I often wonder about the what-ifs. The other choices I could have made.

Sure, certain things were decided for me, and have drifted my boat down a river I wasn't planning on sailing. Now I was thundering toward a very deep abyss. The waterfall in my close proximity was a drop I wouldn't survive.

As I closed Hannah's door behind me, I realized this was the only thing keeping me from plummeting.

"Do you have the information?" Hannah asked, stern as ever and not looking me in the eye.

I had been tasked with shadowing Allison and Hanbin to see if they kept their word. Hannah had said she didn't believe Hanbin was the guy in the picture of the alley. If I could find out who the real guy was, I would be chosen by one of the jury members for the final debut group.

I needed to be in that final debut group.

"N-not yet..." I was usually secure in who I was, but this entire thing has made me question everything.

Bile rose up my throat. I didn't like Allison, but I didn't want to hurt her either. I didn't want to see her chances diminish. I also didn't wish that upon Hanbin and whoever her real date was.

I had my suspicions, but I had never told Hannah them.

"If you don't give me something soon, Giovanna, you will not debut. And you are looking at a whole lot of shit."

Hannah had found out about my legal problems. About two months ago, after that Itaewon night, I was called to her office. She had told me everything she knew, which was almost all of it. Almost.

Two years ago, I won Rap Battle Star, another reality competition. The company that signed me was actually no company at all. I rebelled against the conditions of my contract, the inhumane things they wanted me to do. Me and several underage girls, who were barely sixteen, barely able to defend themselves. I was the oldest, and as their noona, my duty was to protect them. So I took the bullet.

The company fired me for my rebellion. They also reclined my entertainment visa because I'm Italian. I don't have a Korean passport, and therein lies the problem. I stayed.

I stayed in Korea, and for each day, a fine was issued.

I'm here illegally and have been here illegally for almost two years.

Hannah agreed to pay off all my debts if I could provide her with the needed information. It was a steep price, and my parents would have to sell their house otherwise. I would be deported, and I would never become an idol again. Even jail time is a possibility.

I didn't know why I had made things escalate like this, but the girls from my former group needed me. So I stayed. I protected where and how I could. I tried for them.

And for myself. I didn't want to leave the dream. I had come so far and worked so hard.

"I will," I said to Hannah. "I will give you something soon. I promise."

As I walked away from Hannah's office, a heavy weight settled in my chest. The pressure to gather information, to betray my fellow trainees, was suffocating. I never imagined myself in this position, caught between the desperation to secure my place in the final debut group and the guilt of potentially ruining the dreams of others.

Allison and Hanbin, despite their differences, had become close during our time together. They had found solace in each other's company, a bond that reminded me of the friendships I had lost along the way. Seeing them happy together brought a mixture of envy and longing. They had something real, something I yearned for amidst the fabricated nature of this competition.

But I couldn't let my emotions cloud my judgment. I needed to find out the truth, even if it meant causing pain and disappointment. I had my suspicions about the guy in the alley, but revealing it could shatter the fragile trust I shared with Allison and Hanbin. And if I was wrong, the consequences would be devastating.

Walking through the practice rooms, I noticed Hanbin and Allison rehearsing their duet. They moved with such grace and harmony, their voices blending seamlessly. It was a moment of pure connection and talent, a glimpse into the potential they held as a duo.

I couldn't deny their chemistry, the way their voices intertwined, creating something beautiful. It made me question my own motives. Was I willing to sacrifice genuine talent and friendship for personal gain?

I watched them from the sidelines, my heart heavy with conflicted emotions. It was in that moment that I realized the true cost of my actions. I had allowed myself to be consumed by the desire for success, for validation, without considering the impact on those around me.

As they finished their performance, Hanbin and Allison exchanged smiles and shared a brief embrace. It was a tender moment, a testament to the bond they had formed. And in that instant, I made a decision.

I would find another way. I would protect their friendship and their dreams. I couldn't bear to be the one who tore them apart. My own dreams may hang in the balance, but I couldn't let that be an excuse for causing pain to others.