since it's not going to actually work out with the guy i like, i've decided to just tell everything from beginning to the end of our little fling we had.

here we go.

part one- the beginning.
—
so basically, i had been on the lookout for a guy back in June because Buzzfeed said that i would have a romantic summer so my hopes were high.

it became time for my marching band camp that we have every year that's super long (time wise) and lasts two weeks. it gets us back on our feet and we learn the show and music. it's a lot of fun too because of the parties:).

so anyways, i had been eyeing him for a long time and finally decided that i wanted to do something with my feelings.

well, physical attraction, lol.

part two- starting things.
—
so when i was texting one of my friends about the guy i like, she had his Snapchat and sent me his username so we could start talking.

well, we did.

(writing this makes me so sad- the good memories were at the beginning when i had nothing to lose).

we talked for about four hours the first night, trying to get to know each other more. it was amazing- he left me with a smile on my face.

part three- continuing on.
—
well, as things progressed, i finally did indeed ask him for his number one day.

i was in chick fil a with my best friends and he sent me a snap and they found everything out. they told me to shoot my shot so i did.

i asked him for his number.

i got it:).

part four- a little more.
—
we talked a lot more after that.

after i got his number, we began talking pretty frequently. so often, it became a routine that i text him.

we also started eyeing each other in band class and at marching band practice because we wanted to talk to each other but never got the chance.

part five- mhmm.
—
well, here's where things started truly going downhill.

we were still talking and discussing relationship things (he found out i liked him like a few days after this conversation) and he said he didn't want a relationship because he simply "stopped dating in general".

i was kinda torn but decided to continue talking to him anyways.

my hopes were high (peep panic! at the disco lol).

part six- why.
—
his decision on dating me has been on and off but i tried to cover that up from y'all because 1) i do have a right to privacy haha and 2) i wanted y'all to know only the good.

basically, he told me that he was attracted to me but didn't want a relationship at the moment.

but the next day he did.

and then he didn't.

on and off.

back and forth.

part seven- the finale?
—
well, yesterday, i got a text from him. (i'll type out exactly how it went so you all know).

him- bold
me- italicized

Kate look we gotta talk

yes, continue.

I'm sorry there really isn't a easy way to say this but I thought about it all day I don't want to have a dating relationship with u

okay.. um, why? like, out of my curiosity.
is it something i've done? or who i am? or because of just me in general?

Mean 1 thing I was never looking for a relationship and 2 I don't like dating people from this school 3 plus this is a strange friendship so far so i don't think this a dating relationship is the right thing

okay, yeah, i get it.
i honestly have no idea what to say. i'm still feeling super self conscious though because i'm pretty sure it's still something i've done idk probably not but i'm just a self conscious person.
but yeah, i get it. i honestly just don't know how to take it.

he never responded.

so basically i'll be single forever & i can't look at him without feeling a twinge of pain because we could've had something.

he never took the chance- i did.

but i get his decision (not the school thing lol).

treat people with kindness.
katherine

🌈