Tomorrow Might Not Be Your Day

The first time Bee tried Xanax she though she was cured forever. Her brain felt as if it had been taken out of her body and left to soak. She was able to see peace and beauty in the world around her even as her life was crumbling down.

It was a shame it didn't last long.

It was around that time that she learned something new about herself: she was intrinsically selfish.

And it was being selfish that had kept her alive for the hardest part of her life. Because even if she wished she hadn't taken those pills or gone out to the parties she did or gotten blackout drunk with people who pretended to be her friends deep down she knew she couldn't have done anything differently.

The amount of pain she'd had to deal with in the year her mother had been getting treatment was so large she simply couldn't take it.
So she put it off.
Even if she knew it wouldn't last forever.

Very few people knew Bee and Fezco knew each other. Rue had introduced them but she probably had no idea she'd bike to his house at least once a month to get Xanax or Oxy.

He sold her a limited amount of pills that he and Ash kept track of. It was thanks to him that she'd remained afloat after the car accident.

But for the last weeks he'd just vanished, and she wasn't doing well.

"Should we skip this thing?" Nate asked as she got into his car.

She leaned in to kiss him and felt the characteristic scent of his mixture of soap and cologne. Her boyfriend could have a lot of questionable qualities but he was usually impeccable.

"Uh—" She looked at him, her eyes drifting to his lips. "No. I need to get drunk tonight and doing it around other people is way more acceptable."

"Than doing it alone with me?" He asked slowly.

"I said acceptable not fun." She said and put on her safety belt.

When they arrived to the party the house was way more crowded than she'd expected. Nate took her hand in his the way he usually did when they were in public.

"Who did you say lives here?" She asked Nate, raising her voice over the music.

"No idea." He responded as he opened the door to let her in.

They both walked into the dim lit kitchen where all the bottles were scattered over the countertops. The floor was so sticky she had to make a little bit of extra effort every time she took a step.

Nate noticed her looking around at all the unfamiliar people around them and brought her even closer. She looked up at him as he leaned down to kiss her.

"I can't wait to get the fuck out of here." He said to her ear. And she knew he didn't meant the party, he meant that town and even though she couldn't agree more for a second she felt nostalgic about the people she would miss. The same people she hadn't seen at all for the past few weeks.

"Yeah." She said absently. "I'll go say hi, be back in a second, okay?"

"I'll get us a drink." Nate said.

She didn't wait for him to answer before she walked over to the living room. The first familiar person Bee spotted was Lexi, and then to her side, Fezco.

She walked over to them and looked back hesitantly before crouching in front of Fez.

"Hi guys," She said in an unnaturally cheer tone and then cleared her throat. "Sorry, Hi Lex."

"Hey." Lexi answered with a smile even though there was a hint of surprise in her expression.

"Fez?" She turned her attention to him even though he refused to look back at her. "Fez." She insisted.

"Yo," He said as his green eyes finally met with hers.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" She asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You haven't answered any of my texts? I went to your house the other day and Ash wouldn't let me in?"

Lexi scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion but didn't say a word.

"I ain't got nothing to say to you, Bee." He said. "I thought you were done with that morherfucker. You and Jules."

"What's Nate got to do with this?" She asked but he was ignoring her again. "Fez."

"Listen, if I would've known you were involved with him I wouldn't have taken care of you in the first place, okay?" He said and looked down at the beer bottle he was holding in his hand. "It's fucked up. He's fucked up. Listen, I don't like to get all up in people's business but I'll give you some advice." And Bee had never seen him be so definitive about something. "Dump his fucking ass."

"What are you like scared of him or something?"

"I ain't scared." He said firmly. "But you should be."

He then got up and walked out to the patio leaving her crouched in front of an empty seat.

"Well," She said to Lexi. "Happy New Years I guess."

"Happy New Years." Lexi said. "Are you like—? Nevermind."

"Have you seen Jules by any chance?" She asked her.

"I think she went outside."

Bee nodded and got up while lowering the hem of her dress. She walked out to the patio and stood by the pool as she tried to spot either of her best friends.

She wasn't sure if it had been her fault or theirs, but as soon as the Christmas break had started she'd barely talked to either of them. Rue had disappeared and Jules hadn't answered a single one of her texts. But then again she'd also been completely absorbed by Nate for the past few weeks.

"Bee?" She heard a familiar voice next to her and turned to the side to find Jules standing next to her.

She took a second to admire her new haircut. Her hair had been chopped off to her jaw in a similar style to her own.

"Hi," She said nervously, for some reason her tongue seemed stuck to her palate as she tried to speak. "Your hair, I love it."

"Thanks." Jules said while the sides of her lips pulled up slightly.

Bee looked at her for a second and then said. "I'm so happy to see you."

They pulled each other in for a tight hug.

"I thought you were mad at me." Bee said.

"No, I'm not. I'm sorry."

Bee let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and closed her eyes shut as she said. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Jules said and took a deep breath, almost like a gasp.

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