𓆙 Chapter 7 - I wish I Never Met You

"What is this about, Sebastian?"

I didn't expect to run into him on my way out of Alchemy. Classes have already begun, and I was worried that Sebastian chose to skip whatever class he has next, waiting for me. Sometimes, I failed to understand his intentions.

Sebastian continued to walk, slightly ahead of me, not replying. I clenched my books in my arms, frowning. We walked the wooden stairs of the Clock Tower now, slowly making our way up towards the Hospital Wing. He must have overheard me talking to the Professor about my check in with nurse Blainey. Was he eavesdropping?

"Sebastian."

"Yes, Lily?"

Why did he just call me Lily, and not Lils?

"What is going on? Is this about the note I sent in class?"

Sebastian stopped in the middle of the wooden stairs, letting out a heavy sigh, his shoulders rising and falling as I watched him from behind.

"How long have you been dealing with this?"

His question caught me off guard.

"Sebastian, what are you - "

"You know what I'm talking about!"

I stood behind him on the staircase, Sebastian's figure towering over me. His head turned to look down at me. Our gazes met, holding each other's, with Sebastian's burning right through me.

"No," I shook my head on slight annoyance, "I don't know what you are talking about."

Sebastian scoffed, turning his body to face mine now. He took a few steps down until he was just a step above me. The giant clock continued to move on the background,Β  yet I felt like time stopped. Sebastian was simply too close to me now, and even though this wasn't the first time we were this close to one another, everything was different now.

"You slept in the common room," he began in a low tone, "you cried in my arms, haunted by Fig's death. And now , you're heading up to the hospital wing for a daily, mind you, check up with nurse Blainey."

My suspicions were correct: he was eavesdropping.

"You smile and laugh with your friends," Sebastian continued, "but you carry those scars on your hands as a reminder of what happened. You blame it all on yourself."

It was amazing how well Sebastian was able to see right through me. To know exactly how I felt. What I felt. The guilt I carried, haunted by what it costed me to become a Keeper of the one power I so desperately didn't wish to have. It made me feel cursed, not chosen. I was no heroine, despite what the entire school believed.

Sebastian extended his arm over to rest against the railings of the wooden stairs, blocking my path forward, his head hung low.

"I'm sorry, Lils."

I looked away from him, but didn't move. I felt my lips tremble, tears forming.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most," he continued, his voice trembling, "I'm sorry I abandoned you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up after the battle, when you celebrated the House Cup with your friends."

I frowned, looking up at him now, summoning the courage to break my silence, "How did you know about the House Cup? About what I was doing?"

I didn't want to know the truth. I regretted asking the moment those words left my lips. But I deserved to know. Even if I knew the pain and heartache that came with it.

"Ominis..." he sighed, picking his head up to meet my eyes, his brown hair hanging low.

I felt my heart sink.

"Please, don't be upset with him, but I made him swear to never tell you. He was looking out for you, and letting me know everything."

I gasped, in denial. "Y-you used the Imperius curse on him?!"

"What? No! Of course not!"

I almost stumbled backwards, still in denial.

"Lils, I swear!" Sebastian put his other hand over his chest, "He hated lying to you, but I made him promise not to tell you. I wasn't around, but I still wanted to make sure you were alright!"

"You still manipulated Ominis!" I gasped, meeting his gaze once again, my body shaking.

"Don't get angry at him, get angry at me, Lils..."

"I'm not angry at Ominis!" I raised my voice, feeling the formed tears running down my face, "And I am angry at you! You are a manipulator, and a liar, Sebastian!"

That hit him hard, because he stood there, color leaving his face, eyes darting around as if to find a solution to the argument.

"You lied and manipulated me to cure Anne!" I continued, crying now, "You never once cared about me, and what I've been through. You only cared about my ability, and when it turned out that I was unable to take away the curse, you disappeared, leaving me with vague letters and empty apologies!"

Sebastian shook his head, "N-No... Lils, no! That's not true, you cannot possibly believe all of that!"

"Oh, but I do!" I cut him off, pushing his arm out of the way to walk up the stairs, wanting nothing more but to never see Sebastian again. I was angry. I was upset. I was lied to once again.

"Lils, please!" I heard his body shift, turning towards me. Still, I kept walking up, not bothering to turn around.

"Everything I have done was for you! I know it wasn't right of me to treat you the way I did, I was so focused on curing Anne that I was foolish to see that it was hurting you."

I stopped, scoffing at his words. I was the fool here. I was foolish for believing that Sebastian cared about me, for believing that he felt the same way I did, despite everything that happened.

Haven't I given enough to you?

"I wish I never met you, Sebastian."

Flashback

"How could you trust a goblin?!"

Sebastian and I stood within the dim candlelight of the Undercroft. Two separate shadows, two completely different people. It was late, and we had just gotten back from the mines.

"You know goblins cursed Anne to shut her up!" Sebastian hissed, throwing his arms up in the air, "Yet, you choose to trust a goblin?! Unbelievable!"

"Sebastian, I do know that, but listen to me - "

"Why would I listen to someone so ignorant?!"

Sebastian's words hit right where it hurt. He had never before called me anything like that, and hearing him call me ignorant, after everything I have sacrificed and done for him, made my blood boil.

"Your uncle was right, you just don't know when to stop, Sebastian," I frowned, taking a step back and away from him.

"Oh, I do know when to stop, Lily."

"You are being irrational about this!"

"It's like you don't care about Anne," Sebastian crossed his arms, turning his head off to the side to avoid my gaze, "I'm the only one here trying to save my twin sister."

"I can't talk to you when you're the one choosing to be ignorant," I began walking away, "You're so caught up with trying to cure Anne, you fail to see how much damage you're causing all around you."

I expected more argument from him. Instead, I was met with silence. Our conversation was over, and I realized that there was nothing left to say. We grew apart in the moment, splitting in apart. Perhaps I was wrong for belie being Sebastian could ever change. Perhaps I was wrong for thinking he cared.

* * *

The world was spinning. My head was spinning. My body trembling, and my heart racing. I walked down the hall, short on breath. I was experiencing some form of an attack, an attack on my heart that was breaking apart. I left Sebastian standing back there, on the wooden staircase inside the Clock tower, unable to recognize him anymore. I felt exhausted. Betrayed. I felt like everything was burning. Every memory I held so dear to my heart, every note passed in secrecy, every interaction and every smile, was now up in flames.

"Lily?"

I looked up to see Leander standing at the end of a well lit hallway, leading up to the hospital wing, eyeing me. I wiped my tears, and gathered myself to the best of my ability, before giving him a nod from afar. I desperately hoped he want watching me waddle around just now.

"Hey, Leander," I greeted, slowly approaching the tall ginger man, "What are you doing here?"

"I might have sprained my foot, but it's nothing a single Wiggenweld potion and a good night's rest wouldn't fix. What are you doing here?"

I felt bad for him, knowing how eager he was about trying out for Quidditch. But if he wasn't all that worried about his small injury, I found no reason to think much about it. I had enough on my plate as it is.

"Just checking in with nurse Blainey," I shrugged, "Had a few sleepless nights."

"Keepers need no sleep," Leander joked, but I was silent. I wasn't paying his joke any mind, occupied with the fight that Sebastian and I just had. I couldn't focus on anything, not even the direction which we were heading. I was glad Leander was here, so I could easily follow.

"I'm sorry," Leander scratched hisΒ  head, "that wasn't meant to humor your insomnia - I meant - "

"Leander, it's alright, truly," I lied as we climbed up the stairs, towards the hospital wing. The familiar smell of bandages and potions almost made me nauseous.

How long until I am rid of this curse, and free to return to living a normal life?

I chuckled at the thought.

Foolish of me to think that there is a normal life to live with this power.

Nurse Blainey was attending to a handful of students that were laying on the beds, the first time I really saw anyone other than myself present here. A few were just like Leander, athletes, tending to their bandaged areas. I never knew Quidditch could be such a reckless sport. Other students were here for a headache, or for drinking too much focus potion, experiencing nausea.

"Ms. Woods! So good to see you, I will be with you momentarily," nurse Blainey motioned for me to proceed towards her office, "Already back for a change of bandages, Mr. Prewett?"

"Just escorting the lady here," Leander smiled, looking down at me.

I waved, awkwardly, "The lady in question."

"I appreciate it, Mr. Prewett, but you must let her go now, Ms. Woods is due for a session with me and Professor Weasley."

Of course Professor Weasley would be here, curious about my progress with the nightmares.

"Of course, nurse Blainey," Leander nodded, turning to face me now, "I suppose I'll see you in potions class?"

I gave him a small nod, completely forgetting Leander was in a few of my courses this year, "I'll see you then, escort."

The ginger boy chuckled, before excusing himself and leaving the hospital wing.

I proceeded to enter the nurse's office, spotting Professor Weasley already standing there, waiting on me.

"Ms. Woods, there you are," she gave me a nod, her hands crossed in front of her, "please, take a seat."

I placed my books down on the table next to me, before taking a seat. I wasn't looking forward to reporting on my progress to Professor Weasley, knowing that I only had one successful night without any nightmares, or aid from a Dreamless potion. And that night was with Sebastian.

"Go on, sweetheart, fill us in," nurse Blainey walked in, before closing the door behind her, "Are Dreamless potions helping?"

"Yes," I lied, "since the last time I saw you, I was able to get some sleep in between classes."

I wish.

"That's very good! I suppose a few more Dreamless potions wouldn't hurt, Professor Weasley?"

"I suppose not," Professor Weasley eyed me carefully, "But let us not get carried away. Ms. Woods cannot rely on using Dreamless potions all the time. It would not do her any good, and would hinder the progress."

"Of course not!" the nurse exclaimed, already shuffling around her medicine cabinet before getting a couple of potion bottles out, "I expect to see you at the end of this week for another check up, Ms. Woods."

I nodded, glad this was over. After gathering my books, I exited the office, before Professor Weasley's voice stopped me in my tracks:

"Ms. Woods."

I sighed, turning around to face her, "Professor Weasley?"

"Are you sure you are doing alright?"

I gulped, nodding, "Yes, much better, Professor."

She nodded, studying me, "I see. My office is always available for you to stop by, and I would advice taking advantage of that."

"Thank you, Professor," I nodded, smiling a bit, "I shall do so."

"Do not shy away from asking for help," she proceeded, walking away now, " being able to seek help is one of the biggest strengths a wizard and a witch could have."

I wished that was true. But every time I try and reach out for help, I get pushed away, or called ignorant. I figured that it was better for me to deal with my trauma alone, rather than suffer losing people I once thought cared about me.

Even if it meant living in denial.

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A bit of drama here, hope you enjoy : )
I feel bad for Sebastian, he has so much to unpack after he kedavraed his uncle and lost his twin sister, but I was angry at him for calling us ignorant πŸ˜‚

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