Genjutsu

(A sequel-ish to "Cave Encounter" but could be a stand-alone short story)


———


"You seem quite unlike you in the past few days, Sasuke," Suigetsu remarked while they were strolling somewhere on the outskirts of Hidden Cloud. As usual, though, he received no response from the avenger who formed their current team.

But it didn't mean Sasuke didn't hear him.

It's been a week after Sasuke's sudden encounter with his former kunoichi teammate, yet he's still infuriated with himself with how he couldn't seem to shove the memory of that night away from his mind. Whenever the thought lingered, he felt as if an uninvited weakness was creeping into him again, and he hated it.

Sure, he acknowledged that a part of him cherished the feeling of his lips on hers; but for the most part, he regretted kissing her. It was due to the undeniable fact that its impact was lasting, contrary to what he believed that it was some sort of a closure – the last scene of a complicated play that would never have another sequel.

The feeling he had after leaving Sakura in that cave was uncanny. He's been alone for majority of his life, but the moment he was embraced by the midnight breeze after leaving that cave without turning back to get another glimpse of a familiar hair with carnation hue, he seemed to have felt more alone than ever. And it made him more crestfallen, but for the most part, confused.

Sakura shouldn't have any immense impact on him, right? Because she was nothing but a mere teammate that he used to be with...yes, just a teammate. However, time and time again, he fails in fully convincing himself with that.

Shutting his eyes, he shook his head to himself, as if the mere movement would push away the resurfacing loneliness from the recesses of his mind.

"You're more sulky than ever." Suigetsu scoffed and tried to get his attention once more. "Ah, I think I know! Maybe you should get a girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend?!" The only woman in Team Hebi retorted. "Sasuke-kun is not getting a girlfriend!"

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Sure. Who are you in his life again?" He snickered before making sure that he's liquified as Karin threw a jab on his head.

"Sasuke-kun! I hate him! Can you hear the way he's speaking to me?" Karin whined.

Suigetsu simply smirked at Karin, knowing how her words would not even make the avenger flinch. And true enough, Sasuke just continued skipping from a tree branch to another ahead of them, not even bothering to get involved with the conversation. "Tch. Karin, you're hopeless." He snorted.

"Why you—!" Karin tried to hit him once more. "Sasuke-kun, he's doing it again!"

"Shut up, Karin."

And those were the very first words of Sasuke Uchiha that day.

The redhead pouted at that, glaring intensely at Suigetsu. For her, he's always the one to be blamed.

However, truth be told, she has observed the same thing that Suigetsu noted about Sasuke – how he's been more detached than he usually was – and it was starting to worry her. Somehow, she concluded it had something to do with one of the nights he left them to spend the night by himself. And it stressed her out that she couldn't even figure out what happened. More than that, she didn't know how to make Sasuke feel better, let alone make him notice her in a positive light. She used to believe that she somehow had a little chance on their team leader, but with his current case, her chances seemed to have gone from zero to negative something. It irked her to the core, though right now, all she wanted was for him to at least be okay.

Jugo was just observing the commotion. And while Suigetsu and Karin returned to their usual bickering, he quickened his pace and fell in step with the Uchiha. "Sasuke, are you okay?"

Sasuke clenched his jaw. It was the nth time that he heard that question within the week. He didn't know what he detested more between having to deal with Team 7 or Team Hebi, because for some reason that he couldn't understand, everyone just seemed to want to meddle in his life. But then, a sudden thought entered his mind – Sakura was with him in Team 7, and he realized just now that she's not as annoying; hence, he already knew the better option between the two.

He heaved a sigh. The struggle of putting the pink-haired kunoichi at the back of his head remained, but of course, he's not gonna reveal that to anyone. "I'm fine. Focus on the task ahead."

Jugo sighed in resignation. And as directed, they proceeded with getting more information about Itachi's whereabouts.

-

Sasuke used to think that being able to kill Itachi to avenge his clan would make him feel satisfied, complete, and finally, happy. But to his surprise, it only made him feel worse, or rather, he couldn't even feel anything at all anymore. Knowing that Itachi had loved him up to the very end left him perplexed, and for the most part, empty.

An old statement from Kakashi while he had Sasuke tied to a tree suddenly rang a bell: "Trust me. For those who follow the path of revenge, it never ends well. You'll only tear yourself apart. And even if you succeed, what will you have then? Nothing. Emptiness." And as much as Sasuke disliked to admit it, his former sensei was right. He could experience first-hand the truth of it now, because the void that's been in his heart ever since he was a kid only became more hollow now that his lifelong goal to kill Itachi had been achieved, and a backstory about his true reason for slaughtering their clan was revealed.

He clenched his fists – knuckles becoming white and nails causing blood to ooze from his palm – as he threw his feet on the side of the bed where he was led to rest. For now, he was erratic, finding it hard to be certain on what to believe in or what to do next. The empty space in his heart better be filled right now, or else, he might go insane. Yet, he had no idea how exactly that void would be filled.

Until he remembered the feeling of someone's soft lips against his.

Months ago, the memory of that kiss tormented him on the inside. It made him realize what he's lacking. It made him crave something that he knows he doesn't deserve.

But now, he realized that the warmth and tenderness associated with the presence of a certain pink-haired girl was the only thing that could turn the table of his life around after all.

For it was only her who could fill his lonely existence with the emotion called love.

It was funny, actually – Love? – just thinking about it, it's been so long since he last recalled what that word meant. And now that his brother, who actually loved him all this time in his own sacrificial way, was already gone, the fact that Sakura was the only one who could make him feel that again made him want to see her.

But how?

He sighed and shut his tired eyes as he made an exit from his current hideout with Team Hebi. He wasn't supposed to get out of his bed yet according to Karin, but it didn't matter. The physical damage from his battle with Itachi was nothing compared to the emotional damage that's been lingering inside him ever since, and growing even more at the moment.

Glancing at the surroundings, he recognized by instinct that Konoha wasn't too far from their current location. And for a fraction of a second, it was as if a light bulb appeared right above Sasuke's bandaged head.

Perhaps a little taste of solace wouldn't mean that he's weak.

A firm resolve then developed inside him. There's no point denying it anymore, he needed her presence, so he'd do something about it. Besides, Team Hebi wouldn't notice his temporary absence if he immediately returned before they wake up by dawn.

And so he took off.


He never thought he'd be back any time soon, or perhaps, at all. Yet there he was, roaming around his home village stealthily in the middle of the night. Karin was right, though; his body still hasn't recuperated from his regretful battle with his brother, that's why it was quite a struggle for him to discreetly go around in search for the house of a certain carnation-haired girl.

But then, he felt it, found it, faster than he thought he would and closer than he had imagined. There, resting under the roof he was standing on, was the familiar aura of her chakra, sweet and inviting as he had remembered. He may not be a sensory type but he realized just now that he'll always recognize that presence anywhere.

With that, for the first time in the past few hours, he felt somewhat relieved.

Sasuke, hoping that he'd find her room immediately, gently landed on one of the tree branches by a window. And much to his favor, it was the exact window of Sakura's room. Sharingan activated, he scanned the room and found her sleeping form faced towards him. His eyes softened at the sight.

Is this what being home feels like? He has forgotten it already.

Even so, he wasn't quite satisfied with just seeing her from afar. Soon enough, he found himself inside her room gently passing through her surprisingly unlocked window. His heart clenched at how she's finally so near, yet still so far from him.

Is this what she has been feeling towards him the whole time? Like he's there at an arm's length but he still cannot be in her grasp no matter how much she tried to reach out to him?


He now understood – it hurts.

"Sasuke...kun."

He suddenly froze, making him direct his red eyes on her face. Thankfully, though, she was merely stirring in her sleep. But Sasuke was astonished with this: She was dreaming of him? It's been three years since he left, and how many months since their last encounter, but she was still dreaming about him?

Knowing that fact gave him an unfamiliar warm feeling on his chest. How could someone whom he has basically pushed away all this time still dream about him, or perhaps even long for him? He probably would never understand.

"...S-sasuke-kun. I..."

When he heard her sweet voice murmuring his name again, he then decided to do something that might sound selfish as he remembered what he was really there for – he trapped Sakura in a genjutsu and then slowly made his way beside her, with her back towards him on the bed. His arms gently wrapped around her still form in a smooth motion while he played with her mind, filling it with images of all the times that he had rejected her, and putting much emphasis on that night that he turned his back on her and the village.

Then right there, with Sakura's body enclosed in his, he could finally barely feel the emptiness that has been corrupting his system earlier. Even though he was sure that the feeling would be fleeting, he wanted to make it count, before his mind wreaks havoc about Itachi's death once again.

He wanted so bad to do just that – to at least embrace her – and have another comforting memory to grasp onto amidst all the inner turmoil enslaving him in the past few hours. He knew he was being unfair to Sakura as he deliberately messed with her head, though. But he only did that so as to not risk waking her up and making her feel like it is completely safe for her to be with him.

If anything, he wanted to protect her from himself, still. Just like that night that he left, wherein he refused to let her join him on his course to revenge because he knew that the longer she's with him, the quicker her innocence would be tainted by the darkness surrounding him. Even though he did not acknowledge it, he cared enough to know that she didn't deserve any of that.

He sighed as he felt her quiver in her sleep, so sure that it was due to his genjutsu. He then just tightened his hold on her while he allowed her warmth to touch not only his body but also the depths of his heart. It was almost the same feeling he had when he was with her in that cave months ago, only back then, their lips were dancing together. And so, he savored his few moments of consolation and buried his face in her hair.

Oh, how he wished he could have such a lasting peace. But he knew fate wasn't done messing with his life yet, for after this, he still needed to decide on what to do after his brother's death and resolve the mysteries behind his clan's downfall. As the scent of her hair filled his nostrils, he allowed himself to wonder –

Will he ever have a life as serene as this? A life wherein he could finally open up his heart to accept and to give tenderness fully?

One thing's for sure, however, he's still too broken to have such a life. And if he decided to blend his life with Sakura's now, he would only break her more than he has been already doing.

Maybe one day I'll come back to you. But...

"Sakura..." He began softly, and then gently mumbled a few words to the sleeping girl in his arms. Hastily, he soon jumped out of the window without looking back, and then released Sakura from his genjutsu.


Sasuke didn't know, however, that Sakura's resilience to genjutsu has become a whole lot better in the past few years.

It's not like all those things that Sasuke had replayed in her head had not haunted her in the past years, so she knows exactly how those memories could affect her. Yet, with what she experienced tonight, she knew there was something else – or rather, someone else – meddling in her sleep. That's when she slowly gained consciousness and felt strong arms hugging her from behind.

With the images running inside her head, she immediately knew it was Sasuke's doing. And she could painfully discern why he was making it appear like he's the bad guy all over again.

She winced every once in a while, torn between breaking free from the jutsu and letting Sasuke take over her mind as he wrapped her body with his. She apparently chose the latter, while feeling distressed with the fact that just like their last encounter in a cave, Sasuke was still struggling about whether he would continue detaching himself from everything just so he could focus on his revenge, or start allowing himself to be reconnected with even just her.

But she was glad that at least, tonight, Sasuke allowed himself a bit of diversion from his goal.

It probably wasn't even an hour when she felt Sasuke begin to move away from her while the genjutsu in her head intensified. It was during that time that he heard him softly say her name, and afterwards —

"I wish I could love you now."

And then the genjutsu was dispelled.


Panting, she fully woke up with a jolt and whirled her head from left to right, feeling a pang of disappointment when she realized that Sasuke had already left. But then, she suddenly felt a flicker of his chakra, and for a fraction of a second, she felt that something was wrong. With her experience in the hospital, she knows it how a person's chakra could determine a person's health, so she rushed towards the window and brashly slid it open.

There, still standing on a branch across her window, was the man who had enveloped her in his arms just a few moments ago. Although she was overwhelmed that she was able to catch him before he went away, she didn't fail to notice the bandage on his forehead and the way he seemed to be leaning on a tree for a bit of support.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke became rigid, suddenly pausing from approaching the next tree branch away from Sakura's place. With his back towards her, he clenched his jaw at the realization that he was caught in a place he shouldn't be in.

Had he been reckless? Or was it his current condition that led to him not being able to cast the genjutsu in its full capacity?

"Sasuke-kun, please don't leave!"

He heaved a sigh, reluctantly tipping his head over his shoulder and said, "You're awake."

"Yes," Sakura replied softly. "I was aware that it was a genjutsu and not just one of my usual dreams."

That's when Sasuke remembered words that fell from his lips a few years back: "Sakura, you must have noticed it first, right? Your analytical ability and genjutsu know-how is the most improved on our team." He was stunned. Even in her sleep, really?

She gazed at him when he didn't respond, still panting, dazed with how her night has turned out. "I don't mind about what you did. But please, don't leave yet."

"I have no business here anymo–"

"Yes, but I have!" She blurted out.

Sasuke turned to face her this time, brows furrowed as he stared at her quizzically.

She lowered her head. "I mean...just let me heal you."

There was sincerity to her statement that Sasuke couldn't deny. It wasn't even to take advantage of his presence or anything, but it was brought about by her pure indescribable concern for him.

Yet again, he clenched his jaw. Karin could give his wounds a temporary relief, but Sakura could surely give him a total cure with effects that are even beyond physical. How could he not give in to that?

"As a medic, I don't think I could take it seeing you go with such a condition. So, please..." Her jade orbs settled on his charcoal ones under the moonlit sky. And for a second, she wasn't sure if it was just the little lighting or she really saw softness on the surface of those beautiful dark eyes. "Just let me heal you and then you can go, Sasuke-kun. I'm not going to force you to stay in the village, if you don't want to."

Sasuke averted her gaze. There seemed to be a gravitational pull from her eyes that he couldn't seem to avoid. "Fine," he soon agreed with a low voice. Besides, being back to his perfect health would mean that he could immediately proceed with his next tasks.

Sakura sighed in relief. When Sasuke approached her window, she moved a little to give way for the rogue nin to hop inside.

"You better make it quick."

"Okay." Sakura cleared her throat and then instructed, "Kindly sit still on the bed."

Sasuke couldn't help but feel in awe with the new abilities of his former teammate. He was right when he first saw her again, everything in her screamed progress, and his heart astonishingly fluttered with the privilege of experiencing the result of such growth firsthand.

Staring at every movement of Sakura's glowing hands, he felt a soothing sensation when her chakra made its way into his body, mending every damaged tissue, rejuvenating every swollen muscle, and closing every bleeding wound. He was too caught up with observing the healing process that he almost didn't hear Sakura's soft voice.

"Were you serious with what you said?"

Sasuke's head snapped up and his eyes fixated on Sakura's face. Her gaze, however, was focused on his arm that she was checking up for other muscle strains. But he didn't fail to catch the crimson shade on her cheeks despite the subtle lighting of the moon through the window.

For a second, he thought about her hanging question. And when he realized what she was talking about, he quickly glanced away. "Just finish what you're doing."

"Well, if...if you really meant that, it would make me very...happy."

Sasuke simply stared at her again, with his face blank and his mind wondering, can a simple love really make one person happy?

"I can wait, Sasuke-kun, still. But honestly, even if...even if you don't love me back, whatever would make you happy, I'll support that. As long as you'll be okay. As long as...you'll be out of the darkness you're now in." Sakura frowned, her hand automatically clutching her chest as if the external act could calm the internal ache there.

More than anything else, it pains her that Sasuke had to go through all the things that life has been throwing at him since he was a child. She knew she couldn't do anything to take all his burdens away, but she could only hope that he'll be finally out of the darkness he's currently trapped in.

"And if...if I can't be with you here yet, then I'll just keep on loving you from afar." She paused and faintly chuckled. "That's what I've been doing all this time, anyway." Then she gazed at him, her bright jade orbs trying to see through those deep obsidian ones. For some reason, she knew that deep down, there's still hope for him. She'll never lose her faith in that, so she had to assure him about it too. "I'll be waiting for you, Sasuke-kun. We'll all be waiting. Always."

With conflicting feelings, Sasuke couldn't find the words to say. It was like the night that he left all over again, wherein every single word that Sakura released from her lips made an impact on him without her knowing.

At first, he wanted so bad to tell Sakura to stop...to just stop wasting her time and feelings for someone as horrendously messed up as him. Yet, he couldn't deny that there's this small and growing part in him that desired so bad to experience just that – having someone to wait for him...having someone to love him like the family he used to have.

Sasuke's expression softened then. Everything that Sakura voluntarily did and said in the past few minutes has given him a tinge of the happiness that he could possibly have once all of the chaos in his life is finally over. All he wanted was to see her tonight – for the last time, like he always thought – but surprisingly, he gained so much more.

Moments later, his hand seemed to have moved on its own, or so he believed, to caress Sakura's cheek. His eyes trailed on every feature of her face, finally accepting the fact that this girl would always make her way into his heart no matter how many times he shuts it to her.

Sakura closed her eyes at the touch as she savored the rare gentleness that the Uchiha avenger was showing her right now. A tad of dismay crept into her heart then, for when Sasuke leaves tonight, she doesn't know when she would experience this again, or if she would experience this with him again at all.

Her heart skipped a beat, however, when Sasuke's lips suddenly collided with hers. She didn't expect him at all to kiss her for the second time. Unlike last time, though, the movements of Sasuke's lips were now gentle, almost hesitant, but seemingly yearning as if he had missed kissing her since that time they've encountered each other in a cave.

Her heart raced at the thought. Did he miss this as much as she had missed it? Did he replay their first kiss in his head just like the many times she had reminisced it?

Sasuke became slightly agitated when he couldn't feel Sakura responding. And so, he gently tugged her lower lip, moved his hand at the back of her neck, and deliberately pulled her closer. When she got the memo and finally led her lips to move in sync with his, he couldn't help but smile in the kiss.

In the past eight years that he was dominated by grief and hatred, he had never felt this...at peace. And even though he wanted it to last a little bit longer, he knew that he still had to leave, and merely hold on to the spark of hope that even if his life is currently filled with confusion and pain, there's an assurance in this – Sakura's love is one that he could rely on.

"Thank you...Sakura," he then breathed once their lips' reunion was over, leaving them both dazed as their distance remained close.

Sakura simply smiled at him, heart still galloping at the sudden turn of events. But she knew it was already goodbye.

In a swift movement then, Sasuke was once again on the other side of the window, finally taking his leave, and now adamant to figuring out the path he would now take after Itachi's death. This time, he took a few moments to look back, keeping etched in his mind the words and the kiss of the only woman who has been filling his heart with love over and over again.


The next morning, Karin, Jugo, and Suigetsu were in for a surprise.

"Sasuke seemed to be okay now, don't you think?" Jugo addressed while the three of them strolled behind Sasuke towards who knows where. "And I've never seen him recover so quickly like this. Didn't he get a lot of attacks from his brother?"

"Yeah. I couldn't sense him feeling as distressed as he was yesterday either." Karin mused. "Oh, and his healing? Of course, he bit me yesterday, duh?!" She concluded, much to Suigetsu's irritation.

"We all know that your healing ability doesn't work that fast, not for such an intense condition as Sasuke's after that fight, at least." The water ninja retorted. "So don't put the credit on yourself, Karin."

"It's early in the morning, Suigetsu! You better not start with me!"

"Tch. I still don't believe it's because of you." He dodged Karin's whack around his head. "But really though, maybe he got sick of us checking up on him so he's pretending and tricking us through a genjutsu?"

Jugo shrugged. "As long as it's not one of his mind-wrecking genjutsus, then I guess this one's fine."

Catching their conversation behind him, Sasuke couldn't help but just smirk to himself.

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© December 2018 AriannJS


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Wow! This is my last finished work for 2018! Thank God! Happy New Year, everyone! :D This is not new year-themed but consider it a gift for you all!


For some reason, I kinda struggled in writing this. It apparently took me a while, and this had been unexpectedly long, but I hope I still did well! I tweaked some stuff from the canon just like the timeline and Sasuke's resolve immediately after his battle with Itachi just to fit in this plot into the Narutoverse. I've always wondered how Sasuke was dealing with the grief and emptiness inside him, so this flowed from that concept. Anyway, let me know your thoughts! :)
Have a great 2019 ahead!
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