Flashback.

"Stefan, what should I wear ?" I chirped. I was really excited. Actually I am always excited when it comes to premieres. Stefan gets a lot of invitees for the movies and I love movies.

"Anything" his voice came through the wall. He was in his study while I was in our bedroom contemplating what to wear. He has been a little distant lately. Well I know exactly what would make him.

I wear my new lacy thongs and bra and go to his study. I haven't done this before. Honestly this isn't me. But he is always tensed. And I can't remember the last time we made love.

"What the fuck are you wearing." His voice booms. I flinch at the tone. He seems to realise it and then his eyes soften. And then says, "I am sorry."

"I just.... never mind"

Maybe, I was not attractive anymore. Maybe I lost the thing ? But I am just 20. Maybe he is just very busy ? Maybe he is with someone.... No don't go there. He loves you. Still.

I feel someone's muscled arms circling my waist. And I am pulled to a hard chest with my back to him. He leans down and nibbled my earlobe. I shiver.

"I am sorry." He whispers in my ears.

"You did this for me. Yeah? Well now I would like to accept the gift." He continues.

And then the most cherished lovemaking follows.

End of flashback.

Hope's POV

I still remember the night when we had that premier. That was the last time we actually made love. Since then we only fucked. Or had quickies. He never touched me. And the day I left, I had a huge surprise planned for him. I was so sure he would come. But he didn't.

And then I thought that maybe I didn't know him better. Maybe it's time. Maybe we need a break. And so I packed my stuff onto the things that I need and left. I never even looked back. At the house. And I hate myself for that. But it's the truth.

I cried and cried for days. And then I sucked it up. And I bottled everything up inside me. And I started pretending to be happy. To me not miserable and so far I was doing a good job at it. But he had to come and break my bottle. Tears that I didn't know threatened to spill.

"You are my boss. This is illegal and wrong on so many levels." I say, stubbornly. Honestly I was trying to convince myself and by pushing it, I think that I can go back to it again. Because Stefan was still the man of my dreams. And I still love him.

"I don't care. You belong to me. Me and only me." He growls. Did I happen to mention that he was extremely territorial ? He was when we were in college but then whenever he saw anyone near me or in the gala dinners he flicked him off.

I used to go out on dates just to piss him off. Now when I was being openly ogled by men he didn't do anything. He didn't become so very angry when I was openly flirted with. Back in the day when I was with some guy he punched the living daylights out of him. And then, he put an arm around my waist, squeezing momentarily.

I love him. But this won't work out. Not now. Not Ever. I put my guards up because of him. He isn't ready to believe it, but he broke my heart. And I hate myself for not hating him.

And then I break. I break into loud sobs. And I can't stop. The big fat tears start spilling out. And my knees give up. But since I am in Stefan's arms he holds me up and the picks me up bridal style and leads us on the couch.

Me straddling on his lap and my head on his chest. I cry my heart out. I cry my soul out. Everything that was inside me, I allow to flow out. I cry for about an hour and he holds me tightly against him. Not letting me go. And I realize that the warmth and security I feel with him is nothing near the feelings I get when I am near Conner.

And no one willl ever take his place in my heart. And I hate myself for that.