So I recorded a cover for Paramore's "Fake Happy" last week (link above, hehehez) and since my initial plan for #SasuSakuTwitFest2020's Day 2 is not yet finished, I thought of writing this fic connected to the song instead😬

For #SasuSakuTwitFest2020 Day 2: Connected

"You see it's easy when I'm stomping on a beat

But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath."

-Fake Happy by Paramore

Disclaimers:

-I do not own Naruto nor Paramore.

-Situations stated are based on general possible experiences of some people especially during this time, though most are familiar and personal to me also.

Trigger warnings: Anxiety Attack. Depressive thoughts.

Ending in angst is not my purpose for this, it's actually the other way around❤️ but if you think it would not be helpful for you to continue reading this fic at this time due to the trigger warning, it's definitely okay.

However, please do NOT miss the author's note in the end🤗

Much love,

A

P.S. Here's to the #FewButTrue people that see the signs and reach out to us at just the right time even though we look fine on the outside.

––

It was supposedly her rest day, the one thing that she has looked forward to all throughout her jam packed week. Yet much to her dismay, despite her body being rested, her mind had other plans. Sakura could barely remember the number of times she has thrown her phone on the bed in a span of four hours.

It was a lot to take in.

Earlier today, it was announced that the number of positive cases for the pandemic has skyrocketed in Iwa, yet the council has decided to partly lift the quarantine there, increasing the people's exposure to the virus as they try to go back to their normal lives before all these. It didn't make sense.

Few moments later, a short video went viral on Twitter, wherein civilians from Ame flocked in front of their Kage's Tower to complain about the lack of relief goods distributed for them in the past month. A month! To think that all of the Hidden Villages had been under quarantine for three months now and there were so many people in dire need of supply for their basic needs. It didn't make sense.

There was also a reliable national media company that was shut down by Kiri's council, at such a time as this wherein a credible source of news and updates was a need for everyone. Sadly, many employees have lost their job in the process, amidst the uncertainty caused by the pandemic which was the main issue their council should've focused on to begin with. Again, it didn't make sense.

What surprised her was the amount of facebook posts that disclosed irrational killings from members of a huge clan in the Sound, an issue that has been ongoing yet remained an elephant in the room for how many years. It broke her heart seeing the messages of relatives who were screaming for the justice of their murdered family member through typewritten words. Others even had videos of themselves with placards containing their stand on the issue. She couldn't imagine how terrifying it must be to be there right now, what with the virus still lingering around them and the possibility of being shot on the spot just because you wanted to fight for your people. The Sound's council continued to wash their hands. And yes, it didn't make any sense at all.

But the last thing that struck her nerve was the decree that Konoha's council of elders has released a few minutes ago, wherein any form of appeal or complaint by the people – whether via peaceful protest or a mere social media post – could lead to them being suspected as insurgents, which would then result to authorities having the right to detain them without a warrant of arrest.

And just like that, the fact that the entire world was facing a deadly pandemic has gone down the drain. Honestly? Sakura didn't even know what else makes sense right now.

She screamed against her pillow and continued lying on her bed. Her head hurt. Her eyes were puffy. Her heart was palpitating. And her hands began to shake as she breathed heavily in the confines of her bedroom.

There were pain, frustration, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, confusion, and so many other emotions bubbling inside her that they started to weigh her down even physically. Besides, it wasn't the first time that Sakura broke down during the twelfth week of quarantine. Everything externally and internally was just too much to bear these days.

She thought it would be nice to return to social media after being away from it for a week, leaving her stuck with the messaging apps that she kept active only because she needed them for work. But she was totally wrong on all levels.

It was nice that she became informed about the latest news, yet she now learned that indeed, too much exposure on social media wasn't helpful for her at all. She needed to take a break, or maybe lots of them.

It took a while before the tension in her body ebbed, and when it did, it was the best feeling in the world.

Still, extensive exhaustion filled Sakura from the inside out, leaving her with no more tears to shed as she sat up after a 14-minute nap. These days, naps kept her going, though they weren't really enough. She was glad the rampage in her brain paused somehow but she wished it could've been like that for hours. Well, it's better than not being able to sleep at all.

Moments later, her eyes widened due to the sudden vibration of her phone. There was an incoming message. And she couldn't help but feel on edge once more as she felt frozen in place.

Please don't let it be my boss. Please don't let it be about my presentation! Or wait, is it mom? Are they okay?

Sure, she could've stopped herself from getting her phone with her now sweaty hands and checking the SMS considering that it was her rest day, but the nagging guilt inside her about saying no to anything asked of her overpowered her senses. And there was also the thought that it could be an emergency, she didn't want anything to fail just because she didn't respond immediately.

With her decision being final, Sakura took three deep breaths before opening the text that she received, yet what she saw on her screen made fresh tears trickle down her face once again.

Sasuke Uchiha:

I'm just here, okay? Let me know if you want me to call you.

Sakura didn't expect to receive such a heartwarming message at the exact moment she needed it. She hasn't seen Sasuke ever since Konoha imposed a nationwide quarantine and they haven't even talked online for weeks, but for him to suddenly message her with such reassurance as if he knew that she needed to hear it, it made her feel like they had no distance between them for months.

She read the message once more, and as she parsed the two sentences like it's from a language unfamiliar to her, it slowly felt like the dark cloud above her head began dissipating somehow.

A part of her hesitated in responding to him. She didn't want to sound needy. She didn't want to be a bother, because for sure, Sasuke also has baggage of his own.

However, she realized that he was not the kind who would ever think of her that way. Never did he look at her with judgmental eyes, only with concerned ones. And that was enough for her to trust that it wasn't something to be guilty about if she accepted his generous offer of being a listening ear that night.

Sakura didn't bother typing a message anymore, instead, she scrolled through her contacts and called his number, fingers slightly twitching in nervousness. Because what if he's suddenly busy? What if he's not really interested in what she would say? And what if he would change his mindset about her after whatever she'd be able to share to him tonight?

Her mind was bombarded with tons of "what ifs," but when she heard a gentle "Hello?" on the other line, she was unable to stifle another cry.

"Sakura, how are—?"

Her sobs became a little louder, and she was worried that Sasuke would end up cutting the call.

"It's alright, Sakura. Go on, just release that. I'll stay here."

Yet he surprised her again. She didn't know how many minutes passed by as she just teared up with Sasuke silent on the other line. As her cries kept going, relief slowly entered her system like it was something she had never frlt before. She didn't know she needed to cry with somebody until she called Sasuke. She realized that it was so much different than when she was having a breakdown on her own.

"Are you feeling better somehow?" Sasuke asked when her muffled cries subsided.

"Y-yes. I guess."

"You know you can tell me anything."

She heaved a sigh, nodding her head as if Sasuke would see her. "Thank you, Sasuke."

"Don't thank me yet. What happened?"

And then Sakura told him everything, from the terrifying news that astounded her that afternoon up to the messy details of her hectic week.

She told him about how worried she was for her parents who were in the province, wherein the number of those affected by the virus was increasing day by day. And as much as she wanted to help them with their food supply, she felt helpless that she couldn't do much while she was here in the city.

She also told him about how she felt like she was merely moving in a tiny box instead of flourishing in her profession, how it seemed like she was going nowhere in life despite being at the ripe age of 27.

She mentioned regarding her presentation that she wasn't really happy about, because it wasn't something that she wanted to do. And even though she tried her best in working on it, she already knew that her boss would not even recommend it to be approved.

Speaking of her boss, she also expressed to Sasuke how the mere presence of her boss made her feel so small, like she was a physical representation of a failure. And just thinking about having no choice but to stay in that company, especially considering the pandemic situation, saps her of the little motivation in life that she has left.

Sakura still had a lot to say. But even she could not express and understand them yet. So she just ended her words with the truth that she has never felt so alone until right now.

That's when Sasuke spoke a full statement again other than his cues that he was listening earlier. "I'm so sorry that you are going through all these, Sakura. You're right, things could've been better so you didn't have to end up feeling the way you do right now. But you know that I'm here, right? And it's not even just me. The dobe is there. Also the rest of Rookie 12. Sakura, it may not feel like it but I want you to remember that I'm here. I never left and I never will."

Another stray tear escaped Sakura's eyes. "That means so much to me, Sasuke. That means so much. Thank you."

"Always." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm glad you were able to share all that with me. I hope it was helpful."

For the first time that day, Sakura found the urge to smile. "It was, really. I'm sorry it was too lengthy and messy, though. I...I honestly don't really know how to express everything. My mind's just so clouded right now."

"Hn. It doesn't matter, Sakura. It's okay if it's lengthy and messy, as long as you were able to let it out."

There was just silence after that for Sakura didn't know what else to say. Even silence with Sasuke was comforting, so she just allowed that comfort to consume her continuously, never wanting it to end.

"Sakura?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not weak."

Gasping a bit, Sakura could feel the tears starting to brim her eyes again, but this time, not due to the negativities inside and around her.

Sasuke continued, "You're not a physical representation of a failure either. You're made for so much more. I've seen you succeed in so many things, Sakura. And we all fail, but our failures don't define us. Your failures or what you think as shortcomings don't define you at all, you hear me?"

"Y-yeah." She sniffed and wiped a tear with the back of her hand. "Sasuke, you're making me cry again!" Sakura slightly giggled amidst her tears, and Sasuke could imagine that if he was beside her, she had probably slapped him hard enough on his arm while saying this.

He let out a chuckle. "Now look at you, you're already laughing."

"Your fault." She huffed playfully.

"Not sorry at all, then." Sasuke grinned on his own. For him, he didn't even do much, but for Sakura, it felt like Sasuke had pulled her out of a deep trench by simply being there.

There was one question that lingered in her mind ever since she received his text message. And so she asked him before they even ended the call. "Uhm...Sasuke? How did you know? I mean...why did you message me? How did you get the idea that I wasn't feeling my best this week?"

Quietness filled the other line for a few seconds. "Intuition, I guess. You're like that with me also, aren't you?"

It was true, there were instances before that Sakura was the one who reached out first, as if it was a coincidence that he wasn't at ease with something by the time she talked to him. The only difference was that, during those times, they saw each other often, unlike now.

Sasuke added in a softer voice, "This wasn't the first time, Sakura. Maybe – no – I believe it's because we're..."

Realization hit Sakura even though Sasuke didn't even mention the word. And then she beamed, because honestly, she felt that too. They were connected, and no quarantine could affect that connection that they had.

Sakura muttered with a smile, "I believe that too, Sasuke."

That night, she was able to sleep with a light feeling for the first time within the week. All thanks to Sasuke for reaching out when she started crawling underneath.

–––

June 2020 (c) AriannJS

–––

Hello. I don't know what this fic made you feel. But if you've made it this far, thank you. I'm proud of you, not only for reaching the end of this fic but also for surviving up until now❤️

I know it hasn't been the best time in the world, literally, but it is my desire and prayer to hopefully bring a bit of comfort to you guys while or after you read my works.

Here, Sakura had the assurance that Sasuke is there for her. For us, it's really amazing if we have a few trusted friends like that whom we could open up to, but sadly, some of us probably don't have anyone we're comfortable to confide with at all. But can I encourage you with this?🤗

Maybe your friends are busy. Or maybe your trust has been broken by so many people that you find it so difficult to open up now, but you also know full well that you kinda need a Sasuke to your Sakura especially these days. So let me share this with you...

"Cast (throw) all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7 ❤️

Here's a thing, God loves you and cares for you so much, and that's the reason why you could throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon Him. He will listen. He always does, even when at times it doesn't feel like it. And whatever it is that you would tell Him, it wouldn't change the fact that He loves you just the same🥰 So go, throw it all to Him now, I pray that you personally experience the peace that transcends all understanding once you do so❤️

On the other hand, I know some of us have diagnosed conditions and the situations around us are definitely not helping us recover further mentally. I'm not an expert but I really hope we could help one another during this time so here are a few reminders:

If you have medications, take them regularly and make it a priority. If needed, it's even better that you restock early regardless of the quarantine status in your place. I actually almost forgot taking my meds twice this week! Hahahuhu. But thank God I was working on this fic in the middle of the night so I still got to take it before sleeping😅

Make sure to take breaks even short ones within the day, especially during work days. Take a nap. Play an instrument. Eat. Read fics. Watch an episode of an animé. Anything that would fill your tank so you could be pumped up somehow as the day continues.

Lastly, don't hesitate to seek help from your trusted friends. Please, don't. You are loved. You are not a bother. You are worth listening to. You are valuable. You are made for so much more.

I may be a stranger but you can also contact me if you need someone to talk to🤗 I have the same username on IG and Twitter too! Sorry this was such a long author's note, but yeah, let's keep fighting one day at a time, alright?✊🏻

And if indeed you have a diagnosed mental condition, here's what my doctor has told me this week, you are not weak. Your condition is a part of you, but it is NOT all of you😭❤️

Thank you for dropping by. God bless!

-A