Chapter 43: Hot Threads and Frying Pans

"A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to others, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, Daddy, I need to ask you something, he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself."


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Zhe Yan and Mo Yan finished cooking. "All right everyone let's eat!" Zhe Yan yelled.


"Oh, this is a first" Feng Jiu's mother said.


"Well, we were hungry, and we didn't know how long you girls will be 'in seclusion' so we assumed that neither of you were ready to take your culinary duties. So, your welcome. Enjoy!"


"Thank you, great uncle Zhe Yan. Thank you laoshi. We apologize for the inconvenience." Feng Jiu carefully eyed her husband who was eating without any complaints in perpetual silence.


"This taste really good Zhe Yan. I must say I never knew that either of you knew how to cook." Feng Jiu's mother praised the pair.


"We are grateful to be able to share a meal here at his Lordship's home. This is indeed a first for all of us." Mo Yan said while looking at an aloof Dong Hua. He gave him a small smile.


After dinner. Fen Jiu and her mom cleaned up the dishes. Dong Hua was watching the mother and daughter coordinated work. He not fully accustomed to do manual chores yet. Qing Qui women take pride to do everything themselves. They cleaned the place immaculate. A quality that Dong Hua admired about the fox people, they strive in simplicity, to live as normal as possible without the use of their powers.


"Xiao Jiu, since we finished here, please go to your husband, and remember our talk dear."


"Which part?"


"The first part, the serious one. You are not ready yet for the second part. Maybe after your trial" Feng Jiu's mom winked at her.


"Oh, okay mother." Feng Jiu's face reddened. Dong Hua heard her mom and internally smirked. "My mischievous little fox what is she up too now?"



"We will retire for the evening" Mo Yan and Zhe Yan told Dong Hua.


"Let me know when she deep asleep so I can start as agreed". Zhe Yan mentally told Dong Hua.


Dong Hua simply nodded at him.


"Wait great uncle Zhe Yan, I would like to talk to you." Feng Jiu abruptly said.


"Sure kittling, what's up?" Zhe Yan asked.



"In private." Feng Jiu lowered her voice while looking at everyone; specially her husband.


"Oh" Zhe Yan eyed Dong Hua, Mo Yan and her mother.


"I'll wait for you in our room Jiu'er." Dong Hua said in an expressionless tone and left.


"Xiao Jiu darling, what do you want to talk about?"


"Let's go outside great uncle. I want to see the vista." Feng Jiu dragged Zhe Yan outside by his sleeve.


They went outside and sat on the grass near the boat deck. Bihai Cangling sun set was breath taking. They sat in silence for a long time admiring Bihai Cangling beauty enjoying the soft sea breeze. Zhe Yan could tell that Feng Jiu was nervous to start the conversation for some reason. He knew her like the palm of his hand. She's always been straight forward, so he was curious as to what she wanted to talk about with him. He decided to break the awkward silence between them.


"It is so peaceful here, adequate for meditation and healing. What's on your mind Xiao Jiu? Zhe Yan said.


"Great uncle Zhe Yan, I want you to tell me what to expect at my ascension trial back home."


"Huh? Didn't your parents or grandparents already explained this to you? Perhaps your fourth uncle Bai Zhen too?" Zhe Yan replied.


"They did when I was younger, but I want talk about it with you now. Things have changed since that conversation."


"Why don't you talk about it with your husband? I think he's the most appropriate person to guide you at this point. Are you evading him on purpose Xiao Jiu?" Zhe Yan elbowed her.


Feng Jiu long sighed. He knew her so well. "Yes and No" Feng Jiu answered. "If I ask Dong Hua about my ascension trial, he will not tell me the part that I'm interested in."


"And that is?"


"His part. He wants to help me on it. But I'm afraid that his involvement on this trial will not be allowed."


"Why do you think so Xiao Jiu?"


"I have a feeling that it will be the most painful experience that I have to endure, more painful than..."


"Than what Xiao Jiu?" Zhe Yan asked her.


"Never mind great uncle." Feng Jiu lowered her head and looked away.


"Xiao Jiu, I know that you have not had a painless upbringing. You and your aunt mischievousness have been the cause of many of my grey feathers. Specially you my darling. You surpass your aunt record of getting into trouble. And now look at you a married young woman! You managed to catch the most coveted bachelor of all realms and melt his iceberg heart. My little kittling so naïve and innocent. But strong and persistent. There are no limits for you my dear. You will become a powerful immortal no doubt about it. Your lord husband wants to make sure that you survive your ascension. He will probably take some of the bolts for you or shield you from the worst. You know how protective and possessive he is of you. You already know that it will be a painful experience. We all feel pain in different ways, so you may find it difficult to describe to you the type of pain that you will endure. Not every ascension experience is the same. You can also experience more than one type of pain at a time, which only adds to the difficulty. You may feel that you will be pulled apart from your spirit and soul. But we will be ready to assist you darling. I already prepared some powerful healing elixirs for you and Dong Hua. Mo Yan also will be there and ready to help Dong Hua as well."


"Pain is not what I'm afraid of great uncle Zhe Yan."


"Then what is it?"


"Change. I'm afraid that I will not be the same Xiao Jiu, Feng Jiu or his Jiu'er." Feng Jiu looked at Zhe Yan with her big dow eyes.


"Come here kittling." Zhe Yan opened his arms to her. Feng Jiu landed in his arms, and he hugged her. Zhe Yan long sighed and said: "Everyone after ascension are never the same, is a rite of passage darling. We have all experienced it. What you need to do is to channel your emotions, reactions, and thoughts to continue to live and fulfill your role in your long existence. Being married to Dong Hua and being Qing Qui's monarch are duties that you still need to do. You are still young Xiao Jiu, growth and maturity comes with time, experiencing trials and learning from them. Our mistakes pave the way to wisdom. Change may be awkward at first; is like a muscle that develops to abundantly enjoy the dynamics of the life set before us. It calls own strength beyond anyone of us and pushes you to do your personal best. It draws out those poised for a new way. Change isn't for weak of heart. It does have casualties of those defeated. Change will cause us to churn or to learn. Time is so slow for the reluctant, and yet it is a whirlwind for those who embrace it. Change seeks a better place at the end and is complete when you realize you are different. It is measured by its impact on all who are connected to it. It is charged when you are dissatisfied with where you are. It doesn't look for a resting-place; just the next launching point. It is only a waste to those who don't learn from it. Change happens in the heart before it is proclaimed by our works. It chaps those moving slower than the change itself. If you can change before you have to change, there will be less pain. Change can flow or jerk, depending on our resistance to it. Change uses the power invested in the unseen to reinvent what is seen. Is like flying in a fog – you can't see very far, but you can make the whole trip that way. Look at me Xiao Jiu, you are destined to change. You have a long life ahead of you sweetheart. Just focus on choosing the right path my darling and you will be okay. I will always be here whenever you need me kittling. You have your family and now Dong Hua. You are not alone." Zhe Yan assuredly said.


"Always?" Feng Jiu met his gaze.


"Yes, my darling." Zhe Yan kissed her forehead. "I love you so much Xiao Jiu."


"And I love you too. You have always been by my side great uncle Zhe Yan regardless of any situations that I face. I've been blessed to have you in my life as my guide, confidant, friend, supporter, backer and as a father. I want to call you that; please allow it. Deep in my heart you have been that to me." Feng Jiu told him.


"Xiao Jiu..." Zhe Yan hesitantly said.


"Let me honor you that way fùqīn. Besides my mother you are the other person who knows me most. You raised me along with mom, fourth uncle and gu gu. You attended my birth, many of my different cycles, my wedding and now my ascension. Bai Yi seldom participated on any of my important events. Him and I have an estranged relationship. I love him, but is not the same with you. You are important to me just like mom is. I would have preferred you to be with her instead of him. I've noticed that she loves being around you too, you know. She's different when she is near you. More happy, carefree, content. I guess you are like a magnet for happiness for all of us. You can never disappoint me." Feng Jiu hugged him back resting her face on his chest.


Zhe Yan gulped and held back his tears. He closed his eyes and hugged Feng Jiu tight to his chest. "What if I ever disappoint you kittling would you forgive me?"


"Of course, I would fùqīn. You have forgiven me so many times. Especially when I sneaked into your workshop and blew up things in your lab or when I've made you my accomplice to cover up for me when I really mess up things big time; risking your reputation and name." Feng Jiu grimaced at the memories.


Zhe Yan smirked. "You really are a troublemaker Xiao Jiu."


"I know, how awful of me. I don't think my long live will be enough to repay your kindness."


"Life is definitely not boring with you Xiao Jiu." Feng Jiu giggled at his remark. "You enjoy being mischievous. I pity Dong Hua that needs to put up with your mischief." Zhe Yan chuckled.


"I enjoy bring happiness to others in my own unique way. I'm proud of it" Feng Jiu smiled.


"Which is usually naughty, ill-disciplined, wayward and so fun to watch." Zhe Yan laughed with Feng Jiu.


They laughed for a bit and Zhe Yan looked at Feng Jiu: "Now Xiao Jiu, shifting to a serious note here. Have you cleared your misunderstandings with your husband?"


"Not yet." Feng Jiu lowered her face and twisted her fingers.


"Why not?" Zhe Yan crumpled his brows at her.


"We haven't talked about it. He prefers to do it when I'm stable before we venture to that route."


"Can I ask you what really happened, maybe I can help you somehow if I know?"


Feng Jiu long sighed and said: "I noticed a slight change in his cultivation, so I made him a special fruit salad. He noticed the salad's nurturing and healing properties. When I asked him, what happened to his cultivation, he diverted the topic, which angered me. One thing led to another and three months went by. Our stubbornness prevented us to seek each other like two hot headed bulls bumping heads. I misunderstood his reasons as to why he hid key information and accused him of lying to me. I failed to see the other side of perspective and created this mess."


"Hmm. Xiao Jiu, let me offer you a piece of advice. I've known Dong Hua ever since we were broods. He's an intense and complicated being. He has carried on his shoulders the heavy responsibility of keeping the peace of all realms. He is used to not giving explanations to anyone. His words are rather commands that are followed without being questioned. He chose the buddhist lifestyle to center himself and learn to be compassionate, sympathetic, empathetic, considered and kind to others as a way to express some type of feeling. He discarded all desires, lusts and worries from his mind. He became the proudest, most upright, coldest and fairy like all learned to respect, love or hate. He first appeared in this world at Bihai Cangling and went through a lot of ordeals; he is still a great fighter. But he isn't interested in ruling the world any more. He unified all tribes during the chaotic times to achieve universal peace at the cost of his emotional side of living; love. He made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of others. The heavens granted him invincibility because of this merit. The more he disconnected himself from arbitrary things of the world, he more distant and colder he became. When you came into his life and you buried yourself under his thick skin, he started to feel unsettled with his emotive side in eons. If there something that Dong Hua hates is to lose control of his emotions. With a single outburst, he can unbalance the universe. His powers are unparalleled. Having said that, you awaken his sensorial side that he deprived. He is trying his best to understand the sensory-perceptual experiences, their drives and response sets that prepare and energize action in response to perceptions and drives. He is vulnerable right now because he doesn't know how to process and release well balance emotions that will adapt to your relationship with him. He only knows how to apply strategic, logic in all he does as the best war strategist that he is after Mo Yan. That is where you comes in to be his emotional guide. If you shut him out, like you did, he will return to his unemotional state because he will be afraid to hurt you with his reaction to your burst of anger. When you are trying to hold back these feelings, but eventually, enough triggers build and the "unfinished business" in the backstage closet is filled to the brim, and all those stuffed feelings come rushing out "on stage". In such a moment, he becomes all of the feeling and often cannot help but to act on the powerful negative emotional impulses. Of course, such raw, painful, impulsive displays tend to cause more problems than they solve. And this only engrains the maladaptive process, because, after such an episode, many will want to lock down their emotions even more, setting the whole thing up to repeat. That is what he did when he went away from you for three months. Since you imprinted on each other, each one will feel this type of triggers and unbalance emotive senses. That is why you are avoiding him and he's on the receptive side waiting to reconnect to you as his guide. It is important Xiao Jiu that you understand this and strive to cultivate a healthy relationship with Dong Hua to maintain the peace within you as well as his emotional health. If you continue to hurt each other, intentionally or unintentionally, it will create havoc that will physically reflect in your surroundings. You need to be the nurturer in the relationship to balance what he's lacking. Do you love him Xiao Jiu?"


"More than my own life." Feng Jiu answered.


"Then learn the effective awareness about what emotions are and the domains of consciousness that result in conflict. Fostering in healthy awareness and attunement to feeling states and the information regarding needs and goals provided by them. And learn the adaptive regulation of the impulses associated with strong feelings, in accordance with long term goals and valued ways of being. I believe in part that what created this situation is your insecurities Xiao Jiu. Relationships, in particular, can stir up past hurts and experiences. They can awaken insecurities we've long buried and bring up emotions we don't expect. Moreover, many of us harbor unconscious fears. Being close to someone else can shake us up and bring these emotions and critical inner voices even closer to the surface. Listening to this inner critic can do serious damage to our interpersonal relationships. It can cause us to feel desperate toward our partner or pull back when things start to get serious. It can exaggerate feelings of jealousy or possessiveness or leave us feeling rejected and unworthy."


"I feel like that sometimes with him. That no matter what I do or say, it will never be enough to please him."


"That is because of the past painful history that you two have. The path of rejection that he pushed you to walk on. Sweetheart, start to think and talk about the insights and reactions you have to exposing these mean thoughts with Dong Hua. It can be helpful to uncover the relationship between these voice attacks and the early life experiences that helped shape them. This too will allow you to feel some self-compassion and reject these attitudes as accurate reflections of who you are. Respond to your attacks with compassion and kindness. Make a connection between how the voice attacks are influencing your present-day behaviors and plan to change them. If you're indulging in self-hating thoughts that encourage you to engage in self-destructive manners, it's time to interrupt these behaviors and unleash the real you. This process will not be easy. Your insecurities aren't likely to vanish overnight, but slowly, through perseverance, they will start to weaken. Make your husband part of this journey too, so he can learn how to help you with your insecurities. Xiao Jiu, Dong Hua loves you with every ounce of his thick being. He will forsake his existence if something happens to you. I'm sure you know that."


"I know that he loves me and I will do my best to equate our relationship. That will be lifetime mission. Thank you fùqīn for this talk, I needed to reassure myself before I talk to Dijun."


"You are welcome my darling. I need to get used to being called like that. Please do so when we are alone. I don't want others to think that I'm stepping into Bai Yi's shoes."


"If you prefer it like that then I will obey. But you are my fùqīn and I will always love you." Feng Jiu kissed his cheek and hugged him tight.


"Only you can make this old phoenix cry like a drama queen. I'm so proud of my kittling, she is all grown up. Now let's go. You need to rest and your husband is waiting for you."


Feng Jiu phased to her fox form and Zhe Yan carried her in his arms. He was so content to hear her for the first time call him what he really is to her. 

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