Chapter 38: Don't Pull the Trigger

Someone says something to us, and we are suddenly struck with a sinking feeling in our stomach. Someone does something, and we become instantly enraged or alarmed. Someone comes at us with a certain attitude, and we go to pieces. We hear mention of a person, place, or thing that is associated with an unresolved issue or a past trauma, and we immediately feel ourselves seize up with sadness, anger, fear, or shame. When any of this happens, we can be sure a trigger has been activated.


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Mo Yan and Bai Zhen saw the dark clouds gathering on the sky, they could feel something dreary brewing up.


"Bai Zhen we need to go now to Qing Qui eastern border. Something is not right." Mo Yan alerted Bai Zhen.


Bai Zhi and his wife were on their way to Qing Qui eastern lands as well. Bai Yi and his wife left too.


Ye Hua saw the dark sky and got worried. With Bai Qian, Si Ming, Lian Song and Zhong Li went to Qing Qui accompanied with a retinue of imperial guards.


They all arrived at the same time. The scenario was horrifying. They heard Dong Hua and Zhe Yan arguing inside the palace. Bai Zhi ran inside first and the rest of the group followed him.


Migu was trying his hardest to hold Zhe Yan. His fury for his beloved Xiao Jui was out of control. He was trying to attack Dong Hua. When Bai Zhen saw that Zhe Yan was out of control, he went to help Migu along with Bai Yi and Bai Qian. Zhe Yan's anger intensified his strength, it was getting difficult to subdue him. "LET ME GO, LET ME HAVE HIM!!!" Zhe Yan vehemently screamed at them.


The atmosphere inside the room was changing by the second. Dong Hua's eyes radiated rage; his wrath was taking over. Mo Yan, Ye Hua, Lian Song, Si Ming and Bai Zhi were trying to hold Dong Hua with no avail, nobody could get near him.


The Bai women tried to retrieve Feng Jiu's body, but a forcefield prevented them to do so. Feng Jiu's mother was inconsolable, she was trying to break Dong Hua's forcefield. The Fox Empress ordered the imperial guards to form a barrier for protection. Zhong Li went to help Migu. It was pure pandemonium inside the palace.


"Dijun get a hold of yourself; you will kill everyone around here!" Mo Yan was pleading with him.


"Control your emotions Zhe Yan, you will get killed!!!", Bai Zhen was yelling at Zhe Yan.


Mo Yan having enough of this unnecessary display, he flashed over Zhe Yan and knocked him down. He then robbed Dong Hua of his eye sight to calm him down.


"MO YAN GIVE ME BACK MY EYESIGHT, HOW DARE YOU ATACK ME!!!"


"Dijun, I will return your eyesight as soon as you calm down. You will kill every being in all the realms if you continue to expose your rage in full range. I'm sure this is not what you want to do. Please normalize your emotions. I'm here to help you." Mo Yan calmly told him.


Dong Hua huffed hard and snapped out of his madness. He quickly grasped his surroundings. He closed his eyes and started to regulate his breathing. Quickly disarming his defense mechanism along with his powerful murderous aura. Mo Yan was monitoring him. When he saw that Dong Hua was calmed he returned his eyesight.


The Bai family were all gloomy seeing their precious Xiao Jiu in such condition. There were so many questions in their minds. "What happened here?" Bai Yi asked Migu.


Migu knelt down in front of Bai Yi "Her highness health deteriorated; she has been working nonstop for the past three months. I failed to take care of her wellbeing please punish me your highness." He purposely left out the rest of the story to protect their majesties privacy.


"Migu, is not your fault. It's my fault. Dong Hua said. I failed her." Everyone turned to look at Dong Hua.


Mo Yan got next to Dong Hua. "Please let me check her Dijun, I sense a delicate presence here, I want to make sure is her."


Dong Hua eyes were misted with tears. He didn't care to be seen in such distress state. He only had eyes for his Jiu'er. He removed his forcefield and allowed Mo Yan to enter, then it closed it back preventing others to come in. Mo Yan examined her. He closed his eyes scanning her entire being carefully examining her, layer by layer. It took him a while to finally have an answer.


"She is not dead Dijun. There is a powerful seal inside her that is preventing her to wake up." He looked at Dijun and then he carefully eyed Zhe Yan. He was laying down on Bai Zhen's arms unconscious.


Dong Hua opened a mental channel to talk only with Mo Yan. "Why did you eyed Zhe Yan, Mo Yan?"


"Because it is his seal. She is unconscious, but her soul and spirit are alive. The seal is preventing her to ascend. The ominous signs outside are cypher for ascension but she hasn't been able to do so because of her current state. We need to talk to him Dong Hua, he is the only one who could help Feng Jiu."


"We can't do it here Mo Yan. Can we move Jiu'er?"


"We can, but she is too weak. I will recommend a safe environment, but you need to be calmed enough to talk to your brother, Dijun for your wife's sake."


"Understood." Dong Hua concluded their mental conversation. He removed the forcefield so Feng Jiu's family can go and see her before taking her away from them. Feng Jiu's mother hugged her to her chest. "My precious kittling"


Mo Yan woke up Zhe Yan. He fluttered his eyes "What happened to me?" Zhe Yan asked. "What are you doing here Bai Zhen?"


"What do you remember Zhe Yan?" Bai Zhen asked him.


"I was fighting with HIM!!" Zhe Yan glared at Dong Hua direction. "And then everything went black"


Mo Yan exhaled. "Zhe Yan you need to calm down. We need your help to revive Feng Jiu."


"Calm down? You don't know what happened to my lassie." Zhe Yan was getting all worked up again.


"We can talk about the details on another place. Dong Hua calmed down and is letting Feng Jiu's family to see her before we leave." Mo Yan interjected.


"We?, who are the we that you're talking about?" Zhe Yan asked Mo Yan.


"Yes we. You have some explaining to do Zhe Yan." Dong Hua sternly said to him.


"Dijun we are her family, and we have a right to know what is wrong with her." Bai Qian demanded.



"Qian Qian, they need to sort things out first before, please stand down." Ye Hua reproached her.


Bai Qian wasn't having it; her defiant character and murderous tongue against Dong Hua erupted: "EVER SINCE SHE MET YOU, THERE HAS BEEN NO REST FOR MY POOR NIECE. SHE HAS GREATLY SUFFERED BECAUSE OF YOU, AND WHAT SHE HAS GAINED BY FINALLY MARRYING YOU BUT MORE PAIN AND SUFFERING. YOU ARE HER HUSBAND NOW, AND YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT AS A FOX, SHE NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT AND NOT YOUR SILENCE AND INDIFFERENCE. PHYSIOLOGICALLY WE DON'T HANDLE REJECTION WELL, IT THROWS OUR QI OUT OF BALANCE. YOU CANNOT CONTINUE TO ACT AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. SHE IS NOT ALONE; WE WILL ALWAYS BE HER BACKERS. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE HER THEN WHY DID YOU MARRIED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE? I'M LIVID TO KNOW THAT HER LIFE IS IN A THREAD AGAIN, BECAUSE OF YOU, AND YOUR OUTREAGOUS DEMANDS!!! WHO THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE DIJUN! SHE IS STILL A YOUNG WOMAN WITH A CAREFREE SPIRIT AND A NAUGHTY NATURE. YOU BEING ALLMIGHTY AND ALL FAIL TO UNDERSTAND HER KIND. AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM HER FAMILY. HOW CRUEL YOU ARE DIJUN!! YOUR LACK OF SYMPATHY HAS NO LIMITS. WAKE UP BEFORE IS TOO LATE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR A HEART, AN ICY STONE? SHE LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY, UNDERSTAND IT ONCE AND FOR ALL, DO NOT KEEP REJECTING HER. I SWEAR THAT IF YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE HER SUFFER, I WILL MAKE SURE SHE DISAPPEARS FROM YOUR LIFE FOREVER, EVEN AT THE COST OF MY OWN LIFE!!! WRITE IT TODAY!!! Bai Quian cut her palm and squeezed her blood on the ground. "THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU DONG HUA DIJUN"


Ye Hua watched horrified how his wife made a blood oath in front of the most powerful deity. He knew the implications on the oath she made. "Qian Qian that is enough!!! Don't forget who are you talking to." Ye Hua continued with his reproach.


"I know very well who I'm talking to Ye Hua, he needs to learn a lesson!!!" She pointed her fan to Dong Hua's face.


"Shíqī mind your manners!!!" Mo Yan yelled at her, "You are being uncouth and disrespectful in front of your husband, family and myself. You are in no position to make threats to his Lordship Dong Hua Dijun. Stop your foolish acts right now!"


Dong Hua slowly walked to Bai Qian with an eerie aura that screamed murder. His presence stemmed death; it was enough to send Bai Qian to her knees trembling as a warning, he looked directly to her eyes: "I don't take lightly your insolence high goddess Bai Qian, your niece is my legally bound wife and empress; NO ONE not even YOU can or will take her away from me and I don't need to make a blood oath to mark my words. SHE IS MINE!!!! And I will sacrifice every ounce of my being, every drop of blood of my body to save her if I need to. You don't know nothing about our relationship, so keep your lashings to yourself and don't threat me again. I will not be so lenient the next time." Dong Hua meanly warned Bai Qian.


Ye Hua protectively went to her side to help her up. He knew better not to mess around with an angry Dijun.


"Dijun please calm yourself and understand that my wife as Dihou's family is concerned about her wellbeing. She got carried away. I assure you that it will not happen again." Ye Hua serenely stated not meeting Dijun's angry gaze.


"Like I said Tianjun Ye Hua, I will not tolerate threats. Are we ready to leave Mo Yan?"


"Wait!!" Feng Jiu's mother pleaded, she knelt in front of Dong Hua. "Please take me wherever you are taking my daughter. May his Lordship consider me to be by her side; I beg this of you as her mother." She kowtowed to Dijun. Her heart was beating fast; she was scared to death but wanted to be next to Feng Jiu.


"You may go with us, but only you. We will go to my home Bihai Cangling, I will return your wife Bai Yi as soon as we are done with Jiu'er. Zhong Li, I place you in charge of Tai Chen Palace until our return. Lian Song and Si Ming make sure that there are no other security breaches on Tai Chen and enforce Qing Qui security in our absence."


"Yes Dijun." The trio said.


Dong Hua proceeded to carry Feng Jiu frail body in his arms. "Let's go old bird" Dong Hua glared at Zhe Yan. They all vanished to the Holy Blue Sea.


Bai Zhi got close to his daughter. "Bai Qian, never ever threat Dong Hua again if you value your life and ours. There is no match to his powerful aura. Not even with all our powers combined can take him down. Mind your tongue next time and control your temper."


"Forgive this unfilial daughter, father." Bai Qian told her father.


Bai Zhi hugged her close. "Let us all calm down and wait here for their return."


The sky outside remained covered with dark clouds; like a storm coming down to all Qing Qui region.


At Bihai Cangling...


Everyone safely arrived. Dong Hua carried his beloved to their bed chambers. He carefully placed her on the bed. "Jiu'er I will be right back" He tenderly kissed her forehead. He then directed the trio to sit in a seating area outside their room.


"Very well why are we here?" Zhe Yan asked Dong Hua.



Dong Hua summoned a tea tray for everyone to drink. He calmly sat down not giving him an answer. Mo Yan sensing another argument looming, simply drank his tea in peace. While Zhe Yan was exasperated to receive an answer from Dijun.


Feng Jiu's mother sensing his impatience served him a cup of tea. "Zhe Yan while you were unconscious, Mo Yan was able to discover something that can help our Xiao Jiu." She looked at Zhe Yan directly to his eyes.


"You can't be serious?" He told her.


"Is the only way Zhe Yan."


Mo Yan and Dong Hua were waiting for them to finish. They sensed that whatever they were hiding was going to be divulged.


"We made a promise!!!" Zhe Yan glared to her.


"We did, but today is the day that both of us will break it, for the well being of our daughter Zhe Yan."


Mo Yan's eyes widen. His suspicious were true. "No wonder..." he trailed off.


Dong Hua just continued to drink his tea with his expressionless façade. "Go on" he told her.


"Don't please..." Zhe Yan pleaded.


"I'm sorry Zhe Yan, you can put the blame on me, if you wish." She gave him a small smile.


Zhe Yan lowered his head and remained quiet.


"Dijun, Mo Yan, it is difficult for me to talk about something that we purposely hide for thousands of years. Long before I married Bai Yi, my family was very close with the Bai clan. My father didn't value the friendship that our families shared for so long. He incurred on a substantial debt with Bai Zhi. The only way to negotiate a form of payment was for me to marry one of his sons. My father forced me to marry Bai Yi against my will. I already had given my heart to Zhe Yan at that time, but my father didn't agree to our relationship. For him Zhe Yan didn't met his high expectations to be my husband. He and Bai Zhi entered marriage negotiations and set a date for our wedding. At that time Bai Yi was serving in another region after the war waged under your command Dijun. He remained at Shīzi for a long time assisting the current ruler with the after-war effects. Bai Zhi convened his son to return to Qing Qui to take on his duty as fox king of the eastern lands. Little that Bai Zhi knew that Bai Yi had a previous relationship with another. Bai Yi was a promiscuous man before. Bai Zhi was always on his case about settling down and forming a family. But Bai Yi every chance he got, would escape to have fun with women around Qing Qui and other places. Bai Zhi never knew that his son had already chosen his mate. When we got married on our wedding night, we couldn't stand to be next to each other. Our hearts were tied up with others. I knew that he loved another very much. He married me to cover the honor of my family name that my father tarnished with his debt. Bai Yi and I arranged to spend our wedding night and honeymoon with our loved ones, instead with each other. We agreed on not revealing the identities of our lovers. So, he went to look for his beloved while I went to look for Zhe Yan. After the honeymoon period was over; we met again to return to Qing Qui and play the role of a happily married couple. He ascended to the throne and I was crowned as his queen. I didn't know that Zhe Yan was a close friend of the Bai family until I saw him on our coronation day. Then I learned about the time he served with your Lordship and Bai Zhi during the ancient wars. Zhe Yan close relationship with the Bai family facilitated our encounters. He was always around the fox den and we saw each other frequently. Since we were bound with secrecy, we continued to see each other clandestinely, and continue our affair until I got pregnant. Bai Yi became suspicious about our interactions and confronted Zhe Yan. Bai Yi came up with the plan to cover up my pregnancy, but Zhe Yan couldn't be part of it. Bai Yi remained by myside for the rest of my pregnancy, to ensure that everyone knew that we were happily expecting our bundle of joy together."


"When Xiao Jiu was born, her birth was difficult. Her mother almost died." Zhe Yan interjected. "I attended her birth as the family physician and saw all the labor that she went thru to have our daughter. She was in labor for three days with Xiao Jiu. When I held Xiao Jiu in my arms for the first time, I knew that she was special. Xiao Jiu was born with my powerful aura. She shares fox traits with phoenix qualities. I have never seen anything like it in my long existence. There is no immortal like her, she is unique. We had to come with a solution fast, before she got presented to Qing Qui as the future heir to the throne by Bai Yi and Bai Zhi. They were waiting outside along with the rest of the Bai family. That evening we made a promise to each other. I sealed Xiao Jiu powers and gave her the phoenix flower on her forehead as a birthmark. That way she could grow up and develop her fox identity instead. Her dormant powers manifested when she met you Dong Hua."


"Met me? When?" Dong Hua asked.


"Think hard". Zhe Yan said.


Dong Hua went pensive for a minute. "You mean...my recurrent dream is not a dream but a memory?" Dong Hua incuriously expressed.


"Exactly. On her presentation banquet, Qing Qui invited everyone to come and celebrate her birth. You surprisingly showed up. I was beside myself when I saw you entering the fox palace. Bai Zhi had Xiao Jiu in his arms when he saw you; he then placed her in your arms, and she immediately grabbed your hair. Her mother and I saw a powerful connection formed between you two, I knew that day that she chose you to be her mate while you were holding her. We saw how you became engulfed with Xiao Jiu. You refused to let her go, so the bond strengthened. You responded affirmatively as her mate without even noticing. Others wanted to hold her, and you hoarded her to yourself for the rest of the evening. You were protecting her as her mate would. She was so happy in your arms, she even felt asleep and you didn't mind at all."



"Why I don't remember this?" Dong Hua harshly asked Zhe Yan.


"Because I sealed that memory Dong Hua when I offered you a cup of tea that day. Before you get angry at me, let me explain to you why I did." Zhe Yan quickly interjected.


"Zhe Yan you have crossed many lines with me already."


"I know I have, but I had to do it to protect her. She was just months old Dong Hua. Knowing that you removed your love fate, it was mindboggling to me seeing this connection form in front of my eyes. I have never seen someone who will go against the will of heaven. She was innocent and pure, I wanted her live Dong Hua. I knew the consequences of my actions will go against our bond, but she is more important to me, please understand that. I acted as her father. I understand if you want to obliterate our bond Dong Hua, but I will always protect her against any harm. As Xiao Jiu grew, she always inquired about you. She wanted to know all about your history. In school she studied all your favorite subjects as her way to get to know you better. I knew that sooner or later you two will meet again. The day that you saved her from the fire lion beast at the forest, it was destiny reuniting both of you once more.



All the interactions that you had with her in the past were manifestations of the connection done that day. Even when I sealed that memory from you, the bond was powerful enough to remind you about your history with her. That is the reason why you couldn't forget her after you send her away. Deep inside your cold heart, you knew she was destined to be with you. When she reappeared in your life again, you couldn't resist any longer because of the link you two share. Besides myself, she is the only immortal who carries phoenix essence and the only nine tails red fox in all realms. Her uniqueness fox trait relates to her phoenix spirit. Her dormant powers are connected to her primordial spirit. She's been able to awake part of her powers already without realizing it."


"That day at her training?" Mo Yan asked


"Yes, she did. Because of the bond that she shares with Dong Hua. It was natural for her to come to his rescue. The powerful fox ancient magic automatically signaled her primordial spirit that her mate was in danger. I saw it in her eyes when we arrived at Tai Chen Palace that day Mo Yan. She was protecting Dong Hua and she saw us as a threat. When I was aiding him, her eyes reflected her jealousy and rage at me. She thought that I inflicted harm to him. She was ready to attack us. That is why she only responded to Dong Hua's voice and not ours. She didn't recognized us at that moment. Dong Hua was able to bring her rage down." Zhe Yan answered.


"When she was training at Kun Lun, I saw that her aura was different from Bai Qian's'. Feng Jiu's aura is powerful, but it remained hidden. I tried to push her to ascension, but I was not successful. The day that you and Bai Yi came to pick her up I saw the phoenix flying around her. I understood that somehow, that it was related to you." Mo Yan shared.


Dong Hua was analyzing everything that was shared. He felt overwhelmed at the fact that his beloved Jiu'er always knew he was hers. He felt remorse taking over his emotions. How can he rescue his little fox without failing her again? This new revelation opened so many questions and scenarios. He tried to comprehend that his actions were improper and couldn't hide his apprehension. Can he forgive Zhe Yan betrayal? He knew that Zhe Yan was only defending her as his daughter, but his wounded ego was trying to force him to reject him as he did with his beloved when disagreement threaten their relationship. He had to choose a way to navigate the overall unruliness to sustain his sanity and open his heart and clear vision in the face of these ongoing challenges.



Feng Jui's mother reading Dong Hua's reaction said: "You can choose not to make an enemy of your feelings, as intense as they may be. But balance doesn't come from wiping out all feeling. When it comes to feeling painful emotions like anger, you may get lost in them, such that they become toxic and seemingly inescapable. You may think there's no way out, and you come to identify with your feelings completely. Equanimity is what frees us from these dynamics; you can learn to be present with emotions without falling into the extremes of overwhelm or denial. Please pay attention to choosing how you will respond to a given feeling, thought, or circumstance; find calm and steadiness. Dijun please identify and examine your most deeply held values. Align your actions with the values or concerns that you have by centering power in your life shared with our Xiao Jiu —she is the most devoted to you, she is that form; the passionate core of what we all care about— so your actions are empowered, whatever the challenge might be to fill that void that you are feeling at this moment. When we have a sense of what we are supposed to be doing and we then go out and do it, we forge a center and reinforce the core strength we can return to and rely on again and again. Right now, it doesn't matter if she is Zhe Yan or Bai Yi daughter. What matter most is that she needs her husband to come to her well centered and willing to continue loving her with all your being. Can you do that Dijun?"


Dong Hua listened to Feng Jiu's mother words. She railed him into realizing that he may charge into situations imagining that maintaining control is the secret to making his life with Jiu'er work. He can affect things around—that's the whole point of acting—but it's not helpful to think he was going to finally be in absolute control. That's not going to happen, not even for a moment. He will do everything he can but need to let go of his expectations and disappointments. If he doesn't, his fearful fantasies and shattered dreams will be endless. It was better to plant the seed of effort with a willingness to do all that he can, plus the wisdom of knowing that he don't do it all by himself and that he cannot simply command everything to his liking, he won't feel defeated by circumstances.


"Peace is not about moving away from or transcending all the pain in order to travel to an easeful, spacious realm of relief: we cradle both the immense sorrow and the wondrousness of life at the same time. Being able to be fully present with both is the gift equanimity gives us—spacious stillness, radiant calm. Equanimity means being with pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow, in such a way that our hearts are fully open and also whole, intact. We can recognize what is true, even if painful, and also know peace. Equanimity doesn't mean we have no feeling about anything; it's not a state of blankness. Instead, it is the spaciousness that can relate to any feeling, any occurrence, any arising, and still be free." Mo Yan reminded him.


"Brother, I know how difficult is for you to express your feelings. We understand that this journey is new to you. We already revealed to you our reasons to hide Xiao Jiu's true identity. But be mindful of her needs too. The path to the end of suffering and enlightenment, says there are eight ways we can keep the middle way and ensure that our minds and bodies are happy and in good shape. You need to get a good "view" of these events, and not be ill-disposed to others, so right view and right intention keep the mind safe. Mindfulness never plays solo. Our Xiao Jiu needs you as her husband to be all in for her sake. We can agree that she is the most important person in our lives; we can continue our endless banter but at the end, she will not gain anything from our fight." Zhe Yan exclaimed.


"All right let us agree on helping Jiu'er ascend."  Dong Hua finally said.


Zhe Yan, Mo Yan and Feng Jiu mother breathed freely knowing that everyone was on board with the right sense of direction.


"Jiu'er my love, hold on my little fox. We are here for you."  Dong Hua quietly said while staring at their room.

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