I shouldn't be here.
Maybe I should... go home.

No, Lux. You have given up so much for your dream. Turning back now would be blasphemy.

There were flowers in my room, but they didn't make any of my thoughts go away. I just stared at them from that bottom bunk bed, noticing all the cards and nice things my friends and trainees had written down for me.

'Get well soon.'

One of them said, one close to eye level, written in yellow letters, and a soft lavender perfume drifted from it in waves.

How do I get well? Can I ever get better?

This wasn't an open wound you could sew back together. This wasn't anything any doctor could attempt to cure. This was living inside of my brain, and I couldn't cut the memories out.

"Knock, knock," someone said while knocking on the top of the metal bars of the bunk bed. A head ducked low, and when I saw who it was, I quickly fixed my messy hair and messy clothes, swiping away some crumbs from the brownie I had devoured earlier. Allison's grandmother had made me one, and it smelled too good not to eat. It had been the first thing I had eaten in two days.

"Kooyoung," I was surprised to see him here. He had been in the studio with me when the panic attack happened, and he had been kind to me for days since. This was the third time he had visited me.

"Minlee, how are you feeling today?" He sat on the floor next to my bed, hugging his knees and giving me an honest but concerned look again.

I sat up straighter, again fixing my hair. Suddenly aware I must look like absolute shit.

"Better," I lied.

But I wasn't better at all. I dreaded returning to my teammates and facing all the other trainees. Most of all, I dreaded leaving this room, looking into a mirror, and taking accountability for my failures.

Yet, in that one look we exchanged, we got trapped in a quick second, a sudden eclipse. Everything was realigning somehow as he saw through me. For the first time, I felt like someone was looking at Minlee.

It made me feel seen.

In a bad and in a good way. In all ways.

In my life I realized words could be twisted, and used as lies, trickery or deceit. A person's true character lies in actions, the truth spoken through doing, not saying. As we sat there in silence, I remembered that.

He had shown up for me in these last horrible couple of days.

"Are you ready for tomorrow? Do you need more time, because I can talk to Hannah?"

Actions.

I gave him a simple nod.

"What's one more fight, right?"