On the following days Bee felt as if she couldn't concentrate. She went to school, studied, hung out with her friends all while feeling a strange sensation that she was carrying a secret she couldn't share with anyone. She hadn't talked to Nate since he left her house the morning after the carnival. In her head maybe if she waited long enough she could get what happened out of her mind. But it didn't work, she remembered it a lot, all the time, specially when she was by herself.

"What's wrong?" Rue asked.

"Nothing." Bee said. She'd closed the door of her locker so hard and fast after opening her friend was looking at her with concern.

"It's like you just saw a corpse in there." Rue said.

"No, really. It's fine. I'm just tired and my brain is malfunctioning." Except it wasn't. Yet.

She had to wait until the school cleared out a little after her last class to go to her locker and take out the sunflower bouquet she'd seen on the inside. She reached for it thinking maybe it was a hallucination, but it wasn't. It was very real. Sunflowers and the color yellow had been her biggest obsessions as a kid. It didn't have a note but there was only one person on school who would remember that.

She took it out and threw it in the trash can on her way out. As soon as she walked out of the front doors she saw Nate standing by his car. He walked in her direction and she felt a knot starting to form on her stomach.

"Hey," she said casually.

"Hey? Have you read any of my texts?" He asked. He looked less than happy but his voice was calmed.

"Yeah, no. I'm sorry." She stopped once they were a few steps away. "I've been busy."

"Whatever. Your dad's coming for dinner at our place tonight. My parents are having a barbecue."

"He didn't tell me anything." She said tugging the strap of her backpack. Although he probably had. She hadn't really been paying attention to what he said that morning.

"Yeap. Well, let's get your bike and put it in the back." He said but she didn't move. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not." Except she knew she was.

"Let's just go."

Once they got to his house she stayed in the kitchen talking to his mom while Nate moved some chairs to the backyard.

She'd almost forgotten he could also be the golden boy with the seemingly perfect family just as much as he could be the intimidating jock at school or the vulnerable boy when he was with her. She was having trouble combining all these people into one. It's not like she felt like she was always the same version of herself all the time but with Nate they were almost too different from each other. She was yet to find at what point they overlapped.

"What time does your father get out of work?" Marsha asked.

"Late." She said snapping back from her thoughts . "But he said he'll leave in half an hour."

"He's really dedicated now, isn't he?"

"Yeah, things are finally working out for him."

"Such a shame she isn't here to see it." She said referring to her mom. She nodded absently.

"Thanks for the invitation anyway."

Nate got into the kitchen. "It's all set." He announced. "When dad gets here he just needs to light up the coal."

"Great, darling."

"Let's go." He said looking at her and nodding in the direction of the stairs. "Come on."

She followed him upstairs to his room and sat at the chair in front of his desk while he closed the door. He sat in front of her on the edge of the bed and looked at her for a second.

"I can't figure out what you want, Bee." He didn't seem mad, or sad, he seemed frustrated. It was hard to imagine three days ago he'd woken up on her bed and kissed her before she could even brush her teeth.

"Me neither." She said and looked down at her sneakers.  "I think I'm scared of this."

"Of me."

"It's like, all I want is to survive the rest of the school year so I can move to New York, and the only thing endangering that plan so far is well— You."

"In what way?"

"In a very literal one. Like I feel something bad might happen."

"I think I feel the exact opposite." He paused and grabbed the armrests of the chair before pulling it closer. "Like good things are gonna happen if we stay together."

"I just got scared with the things you said that night, and the flowers. It's like— I don't know what I want but I'm sure I don't want that."

"You don't want me to treat you well?" He asked.

"No." She said. "I mean the way things were were just fine. I just don't want this to be romantic. If that's what you want there are probably other girls who'd be up for it."

He smiled almost cynically "Other girls?" He asked. "Bee, I haven't been with other girls for a reason. It's not a fucking coincidence."

She raised her shoulders. "What are you expecting? An award?"

"Only if the award is you." He said and got so close their noses brushed.

He got closer and pressed his lips against hers lightly. She wanted him so badly it scared her. He had control over her in a way she wouldn't want him to know. She grabbed the hair on the back of his head and felt him push her closer to him. She straddled him and wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed. His palms ran against the bare skin of her thighs.

"I mean, we can be friends. Right?" She asked in between kisses.

His hands moved to her butt reaching underneath her skirt. He cupped it and brought the tip of his fingers to the space between her legs causing her to suppress a moan.

"We are friends." He answered against her lips.

"But I mean like, just friends." She said trying to remain focused on their conversation.

He brought his hand back to his face and sucked his index and his middle finger before sliding her underwear aside and rubbing her.

She tilted her head back unwillingly. "Fuck." She moaned.

"You're so wet, Bee." He whispered looking straight into her eyes and then smiled. He applied slightly more pressure and she let out a moan. "Shht." He said and she bit her bottom lip before he brought his free hand to her mouth and slid his thumb over her lips. He slid a finger inside her. She contained herself from moaning by biting onto his thumb. He began slowly pumping his fingers in and out of her.

She didn't know how they'd even started it but she couldn't bring herself to ask him to stop. It felt good, like her whole body opened up to him with an ease she'd never experienced before. Like even though she consciously knew it wasn't a great decision she also couldn't deny herself of the experience. It didn't take long for her whole body to tense. She gripped tightly on the fabric of his shirt and felt his eyes permanently on her face as she came.

He kissed her lips and cheeks as she fell into realization of what'd just happened. His features seemed more relaxed than they'd been minutes ago but his eyes still looked black as ever. She brought her palms against his cheeks and admired him for a second. She ran her thumb over the scar on his cheek lightly and leaned her forehead against his.

"What about this can possibly scare you?" He asked almost in a whisper.

"Everything."

Author's note: so most likely there won't be a lot of smut on this fic (or yes) i guess it depends on you. Comment what you'd prefer or comment in general 🖤 Will update once this gets 10 votes. Thanks and HAPPY NEW YEARS!!