Kiss, Don't Tell

Note: Thanks for reading, voting, and commenting, Beautifuls ❤️You guys are the best!


This chapter was requested by the incredibly patient whoreforwanda (that's a next-level username btw), who asked for this like two months ago. I'm so sorry it took this long. I really appreciate that you waited so long, and you literally didn't even nag me once. I'm not gonna write out the request here, because I don't want to give away the purpose of the chapter, but seriously, you're awesome, and I appreciate you.


Also, fun fact: This is the only chapter I've ever written where neither Sam nor Dean is present in even one scene. I didn't even realize until I was almost done writing it. It's kinda whack.


Anna is seventeen.



Kiss, Don't Tell


Anna placed a binder in her locker and pulled out Nausea by Sartre to drop it into her backpack. She'd boldly assumed that getting her license would mean getting to drive herself to school every day, but Anna was far from right in that assumption. Dean still didn't want her driving Baby all the time, especially because the boys were so often leaving for hunts and going to and fro from the bunker into town and vice versa.


Her suggestion of getting her own car had been met with familiar promises of after graduation, maybe. But after graduation, she wouldn't have the same need of having her own car, because she would be going on every hunt with them... though Anna couldn't help but wonder increasingly frequently these days whether that assumption was just as bold and incorrect as the notion that she would be driving herself to school every day by now.


She slammed her locker shut and turned around, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. The hallway was full of kids moving back and forth toward class, but this was her free block. She stepped into the crowd of people and headed for the library. She and Ethan usually hung out there during this block, but he was out sick today, so she would just spend the time reading by herself.


She prepared to settle into her usual spot in the back corner, but curled up in one of two moon chairs she and Ethan usually occupied was a face she hadn't expected to see. Mila Numan.


It had been a long time since she'd even actually spoken to Mila, but they were far from friends last Anna had checked, and she suddenly wanted to run in the other direction. There was no inconspicuous way to turn around, though, and she didn't want to be an asshole, so she just sat down in the other chair and pulled out her book. She was surprised when Mila looked up at her with a soft smile and said, "Hi."


"Hi," Anna replied, equal parts confused and bored.


"Long time no see."


Oh, so they were doing a conversation. "Yeah. Been since sophomore year or something."


"That sounds right."


Anna hummed an agreement and went back to opening her book. Mila's voice stopped her. "How are you?"


She didn't want to be rude, but this was the last conversation she wanted to have-- exchanging pleasantries with Mila of all people. "I'm fine," she said. "Are we really sitting here talking about nothing?"


Mila looked down, and Anna suddenly got the feeling that they hadn't met here by mistake. "It's a lot easier than talking about what I came here to talk about," Mila said quietly. It was a new look for her, this bashfulness, and it was either refreshing or annoying. Anna couldn't decide which.


"Didn't realize you wanted to talk to me at all," she said.


Mila shrugged. "I was thinking it's been a while, and we should get through some stuff."


Anna's eyebrows nearly met her hairline. "What?"


"I know I was kind of a bitch freshman year. I mean, who wasn't awful freshman year? And then by sophomore year, I'd already decided I hated you. And then last year, I realized something else that kinda freaked me out. And this year, I'm being better. To other people and myself."


"That's... that's good," Anna said with a solemn nod. "I'm glad you're... re-inventing yourself."


"Yeah," Mila said a little awkwardly. She nodded again. "Do you wanna know?"


Anna looked up at Mila in confusion. "Huh?"


"Do you wanna know what I realized last year?"


"Oh. I mean, sure." She looked at Mila, and saw something in her eyes that made her wary. Mila didn't look upset, but she didn't look happy. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes kept flicking from Anna's face down to the floor. "What is it?" Anna asked again cautiously. She swallowed. This couldn't have been any more uncomfortable if there'd been a frickin' audience.


Mila looked shyly up at her again and then suddenly leaned in. Anna's eyes widened as there were suddenly lips against hers. She blinked, realized she should probably do something, and turned her head away, effectively cutting off the kiss.. She was too stunned to say anything, so she just stared at Mila with her mouth slightly open. Blue eyes filled with worry, though, and then there was obvious devastation that crashed through them. Guilt filled Anna's stomach as shame filled Mila's face, tingeing it pink.


"Uh-" Anna didn't get a word out before Mila fled, nearly tripping on the leg of her chair because she was trying to get out so fast.


()()()


"Don't sugarcoat it, Kate! I could not have done a worse job dealing with that."


Kate laughed out loud, pulling her second backpack strap over her shoulder as she scurried to keep up with Anna on the sidewalk outside of school.


"Oh my god. Oh my god. Fuck. There she is. She's right there. Hide me. No, wait, that's mean. I should smile at her. I can't smile. I'm too awkward. Why the hell does she even like me. Shit, Kate. What do I do?" She watched surreptitiously as the girl across the parking lot from them got into her car. Crisis averted, but only in part. After all, the end of the school day didn't erase this afternoon's events.


"Just be nice to her. Pretend it didn't happen."


"I can't pretend it didn't happen," Anna hissed. "I had Mila Numan's lips on my lips. Who does that?"


"Now you're being mean."


Anna grabbed her own head with both hands, looking beyond distraught. "Oh my god, you're right. I didn't mean it like that, I swear. I meant who pretends it didn't happen. I don't know what I meant. I'm so confused. She hates me."


"Uh, obviously she doesn't hate you."


"No, but she does!" Anna argued, gesturing wildly with her hands. "She's hated me literally forever. Forever."


"Three years."


"Exactly! Forever!"


"Maybe for a while she hasn't really hated you. Maybe for a while it's actually been-"


"A crush?" Anna asked in horror. "I'm being mean again."


"Yeah, you need to stop acting like she's the scum of the earth."


"She's not the scum of the earth," Anna said and shook her head at herself. "She's just... I don't get it. I really don't. She's never been nice to me. I've never been particularly nice to her. We don't like each other. That's our thing. She's my Cheryl Blossom."


"You don't have a Cheryl Blossom. No real human being can be accurately compared to a Riverdale character."


"That's true," Anna admitted. She groaned and threw her head back so far she bent backwards. It was dramatic and unnecessary, but it was the only way to express the amount of ugh she was feeling. "What if we fall in love," she suddenly blurted, scurrying a little to catch up to Kate who hadn't slowed down for her drama. "What if I fall in love with Mila?"


"Okay, that would be hilarious," Kate said through a smile. "But you won't. Your zodiacs don't match up. At all."


"What are you talking about?"


"Libra," Kate said, pointing at Anna.


"Yeah, I know my frickin' zodiac sign, Katie. I meant what's Mila's, and how do you know, and did you actually check our compatibility? Did you somehow see this coming?"


"No. I just know a lot of zodiac stuff. And Mila and I used to be friends."


"Oh, I forgot about that. What's her sign?"


"She's a Cancer."


"Really?" Anna's jaw dropped. "Wait. Our zodiacs don't match well. That's why we hate each other."


"I would say it's more personal, but that is kinda cool."


"Wait, do Taurus and Cancer match as friends?"


"Yeah, they're supposed to be kinda perfect together," Kate said. "But I don't really get that. Mila and I were never that close."


"Well, clearly they got something wrong, because a Cancer just kissed my Libra ass."


"Can we shove zodiacs aside for a sec and worry about how you're actually gonna deal with this?"


Anna scrunched her face up in misery. "I don't want to actually deal with it. I don't know how." Fortunately they were almost at the Impala anyway. "It's Friday anyway," she said. "We can use the weekend to game plan.


"You're so lucky I was already planning to spend the night tonight."


"I really am."


()()()


At midnight, Anna was still panicked. She dug a spoon into a pint of Ben & Jerry's cherry garcia ice cream and looked up at Kate, who was tucking a strand of hair  that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. "I don't want to talk to her."


"I think it's the only way."


"I don't want to."


"Anna."


"I know, but I don't want to. I know it's for the best. I get that. Honestly. A hundred percent. But I can't do it, Katie. I didn't ask for this. I never gave the slightest indication that I was down to make out with her."


"Which is on her," Kate agreed. "She shouldn't have just... smooshed her mouth on you." Anna snorted at that description. "But it's not gonna get better."


"We didn't see each other for a whole year," Anna said hopefully around a mouthful of ice cream. "Maybe we can just do that again."


"Yeah, because the universe always works in your favor at times like this." No sooner had she finished speaking than her phone buzzed. Kate looked down and shoved her own pint of ice cream away. "It's Ethan," she said.


"Ugh," Anna grumbled. "He started this mess." At the strange look Kate gave her, she dug her spoon forcefully back into her pint of ice cream. "Not really," she mumbled. "But if he wasn't sick, she wouldn't have been able to sit down in that stupid chair in the stupid library and talk to me." She looked back up at Kate. "You gonna answer him?"


"Nah," Kate said with a one-shoulder shrug. "I don't like texting when we're hanging out. Besides, it's midnight, and he's sick. He should be sleeping."


"Since when is Ethan concerned about what he should do?"


Kate bobbed her eyebrows at the truth of that. "I'll help you talk through what you're gonna say to her," she offered, pulling her ice cream closer again. "And then we can go to sleep. 'Cause seriously, I slept two hours last night, and I'm feelin' it."


"We can do it in the morning," Anna said, gazing miserably down at her ice cream.


"No, we have to do it now. If we wait 'til morning, you'll find a way around it."


"I would not."


"Tell me how you feel about it," Kate said, not entertaining that anymore. "What you want to get out."


"I don't know," Anna mumbled. She took another bite of ice cream, and by the time she swallowed it, she had somewhere to start. She narrated with her spoon as she started speaking. "It's not even that I'm mad. I'm just confused. It came right out of left field. I get it, she's different now or whatever, but whatever's changed about her, she's still the person who made fun of me when Sam took me to the father-daughter dance. She's still the one who said all that shit to me the day after Mother's Day. She could be Mother Teresa now, and none of that would be different. Not for me."


"She has done some really mean crap," Kate admitted. She scooped up a bite of her ice cream and gestured to Anna with it. "I think you should tell her that. Not to make her feel guilty or anything, but just so she knows how you feel. She can't deny that she did all that, and if she can't understand how you feel then she obviously hasn't changed as much as she said she has."


"She acknowledged that she used to be an ass."


"But like you said, it doesn't change anything."


"Yeah. I don't know. I still feel bad. She looked so embarrassed when she left, and I meant to say something to fix it. I really did, but I just... I clammed up. I literally couldn't even speak. I had no words."


Kate's mouth twisted thoughtfully off to the side.


"I don't want her to feel guilty for trying. I just wished she'd fucking said 'I kinda like you,' instead of doing the kissy thing. It caught me off-guard. It was really unfair. I had no chance to think."


"I know."


"And it's not like I wanted to be an ass about the fact that she liked me. I just didn't have time to say anything."


"I know."


Anna groaned and shoved another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. "I know what it's like to take a risk with someone you really like and just get shit on."


Kate's expression changed. "Don't make this about Ian, Anna. What he did to you was completely different. You didn't tell her there was something wrong with her."


"I can't help it," Anna breathed shallowly, looking down at the table. Thinking about Ian could still bring her near tears almost instantly. It hadn't been long enough for that not to be the case. "I just keep thinking about that look on her face. She was so embarrassed. I really hope I didn't make her cry."


"You didn't make her cry. You have no obligation to feel anything for her."


"And Ian had no obligation to be okay with me-"


"Ian is an asshole," Kate said sharply. "You're not."


"Kate-"


"We're not talking about Ian."


"Maybe we are." Anna could see Kate bite her tongue inside her mouth. She knew her friend hated this conversation. Yet they perpetually returned to it. Anna had been angry at Ian at first too. But the more distance she got, the more she remembered why she liked him, and the more she wondered if maybe she'd been unfair to him too. But Kate, loyal as she was, just couldn't see that side of things. She hated Ian. And Anna was beginning to think she always would.


"I don't want to," Kate said, echoing Anna's earlier sentiment. "And we both know how we feel."


Anna had to acknowledge that, so she nodded.


"You just have to stop trying to make everyone happy all the time."


Anna shrugged one shoulder. She knew, to an extent, that Kate was right. She didn't ever want to make anyone upset, and it often bit her in the ass. But she couldn't help it. And anyway, Kate made it out to be worse than it was. She didn't do it all the time.


"I think you should tell Mila how you feel about everything that's happened between you guys. Tell her you can't forget all the crap she's done to you. But, like, no hard feelings?"


"You want me to let her down easy?"


"Isn't that your end goal?"


Anna shrugged and dropped her spoon into her half-empty ice cream carton. "I don't know. Well, yeah. I mean, what else am I supposed to do. I don't want to date her or anything. I just... I don't know. I really wish this was something I could ignore. Hundred percent."


"How often do you get to ignore anything a hundred percent?"


"Never," Anna grumbled. "Ever." Her shoulders slumped. "Ever ever ever ever ever."


"Ever," Kate tacked on. "Honestly, Mila will probably just be glad to know you don't hate her and aren't too disgusted to look at her."


"Which is exactly what she would think if I ignored her."


"Probably."


"You can do it," Kate said and shook Anna's wrist, both their charm bracelets jingling with the movement. Anna shook her head, feeling vaguely nauseous. "You're good at talking to people."


Anna looked doubtful. She felt doubtful. Kate was always encouraging her about things she thought she sucked at, though, so this was par for the course. "This is gonna be a great weekend," she said sarcastically.


She dug her spoon into her ice cream again.


()()()


Anna fought the urge to grimace when she saw a pair of blue eyes meet her eyes and then shy away. She'd gotten to school half an hour early and had been waiting out front for Mila for nearly fifteen minutes, because she needed to get this conversation over with and didn't know what time Mila usually got to school.


She'd spent the weekend with her head wrapped up in what had happened and what she was going to say. She'd been so distracted that Sam had taken the opportunity when they went jogging Sunday morning to ask her if she was okay. She'd blandly replied that she was the star of a new teen drama soon to air on ABC, but she'd declined to answer his onslaught of follow-up questions. She hadn't needed to do any more talking. She just wanted this over with.


"Mila," she called, and their eyes locked again. Neither of them could escape now. She nodded to the side, and Mila took the hint, begrudgingly stepping away from the doors to the school and moving off to the stone bench engraved in memoriam for an alumnus who'd passed away. They both sat down, and Anna tried to find her bearings as quickly as possible. She already felt nervous again, and she was supposed to be in control of this conversation. "I wanted to talk to you."


"I'm sorry," Mila said hurriedly. "I shouldn't've done that. I don't know why I thought... I didn't even ask if you were gay. I just went for it... "


"It's not that," Anna replied. "I don't want you to feel like that. You're pretty and smart and whatever. And it so happens that I do swing that way." She watched a tiny sliver of a smile form on Mila's face. "But I can't." The smile crumbled like a mountainside avalanche, leaving a messy frown in its place. "We're not right. Freshman year is over, but it still happened."


"I know," Mila said, her voice wavering. Anna felt guilt well in her stomach. "I'm sorry."


"I just wanted to make sure you knew."


Mila nodded. "You're friend-zoning me," she said, a smidge of bitterness working its way into her voice. It reminded Anna of when they were fourteen.


She swallowed, braced herself. "I don't really..." I don't really want to be friends either, she forced herself not to say. "I don't think I'll see you around that much," she said instead.


Mila nodded, looking purposely away from her.


Anna thought maybe she should say sorry, but she made herself get up and walk away instead. She tried to convince herself it was self-care or something like that. Something that would mean she was growing and not back-sliding. But she just felt bad.


La Fin

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