Chapter Fifty-Three: Energy


I softly tried to raise the arm pinning me to a warm side. I had put my alarm at six in the morning on the day of the performance. After the girl's night, we had last night, I should have been knocked out cold with the two very strong cocktails I had. Yet, I had seen all hours of the night. Even the soft snoring of all the guys in the room didn't do the trick today.

"Jjingi, where do you think you are going?" Yujin's deep voice mumbled into my neck as he was trying to pull me back in. The man sometimes thought of me as his own personal pillow in the way he was all over me at night.

I hushed him with one finger on his lips as I heard Hao stirring above us. "You know why,"

After I returned last night and snuck into his room, he had still been awake, waiting on me. I told him about my fears.

We had just three days to train with Lux, and it wasn't enough. Not even with the star power of Hui and the famous Lux in our group. The dance was just too complicated to learn in a short few days. The three of us tried our best to practice the formation without her, but I still feel like I failed.

I managed to get out of Yujin's hold, but it had taken me a few minutes I didn't have to spare.

My brother and Lux were already in the practice room when I arrived. My brother looked like he hasn't slept and I know how worried he has been in the last couple of days. He and I both really wanted to succeed in this competition and being so close to the end, and not make it, was incredibly hard to think about.

Lux greeted me with a hug and tired eyes. We were all feeling this.

"We got this, guys. Thank you for being such good teammates!" She pulled me and my brother in for a hug, and the three of us stood there, in each other's arms, being centered for a little bit. I hadn't realized how much I needed a hug until now when tears started breaking free.

Lux had mom's energy, and she was the one we all turned to for advice. Or a kind word.

All of my grief assaulted me at once when I missed my mom's hugs more than ever at this second. Chanbin, of course, felt me break before I did and quickly dragged me deeper into the group hug. Lux didn't know about the loss we had, but she had always known I carried something painful within me. As I realized with Yujin a few weeks ago, a deep loss, a person who grieves, carries it with them, and it is a beacon to others who go through the same. Lux understood.

 

"Did I miss the group hug? Damn it?" Hui joked as he entered the room, but since we were all huddled so close together he didn't see our tears... because we all shared them now.

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We were waiting backstage for our turn, as Gio's group was the one before us and just finishing up their routine. The live audience was going crazy, really liking everything they were doing up there. I guess she did have a killer group with Gyuvin, Ara, and Zhang Hao.

I looked to my left and right, and for the first time, I felt confident too. Because Gio had a killer group, I had these three killers. Our star power would take any audience out, and if they could focus on Lux or Hui, I would blend in perfectly into the background, and no mistakes would stand out.

Our turn came suddenly. One moment Gio was still rapping, and in the next, I was being ushered on stage by the producers.

I took one look in the crowd and spotted a girl with a pamphlet with my name on it. I had to blink twice. In a sea filled with Lux and Hui signs and several for my handsome brother, I had one. It was more than I ever had. Again, I felt emotions rise and had to push them down deep.

We got in formation, and I could do this routine in my sleep. We had practiced hard, and it would have to be enough, even without Lux present for most of it.

With sweat barreling down my back, we began moving. I was entranced by the cheering crowd and kind words of support. The cameras were forgotten. I just danced. My voice resonated softly, in perfect harmony, with my twin brother as we backed up our two incredible Main vocals.

I exchanged a look with my brother right before his rapping part began. He looked so happy. His dark hair was wet with sweat and that glint was in his eye. That glint he always got whenever he was ecstatic about something, and my sweet brother was someone who lived life to the fullest any chance he got.

He slid in between Lux and Hui as we had practiced, but there must have been something on the floor because Chanbin stumbled a few steps. Hui and Lux covered for him, trying to distract the cameras and the crowd.

Chanbin was down on one knee for longer than a few seconds, something we hadn't practiced. I saw his other knee drop down in slow motion. His hand carrying the mic dangled. The music had been loud a second earlier, but now I could only hear a sudden hollering inside of my ears like I was submerged underwater. I felt myself stop dancing. Stop moving. As I saw him sink and fall down on his back, his mic sliding away, skidding over the stage.

The entire world stopped.

Hui was hovering over him in the next second, sweat, and pain laced over his brow as he yelled something to my brother while slapping his face. He did a no sign with his hand, to somewhere backstage, production was screaming to cut the transmission. I was hauled into someone's arms the second I started running for him, and by the sweet jasmine scent, I could tell it was Lux. I tried to wriggle free of her hold, but she wouldn't let me go.

Paramedics rushed on stage, ushering everyone away from him as they started working. The defibrillator came out and with he first administered shock, his body flew upwards.

I heard someone screaming.

It was me.

I was screaming.

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