๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฒ. mess it up


๐—–๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฆ๐—ถ๐˜…

i keep thinking maybe if you let me back in,
we can make it better, breaking every habit.









ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  WHEN MIA WAS LITTLE she developed this habit of starving herself when she found herself disappointing anyone in her life, especially her parents.

It wasn't something she did because she hated herself or the way she looked, she did it to feel in control of herself. When she did something wrong, or got a bad score on a test she felt like a failure which I'm sure is commonโ€” Who the hell likes failing tests?

The looks on the teacher's face is what got her though, and then it was her parents' faces and how the smile they always had turned into frowns and she didn't like it all and she couldn't find any way to get rid of it, the feeling of disappointment was always there.

Her parents refused to scold her, punish her, they didn't do anything but just frown.

So ten year old Mia took things into her own hands, she'd come up with an excuse on why she didn't want to eat dinner, or why her stomach hurt too much. Then when she couldn't come up with any more excuses right after dinner she'd excuse herself from the table and say thank you and compliment her mother's cooking before turning up her TV in her room really loud and locking herself in her restroom until she felt that she had punished herself enough.

This continued on for a while, and then it stopped and when Mia thought she was maybe free of her self infliction he happened and Mia was never able to fully stop after.

"You look really good Mia."

Even though Mia was trying and she was doing good, or as good as she could have been doing she still loathed going to therapy.

Mia nodded.

"Do you feel good?"

Mia nodded again, "I mean yeah. I think so."

Her therapist nodded, "That's really good Mia, I heard it's just you these days that's gotta be nice. No boy drama?"

Mia laughed. "Yeah it is actually. I think that, uhm. You know after what happened I sort of just fell down this rabbit hole of self hate and I just began to unknowingly hypersexualize myself and I found myself not being able to be with someone without you know..."

"Having sex with them?"

Mia looked down at her hands, "Yeah."

"Why is that?"

"Maybe because it was taken from me and I wasn't in control, I'm a person who has to have full control and I didn't and I was scared that it would happen again so instead of just letting it happen I did it first, I made the first move. I always have control now." Mia brought her knees up to her chest.

"Have you been feeling in control lately?"

Mia looked at her therapist, she knew this was a trick question. A trap into getting a confession out of her. "I've been eating three full meals everyday since I've gotten back home. I'm really trying this time."

Mia tried her hardest these days when it came to her therapy sessions, she didn't want to revert to her old ways anymore. She was tired of always being so hard on herself, she was a normal girl and she deserved to feel normal.

She walked out the building, meeting her mom in the waiting room. "All good?"

Mia nodded, "Mhm."

"That's good Mianna, this is really good for you." Molly smiled at her daughter as they exited the building, getting into their car.

As Mia strapped in her seatbelt she glanced over at her mother, "Do you wish I was different?"

"No Mianna." She shook her head, "You are me and your father combined, I wouldn't wish you any different. I know I don't always say it but you make me very proud all the time and now I wishโ€” I really wish I would have told you that earlier."

Mia could sense her mother's tears falling even if she refused to make eye contact. "I love you baby girl, you will always be one of my greatest accomplishments."

Sometimes that's all you need to hear.

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"Miss Howard, what are you doing?" Mia asked, walking up behind Lexi as she vandalized all the Oklahoma play posters with her own, "What's this?"

"Flyers for a play I'm doing, writing? Both." Lexi nodded.

Mia smiled, "Lex! Are you serious? I have to go, I would audition but I don't have an acting bone in my body."

"No, yeah! I'm really excited, it's going to be good... I hope." Lexi gave her a shrug.

"It will, trust me." Mia gave her a small hug, "Give me one second I'll be back to help you."

She spotted Elliot and Rue exchanging words across the hall, "Please tell me she's not telling you her very bad plan."

Elliot instantly stood up straighter at the sight of Mia, "Mmm I don't know it sounds pretty genius."

"Her and Fezco, both didn't want to hear it." Rue shook her head.

"Oh you went to his house with Rue too?" Elliot asked.

Mia nodded laughing, "Unintentionally I guess."

Rue leaned more into Mia, "Speaking of Fez, he told me that you left a pair of pants at his place?"

Mia gave her a confused look and Elliot leaned in closer as well trying to hear more, "Why didn't he just text me?"

"Maybe he wants to keep em' like in a creepy way." Elliot chimed in, "Wouldn't blame him."

"Oh shut up, now if you'll excuse me I have to go help Lex put up her fliers." Mia excused herself.

Rue turned to Lexi, "What are the fliers for Lex?"

"They're for a play I'm doing." Lexi turned to Rue, handing a couple to Mia before placing one on the girls restroom door and walking in.

Mia waved bye to Elliot as she followed both Rue and Lexi into the restroom.

Elliot was like a puppy at the sight of Mia, and had to stop every bone in his body from following her into that restroom.

"You should both really read it, I'd think you'd both really enjoy it." Lexi leaned into the sink washing her hands.

"Yeah for sure. Just uh, send it to me." Rue nodded nonchalantly.

"Hey Rue-Rue."

Mia's eyes widened as Cassie walked into the bathroom looking like she was about to audition for The Wizard of Oz. She hadn't really spoken to the girl since that party and she could feel a weird tension between the two. I mean she didn't even acknowledge Mia, which was weird because she didn't even do anything to her. If anyone should have been mad it would be Maddy.

Maybe it was because Cassie thought Fezco pushed her, when it was really Mia. She had no idea but in all honesty she didn't care.

"Hi, Cass." Rue replied. "Wait, are you in the play?"

Mia tried to stifle her laugh, covering her face with Lexi's flyers.

"What play?" Cassie gave Rue a confused look which only made Mia want to laugh more.

"Lexi's play." Rue turned motioning towards the flyers Mia was holding. "Lexi wrote a play."

They all turned toward Lexi who looked like she had been caught in a lie, "Oklahoma."

"What?"

"The play's called Oklahoma?"

Everyone seemed very confused.

"I thought you were doing your own thing?" Mia asked.

Lexi shook her head, moving over to Mia. "No, the drama club's doing Oklahoma."

With sudden realization Cassie looked at herself in the mirror, "Oh my god do I look like I'm auditioning for Oklahoma?"

Mia let out a laugh, finally not being able to hold it in. Earning a slight shove from Lexi, who wore a bit of a small smile on her face as well.

"Why would your play be set in Oklahoma?" Rue gave Lexi a confused look.

"You thought I was auditioning for Oklahoma?" Cassie, who looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown asked, turning to Rue who was looking at Lexi signaling to end the conversation.

"I haven't read it so..." Rue trailed off.

"Are you making fun of me, or did you actually think I was auditioning for Oklahoma?"

I thought you were auditioning for the lead role in Maddy Perez: The Musical earlier this week, Mia thought laughing to herself as Maddy actually walked.

"Enough of the Oklahoma talk, seriously." Mia shook her head. "I'm gonna go post the rest of these on the other side of school."

"Thank you so much." Lexi gave Mia a small smile, watching between her walking out and her sister getting overly upset by being compared to a play.

Mia wished that she cared, but she didn't. Cassie was someone who was so up and down when it came to friendship, she loved you one day and then the next it was radio silence. She felt bad for Cassie, she knew what she had gone through and she knew that trauma affects people in different ways but that's something that person needs to figure out for themselves.

Mia shook her head as she walked out the bathroom, Elliot still leaning on the lockers near the door. "And where are you headed?"

"Stalker." Mia smiled, walking down the hallways putting posters anywhere could.

"So you aren't doing anything?" Elliot asked.

Mia gave him a look, "Shouldn't you be messing with Rue and Jules?"

Elliot scoffed, "Uh no! How dare you, they're in a relationship. What kinda guy do you think I am?"

Mia stopped, "You tell me."

"What are you doing after school?" Elliot asked.

"You mean right now?" Mia gave him a smirk.

He nodded, "Yeah. What are you doing right now?"

Mia could feel the trouble that radiated off of Elliot, almost the same way it did with Fezco, but with Elliot it was like he welcomed it. His smile was always there, while Fezco hardly did.

She knew Elliot's intentions, she sensed them the first night they met, she sensed them on the first day of school, in her car, and right now.

"Nothing." Mia shook her head.

"Wanna hang?"

Mia nodded, following the boy out the school doors.

"So this is your room?" Mia looked around.

Elliot nodded, sitting on his bed. "Don't judge me, I just moved so everything's like still in boxes."

Mia let out a laugh, sitting next to him. "Woah, this bed is actually really comfy." She threw herself back, stretching.

Elliot glanced at her bare stomach, "Uhm do you wanna smoke?"

Mia nodded, "Sure why not."

Elliot smiled, pulling out a blunt from his pocket, making Mia laugh.

"You just had that in there?" She asked, watching him light it.

"Oh you don't just carry around blunts?" He passed it to Mia, watching as she took a puff with ease. "Damn."

"What?" Mia gave him a confused look.

"You're really pretty." He confessed.

Mia gave him a look, "You only took one puff and you're already feeling some type of way huh?"

Elliot shook his head, "No- Uh no, that's not what I meant."

"So I'm not pretty?" Mia raised her brow at him.

"What's with all the fucking questions? I'm scared." Elliot exclaimed.

"Do you want to fuck me Elliot?" Mia leaned in closer to him.

Elliot stared into Mia's eyes, trying to find the playfulness in them. Any sign that she was playing with him. He couldn't. "Honestly, yes."

Mia nodded, "But you want to fuck Jules too, and Rue, and who knows who else."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" His mouth was open a little, a smile dancing on his lips.

Mia laughed, "I gotta go."

Elliot watched as Mia got up, taking one last puff of his blunt.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked.

Mia stopped at his doorway, deciding on something that maybe she shouldn't have decided on. She walked back up to him, leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips, biting a bit of his lips. "There, that should give you something to think about. I better not get Mono!"

Elliot watched Mia walk out of his room and house, stunned. She was right, he would be thinking about that. He looked down at the growing bulge in his pants, "Fuck." He mumbled, closing his door.

โญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธ

Did Mia have to do that? No. Did she do it? Yes. Let's move on.

"You seriously can't come?" Maddy spoke into the phone, "Please?"

Mia looked at herself in the mirror, she was wearing a bikini and she hated herself. "Sorry Mads."

Maddy let out a soft groan, "You suck."

"I know..." Mia mumbled.

"Text me later than okay? We need to talk about birthday festivities!" Maddy's tone changed as she mentioned her birthday that was in the coming days.

Mia smiled, "Of course. Love you."

Some things took more time, and this was one of them. Her body even though gaining 10 pounds still looked sickly and frail to her.

Her phone began ringing making Mia smack her teeth, "Maddy I'm still not going!"

"This ain't Maddy."

Mia smiled at the sound of Fezco's voice. "Oh, hi."

"You delete my number or sum? Didn't think shit ended that bad?"

Mia shook her head even though he couldn't see her, "No! I was on the phone with Maddy a few seconds before you called, she wanted me to go and swim with her and the little boy she watches."

"You not going?"

"Mm-mm, no. Why what's up?" Mia asked, she hadn't seen him in a while except for like that little bit with Rue. She missed him a lot.

"Faye wanted to like bake a cake or something, you know girly stuff and I was wonderin' if you wanted to come over or something?"

"Yeah!" Mia mentally face palmed herself at how eager she sounded, "I mean yeah, sure sounds cool."

"Alright, cool. See you soon?"

"Yeah, see you soon." Mia hung up the phone, jumping up and down like a middle school girl who had gotten asked to the winter formal.

She didn't understand why she felt like this, it was Fezco. Someone who had seen her in every way, knew her like no one else. Maybe it was because they were friends, like actually. Every other time there was always a catch, but this time they were genuinely just friends.

"I have to change." Mia mumbled to herself, quickly discarding the bathing suit she was wearing slipping into something more comfortable.

"Hey mom, is it okay if I head over to Lexi's? Gonna bake a cake." Mia stuck her head into her mother's office.

"Ooh yeah sure, make sure you bring me back a slice. Text me when you get there, and please be back before dinner!" Her mother nodded.

"Okay, love you. See you later."

Mia couldn't wipe the smile off her face, or the nervous sweats as she pulled up to Fezco's house. She got out of her car, looking down at her matching pink sweat outfit. Should she have dressed up more? Was she casual enough? "It's not that big of a deal Mia."

Mia cringed as she walked up to his front door, she had a lot of good memories here but the bad ones were always louder. She brought her fist up to the metal door, giving it a knock.

The door opened in less than 10 seconds, Fezco standing on the other side. "You could've just come in, you know that."

Mia shrugged, "I didn't want to be rude."

Walking into the O'Neill residence Mia took in Fezco's appearance, he looked nice. He always looked nice, always wearing name brand and full of gold jewelry.

"Oh good, he didn't want to let me bake this cake by myself." Faye spoke from the couch getting up, "He thinks that I'm gonna turn his kitchen into a meth lab."

Mia turned to Fez with a surprised expression.

"I don't think that, she's fuckin' crazy." He shook his head. "Why don't y'all just bake the cake."

Mia shrugged, following Faye into the kitchen. "Ash we playin' or what?"

"Give me a second!" Mia heard Ashtray yell from his room.

"I got strawberry and chocolate... I don't like vanilla." Faye looked at Mia.

"Mmm, I like chocolate." Mia nodded, "Not really a big vanilla fan unless it's ice cream."

"Okay." Faye just nodded.

Weirdly enough baking a cake with Faye was pretty fun, she was actually very funny without having to try. Faye also didn't hold back on telling Mia why she was really there, which made her worry a little but not about Faye hooking up with Fez.

"Honestly that's sweet, in like a Bonnie and Clyde way." Mia giggled, licking off the chocolate residue from the spatula Faye doing the same but with the strawberry batter.

Faye smiled a little, "Yeah huh. I never thought of it that way."

"Alright so it says leave in the oven for 45 minutes to an hour but honestly I just take it out randomly, stick a fork through it and if it comes out clean it's done." Mia told Faye as she stuck both of the circular trays in the oven. "Do me a favor and take out the trash and I'll clean up the counter?"

Faye nodded, "Yeah sure." Grabbing the bag and walking out their back door.

"Ash! Do you like vanilla or chocolate frosting?" Mia asked, as she wiped the counter.

"Vanilla." He said back not turning his head from the game, "But put the chocolate on the strawberry one."

Mia nodded, "What about you Fez, just plain chocolate with no frosting right?"

Fezco turned back facing Mia, watching as she looked so at home in his kitchen. "You know me so well Mamโ€” Mia." Fezco stopped himself, but Mia had already caught it. "You got chocolate all over your face girl."

"Stop!" Mia stepped out of the kitchen, walking into their restroom to see that both corners of her mouth were littered with the chocolate batter. She quickly wiped it away shaking her head, coming out of the restroom bumping into Faye. "Faye, why didn't you tell me I had chocolate all over my face?"

Faye glanced between Mia and Fezco, "I thought you were saving it for later." She sat herself on the couch, "Also the cop from the liquor store is like outside like a creep."

Ashtray and Fezco immediately stopped the game, "What?" Fez asked.

"Yeah, he's like out there in a truck." Faye nodded, lighting a blunt.

"Who is she talking about?" Mia started to get worried as Fezco and Ash got up, Ash grabbing a shotgun that they had in a random ass closet. "Why is he grabbing a gun?"

Fezco walked over to Mia. "Nate's daddy paid the store a visit a couple days ago. Asking all kinds of fuckin' questions."

Mia's eyes widend, "What the fuck? What did he want?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Ashtray said pushing in Cal Jacobs towards the living room with a shotgun to his back, "Sit fucking down."

Mia looked between Fez and what was going on, she had been with Fezco for a while but she had never seen him do anything like this. He never let her see that side of him.

Fezco just shook his head at her, bringing her behind him a bit before acknowledging the elephant in the room.

"So first you come to my fuckin' job askin' all these weird ass questions like feds. Then I find you out in the front of my house, the fuck are you doin' man?" Fezco looked over at Cal who had a gun pressed to his temple.

"Does your mom know you're a liar?" Cal looked over at Mia.

"I asked you a fuckin' question, don't look at her." Fez stepped in front of Mia protectively.

Cal shrugged, "You're free to call the cops."

Fezco gave him an are you dumb look, "Why the fuck would I do that?"

"Well it's either call the cops, let me go..." Cal turned to Ash, "...Kill me."

"What the fuck man, what's with your family? Are you all just a bunch of fuckin' assholes?" Fezco asked.

"I can see where Nate gets it from." Mia mumbled.

"You beat up my son." Cal spoke.

He literally beat up his girlfriend? Mia thought to herself.

"Oh so only he can put hands on people?" Mia spoke.

"Yeah, he deserved it. He's a fuckin' bitch for that." Fezco agreed with Mia.

Cal didn't let his unfazed look fall, "Oh, okay tough guy."

And within seconds, the end of the shotgun had met Cal's head, sending him to the side. "Ow, fuck!" Cal gave Ash an angry look that didn't even faze the boy, "Why did you do that?"

"Cause you're in position to talk shit." Ash looked down at Cal, shotgun still on him.

"I'm warning you. You hit me one moreโ€”"

Mia flinched as she watched the exchange go on between Ash, Cal, and the shotgun. The blood didn't help as Cal was now drowning in it after going to battle with Ash about calling the cops. Mia held onto Fez's arms as Ash kept bashing Cal's head with the butt of the shotgun.

"All right man, I get it." Fezco stopped Ash, giving Mia's arm a reassuring squeeze.

"I know you and your drug addict friend, that girl." Cal breathed through the blood rushing down his face, "You're trying to extort my son."

Mia looked at Fez who looked just as confused as her, "What?"

"Because of what I did to her friend."

Nothing Cal said made sense to anybody in the room.

"What the fuck are you talkin' about man?" Fezco gave him the same confused look.

"You know the bonde."

"Who, Jewel?"

Jules? What the hell did Jules have to do with Cal Jacobs? Mia thought, watching as the conversation took several left turns.

Cal sighed, "Look man, I didn't know she was seventeen."

"What the fuck?" Mia mumbled, realization hitting both her and Fezco.

Fezco's eyes widened, "You tellin' me you had sex with Jewel?"

"Who's Jewel?" Faye, who had been quietly smoking her blunt on the couch asked.

"What the fuck, man?" Fezco looked stressed learning this new information that he really didn't want to know.

"Do I know Jewel?" Faye looked over at Mia.

"What the fuck are we even talkin' about right now, bro?"

"Jewel, Jewel, Jewel..." Faye hummed to herself trying to recall the familiar name.

Almost as if things couldn't have gotten any worse, Cal spoke up again, "I just want the disk."

"What disk?!"

"Of Jewel and I." Cal looked down, probably in shame.

Mia could have thrown up right there and then, just hearing those words come out of that sick old man's mouth.

"Yo, you recorded that shit?" Fezco exclaimed.

Mia gave Cal a disgusted look, "You're trying to call the cops on everyone in this town, maybe they need to be called on you."

"I didn't know."

Fezco leaned in, "You didn't know that you were recording?"

"I fucked up." Cal shook his head.

"Obviously, man." Fezco responded, "Yo who the fuck even told you I gave a shit about this anyway?"

"My son."

"Your son, the one that's in love with Jewel?"

"He's in love with Jules?" Mia asked Fezco, this was the first time she heard of this.

"Aww that's cute." Faye hummed.

Fez shook his head, "That's not cute, man. What the fuck?"

"What?" It looked like that was Cal's first time hearing that too.

"What kinda weird ass father-son shit is goin' on around here, bro?"

"I'm extremely confused." Cal spoke.

Fezco looked between Cal, Ash, Mia, and Faye. "You're confused. I'm fuckin' confused bro."

"I'm also confused." Mia chimed in.

Fez shook his head, "I don't even know what the fuck you're doin' here. My girl came over to bake some fuckin' cakes and you're fucking it up for her."

Mia tried to hide her smile as Fezco called her his girl, she knew now wasn't the right time to be geeked over that.

"Do you mind if I just leave? I'm not gonna say a word about anything, I swear to god. Let's just pretend this never happened." Cal had reached his breaking point.

Fez and Ash exchanged glances, deciding on what to do. "Yo Ash, let me talk to you real quick." Fez nodded his head to a secluded place in his house. "Don't fuckin' talk to her." Fez pointed at Mia.

Faye, who still didn't really know what was going on, spoke up. "Hi... what's your name?"

"Cal."

"Do you and your son, do you like, fuck people together?" Faye asked genuinely curious.

Within seconds Fez and Ashtray walked back in. "Yo. check it out man. Imma let you walk outta here on one condition."

"Anything." Cal spoke, desperation in his voice.

"You'll keep your bitch ass son outta my fuckin' life, and Rue, and Jules." Fezco looked over at Mia, "And especially hers, I don't even want him breathing near her."

"I promise."

Mia watched as Fez gave Ash the instructions to get him out the house. Finally feeling like she was able to breath as Cal Jacobs exited the residence.

"I think the cakes are ready." Mia smiled softly at Fezco, whose face had softened at the sight of Mia. 'C'mon Faye you have to help frost these."

Everyone could sense that no one really wanted to talk about what had just happened, everyone falling back into what they were doing before they were interrupted.

"You better play right Fez, I'm not carrying you no more." Ash grabbed the PS4 remote pressing play on his game.

"These are so good." Faye spoke as she cut a piece of the strawberry cake for herself, "Mm, honestly cake from the box is underrated."

Mia nodded, cutting some pieces for Fez and Ash. "I think they all taste the same, people are just pretentious."

Grabbing a hold of the paper plates, Mia handed a piece of strawberry cake with chocolate frosting to Ash who didn't wait to stick it in his mouth and a plain chocolate piece to Fez.

"Thank you." Fez, hummed, sticking it in his mouth as well.

Even through all the chaos, and the blood Mia was still there. She was still laughing and poking jokes. She was still here, in his kitchen eating cake with a person in his world.

"You gonna have one?" Faye asked, cutting out a piece for her.

Mia shook her head, "No I'm okay."

I shouldn't have kissed Elliot, Mia thought.







AUTHOR'S NOTE,
well...

i'm not very fond of this chapter, it was written sporadically and i feel like it's just meh but here it is.

mia and elliot ๐Ÿ‘€ mia and fez๐Ÿ‘€ MIA AND THERAPY AND NO BOYS ๐Ÿ™

something shifted, i'll see y'all in the next chapter.

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