She rolled her eyes. "I'm having second thoughts about this." She turned around and started pacing towards the bed but he caught her from behind. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek, then her lips while moving one of his hands to her face. He pressed his thumb lightly against her cheek and felt her shiver in his arms.

She turned around and looked at him, biting her bottom lip briefly before sliding her sweatshirt over head.

He slipped his hands over her face and looked at it for a second. He felt as a knot starting to form in his throat trying to contain all of the things he wanted her to know. Like he felt homesick when she wasn't around.

"Are you really okay, Bee?"

She shook her head, her cheeks slightly flushed. "I just need you to make me feel better."

He leaned his forehead against hers and felt her press her lips against his. She kissed him tentatively and all he wanted to do was tell her to stop being cautious around him. There was nothing that would make them go back. In spite of their agreement he knew all the damage was done. He was hers, only hers, for as long as she'd have him.

He lifted her up in his arms and felt her legs wrap around his waist. He walked towards the bathroom and turned on the shower. They both finished removing their clothes quickly before getting in. Her body pressed tightly against his the second they were inside.

He pressed her back against the tiles on the wall before mashing his lips with hers. His hand ran over the soft skin of her thighs as he felt the water crash over his back. He felt like he was in heaven.

"I don't think I've ever been with someone like you before." He said looking into her eyes.

"Someone like me?" She asked.

"Who reacts the way you do when I touch them. I wanna make you feel better than anyone has made you feel before, do you think that's possible?" He let out softly as he leaned his finger lightly over the space between her legs. She didn't reply. "Answer me."

"Yes." She whispered as he started rubbing her lightly.

"Who was your last?" He asked.

"What did you say?" Her eyes shot open.

"You're asking me questions all the time." his lips curled with amusement. "Don't I get to ask one?"

"You mean who was the last person I—"

"Fucked." He said ever so naturally. But she didn't answer. Her fingertips pressed tightly against the skin of his shoulders as he continued to rub her. "Did he make you feel like this?" He asked.

"Fuck, no." She said, with her head tilted back and her eyes closed. He continued for a bit longer but right when she was about to get sent over the edge he pulled his hand back.

Her eyes opened and she looked at him with frustration reflected in his eyes. He wished he could save a mental picture of that moment. "Nate—" She claimed lowly but he interrupted her by grabbing her neck and planting a sloppy kiss over her lips.

They finished showering and went out of the bathroom. He carried her back to the bed and laid her carefully over the mattress before getting on top of her. He was desperate to get closer to her but he looked into her eyes for a second and said.

"Now, if we do this are you gonna get weird with me tomorrow?"

"I won't." She said sliding her hands up his back.

"Good, because we have a trip together on the weekend." He said and kissed her neck. He felt her try to push him away lightly but he didn't budge.

"What? You're coming?"

"Yeah." He said. "My parents let me go. With a couple of conditions we can talk afterwards."

"Which conditions?" But he continued to kiss and suck his way down her neck until he reached her breasts. She contained herself from moaning.

"Later." He said against her skin.

"Fuck, later. Yeah."

He reached for a condom in his nightstand. He straightened his back up and ripped the package open with his teeth. As soon as he was finished putting it on he leaned closer to her. He looked at her face as he slid himself inside her. She bit her bottom lip and tilted her head back.

"Keep going." She begged.

Nate leaned his forehead against hers and felt her kiss his lips desperately. He waited for a few seconds as she adjusted to him. He fastened his pace slightly trying to maintain his self control. But her mouth moving eagerly against his wasn't exactly helpful. The sharp edge of her teeth against his lips sent him into a state of desperation.

"Fuck," he muttered pulling back to look at her eyes for a second. "Can I go harder?" He asked.

She nodded. "Please."

He pulled out of her and turned her around so that her back was facing him. He thrusted himself inside her again and started sliding in an out of her rapidly.

Before he knew it he let go of himself completely and entered into a trance like state. To him sex was one of the few times where he could feel like he had absolute control over a situation. Everything he craved for in his daily life came together and fogged any rational thought that might cross his mind.

His hand moved to her head, holding it against the mattress. As he got closer his grip started to shake.

"Nate, wait." Bee's voice was higher pitched than usual and it triggered a sense of alert in him that snapped him back to reality. "Stop."

He pulled back immediately as she turned around. As he got back to his senses he felt a horrible sense of fear invade him as he examined her face. He removed a few loose strands of hair that fell over it and noticed her eyes looked glossy. "Fuck." He said between heavy breaths. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, not really. I'm fine it's just—" She licked her lips avoiding his eyes for a second. "I wasn't really expecting that." And then it hit him. She was the only person in the world who'd seen his dad's tapes with him. She knew that was the way he normally fucked guys, against the mattress with his hand over their heads. The memory was probably carved in her memory just as it was in his.

"Shit. I'm sorry." He buried his face in her hair feeling deeply embarrassed. A familiar sensation started to appear in his gut, a mixture of anger, hate, disgust. "I don't— I can't—Shit."

He felt her hands on the sides of his head trying to pull it up gently. He raised his head but avoided her eyes.

"Nate, I'm okay. Look at me." Their eyes met as she ran her thumb over his jawline.

"Let me go." He asked but her legs were wrapped around his waist but he couldn't stand the idea of hurting her again.

"Where do you go when you're not here?" She asked and the words made his heart sink. So much that he didn't move. Because she didn't mean physically there. And it was the first time anyone noticed that.

She kissed his face lightly over and over again until his body relaxed slightly.

"Let's try again." She said, her voice soft like honey.

He kissed her, unable to give her answer but wanting to say thank you. For putting up with him when he didn't even stand himself. For understanding him when he didn't even understand himself.

Author's note: 3k reads! that's amazing. thanks for reading 🖤 please remember to vote/comment.