Note: hey my sweets <3 i hope you haven't forgotten how awesome you are

this chapter is for  @doesntknowwhyshehere who wanted to see the aftermath of "Next." i hope this is satisfying, and i truly appreciate your patience. (i'm kinda bad at getting requests done in a reasonable amount of time ) you're a pretty cool human, and i appreciate you

anna is seven

Aster

Anna glanced down to her lap for the tenth time. Halloween was still there, his leg still squished by the grip she had on him. She looked back up at the TV again to see Jerry laying a trap for Tom. Her eyelids felt heavy, but her heart was beating fast.

Restlessly, Anna glanced over her shoulder to see her brothers, both still sleeping. Maybe she could turn the volume on without waking them up. She would just have to keep it really low.

She was on her feet, partway to the TV, when she heard a noise from outside the room. A creaking sound was closely followed by a dull thud.

"Dean!" Anna screamed, running backwards away from the door and the windows. "Dean, there's something coming. It's gonna get me!" she said, already half-crying.

She launched herself onto his bed, and Dean was half-asleep as he grabbed her and pushed her behind him. Anna twisted her hands into the back of Dean's shirt as Sam sat up, knife in hand, in the other bed.

"What's going on?" he asked urgently, realizing at the same time as Dean that the room was empty.

Dean flicked his gun's safety on and looked tiredly over at Sam. This was becoming a familiar song and dance. Sam understood and closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Were you watching TV again?" Dean asked weakly and shrugged, trying to dislodge Anna from his shoulder. "C'mere," he requested, reaching back with one hand to gently take her arm. Anna went from an immovable statue to a bolt of lightning. She was curled in his lap the very next second, her arms tightly wrapped around his middle. "Rugrat, it's okay," Dean promised. "There's nothin' out there, Sweetheart. Let me show you."

Anna shook her head violently against his chest.

"It's okay," he said again. "But you know, you gotta get some sleep sometime, kiddo. You can't keep watchin' TV all night."

Anna peeked up at him with watery green eyes, and Dean's heart broke in two.

"Do you wanna sleep in my bed?" he offered.

"I can't sleep," Anna pleaded. Her small hands clenched and released repeatedly, as if Dean's t-shirt was going to somehow soothe her fears. "What if something gets in?"

"Nothing's gettin' in here," Dean told her, brushing her curly hair out of her eyes.

Sam sat up again on the other bed. "Tell you what," he offered gently. "I'll sit up with you for a while. You can watch TV for a while longer, and then it's time for bed." He slid out of bed and reached for her, and Anna went somewhat willingly. "That way Dean can sleep too," Sam said pointedly, and Dean gave him a nod of gratitude.

"Can you check the salt lines, please?" Anna asked, tugging carefully on Sam's hand. "Halloween's scared a ghost can come in."

Sam crouched in front of her, speaking quietly as Dean started to snore again. "You tell Halloween to stop worrying. As long as Dean and I are in here, you and the frog are both safe. Okay?"

"Okay," Anna said, sniffling just a little. She'd either really needed to hear that, or it hadn't been enough to comfort her. "But can you check them anyways?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah, Ladybug, I can do that," Sam agreed. He took her hand and led her toward the door, feeling her hesitate. He let her hand go, thinking she wanted to stay away from the door, but she clung to his fingers. "Come on," he encouraged, which got her to move slowly. The salt lines were intact, which seemed to bring Anna some comfort.

She led him back to the couch and explained in a soft voice about how Looney Toons would be on for another hour, then it would be Spongebob Squarepants time on a different channel. Sam listened with concern. Even in her somewhat normal spiel about cartoons, she sounded half-present. Which meant she was half-gone.

Sam let his sister climb into his lap and picked up her purple throw blanket to cover her in. Maybe if he held her for a while, she would get tired and fall asleep.

But after half an hour, Anna was still wide awake. He knew because she still hadn't leaned back into his shoulder or laid down more comfortably. She was sitting on his lap, gripping his arms with what felt like fear.

Sam was just about to ask her if she wanted to lay down when Anna suddenly spoke. Her voice was small and soft, but she spoke clearly nonetheless. "Why did Daddy leave?"

"Uh..." Sam's brain worked frantically to come up with an answer that would satisfy his sister without vilifying their dad.

Anna had a good image of John so far, and Sam figured it was better for her if they preserved that image for as long as possible. After all, he was sure she'd start to resent the guy herself in due time.

"Dad's..." He paused. He figured the best way to go about this was to tell the truth very gently. "Dad gets his priorities a little mixed up sometimes," was what he settled on. He pulled Anna a little closer, and she finally relaxed against his chest, head tucked under his chin. "He feels like he has to save everyone. So, if he catches wind of a hunt, he goes for it. Sometimes that means he leaves a little before we're ready." Sam knew about that. Hell, he was still reeling from John's sudden arrival and departure too. He couldn't imagine how Anna felt, being left in such a vulnerable state after missing their dad for months. She was still so young.

Sam didn't remember a lot from childhood, not unless he focused. But he remembered full well how lonely it could be waiting for John to come home when they needed him for any reason– money or food running low, a holiday or birthday growing near, a stomach bug or bad cold tiring them out. Even with Dean there to care for him and keep him company, Sam had spent years aching whenever their dad was gone.

He supposed that was why he'd originally started resenting his dad. You can only ache for so long before you turn the pain into anger. It's softer that way. Anger can lay dormant for a long time before it comes out. Sadness, by comparison, tends to spread itself throughout your limbs and organs, making itself known even when you think you should be okay.

"But how come..." Anna trailed off, and Sam could hear the shakiness of her breath when she sighed. "How come he can't save me?" she asked, chin wobbling.

Sam's heart broke for his sister as he hugged her tight. "He...Dad's..." He didn't have the drive to protect their father anymore. He still couldn't get over the fact that John was a huge part of why Anna had been taken in the first place. He'd hold that grudge for a long time. Maybe forever, since he knew John would never apologize. "I'm sorry, Ladybug. I wish he'd stayed here with us. I really do."

Anna sniffled and turned sideways to curl up in Sam's lap. "It was really cold," she murmured. "And I didn't know if it was morning or night. So I just thought it was night all the time."

Sam's eyes filled, but he was careful not to cry. This was the most Anna had spoken about what she'd been through, to his knowledge. "That sounds scary," he said gently.

"It was the scariest thing ever."

Sam bit the inside of his lip to keep from letting his sympathy escape. What Anna had experienced at only seven years old? Well, seven-year-olds were supposed to think that their toys breaking or candy running out was the worst thing that could happen to a person. This whole mess... This would definitely top Sam's chart of worst experiences.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "You didn't deserve that."

Anna was quiet in his lap, hands clutching his forearm again, the rest of her body tucked warmly under the blanket.

And Sam suddenly realized why she was clinging to his arm so hard. Her green eyes were fixed on his watch. "It's night," he murmured. "But you're safe here. You can go to sleep. Nothing bad's gonna happen, I promise."

Anna's eyes were already drooping. But she turned her face into Sam's chest at that. She even let go of his arm, though her eyes flicked sideways to find his watch every so often.

It felt like forever as Sam sat there holding her, waiting for her to fall asleep and find some peace. Or, worse, it felt like they were sitting just outside of time. Was it night? Day? Or was it forever? Never?

This scene sure felt familiar. Sam holding Anna, wondering where their dad had gone. Except she wasn't a baby anymore, not technically.

Funny how the present could echo the past with such strength that it felt like the two were happening simultaneously.

As Anna's breath evened out, Sam closed his eyes and let hot tears melt silently down his cheeks. He understood just the tiniest bit of Anna's fear. It was truly terrifying to exist outside of time. Even worse to be alone with that feeling.

()()()

The fluorescent lights in the grocery store were comforting in their brightness. But the peace only lasted a minute. Then the light was overwhelming.

Anna grabbed the back of Dean's pant leg tightly in her fist. In the other hand, Halloween was being strangled with love.

Dean touched the back of her head gently. "Do you want to sit in the cart?" he offered. But it would be the back of the cart, because she wasn't a little kid anymore. Too far from her brother, so Anna shook her head. "Alright," Dean agreed smoothly. He started forward, though Anna's grip behind his knee was certainly making things a little more difficult than necessary.

Anna watched with disinterest as Dean tossed five or six boxes of Kraft mac n cheese into the cart. Her heart was beating fast, but she didn't feel alert. Not like she was supposed to be. She looked frantically around them, seeing people and light and a million colors. She couldn't possibly catalog every movement or be sure that every person was safe for her to be around. She felt as though she was living in some kind of middle distance, her only grounding force the denim clenched in her fist.

"Sweetheart, I can't move," Dean said from above her.

Anna realized with a start that she'd gone from hanging onto Dean's pant leg to wrapping both her arms around his leg. Halloween was crushed between both her hands now.

"You gotta let go, alright?"

Anna shook her head rapidly.

"Kiddo, you wanted to come here," Dean reminded her. And it was true. She'd hardly been able to breathe when he announced he was going on a grocery run. But it wasn't that she'd wanted to come here. It was that she'd wanted to stay with Dean. "If it's too much, you can sit with Sammy."

She shook her head again but couldn't convince her arms to release his leg. Someone passed by them right behind her, and Anna flinched bodily. She pressed herself ever closer to her brother.

Dean's hands found both her wrists and tugged insistently until she finally let go of his leg. Her hands wrapped crushingly around his forearms instantaneously. Dean was crouched down in front of her now. "Hey, we'll go really fast through here, alright? Just like Spongebob in that one episode, huh? Where he was the Flash?"

"He's the Quickster," Anna corrected softly, smiling just a little.

Dean grinned at her. "The Quickster, that's right," he said sweetly. "You pretend you're the Quickster, alright?"

Anna nodded, feeling a little less freaked out now. She and Dean played games like this all the time. Like when she didn't want to take a bath or eat her dinner. He made it into a game, and suddenly it didn't sound so bad. She still felt a bubble of insecurity, though, and had to ask, "Can I hold your hand, though?" she asked. "And can you be like Mermaid Man?"

Dean looked pained but kept smiling. "Sure," he said. "I'll be the crusty old mermaid dude with a purple mask. Sounds just like me." He took Anna's hand and gently shook his other wrist free.

She was strangling Halloween again in her other hand, but the one in Dean's grip made her feel safer. "We gotta hurry," she said eagerly, bouncing on her heels now.

They jogged through the rest of the aisle, ignoring all the strangers looking on with disapproval or amusement. "Road snacks," Dean said and pointed at the shelves of potato chips.

Anna let go of his hand and raced to the shelf where she grabbed three bags of chips, all different flavors. She tossed them in the cart, then turned around to look for beef jerky– her brothers' favorite road trip food. But she was surprised to find a strange man standing right there, waiting for his turn to get at the chips.

Anna breathed quickly and backed up into the shelf, "Dean!" she screamed when her lungs unfroze.

Her brother was right there in a second flat. He took her by the arms and gently pulled her toward their cart. Anna couldn't hear for a minute, her heart too loud in her ears. But when the buzzing faded, she heard Dean.

"It's okay," he promised soothingly. Then, to the stranger, "Not your fault, man. She's goin' through something."

The lights were so bright, so pale. "Still, I'm sorry," the man said. He had a low voice, but it sounded kind.

Anna squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped both arms around her brother's hips. "I wanna go," she pleaded. Even with the warm darkness she found in Dean, it was impossible to feel safe here. "Can we go?"

Dean scooped her off the floor and set her on his hip. "We need food, Quickster," he reminded her gently. He rubbed a hand up and down her back once, then pushed the cart down the aisle. "Soon as we have enough, we'll get outta here, okay? I promise."

Anna nodded, her forehead pressed hard against Dean's collarbone. She wrapped one arm around the back of his neck and used the other to wedge Halloween between their bodies. "C'you keep holding me?" she requested in a voice so small and shaky Dean couldn't possibly have said no.

()()()

"Dean, it's too loud," Anna whined from her carseat, squirming and fiddling with the buckle at her side.

"Leave the seatbelt alone," Dean told her and turned the volume down on the radio til it was practically on mute. "Eat your food, Rugrat. We can stretch in a little while."

They'd only been on the road for about an hour. But Anna's tolerance for long car rides was a whole lot shorter than usual.

"I'm hot," she complained and struggled to reach the crank that would open her window. She couldn't get to it. "Deeeaan," she whined. "C'you open my window?" She squirmed more in her seat. "It's too hot."

"Hang on, Anna," Dean requested. They were stopped at a light, and he flicked the blinker on. "I can't reach the lever up here."

He reached back between his seat and the door to search blindly for the window crank. He made a small noise of pain as he finally got a grip on it and started to twist it. Nobody's arm should ever be forced to bend this way.

"How's that?" he asked after a few painful turns. The window was just about halfway down. Anna didn't usually like it to be lower than that.

"Thank you," Anna said, but she still sounded miserable. She'd picked up her container of fruit salad at some point and was pulling at the plastic tab with no luck. She suddenly let out a breathy cry of frustration. "I can't open it," she snapped, throwing her food on the seat beside her.

"Hey," Sam said calmly from the front seat. "You don't need to throw it, Ladybug. Let me see it, I'll get it open."

Anna was pouting big time as she crossed her arms and looked pointedly out the window. The wind whipped her curls every which way. She whined wordlessly and pushed her feet forward until they were pressing against the back of Dean's seat.

"What?" Sam asked her patiently.

"Quit kicking, Anna," Dean grumbled, intending a similar patience.

"I'm not kicking," Anna argued. "It's not comfy in here." She squirmed some more but took her feet away from Dean's seatback. She made another small, irritated noise. "Dean, it's too windy."

"Anna, I just barely rolled that window down. Don't tell me you want it up already," he looked at her in the rearview mirror with exasperation.

Sam slid toward the middle of the seat, and leaned awkwardly back to reach the crank. He squished Dean somewhat in the process but managed to get the window rolled back up, leaving the tiniest crack at the top so Anna wouldn't complain in a few minutes that she was overheating again.

He settled back into his seat with a breath of relief. "Better?" he asked.

Anna said again, "Thank you." But she looked tearful for some reason.

"You're welcome," Sam said without pause. "You okay?"

Dean glanced up in the rearview one more time. Anna's chin was wobbling, and she kept sniffling and blinking hard. "What is it?" he asked. "You want Halloween?" She'd left him on the seat beside her, just out of reach.

Anna shook her head and looked stubbornly out the window. But just half a minute later, she was fidgeting in her seat again. "I'm itchy," she whimpered. She leaned over the side of her seat and managed to get a grip on Halloween's leg and pull him to her lap. She hugged him tightly, but he wasn't as helpful as usual.

Dean opened his mouth to answer, then shut it again. Sam looked like maybe he would try to help the kid. But Anna suddenly spoke again, more loudly this time.

"My eyes hurt," she complained and kept shifting in her carseat. "Sam, it's too hot."

"You can't feel the air from the window?" Sam asked with genuine sympathy. He was starting to feel impatient, but he knew Anna wasn't being purposely difficult. It seemed like she was truly uncomfortable. She probably didn't know what was really wrong anymore than they did.

"I don't know," Anna sobbed and started crying outright. She pressed her face into Halloween, then threw him on the seat again, feeling a stab of guilt for the rough treatment. "I'm itchy," she hiccupped through her tears and sniffles. "My eyes are itchy." She squirmed again, more frantically this time.

"Hey, hey," Dean soothed from the driver's seat. They were on the interstate now. There wasn't exactly a good place to stop. He'd have to wait for the next exit. "Deep breaths, Anna. You're alright."

She wasn't responding to him by taking deep breaths or by speaking. So, Dean glanced at Sam as if to ask how she was doing. Sam could see the kid, after all, and Dean had his hands full trying to find an exit sign.

"Anna," Sam said softly. "Take a deep breath." He took one himself, hoping she would mimic the action. Anna was shaking her head, though, too worked up to comply. Sam frowned at her and looked worriedly toward his brother. Dean usually knew what Anna needed. Some sort of instinct, Sam guessed. But the look his older brother bore now told him that Dean was just as lost as he was.

"Give her Halloween," Dean prompted, though, fiddling with the radio. Maybe he would play the Beatles. Maybe Bob Seger. Or CCR. Anna liked all of those.

Sam reached into the backseat and nearly broke his friggin arm trying to reach that frog. But he got it and handed it to Anna.

She took it, clutching the frog so tightly it was a wonder no stuffing popped out. "I miss Daddy," Anna whimpered, cries tapering off into sniffles, yawns, and hiccups. She sobbed again, but it was isolated. Then it was sniffles and fidgeting. She rubbed her eyes sloppily, looked lazily out the window, and finally nodded off.

It was twenty minutes later, in the safety of the resulting silence that Sam spoke his mind. "Dean, I think we should really consider getting her some help."

Dean frowned, glancing in Sam's direction suspiciously. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, keeping his voice low only for Anna's sake. He glanced fervently at her in the mirror. She was still sleeping. "She'll bounce back, Sam. She just needs some patience. And we're good at that."

Sam sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, letting his stress show for just a moment. "Dean," he said shortly. "It's not that simple, okay? She's terrified. Like post-traumatic stress terrified."

"Sammy, come on," Dean said placatingly. "She'll be fine." But he sounded less sure of himself with every word he spoke. "She's just... She just needs..."

"Therapy," Sam suggested carefully. He knew damn well it wasn't generally considered an option for the Winchesters. Or for hunters in general. Hell, a lot of people in the normal world were resistant to the idea. But Jess had been a psych major, and she'd gone to therapy. She'd tried to get Sam to go too. He'd known he needed it, but he still hadn't gone. It would have opened things up too much. Things he knew he couldn't discuss with anyone who didn't hunt.

"What could she tell them?" Dean snapped. "You want them to lock her up in the pediatric wing of the looney bin? Cause that's what's gonna happen if she starts talkin' about the big monster that ate another kid right in front of her. Uh-uh. No way. Not happening. She's too little for that crap."

"We can figure out a story," Sam said weakly.

"Yeah, and if she can't talk about what really happened, how the hell is that Dr Phil crap supposed to help her at all?" Dean challenged. He passed an exit ramp, speeding along on the interstate. He wished he could blast some rock music and lose himself in it for a while. All this thinking and talking and fucking thinking was too damn much for him.

"Dean, we can't just leave this alone."

"I know," Dean said calmly. Like he was in control. Like he ever had any control. But if he had control, Anna would never have gone through anything this terrible in the first place. And if he had control, Dad would be here. "We'll take a break," he proffered and took a deep breath to calm himself. Sam followed suit, probably subconsciously. "We'll be in West Virginia in a few hours. Always wanted to vacation here."

Sam closed his eyes again, stomach turning with dread. Dean was right. Anna would probably not get much out of therapy right now. But he still felt a horrible well of guilt in his chest at the prospect of not getting her professional help. She was so young. If they didn't take care of this the right way, she would have to carry it for the rest of her life. And it would be their fault.

"Okay," he said tiredly. "You're right."

Dean smirked, but it was hollow. His eyes were bruised with all the sleep he'd given up for the kid in the backseat. "Always am."

()()()

Anna was giggling, a real smile on her face, as she swung through the air between her brothers.

"One, two, three," they counted off again. "Swing!" And Anna was gliding through the air one more time. She laughed uncontrollably and tugged both their hands to get them to do it again.

Twigs crunched beneath her feet when she landed again on the trail. The national park was peaceful, just as they had planned. Anna seemed calmer when they hiked the trails. Something about the fresh air, maybe, or just the simplicity of distraction.

"One, two, three. Swing!"

Anna squealed and laughed from the belly as they swung her somehow higher than before. She spotted something purple up ahead– her favorite color– and let go of their hands before the game could continue. She squatted in front of a beautiful flower, leaning forward to see how it smelled. It was nice. Gentle, if scents could be described that way.

"Find something, Ladybug?" Sam asked her, crouching to her right.

Anna looked at him with a memory tickling at her brain. The nickname Ladybug. Flowers. Melancholy. But the reminiscence was an echo, fading out and gaining distance. There was something comforting there, though. Not just in the nickname and the floral scent. But in the knowledge that the past would always give way to the present.

"What's this one called?" Anna asked softly, pointing at the flower but not touching it. It was too pretty to touch. It almost didn't look real. Most pretty things looked like that– like they couldn't be real.

"Aster," Sam told her, voice low. Lately they all spoke that way. Quiet, calm, still. "They're common here."

"You mean in West Virginia?" Anna clarified, sidling closer to her brother until she was pressed against his shoulder.

Sam nodded, smiling mildly. He wrapped an arm around his sister and said aloud, "Yeah."

"I never saw an Aster before."

"You wanna pick it?" Dean asked her from above them. He sounded at ease, really, for the first time in a while. The whole scene was idyllic, though, so his calm, however rare, felt right.

"Can I?" Anna asked, composed even in her excitement. She was bouncing on her heels, which was a really great sign.

They'd been in West Virginia, staying in a two-bedroom apartment as close as they could get to the New Gorge National Park and Reserve, for about two weeks. They were planning to stay for the rest of the month, maybe even sign on for another one if Anna needed it. All the reading they'd done on trauma in children said that routine was crucial. And on the road, it would be next to impossible to maintain.

It would be hard when they finally left. But for now it was really really nice.

"I don't think anyone will miss one flower," Dean said reasonably. He ruffled her hair and nudged her.

Anna didn't need any more convincing. When she picked the flower, the action was fastidious, her fingers finding the bottom of the stem and pulling upward with measured force. She smiled brightly once she had the Aster in her hands. "It's so pretty," she said in awe. But what was getting to her more wasn't the beauty. It was the realness. She'd found something beautiful, and here it was in her hands.

Her face was sunny when she looked at each of her brothers gratefully. It was day.

()()()

The same couch, the same TV for more than two weeks. It was probably some kind of record for them. But Anna loved it. She'd felt a real sense of relief when the boys had sat her down and explained the plan to her. They would lay low for a while. Maybe a few weeks, or maybe a couple months. They'd get some much needed rest. Anna could talk if she wanted to, and they'd have some fun. Hence their proximity to the national park.

And things had been every bit as good as they'd sounded when the plan was pitched to her. Anna hadn't said a lot about what went on in the lamia's lair. She didn't really want to, most of the time. She would occasionally give out small details. The darkness, Lydia, the little boy who lost his sister.

In some ways, it did help. In others, it felt hapless.

Anna lay curled up under Dean's arm, the bottoms of her feet pressed against Sam's leg. Halloween sat comfortable on her stomach, offering his own moral support. The boys were talking about something over her head while she watched cartoons. Spongebob Squarepants, this time.

Sometimes, if she watched TV or read one of her books for long enough, she would really truly forget that she existed. The real world was the make-believe universe and her own life was just a dream. She couldn't call it a nightmare– there were too many good things in it to classify it that way– but it certainly wasn't the best dream.

"What do you think, Rugrat? You gonna be ready to go in a week?"

Dean's voice only caught her attention because he'd said her name. He was speaking in the same low tones, words lilting the same way they had while he talked with Sammy.

Anna shrugged. "I guess so," she said tiredly.

She didn't feel any serious resistance to that idea. She liked West Virginia. She liked the hiking trail nearby. She liked playing games with her brothers and watching cartoons. She liked her bed and the painting of a kitten on her bedroom wall. But she wasn't afraid to leave the material behind. She was more worried about picking up old feelings again.

"You think it's gonna be scary?" she asked and looked up at Dean through a curtain of wispy curls.

Dean brushed her hair off her forehead and asked, "What do you mean, kiddo?"

Anna shrugged one shoulder, tucked her head closer against Dean's arm instead of looking at him any longer. She fidgeted with the stuffed frog on her stomach, bending and straightening his limbs."I mean going back to normal. Is it gonna be scary? Like, is the grocery store gonna be too loud again? And is it gonna be hard to ride in the car?"

That was a loaded set of questions. But Dean hoped to hell the answer to all of them was 'no.'

"It might be," Sam said delicately. He laid a hand on her shin, and it was warm, safe. "But that's okay," he assured her. "What happened was scary, and you might still get scared sometimes. But are you safe with us?"

Anna didn't have to consider that for long. "Yeah," she said.

Sam's smile was endeared. "Right," he promised.

Dean said coarsely but gently, "And, hey, you know you can always say if things are scary. When you need a break or you need to go outside, just say the word, huh, Runt?"

"You can even use a code word if you want," Sam spitballed. "If you aren't ready to say exactly how you feel but you need a break."

"Like a real life spy?" Anna asked eagerly.

Sam chuckled, "Exactly like a real life spy."

Anna looked positively thrilled at the prospect. "Okay," she agreed. "How about..." She smiled softly. "Aster." It was where she knew there would be peace. So when she needed said peace, she'd ask for it that way.

Sam's eyes softened considerably. "Aster," he repeated. "Sounds good."

"Sounds perfect," Dean agreed.

Anna's eyes drooped, watching Spongebob get chopped into cubes and magically put himself right back together. It almost didn't seem fair. Anna hadn't been chopped up or anything, but she still felt like she couldn't get herself back together. Spongebob was laughing in the next minute.

It wasn't that simple. Nothing was ever that simple. But she liked that it could be on TV.

And in real life, there were still pretty things. Aster. The warmth of Dean's arm and Sam's hand. And the digital clock clearly visible from the couch. It was 7:00, almost bedtime. Time didn't just exist, but it held meaning again.

Aster, Anna thought. Aster, aster, aster. She wished she could say it every minute of every day. It was as close as she would ever get to the kind of happy ending cartoon characters took for granted. And she wanted to preserve it.

But just like pain, peace was only temporary.

La Fin