Nobody Exists on Purpose

Note: Hey loves <3


I know, I know, three days in a row, this is nuts! But I genuinely feel so bad about leaving you all hanging for so long, and I've been kind of on a roll writing lately. Plus, today is Saturday!


Title is something Morty says in one of the Interdimensional Cable episodes of Rick and Morty. Highly recommend that show for all my cynical ladies, gents, and nb ninjas.


Several people, a while ago, requested to see more of Anna and Jack's relationship. And I've recently been rewatching season thirteen, so baby Jack has been on my mind.


Anna is nineteen.




Nobody Exists on Purpose


Anna pulled the coffee pot out of its holder and gratefully breathed in the steam as she poured herself a fresh cup. "Hey, Jack," she said as she put the pot back. She turned to look at the nephilim sitting at the kitchen table.


"Yes?"


"Have you tried coffee yet?" she asked. Her fingers brushed the wood of the cabinet above her, and she pulled out a blue coffee mug with some random company logo on it. "It's the nectar of life, so if the answer isn't yes, I might cry."


Jack appeared some combination of puzzled and concerned. He hesitated as he spoke, "I... I don't want you to be sad."


Anna chuckled and shook her head. "I was kidding, man. You take things really literal."


"Oh. I'm sorry."


"Don't apologize," she waved him off. "It's charming. Cas does-" she coughed once into her fist, her chest suddenly tight. "-did. Cas... Cas did the same thing."


It was still a strange thought, hard to even wrap her mind around, that she would never see Cas again. Some days she felt a strong temptation to go dig a hole in a crossroads somewhere, make somebody promise to give her back her angel friend. But she'd seen the fallout of too many deals to make one herself. So instead, every time the thought crossed her mind, she closed her eyes, kissed her fingertips, and raised those fingers above her head.


She could love Cas and let him go, and that was what she was trying to do. But fuck did it hurt.


Jack had gone silent, and Anna knew he was in pain too. It was different from hers, there was no getting around that. Hell, she wasn't sure she had any chance of understanding even a portion of Jack's experience. But she did feel for him. So she swallowed her own pain and returned to what she'd been trying to say before.


"I think you should try coffee. I mean, I know you don't sleep much, but you must get sorta tired sometimes, right? And caffeine... man, it is the only good thing God ever did for us." She cringed a little at her own choice of words and looked up at the ceiling. "Chuck, if you were listening just then, I'm also very grateful for Rick and Morty, punk music, and puppies."


"Who are Rick and Morty?"


Anna made wide eyes and a little smile at Jack. He had so much to learn, and she was incredibly excited to introduce him to the wonderful world of Rick and Morty. "My favorite fucked up people," she replied. "I'll show you some time, but for now..." She finished filling the blue mug and slid the coffee pot back into its place. "Coffee."


She set the cup in front of Jack and sat down across from him. She wrapped her fingers around the outside of the mug, letting the heat seep through the pads of her fingers. It was the little things that could be relied on to save you. That much she'd learned when she was seventeen, looking for reasons to live, wishing but doubting that she would someday learn to smile again.


So Anna lifted her mug to her face, breathed its scent deep, and gave a faint smile. She looked up at Jack, cradling her cup to her mouth but not taking a sip.


"Try it," she encouraged. "But be careful. It's hot- Well..." she set her cup down on the table and shrugged. "I guess you can heal pretty easily, but it would still kinda harsh the vibe if you got burnt on your first sip of coffee."


Jack mimicked the way she'd held her coffee cup and brought it up to his nose. He took a deep breath and smiled. "It smells... strong."


"Smells like true love," Anna grinned. "Try it."


She watched him bring the cup to his lips and take a slow, small sip. He reared back the way she remembered doing when she tried alcohol for the first time. "It... It's very strong."


"Yeah," she snorted. There was no denying that she made her coffee stronger than most. "That's the beauty of it. It wakes you up."


"It's bitter."


"Also true," she admitted. "Do you like stuff sweeter?"


"I don't know," Jack told her. He took another sip, and his reaction was slightly more contained this time, but it was still pretty clear he wasn't actually enjoying it.


"Dude, you don't have to drink it like that if you don't like it. A lot of people put cream and sugar in their coffee. You might like it like that if you tried it." She got up and walked quickly across the room to pull out a carton of half-and-half. Then she grabbed the little container of sugar from the counter. "Here," she said, setting both down in front of Jack. "You seem like a light and sweet kinda guy."


Jack seemed startled by her easy interaction with him, and it wasn't the first time he'd looked like that in the last couple weeks since his birth, but Anna still wished he'd stop acting like it was so strange for her to be kind to him. Then again, Dean had been such a jerk to him that maybe it shouldn't have been surprising.


She watched Jack fumble a little bit as he poured cream into his coffee, making it so light she almost stepped in to stop him adding any more. She scooped the sugar in herself, surprised when he actually grabbed her hand to make her add another two spoonfuls of sugar.


She was about to tease him for his sweet tooth when she heard the squeak of work boots against the floor.


"Get your hands off her."


Jack's fingers unfurled from around her wrist, and he jerked back like her skin had burned him. Both kids turned their heads to look at Dean. Anna glanced back over at Jack, saw how small he now looked, and she wanted to tell Dean to lay off. But escalating things might make Jack feel worse.


"Anna," Dean said sharply.


She knew what he wanted. He wanted her to get up and away from the kid he was convinced was an abomination. But Anna wasn't a little girl anymore, and she wasn't going to let Dean boss her around.


She didn't feel sure about much when it came to the world of the supernatural– she felt pretty content most of the time to take orders and consider herself a rookie or a student. But just this once, she felt sure of something. She knew Jack wasn't the evil demon boy that Dean believed he was. She knew he was just a kid, a lot like her, lacking in experience and confidence.


"I'm fine, Dean. He didn't do anything wrong."


"We talked about this," Dean said, stepping closer and towering over both her and Jack.


She had seen Dean angry before, seen him take control, seen him get harsh. But he didn't usually take his anger out on her, didn't usually act so controlling. It scared her, if Anna was being honest with herself. But not because she feared for her safety– Dean wouldn't hurt her, and she was as sure of that as ever– but because she was afraid for her brother and afraid for Jack.


Dean didn't get like this unless he was in pain. Unless he was really really sad. But when he did get like this, he was a force to be reckoned with. And stubborn. He believed Jack was dangerous to his family.


Anna knew she needed to tread lightly not to make things any worse, but she was sad too. She was angry too.


"Uh, no, we didn't. You lectured me, and you yelled at Jack. There's no reason I can't sit and drink a cup of coffee with him. He's just a kid."


"The devil's kid," Dean reminded her loudly. He was doing that thing again, talking about Jack like he wasn't in the room. Talking mercilessly, talking like there was no soul inside the kid at the table. "And you're my kid. So excuse me if I'm a little wary of letting Lucifer's flesh and blood spend time alone with you."


"I'm not a kid," Anna argued, a familiar anger building up in her. "And I don't need you to protect me."


Dean's eyes were alight with anger now, and this time Anna knew that it was for her. "The naivety was cute when you were twelve, Anna," he said darkly. "But it's not anymore."


"Stop it," Jack demanded. "Stop fighting. Anna, your brother is right." He looked down at his hands, folded on the table. "I'm not human. I'm dangerous."


"Jack-" Before she could finish speaking, Jack stood up and walked dejectedly out of the room. He looked so small, so young, and suddenly Anna was feeling protective herself. "I hope you're happy," she said boldly, looking Dean dead in the eyes. "Cause no one else is."


She picked up both the cups of coffee from the table and dumped them in the sink before setting the empty mugs down on the counter.


She wasn't in the mood for coffee anymore. Now she just wanted a beer.


()()()


Anna knocked twice before shoving Sam's bedroom door open. She didn't wait for him to acknowledge her– didn't even wait until she'd finished closing the door behind her– before she started talking. "We have to do something about this."


Sam flinched at the sudden intrusion and looked up from his laptop. He was sitting against the headboard of his bed, a lore book open beside him, his fingers hovering over his keyboard. It was such a familiar sight that it sent Anna back years in time to when she was small enough to fit in Dean's lap and color with crayons.


Things had been hard back then, but looking back now... Anna couldn't help but think of her seven year old self as the happiest version of her, and most definitely the luckiest. The job had never been easy, but there was a time it had been relatively simple.


"Do something about what?" Sam asked, closing his laptop and setting it aside.


Anna was grateful to have one brother who was still willing to set things aside and hear her out. "About Dean," she said tersely. "He's driving me crazy. He's killing Jack. I know he's upset, Sam. But so am I. So are you. So is Jack. And I know he thinks he's helping, keeping what he has left safe. But he's making it worse, Sam. He's scaring the shit out of Jack. And to be honest, he's kinda starting to scare me too."


Sam was quiet, and Anna finally took a second to breathe and look at his face. She'd gotten used to Sam being strong and safe over the years. Even as she'd gotten older and started trying to play in the same court as him, he'd always been a source of comfort and security for her. When everything seemed messed up, when she was angry at Dean or thought he was being unfair, when she felt lost and needed a few answers to satiate her curious brain... Sam had been reliable, calm, patient, wise.


Now that she was working by his side, anna often forgot that what was new territory for her could also be new territory for him. And this thing with Jack, the loss of Mary, the loss of Cas, the headspace that was making Dean act so... wrong– all of this was as new to Sam as it was to her.


"You know what, honestly?" Sam said softly.


"What?" Anna asked and sat down on the edge of his bed. She glanced down at the open lore book, saw a depiction of an archangel and looked back up at her brother.


"I'm not pleased with the way Dean's been acting either. But you gotta remember that most of the time when Dean gets angry, it's because he's freaking out."


"I know, but-"


"Hang on," Sam said patiently, placing a hand against Anna's arm. "I'm not done. Dean's gonna get through this, and he's gonna feel like a total ass for the way he's been acting. But for him to come out the other side, we have to be patient with him."


"And what about us?" Anna challenged, her eyes starting to water. The sudden rush of feelings in her chest was surprising to her, but it didn't seem to faze her brother. "What about you? I'm hangin' on by a thread here, Sam. All I can think about every second of every day is the way Cas looked when-" She broke off, and she could see in the lines of Sam's face that he was struggling as much as she was in the aftermath of her confession. "And Mary... your mom... He's not being fair. He's not... he's not looking anyone in the eye, he doesn't get we're grieving too."


"Anna..." Sam let out a slow, raggedy breath. Anna could hear the tears he was being careful to hold in. "I know, okay? I know it isn't fair to you."


"Or you."


Sam seemed to have a harder time actually saying that, but he nodded, blinking a few times in his discomfort. "Or me," he said. "But you gotta remember we're all on the same team here. The goal isn't to make Dean feel like a dick. It's to get through to him. Remind him that he's not as alone as he feels. Remind him that we need him. Not this... tough exterior, but the real him. The one that sang you to sleep when you were a kid."


"Sam, he's so stubborn," Anna insisted. "He's not interested in talking about anything but how much everything sucks and how hopeless it all is. How do you get through to someone who can't hear anything you're saying?"


"Slowly," Sam said, and he didn't look any happier with his answer than she was. "And we don't forget about ourselves in the process. We don't forget about Jack in the process. I know you're used to Dean being in control, Anna, but the fact is... he's as lost as we are right now. And he needs our help as much as we need his."


"So, what you're saying is, I can't expect him to just get his shit together."


Sam snorted, but his eyes were wet. "Yeah. And I'm sorry."


Anna looked up at her brother, her own eyes glimmering. "Don't be," she said. She knew what he was apologizing for, and it wasn't his place. It wasn't his fault. In fact, it was hurting him as much as her. "This is your fucked up world right now too."


Sam gave her a sliver of a smile, and it hurt to look at his face. She had to tear her eyes away.


"Don't say fuck," he told her.


They smiled at each other, both broken-hearted, both terrified. Both hanging on for dear life.


()()()


"Hey," Anna said softly, leaning against the doorframe between the library and the war room. "I brought a peace offering." She stepped cautiously into the room, her sneakers squeaking against the cold bunker floor as she moved.


The room was dimly lit by the lamps on the tables, the main lights shut off for the night. It might have felt home-y if not for their unwelcoming position in the timeline of their lives.


Anna had spent the last five years of her life, considering this place a haven. It was still their home base, but these days it felt like she something she needed to work for, something she needed to protect. It hadn't been that when she was a kid.


She still had days where she wondered what she was playing at, trying to live the life her brothers did. What would things be like if she'd taken the out when she turned eighteen? If she'd gone to college, gotten a normal job?


She set the plastic bag on the table and waited for Dean to look inside. He did, and when he saw what was there, his eyes flicked up to meet hers with the tiniest flicker of some kind of joy or amusement. It was small, and it didn't last. But it was an encouraging sight.


"Funny, I was thinkin' I owed you an apology right about now."


Anna looked away, hiding the fear that appeared in her stomach without discernible cause. It wasn't Dean she feared. It was this conversation. She didn't know what to say, and she didn't want to mess anything up. Everybody was so hurt right now, and she just wanted to expedite the healing process. Throwing a wrench in it seemed more like something she would do, though.


"Hey."


That soft tone of voice encouraged her to look at Dean's face again. She was surprised at how gentle he suddenly appeared. She hadn't seen this side of him in weeks, hadn't seen it since before the night... well, the night everything went down. It was enough to loosen the knot in her stomach.


"I was a jerk earlier. I know that. But I gotta tell you, kiddo, I am not screwing around about that nephilim."


Anna sighed and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew patience was important here, but it wasn't her strength. And she didn't want to play by Dean's rules if those rules meant alienating Jack more than he already was. "I know," she said simply. It wasn't a promise to do what he wanted, but it was an acknowledgement of his perspective. She hoped it would be enough.


"And?" No such luck.


"And I'll be careful. But Jack's not a monster, Dean, I don't buy it. And I don't need you to yell at him every time he touches me."


Dean clenched his jaw, and he looked a lot more like the Dean of the last couple weeks now. It tightened the knot in her stomach to see all that anger returning. "I don't want you making friends with him."


We don't always get what we want, Anna nearly said. But she closed her mouth with the words halfway to freedom. Instead, she thought about her conversation with Sam and tried to come up with a compromise, a way to give Dean a little peace of mind without giving in completely. "I'm not... I'm not asking for you to trust him, alright? I get it, you hate his guts and you think he's gonna go evil-"


"No, he is evil. It's in his blood."


Anna took a careful breath, struggling to keep a handle on her temper. It had been known to get her into trouble when it was unleashed, but it was also known not to come out without some serious provocation. "Well, I don't think so. And I'm not trying to change your mind, but you aren't changing mine either."


Dean looked unhappy but not so angry as before. He tilted his head back in understanding, and it was more than Anna had expected to get. So she figured it best to quit while she was ahead. She stood to go and was halfway to the door before Dean's voice stopped her.


"Anna." She turned back. "I can't change your mind, but I don't have to like it."


She watched him push his chair back from the table and shrunk a little as he walked closer to her. He was talking like the oldest brother again, and it was refreshing, but it made her feel small. It made her feel like maybe she did need his protection, like maybe she was a little girl, like maybe he was right. She looked down at the floor as he stepped right up in front of her.


"And you better be careful." She was surprised when he gently took her chin in his hand and tilted her head up so she was looking at him. "Cause if anything happens to you, all bets are off. I'll be the one to take his head off, and I won't waste time asking questions."


Anna swallowed, but her worry melted away. She'd known some of this was coming from Dean's overprotective nature. But now she felt a little safer, a little more loved. She looked over her brother's shoulder, saw the plastic grocery bag reflecting lamplight back at her. It looked a little homier now.


She didn't agree with Dean. She wasn't happy with him. But she recognized him, and that was a start.


"Eat your pie, Dean."


()()()


"Alright," Anna said. "Try it like that."


She delicately set the blue mug down on the table and watched Jack pick it up. He smelled it first, just as he had the the day before when the coffee was black and strong. "It smells... nice."


Anna smiled gently at him. "Well, that's promising, right?" She nodded at the cup, and he took the hint, easing the cup against his lips. "What do you think?"


Jack frowned in thought as he set the cup back down, still holding it the way Anna always did. He hummed. "I like it," he said after a moment. "It's... pleasant."


La Fin

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