I'm alive! Gone for months, but alive!! Anyways, my sincere apologies. To hopefully make it up to you, here's a short but hopefully fun list of headcannons/drabbles/imagines/whatever-it's-fanfic that I complied over my absence. Enjoy!!

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1. Having Spencer's knowledge help you out in small, everyday situations. Basically, human google.
"Spencer!" You call from the couch, mouth half full with popcorn. You pause the tv, looking quizzically at the frozen frame of the commercial you're looking at.

"Hm?" He answers from the bedroom, where you can only presume he's still got his nose in a book.

"What does 'cage free eggs' even mean?" You ask, having seen the same damn chicken commercial boasting about cage free eggs one too many times.

"The term has no official legal regulations, but the concept is that the eggs were produced by hens who were not trapped in cages for the sake of humane treatment," he rattles off absentmindedly, voice distant. You nod, satisfied with the answer, and press play.

I also image text messages like this:

Y/N: Spence what's bronchiolitis??? Isn't it bronchitis?? This guy at work keeps talking about it I don't wanna look stupid pls answer quickly

Spencer: Bronchiolitis is swelling of the bronchioles that causes wheezing and difficulty breathing, most common in children under the age of two.

Spencer: Bronchitis is a bacterial or viral inflammation that leads to coughing, common in older age groups.

Y/N: I love you

2. Dancing
Okay imagine Spencer promising to surprise you with dance moves n shit at your wedding but when the big night comes, he spends the entirety of your first dance just twirling you. Just twirling you. He spins you again and again and again until you're dizzy and neither of you can stop laughing throughout the entire song and half the guests are looking at you like wtf but the half that knows you guys is like yeah well what did you expect it's Spencer and Y/N of course it's weird

3: Classic First Date
Imagine just starting to date Spencer and accidentally getting caught up in a dinner conversation for so long that the owners literally have to kick you out because it's closing time. You walk out of the restaurant, embarrassed from the awkward encounter with the owner, and both of you are shocked when you step out into pitch darkness. Neither of you had realized it was getting so late or getting so cold, and had ridden the subway to meet here. You both wrap your arms around yourselves and scurry to the nearest subway entrance, and it's somehow even colder underground.

It's basically empty in the station and you start to shiver, which of course Spencer notices. Ever the gentleman, he slips out of his cardigan and gently places it on your shoulders. He smiles his dumb cute smile and you giggle, pulling it tightly around your body. Soon enough, your train comes, and you're about to shrug out of his jacket when he stops you.

"Keep it, you'll need it on the way home. You can return it when we see each other next." He tells you, still sporting a dorky grin. You step up on your toes to press a kiss to his lips before you have to leave. Sitting down in the empty car, you indulge yourself in the way his sweater smells just like him - like butterscotch candy and coffee.

4: Just One Day
Imagine that you and Spencer both work at the BAU despite your long term relationship. One Sunday morning you're laying in bed, Spencer acting as your big spoon (which is rare - even though he's tall, he fuckin loves being the little spoon). And neither of you are asleep and you both know it but his hand is draped around your waist and holding yours while you both just breathe and relax together. It's utterly peaceful until both of your phones ring in succession, signaling there's a case.

You try to roll out of his arms, claiming the shower for yourself, but he stops you. You laugh, confused, tugging away but completely trapped in his arms. You ask him what he thinks he's doing, and he only responds with "sshhhhh," his eyes still closed. You laugh again, telling him that staying in bed would be sweet but letting murderers run rampant was less sweet. He just continues to shush you and pull you closer.

You go back and forth for a while, but Spencer has clearly made up his mind that he's not doing anything but cuddling with you today. It's weird, considering it's usually you who begs him to stay in bed while he urges you to go to work. You tell him this, and he leans in to give you a kiss. You finally stop resisting, allowing his hands to pull your waist against his while your tongues meet.

"Let me have one day. Just one day with you in my arms and nothing else to worry about."

5. Beauty and the Badass (part one)
A list of headcannons based on this Tumblr ask: "what if the reader was a badass and even though she's total opposites with Spencer they fall for each other?" I also made it so you're both BAU members.
-frantic hugs and kisses every time you come back safely from doing dangerous stuff
-those hugs meaning his face is always buried in your shoulder as his arms pull you right up against him so he can remind himself you're safe and in one piece
-laughing through his hugs but both of you knowing that you need it as much as he does
-whenever you get injured he's all over you and insisting you get help because he can see you hurt in x, y, and z places and wants you to get x, y, and z treatment
-you coming up with a plan of action that puts you at risk and him getting all "no way that's happening!" (even though it ends up happening)
-making him flustered really easily with vulgar jokes and confidence
-spending months begging him to ride your motorcycle with you to no avail, instead he just lists off dangers and statistics
-one day he has a moment of weakness and agrees to ride with you, hilarity ensues
-you can just barely hear him screaming over the wind and through his helmet
-"What's that babe? Go faster? Whatever you say!"
-"No! No!! I said slow down! Slow- we're going to die! You can't- that's not the speed limit- Y/NN!"
-people laughing at you when you go on dates or hold hands in public because of his old man sweater vests with khakis and your leather jacket
-giving him lots of hickies everywhere and making him blush like crazy when they get pointed out
-him calling you hot under his breath when he catches you in action (working out, fighting an unsub, jumping fences for a chase, ect)

6. Beauty and the Badass (part two)
A drabble based on the above prompt but with this you both work at the BAU and haven't told anyone about your relationship.

"Please tell me again why we're doing this?" You repeat your constant question, trailing behind Spencer as he walks towards the elevator doors. He sighs as he presses the up button, giving you an exasperated look.

"Because we don't want the team to tease me relentlessly about our relationship," he repeats his constant answer. As you step into the elevator, you groan loudly to exaggerate your distaste for the situation. The sneaking around is starting to get to you. Spencer is cautious to the point of not accepting your offers to drive him to and from work because he thinks it'll look too suspicious, so you usually casually loiter in the parking lot to wait for him to come in from the subway.

"But I want to kiss youuu," you whine, leaning your head on Spencer's shoulder and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. His mouth twitches into a smile, but he quickly shrugs you off as he covers up his grin. You sigh and step back to meet Spencer's respectable distance rule.

"Baby, they already tease you relentlessly about having a crush on me when they think I'm not around. If we just tell them we're already dating, I'll make sure they leave us alone. But if we don't come clean I can't get them to stop without giving it all away," you argue your case yet again, but Spencer just shakes his head as the elevator dings to a stop.

"No way. Besides, the thought of you 'making them leave us alone' kind of scares me," he finishes before stepping off the elevator before you. You laugh and shake your head, following him into the bullpen and being careful to maintain respectful distance.

"Apparently I scare everyone," you joke as you approach your desks, waving to JJ and Morgan. Morgan looks up, smiling.

"I'm not sure what you and pretty boy are talking about, but you can be downright scary," he chimes in, and you clutch your chest. Looking around at a bemused Spencer and JJ, you feign shock and blink a few times for extra effect.

"Me? Scary? Oh, don't tell me Mr. Macho is scared of little old me," you retort, dropping into your seat and kicking your feet up on your desk. Morgan lets out a huff of a laugh, eyeing you skeptically.

"Honey, I'm pretty sure it was just last week when you took down an unsub who had an assault rifle while you were unarmed. Pretty sure that guy went down because of your sheer willpower," Morgan says, and JJ grins and raises her eyebrows in apparent agreement. You can't help but glance to Spencer, a small smirk playing at your lips. After that case, Spencer had tried to be nonchalant while telling you over takeout food how hot it was to see you do your roundhouse kick on that guy. The conversation ended with him stuttering and you laughing, but it was quickly followed up by something he too could enjoy.

"Willpower? Please, Morgan. It was the roundhouse kick." Your smirk widens with the sly reference. You don't even have to look at your boyfriend to know he's blushing and fumbling with whatever he was just doing. Rather pleased with yourself, you chuckle and start to dig into some paperwork. The only teasing Spencer should actually be worried about is what he gets from you. He clears his throat, sending a glare your way with anger you can feel. In response, you blow a quick kiss his way, hoping it's discreet enough that Morgan and JJ don't catch on. (It isn't discreet enough. But they've known for months.)

7. BAU Barbecue
Let me set the scene: Morgan is holding a barbecue cookout thing, and you're sitting with your fellow BAU members. Everyone's laughing and having a general good time. JJ is making jokes about having to repress memories of grade school cookouts that mostly consisted of cold burgers and ants everywhere. You and Will are laughing at all her anecdotes. Morgan and Rossi keep arguing about who should be in charge of food. When Jack isn't on Hotch's shoulders, he's chasing your boyfriend, Spencer. Spencer has been playing with Henry and Jack for three hours straight and still has just as much energy as they do. Emily is wearing all black, including a black sun hat with a brim so wide she can barely stand close enough to hold a conversation, but Garcia is trying anyways. It's pretty close to a perfect day as far as you're concerned.

Soon enough, Spencer takes a break from hanging out with Henry, heading towards the picnic table where you, Will, and JJ reside. You smile as he sits down on your side, butterflies starting to swirl in your stomach as he scoots close. Your relationship isn't new, but somehow he always gives you butterflies. He gives you a quick peck on the cheek before tuning in to JJ's latest story. As your face heats up where his lips just were, you think to yourself that now, it's the perfect day as far as you're concerned.

But of course, Spencer can't make things easy for you. He somehow ends up with a plate full of watermelon, which at first seemed perfectly fine. Just your boyfriend eating some watermelon, right? Wrong. He's doing more than just eating. He's teasing. Not that he knows it, but he's being a huge fucking tease. The watermelon is especially watery, and with every juice filled bite he takes, some starts to run off his lips and onto his chin. You keep trying to get your mind out of the gutter, but from the second he started digging in, you can't seem to get certain images out of your mind. In fact, those images stick with you long after he's finished his plate.

I'll leave what happens after the barbecue up to your imagination.

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These were all too short to publish on their own and I was never motivated to flesh them out so there you go.

Also, I'd like to take a quick moment to say THANK YOU!!! Every one of your comments, votes, and reads are beyond appreciated. You guys amaze me and definitely make me laugh. Seriously. It means the world that you guys are here to share this with. I can't even put it into words properly. I love all of you loads!! Stay lovely, lovelies!!!!