Whatever luck means

On the past few years Bee had spent a considerable amount of time in hospitals. She'd gotten used to the sounds, the smells, the schedule. And the thing about them is that they were pretty much the same in some places. Like an airport or a hotel you lost your sense of location in the world. She could let herself believe that she was still in New York, that she was interned for something other than a car accident, and if she closed her eyes she could even pretend her mom was by her side.


"I've brought some fruits. I don't think the food they give here is exactly helpful for anyone trying to recover." Her dad stated as he unloaded a few grocery bags over the table.


"Dad, it's fine. I will be leaving soon anyway."


"You don't know that yet."


Her room was painted light beige. There was a small tv hanging from the ceiling, a mini fridge, a couple of tables and a sofa. She'd been there for two days and knew the room so well she was starting to memorize the patterns of the floor tiles.


"Can we talk about it today?" He asked.


She remained quiet for a couple of seconds. She'd postponed deciding how much of the real story she'd tell her dad. Not because she was trying to defend Nate but because she didn't want him to worry.


"There's not much to say." She repeated the same thing she always said. "Nate was driving me home and he lost control."


"Except that was not the way home," He said turning to look at her. "He was going out of town, drunk, without a shirt on. He got on the opposite lane. It was undoubtedly his fault." He said matter of factly. She breathed out and looked away. It was harder to lie to him to his face. "But what were you doing there? You weren't drunk. And I would like to believe I raised my daughter with some good judgement."


"Of course. Are you saying I encouraged him? I didn't, dad. It's obvious."


"If you weren't comfortable with what was happening then why were you there?" Obviously her dad didn't know anything about being a teenager.
She shook her head but memories kept coming back. She remembered screaming seconds before the crash so vividly it made her shiver.


"Please let's not talk about this right now."


He breathed out. "Okay."


She was struggling the most when she had to sleep at night. The memories of the crash plagued her mind. Nate saying I'm not going to hurt you.
The thing was she never really blacked out. After they crashed against the traffic barriers and the car had turned sideways she was still conscious. She saw Nate's body fly half way out the window and thought that he was dead.
After taking off her seat belt she'd crawled through the smashed front window of the car. She even remembered reaching for her phone that was still buzzing after she'd checked Nate was still breathing.
In her mind the whole thing had happened in a matter of hours but in reality it had only been a couple of minutes before help arrived.


"Bee, if anything were to happen to you I don't —"


"Dad, stop." She said gently. "I know. Don't think about that."


"You were very lucky."


"Whatever luck means." She whispered under her breath, but she knew what he'd meant. For now she'd gotten away with a few stitches on her forehead, some bruises and having to wear a neck collar for two weeks. Sure she was still under observation and her body hurt in places it never had, but she would recover quickly.


-


Later that afternoon Jules and Rue stopped by to visit. Her dad went home to shower and change clothes.


"We're really sorry this happened." Jules said holding her hand.


"It's not your fault." Bee replied. "You were the only ones who tried to help."


"Except we kinda made it worst." Rue added.


"Everyone's got these crazy theories about what went down." Jules said.


"What are they saying?"


Both girls fell quiet for a second.


"Well, some are kind of saying that you asked him to go somewhere, even though he was too drunk to drive."


"Are you serious?"


"It doesn't matter." Rue said. "Just lay off of school as long as you can."


"Yeah, it's for the best. Also Nate's locker is covered in pictures and notes as if he'd died or something."


"I think if he had it would be empty." Rue said quietly.


"Yeah." Jules agreed. "But fuck him. I'm so glad you're okay. And you even look hot in that neck collar."


Bee laughed and squeezed Jules' hand. "We should decorate it." She said mischievously.


"What meds are they giving you?" Rue asked. Jules shot her a look. "Just for informative purposes. I need to know if she's getting the good stuff."


"Nothing major." Bee said. "I'm fine."


"Listen," Jules said taking Bee's hand between hers. "I know you're physically okay, but—"


"That was some traumatizing shit." Rue completed.


"Yeah."


"I don't know. I don't think I'm okay yet." Bee said. "But I will be eventually. I just don't wanna talk about it yet."


"You don't have to." Jules said. "And if you ever do, we'll be here, okay?"


Bee nodded before getting pulled into a hug. As much as she hated to be back. She was glad she had them both.


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