Later that night Nate drove to Bee's place. His blood felt so hot he felt like it might boil at any moment. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after what'd happened at the Carnival. Not only was he on the verge of losing control after Maddy's scene, he was also frustrated about Bee's behavior towards him in public. Whenever they were around other people she barely acknowledged him at all even though they'd been hanging out regularly for the past month and a half.

He knew how to act cautiously, to wait. But that night when he'd seen her hanging out with her friends, he wasn't really sure how long he could keep it up.

Most of the times he drove around her house he didn't let her know. He thought about it for a second before he got out of his car and walked over to the side to see if the light in her room was still on. He texted her and waited.

Bee opened the window and looked at him. She'd changed into an oversized shirt. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come up?"

She looked back inside and said. "I don't think my dad's asleep yet."

He looked at the trellis on the side of the house where the climbing plants were growing and analyzed if he could go up through there. His cast was off but he was still doing physio.

"Don't even think about it." She said as if she could read his mind. "Meet me downstairs."

He circled the house and waited for her in the front door. When she opened he stepped inside.

"Quiet." She whispered when he walked in. "You need to take off your shoes."

But he just stood still looking at her for a second. He'd wanted to kiss her so badly before. And she'd actually let him in her house in the middle of the night.

For a second he forgot he was upset and took her face in his hands. He leaned closer but something stopped him before he could touch her lips. What if satisfying his desire came at the expense of losing her? It wouldn't be worth it. She was the only thing keeping him sane.

She pushed him away softly and said. "I'm serious, take off your shoes."

He breathed out and nodded.

When they got to her room she sat on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed. "Are you okay?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I got really mad." She bit her bottom lip.

"I think she was on molly, Nate."

"I don't give a fuck." He said. "She called my mom a cunt. You heard that, right?"

"Yeah. But she's hurt, I don't know. Have you talked to her?"

He shook his head again, pacing around the room. He took a seat on the floor in front of her and leaned his forehead against the bare skin of her legs. That was one of his favorite things about their friendship. Sometimes she'd let him get close. "I got so angry I almost lost it."

"But you didn't." She said and then added. "Right?"

He shook his head and felt her fingers running through his hair. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He felt the skin of her thighs with his hands.
"Sometimes I get scared of myself." He said loud enough for her to hear. She didn't answer to that, but she didn't have to. Her mere presence grounded him.

"That was a kick ass act of self control." She said and then added. "For you."

"For me?" He looked up at her. "That's because self control isn't really my thing."

"Exactly." She said tilting her head to the side.

"Where were you anyway?" He asked. "I barely even saw you."

"Just hanging out with Jules and Rue. Rue lost Gia right at the end. I was helping her look for her."
He nodded but had the impression she was keeping something from him. But he thought it was probably just the fact that he didn't want her friends to see her with him. He also wanted to tell her about Jules and his father, he had for the longest time, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. That could wait. Even if he wasn't able to forget about it.

He laid his back on the floor and stretched his legs under her bed. "Oh God, stop." She said. "You're making my room look tiny."

"Well that's because it is."

"No, its not."

"Yes it is. Look at it from here." He said. She smiled.

"You're so fucking annoying." She said and laid on the wooden floor by his side. "And a liar." She added.
He turned to look at her profile. His heart was beating so hard he thought it was a miracle she couldn't hear it.

At that moment he felt hollow, like he might start shivering if he didn't get closer. Being around her wasn't always easy. But that night was proving itself impossible. When her head turned to the side to look at him he finally lost control. Although he would never show desperation.

Nate leaned against his elbow and pulled himself closer to her. He did it slowly so that she wouldn't pull back. He brought his hand closer to her face and slid his thumb over her cheek. They were so close he could smell her honey scented shampoo and see the tiny cracks on her lips.

He pressed his lips against hers and kissed her a couple of times before pulling back to measure her reaction. He'd never been that cautious. But also he'd never waited to kiss someone for that long. He examined her expression and noticed her eyes looked glossy. He didn't understand why but she pulled him closer again.

The shape of her lips was so familiar he could recognize it against his own. She got on top of him and straddled him with her legs while her palms held onto his face. He got hard so fast he felt embarrassed of himself. She pulled back and looked at him. Her breathing was heavy and her palms were against the floor. She looked into his eyes the same way she eventually did, as if she was trying to find something in them.

"I've waited for this for so long." He said running his fingers through the hair on the back of her head.
He turned her and got over her carefully avoiding to lay his weight on top of her as they kissed. He didn't know how much time went by, he only knew he felt like he was going to combust from the inside out.

He whispered things to her he never thought he'd say out loud, like how beautiful she was and how she was different from everyone else he knew.

"Nate, wait" She pulled back from underneath him and sat up. "We shouldn't."

"Why?" He asked confused. Her cheeks were flustered and her breathing was heavy.

She stood up and paced around the room. "You should go."

He felt confused, angry and frustrated at the same time. He stood up and looked at her but didn't move.

"Well, I'm not gonna leave until you tell me why."

"Because— I don't want things to get complicated." She said looking at him.

"They won't." He said, even if he didn't understand what she was referring to. He assumed getting into a relationship and people finding out. But he honestly didn't give a fuck. All he wanted was her. "I promise."

She took a couple of steps closer to him and he ran his thumb across her cheek gently.

"Do you want this?" He asked softly. He had to hear it from her. He craved how it would make him feel.

"I don't know." She said, her eyes not meeting his. But that couldn't be truth. Specially not after the way she'd kissed him. Unless he was really going insane.

Nate leaned closer to her until their lips brushed, then pulled back slightly. She raised her heels, anticipating their contact but he didn't close it. He held the back of her head and for a split second just looked at her, with parted lips reaching for him.

"What?" She asked with a confused expression.

"You're lying." He said. She rolled her eyes and stepped back.

"You're such an asshole." She muttered and he pulled her arm gently and grabbed her face between his hands before kissing her lips repeatedly. She gently pushed him away and said. "Stop."

She sat on the bed and they looked at each other from opposite corners of the room for a little while. He leaned against the wall with his hands tucked inside the pockets of his jeans. It felt like some sort of contest, where one of them would've to surrender first.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He asked. For once, content with losing.

She breathed out. "Fine. Just for tonight."

Author's note: well, hope you all liked it. Please remember to vote and comment for more ☺️🖤