MicahStone: Tonight my documentary 'The Micah Stone' premieres on every streaming platform. This documentary has been in the making for a little over five years as there was so much to unearth and uncover. In the making of this project, I realised that there was so much that I had not healed from so there has been a lot therapy taking place.

The Micah Stone is the most personal, emotional project that you will ever receive from me so please treat it with care. It took a lot to bring everything to light and it most definitely is not for the faint hearted- there will be behind the scenes footage from my pornographic career and permission was given by the actors included in this film. There will be nudity, graphic scenes, violence and reckless behaviour. You wanted to see the real me and here it is.

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Tonight is the release of my documentary and up until I entered the limo, I have been relatively quiet today. I decided against being with my family as I needed time to process everything that was taking place and I questioned if I should have completed the documentary.

There are some things best left unsaid and perhaps this was one of them.

"Fuck, I need a cigarette." I curse while downing a shot of Vodka.

Shivers run down my spine as we pull up outside the venue that we're going to be screening my documentary at and the screams coming from the fans makes me feel like shit. I have promised to be a man of my word and that means not allowing myself to relapse but it's tough when you're about to expose yourself to the world.

"Mr Stone." I glance up at my driver who is looking back at me. "We have arrived."

"Give me a moment." I tell him and he gives me a nod before turning back to face the front. Once the partition has gone up, I pull out a bottle of pills from my pocket while letting out a shaky sigh.

I have anxiety medication mixed in with some ecstasy pills because sometimes you need a little kick when you feel like the world is going to shit. I like the idea of not knowing which one I'm getting which is why I have the pills mixed in a plastic bottle that I can't see inside of. 

 I end up taking three pills in effort to calm my nerves before downing another shot of Vodka. Unlike other people, I know how to successfully mix drugs and alcohol after a near fatal overdose in my mid twenties. I should have given up but I needed it so I worked on consuming less which worked well in my favor. 

"MICAH STONE!"

The second that the door flies open, I am thrust back into the spotlight that I hate so much and I feel nothing but nausea as I step out of the vehicle. 

Being in the spotlight was never something that I cared for but I have always accepted it with wide arms as it came with a lot of benefits. I had the world in the palm of my hand at one point and being the person that everybody wanted was a dangerous thing as it gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted.

"Dad." I snap back into reality to see my beautiful daughters standing there with smiles on their faces. They are my reason being and I honestly believe that I would have died someway, somehow if it weren't for my little girls.

"MICAH STONE, LOOK THIS WAY!"

I can't even bring myself to smile as I stand between my daughters who are killing it on the carpet. There is a weird feeling inside of my stomach that has me wanting to reach for my pill bottles but I promised myself that I would never do it infront of my kids again.

"You ok?" Paloma quietly asks while kissing my cheek and I give her a short nod. "Promise?"

"No."

A look of concern flashes through her face but no words are further exchanged as my brothers arrive on the red carpet with their families. Seeing their families provides me with a moment of distraction as my nephews try to wrestle me on the carpet.

"Congratulations." Ashley kisses my cheek as we embrace in a brief hug and I thank her. "No matter what, we have your back the entire night."

Isaiah's wife is the one that I like the most as she understands that I need my space and I would be a liar if I said that I didn't try to make a move on her. She is a beautiful woman who has a compassionate heart and seeing her mother the children that she has with my brother makes me feel nothing but respect for her.

"The suit looks good on you." I nod in her direction and she smiles sweetly. 

"When in the presence of a powerhouse-"

"Enough of that mushy shit." Isaiah cuts her off as he pats my back. "Let's take these pictures and get our candy asses inside because it's cold as hell out here."

Harlow Russell leans forward, "You're telling me."

"That's why I made sure to bring your coat." Angelo tells her while avoiding my eyes. "Now let's get this over with, lord knows I didn't want to be here for this."

"I'm sorry for being an inconvenience to you but I appreciate the support." I tell my younger brother who still despises me but I hope that his mind will change after he has watched my documentary.

I feel a familiar hand in mine and I breathe a sigh of relief as I look down to see my girlfriend standing there. The mother of my children are also here so after getting the kids settled, we pose for one big family photo.

"This is a lot." I mumble to myself and I feel Briana's hand tighten around mine.

Once the whole fiasco of being put on display like a circus animal is over, we all make our way into the cinema for the viewing. My attempts of heading straight to my seat are halted as the director drags me to the stage where I'm supposed to give me a speech.

"Thank you for taking the time out of your days to watch this shit show." Many people laugh at my words but I'm being honest. "I am hoping that you will understand what my life has been like over the past four decades."

Not having anything else to say, I pass the microphone to the director who talks everyone through the process of making this documentary and what it has meant to him.

"You're doing good." Briana tells me as I get myself seated besides her and I sigh deeply while sinking into my seat as the opening credits begin. 

The documentary starts off with a clip of me playing sports in the backyard with my brothers when we were children. You can see our father coaching us through brotherhood and playing as a team while making sure that we were set.

"Hello." I chuckle in my confessional. "My name is Micah Stone and if you are watching this then it means that I was brave enough to release the documentary on my life. One thing that I will say after spending years going through the archives is that my life is a shit show."

A ten second montage of my career plays before my eyes and I mentally cringe at the sight of me walking around with my dick swaying on set. Being a pornstar and rockstar at the same time was a really big deal at the time and it led me to have a certain level of fame that nobody else could achieve because I wore it proudly.

There will never be another Micah Stone.

"When I look back at the timeline of my life, all I can think is HOLY SHIT!" My face widens in feign surprise. "I should be fucking dead."

I take a peak at my daughters who look sad at my words but I'm comforted by my love who gives my hand a squeeze.

"The truth is that I have tried to kill myself in the past." I confess while staring blankly into the camera. "Multiple times but for some reason, it seems as if the asshole upstairs wants me here and that scares me. People don't understand the impact of the world that I lived in and how it affects you years on."

I close my eyes as a small clip of my overdose plays on the screen and Paloma reaches for my hand as I'm wheeled out of my home in a gurney. I had been pronounced dead at the time so there were a lot of people surrounding my home and my girlfriend at the time could be seen crying.

"People think that was the first time that I died but that was actually the third." I slowly nod my head. "The doctors had pronounced my time of death in the ambulance and just as they were about to cover my body with a sheet, one nurse fought to bring me back to life. I have a scar over my heart which is why I have got a tattoo of wings there... it's to hide my shame."