Rose p.o.v

The weird feelings came back. 

After our movie night, we had to go to sleep and sleeping meant closing your eyes, and closing your eyes meant darkness. 

Darkness meant nightmares, horrible nightmares. 

I tried to stay awake for as long as I could and the moment I closed my eyes because I was too tired I shook right back awake the moment the nightmares began. 

I barely slept the following days. 

I hated the nights, but the days weren't great either. 

The weekend was over which meant Max had to go to work and Nathan he had to work too but he could stay at home for his job. 

Max explained to me that Nathan's job was some kind of 'customary service', or whatever that meant. Basically, Max said, he talks to a bunch of rich people who need help with all kinds of stuff and he gets paid real good. Sometimes he has to visit them, but mostly he stays at home. 

It didn't make much sense to me, but I just nodded my head. 

And during the day I had to do these exercises, which meant I had to move. 

When I was with Nathan doing them it was kinda bearable. He was nice. The nurse that came twice a week not so much. 

He would say I was whining, not trying, had to work harder. Even though I tried my hardest. Sometimes he would even yell and that would freeze me up. 

I would be as stiff as a plank, as Max would say it. Then he would just sigh and go home, even if our time wasn't up yet. 

And then there were my thoughts that would haunt me every day. The thoughts that would not make me feel like myself. That would make me feel like I was broken, not a whole. 

The only thought I was dead set on was I just wanna go home. 

But where was my home? I had no home. 

Yes, I had a roof over my head, but that didn't make this my home. The streets felt more like my home than any other place I have been, I think. 

There was a snippet of an image in my head that said otherwise, an image of Derek's home. I shook my head. 

Derek was... Derek was not home. He was mean to me and I still didn't even know if he was still with Oliva. 

I hadn't seen him since I woke up for the first time. 

Then all of a sudden, I got startled by the slamming sound of the front door. Max was home. I could hear Nathan coming down from the stairs. 

A faint sound of them talking was echoing through the living room. It sounded like they were whispering. Why were they whispering? 

Shortly after Nathan walked into the kitchen and a tired Max clung to his arm. He was getting a sippy cup from the cupboards and filling it with juice. 

"Do you want something too, Rose?" Nathan asked over his shoulder. 

I shook my head. 

"All right, we will be upstairs for a while. Max is tired so I am going to take a nap with him. If there is something wrong just yell, okay sweetie?" 

I nodded my head. 

"For anything okay. I don't mind. You good here?" 

Again I nodded my head. I noticed how I didn't like to talk when being big me. Talking was difficult. It was easier to stay silent. 

Max was in a clingy mood all evening. During dinner he was on Nathan's lap, while watching tv he sat in between Nathan's legs and dragged Nathan by his arm when he wanted to go to bed. 

It made me feel something. Like intruding? 

I think that was what it was called, like walking inside a building where you weren't supposed to be. 

It also made me feel lonely. 

They all kept saying I wasn't alone in this, that I had Ellis and Anna and Nathan and Max and maybe even Derek. But in moments like this, I couldn't even feel like myself, sitting alone in the living room and sleeping alone in my bedroom. 

It was all just me. All alone. 

Like on the streets. 

Nightmares visited me again that night. And this time I couldn't get out of it. I was being swallowed by the darkness, by the bad memories. 

Hands grabbed me and shook me. I started to hit around me.

"Rose, Rose, Rose!" I opened my eyes, noticing I was crying and screaming. "Ssh, Rose, it's just a dream. It's just a dream," I heard Nathan's soothing voice telling me. 

He was standing next to my bed holding my wrists, preventing me from hitting. I looked bewildered through the room. 

It was just a dream, just a nightmare

I tried to calm myself down, taking deep breaths. Breath in, breath out, as Nathan would tell me during my exercises. 

Nathan sat next to me on the bed and wiped my tears away and got the few strands of hair in front of my face behind my ears. 

"Bad dream?" He asked. 

I nodded my head. 

"Oh, sweetie." He sighed. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" 

I shook my head. 

"All right, that's all right." He stood up ready to leave, but I held his pinky. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Nathan hummed. 

I couldn't speak, fear and panic still present. "You don't want to be alone?"

I nodded my head. 

"Wanna join me and Max in bed?" I nodded my head again. 

"All right, sweetie," He then picked me up and brought me with him to his and Max's bedroom. 

When we walked in Max's head went up, his eyes were barely open. "Daddy? What's going on?" 

"Nothing Max, go back to sleep. Rose is going to join us tonight?" 

"But Daddy," Max whined. 

"Don't you 'but Daddy' me, young man. Rose had a nightmare, it's just for the night, now scooch over a bit," Max didn't say a word after Nathan scolded him and did as he was told. 

Nathan settled the three of us in bed and made it work. Without me noticing it, I snuggled into his side for a sense of protection. Something I missed for a long time and he let me. 

* * *

The next morning when I woke up I felt rested instead of tired. No nightmares visited me that night. I tilted my head up and saw that Max wasn't in bed anymore. 

Shortly after I noticed how snuggled up I was against Nathan. I moved my head up more and was greeted by his kind eyes. "Well, good morning to you too little one." He chuckled. 

"Mornin," I managed to say with a scratchy voice. My throat hurt from all the screaming last night. A concerned look was settled on Nathan's face. 

I couldn't look at him anymore, feeling bad I made him feel concerned and looked for Max again. 

"Max is already up and about downstairs," Nathans answered my silent question. I then looked at him, only now noticing he was reading a book. 

"You were so nicely and cutely snuggled up to me, you were so at peace, so I didn't want to wake you by moving away." 

Nathan closed his book and asked, "You hungry?" 

I shrugged. "I will take that as a yes." 

First, we went to my room where Nathan helped me to get dressed then he offered his hand and we walked downstairs. 

Walking was easier every day, but I still didn't like it. 

When we came down, Max was watching Cars again in the living room. "Pup, shut it off, please. We are having breakfast." 

"Can't we eat in front of the tv?" Max yelled across the house. 

"No, and that's final. I don't want to discuss this, Max." 

Nathan then went on with making breakfast while I was waiting, sitting at the dinner table. Max didn't come to the kitchen, the movie still on. I was wondering why Nathan didn't say anything about it. 

Time went by and breakfast was set on the table. "Max, I want your butt sitting on a chair in ten seconds." Nathan started to count down. It was when he was close to one Max came in sight and sat down. 

"What's going on with my boy?" Nathan hummed. It was clear Max was grumpy. He shrugged his shoulders and stayed quiet. 

"Max, talk to me please?" 

Max mumbled something we couldn't hear. 

"What was that, I couldn't hear you, pup." 

"Why had Rose to be sleeping with us? That's our room." 

Nathan sighed. "Max, it was only for that night. We discussed this, this morning. I already told you, Rose had a nightmare. Can we please move on?" 

"No! She is already living here, why does she need to sleep in our bedroom too? I don't like it!" 

And there it was, that feeling of intruding. I put my knife down, no longer hungry anymore. Making myself smaller. Hoping they would stop fighting if I got smaller. Not see me. 

They started to fight. Screaming louder and louder, especially Max. 

I covered my ears. Please be quiet, please be quiet, please be quiet. 

The fight ended with Max being sent to his room to cool off. Nathan sat down again and turned to me. "Rose, I want you to know, you're wanted here. Max is frustrated because of work, it has nothing to do with you. We both agreed you could stay here. He is just... he is just in a mood. Don't take it to heart, okay?" 

I nodded my head just to stop thinking about what had happened. 

"Actually, I wanted to tell you about a surprise. Max already knows this, but it would have been nice if I could have said it without a fight before it. But anyway, this afternoon we all are going to meet up in the park to have a nice outing. Bring some food, enjoy the weather." 

I nodded my head, not really knowing what to say as I still felt bad for just being here. 

"Oh no, is it too early. Are you not ready yet? I should have known. I just thought-"

I looked up with wide eyes and held my hands up, "No, no, it's fine, it's fine." 

"Promise?" 

"Promise." 

Nathan looked at me for a second and nodded his head. "All rightie, then we better get ready."