How it Began - Part 9

omg omg look who it is




it me 


whaaaat


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By the evening of the third day, Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto had arrived in the land of water. There, stood in front of the Great Naruto bridge, the three reminisced on their past together, on their first real mission. Sakura felt a lump in her throat as they walked past the very place she thought Sasuke had died. It seemed silly now – she knew that something so small could never had killed Sasuke – but thinking about how weak, how helpless she had felt, knelt over him and crying into her hands about how a shinobi should never show emotion, as emotion was a sign of weakness.


And just by recalling that moment, she had realized that Sasuke had undoubtedly lived by that rule for many years.


Sasuke had noticed too, how tense she was while walking across the bridge. He thought too of that moment, when he had regained consciousness and felt her on top of him. He hadn't thought of it then, but now, he knew that even his younger self would have drawn comfort from having someone so close. So many people had kept their distance that he had forgotten what it was like to have a person lean on him to touch him...and that feeling, he thought, had only been re-gained in the last couple of years.


Sasuke also thought of her kindness. Back then, he would have seen her tears as a flooding weakness, but now he realized that tears also represented relief, care and love. Her kindness and care toward him were shown through her cries, and he felt guilty now for not seeing it before. Sakura was very kind, in fact; since he had learnt that anko dumplings were her favourite food, he had noticed her small and frequent kindnesses. Simply responding to him was as such; she could have laughed at his awkward attempt at personal conversation, rebuffed him, or simply stated she didn't understand what he was getting at. Instead, she took a few seconds to digest and realize what he meant, and responded in a way that she knew would make him happy. He noticed she'd wake up before him and Naruto in order to prepare breakfast so that they may leave quickly. She made sure to shake out Naruto's bedspread before he packed it away so that it was no longer full of sticks, dirt and stones (Naruto had yet to master the art of sleeping softly). She would pick up on their tiredness or sore feet, and ask to stop, blaming her own fatigue; she gave up her own pride in order to preserve their fragile masculinity. She would wake up during the night to ensure Naruto hadn't completely fallen out of his bedspread, and check on Sasuke (he was usually awake too, though never let her know this). She would eat last, to make sure he and Naruto had had their fill.


Sasuke wasn't sure if Naruto knew she did all this, or if he took everything she did for granted. Sasuke decided he wasn't going to – he would return her kindnesses when given the chance, and aimed to be more like her.


Perhaps if I do so, any goodness left in me will be amplified. That way...I'll become more of a suitable companion. I can help.


As the three approached the end of the bridge, Sasuke stiffly laid his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed gently. Her eyes darted up at him; her mouth was slightly agape. But, again, she took a few seconds to realize what he meant, and gently smiled. She squeezed his hand in return, and Sasuke found him holding hers for a moment.


Behind them, Naruto noticed the gesture, and quietly smiled to himself.


***


"Tch," Sasuke scowled, getting more and more irritated by the moment, "We aren't getting anywhere with this."


"I know, but Kakashi-sensei said his mother is still alive. We just have to be patient," Sakura replied, feeling her own irritation build up.


Naruto dragged his feet beside them, exhausted. They had spent the day scouring the – very new – city behind the bridge. It had grown considerably, even since Sasuke's visit around eight months prior. Towering skyscrapers shadowed the city; the people were strangers to each other, something Sakura and Naruto found very odd indeed, since everyone knew everyone back in Konoha. It had made their mission all the more difficult, since no one seemed to know the name Haiichiru. They had split up to cover more area faster, but to no avail.


"Lets stop for now," Naruto yawned, "We'll check in at an inn or something...do some more questioning tomorrow..."


"That's not like you," Sakura replied, though secretly wanting the same. It truly had been a relentlessly long day.


"I know. But all of us are angry and tired and that's no way to do a highly sensitive mission. We'll start again at sunrise."


"Being sensible isn't like you either," Sasuke muttered, his brow furrowed. He wasn't angry with Naruto, or Sakura, or even at how long the day had been. He was angry at the guilt gnawing inside of him – the guilt that built up more and more with each passing minute that the deaths of the villagers had not been justified nor reasoned for. He needed to understand why and how and who.


Unusually, Naruto quickly picked up on Sasuke's bitterness, and thought it better to not shoot back with a snarky reply. Instead, he veered off left towards a hotel.


***


The room wasn't too small – just big enough for three single beds and a boxed shower complex, of which all three gratefully took advantage. They silently maneuvered around each other, bathing and washing clothes, eating and choosing which bed they each wanted. Sasuke liked how they all understood one another enough to be able to move around each other without unnecessary words and questions...he felt almost at peace, bundled with two people who knew him better than anyone else.


Haha, fuck you Keito.


That is, it was silent until Naruto flung himself onto his bed (in nothing but his underwear) and started snoring in mere minutes. Sakura simply laughed quietly and slipped under her sheets, leaving the window curtains open so that she could stare at the moon. It was partially covered in clouds, but bright enough so that its reflective light settled between the folds of the bedcovers and gently caressed her turned cheek, and hair. She smiled soflty to herself, in her own world.


Sasuke watched her quietly, from his own bed between her and Naruto. He was sat upright, back against the headrest, and his arms lay lazily by his side. She shifted slightly in her bed, deep in thought, until she felt his hooded eyes on her. She turned slowly, her lips slightly puckered in curiosity. "Sasuke-kun?" she said softly, as so not to wake Naruto.


Sasuke blinked hard and jerked back slightly, suddenly surprised by her voice. He settled quickly however, and watched her right eyebrow rise slightly. "Hm?"


"Er...is everything ok?"


"...Still the honorific?"


"Sasuke..." Sakura sighed, and sat up, adopting a similar position to the Uchiha. She bit her lip and looked out of the window. "Sasuke...it still feels strange, you know. To have you back."


"I've been back for weeks."


"I know! But it still feels like, any moment, you could just go away again. And there's nothing I could do about it! You act on whims Sasuke...or at least it feels like you do. I don't know what you're thinking. I don't know what you're feeling. It seems like you can – and you will – just keep slipping away over and over," she turned sharply to face him, "Do you want to be in Konoha?"


Sasuke was taken aback by the question. Of course he wanted to be in Konoha. Konoha was his home. He was born there, grew up there, and returned there after the war. He had a hidden leaf headband. He was a hidden leaf shinobi. All his documents and history pointed there.


"...Yes."


"Then why do you keep going away?!"


He looked down at his phantom limb, "I don't mean it to seem that way. I leave to better myself, to learn and understand. I'm not sure if it works-"


"It's not working anymore!" Sakura stressed, leaning over her bed as to be closer to him, "You've seen all you could possibly need to see! So why does it feel like you'll leave again? Why can't you just stay with us?!"


Sasuke couldn't look at her then. At her exasperated expression and desperate-for-answers body language. He couldn't look at the pleading in her eyes or the flecks of spit on her lips. He couldn't look at how her left shoulder strap had fallen with her movements, or at the stray strands of hair illuminated by the moonlight.


"I'm trying, Sakura."


Sakura faltered then. She fell back slowly so that she was sat on her heels, the front of her hands flat against the bed and her eyes only on him. On that...soft vulnerability that showed itself on the few occasions that his mask crumbled around him. He spoke to her then, in a similar way he spoke to Naruto through his fists. Sakura was a good listener – it was all she had when her physical skills took so much longer to harness.


I'm trying, Sakura. I'm trying to learn to love and care and settle. I'm trying to fix my mistakes and the holes in my character. I'm trying to look passed the doubt of the villagers...the shinobi...of myself. I'm trying to...to make you and Naruto proud, in the way I only know how to. I'm not sure about anything Sakura; I haven't been for a long time, but I'm trying. I really am.


I'm trying to be close to you again.


"Sas..uke..." she breathed, holding back soft tears, "I'm sorry."


"There's nothing to ap-"


"There is. I haven't been listening to you. I understand now...I get it. You don't...you don't work in the same way that Naruto and I do. Naruto understood that...eons before I did. Truly understood that. And I get it now. We can...work on this together, Sasuke. I know...I know you feel you need to do it on your own. I respect that. But I'm here for you. For...for every vulnerability you need to shadow, for every emotion you've let go, for everything you want to learn...I'm here for you, Sasuke. I promise. For ever and always."


___


super mega emotional guys wtf 


i didn't know i'd be back on this thing ahahahahahahahahahahahaha




uni is hard man 

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