time... you were and still are less than one thousandth of my age."

Cas looked toward the other side of the track, and Anna looked down at her legs and his in the grass. She wondered if the angel had ever sat on the ground before. She knew she'd convinced him to try a lot of silly human things that he probably wouldn't have ever done without her.

"I used to believe that humanity was heaven's burden. We were your shepherds, which made you our sheep."

Anna's forehead pinched with the information. She remembered that Cas had been different when they'd first met. But she couldn't remember him saying anything like this before.

"When I was given an assignment on Earth, I slowly began to realize the significance of humanity. Dean and Sam taught me about things I would never have thought to care about."

"I don't get where this is going," Anna admitted.

Castiel frowned at the sky, and Anna felt his focus fill the wind. "Shortly after our first encounter, you called me your friend."

"I did?" It certainly sounded like something her younger self would have done, though. She'd been equal parts timid and trusting as a child. And her heart had been big.

"You did. It was your willingness to accept me as I was that taught me the most important part of humanity. Love."

Anna smiled sadly. It was that exact version of herself that she had found herself wanting to be over the last few days. "That's sweet, Cas."

"I know your childhood was simultaneous to several apocalypses. And somehow, you continue to accept me and to accept your family even when you are in pain. You're a strong human."

Anna couldn't help but chuckle at the awkward phrasing. "Thanks, Cas."

"You're welcome," Cas told her with a cautious smile. "Anna, if you continue to have faith in yourself and your family, there is nothing you can't do."

It was hard to accept. There was so much fear and sadness stored in pockets throughout her body. She was having nightmares again, waking up in puddles of sweat and sometimes tears. Her heart couldn't stay slow and steady for more than a few minutes at a time.

And usually, she would just tell herself to focus on one thing. Castiel's voice, or the grass, or the love she supposedly excelled at.

But something in Cas' words made her think that waiting out the pain wasn't the right way to heal.

He was telling her that she could handle the things she thought she couldn't.

He was telling her that she could let the pain in. That she could have the nightmares and cry herself to sleep and shake every time she passed a man she didn't know.

But he was telling her, too, that she didn't need to do it alone. That she could cry into the fabric of his trenchcoat or Sam's flannel, ask Dean to stay awake with her til' four in the morning, and walk with Kate down the street so she would never feel totally vulnerable or alone.

"I couldn't have done it the first time," Anna said. She let the wind carry the thought away and give it casually to the greenery at their backs.

Castiel didn't answer. He just stared across the track, his blue tie flapping against his shoulder.

The air was cool, and Anna laid her hands out across her knees, palms up.

She had one more crisis in her. She had to.

La Fin

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