self control - frank ocean

When I woke up, he was gone.
The bed, so ridiculously comfortable and luxurious, was empty.

I swung my legs over the edge and grabbed my discarded underwear from last night. I pulled it on.

Immediately, I spotted my dress, but there was no way I was wearing that home. Or my heels for the matter. I had flats in my bag, I remembered. One of those weird pairs that flooded up. And a pair of black leggings. Thank God that my purse was always over-packed for whatever occasion. But, where was it? I checked around the room, even under the bed, but then promptly remembered it was in the kitchen-living room area. I had discarded it offhandedly last night.

Last night. Ugh. I didn't want to think about last night. God, this was going to be awkward.
Ignore that, I told myself, Focus on the task at hand. I needed to find a shirt. I debated for a minute, then grabbed a dark blue button-up from Reid's closet.

I walked into the kitchen and almost jumped. Reid was standing there in front of the stove. He turned around and gave me a friendly look. He was fully dressed which made me a little self-aware about the fact that I wasn't wearing any pants.

"Are you wearing my shirt?" he asked. There was a glint in his eye I couldn't place.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll give it back."

"No, it's fine. I was just..." he trailed off.

"You should keep it. It looks better on you." I curled my bare tops against his hardwood floors.

"Thanks, but I'll definitely give it back."

"Are you hungry? I made pancakes," he offered. Jesus, this was the nicest hookup I'd ever had. I considered declining, but I was starving.

"Sure, thanks." I sat on a barstool at the fancy counter island. Reid placed plate stacked high with pancakes in front of me, followed by a bottle of maple syrup and a cup of coffee. I accepted gratefully.

"I didn't know you could cook," I teased after vacuuming up the first two pancakes. They were good.

"It's a mix," he confided. I smiled at his humbleness.

"Still. Hey, I think I left my purse out here. Have you seen it?" I asked, pouring a generous amount of syrup on my plate.

"Oh, yeah, it's on the couch." There was a moment in which I had absolutely no idea what to say. Every silent second that ticked away felt closer to a time that was undeniably awkward.

It was Reid who broke the silence.

"I'm glad we don't have to work today," he said lightly.

"Me too. Honestly, I can't believe we haven't been called in last-minute somewhere," I replied. He sipped coffee out of a black mug.

"Remember that time Prentiss was stepped into her flight and JJ called with a case?"

"Yeah! She was so annoyed," I recalled.
We slid into conversation so easily that by the time I'd finished my pancakes I realized from the clock on the microwave that I'd been in the kitchen for almost twenty minutes, far longer than I had planned.

"Where's your bathroom?" I asked.

"On the left," he said and gestured to the hallway from which I'd come.

"Thanks."

I grabbed my purse off the couch and walked into the bathroom, nervous to see what I looked like. The bathroom itself was aesthetically pleasing and tidy. Reid. I shook my head at his ridiculousness. Smart, clean, cute, could cook. Screw him.

I glanced tepidly at the mirror. My hair was a bit wild, but that was to be expected. I raked my fingers through it, unwilling to go through Reid's stuff to find a brush.

Then I opened my bag, praying that my leggings and shoes were in there. Thankfully, they were. I even found a hair tie with which I pulled my messy locks into a high ponytail. Once I was dressed, I splashed some water on my face, wiped away any mascara that had wandered from my eyelashes, and exited the bathroom.

I made a quick stop back in Reid's bedroom to grab my heels and tuck them in my bag. Then I returned to the kitchen.

"Thanks for the pancakes, Spencer. I'll, uh, I'll see you," I said as I opened the front door. Reid looked a little startled that I was leaving so suddenly, but I was pretty sure I had already overstayed my welcome.

"No problem. I'll see you," he returned.

I took a taxi home.

Back at my own apartment, in the shower, I tried in vain to reflect on what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. I couldn't really believe it; it felt like remembering a dream. Hot water streamed out of the shower faucet, calming me.

We weren't drunk, I was sure of that. I knew Reid was a lightweight, but one beer over a couple of hours was not enough to get almost anyone tipsy. So he must've wanted me, at least enough to make him kiss me on his doorstep. I smiled a small smile to myself at the thought. I wasn't stupid. I knew Reid wasn't the most socially adept of all time, maybe not classically handsome the way Morgan or Hotch were. But Reid had a nerdy fan base many of which threw themselves at him at any possible opportunity. I had seen some of the messages they sent him. And I said nerdy loving, fully aware that I was included under that label. And yet, Reid chose me. At least for one night. I ran my fingers through my hair.

Meekly, I tried to regret what had happened. Logically, I knew I should; sleeping with a coworker was an obvious mistake. But as I slid my sudsy hands over my body in the shower, I kept remembering Reid's hands on me, how good it has felt, how right. I heard the way he had said my name, so shameless. I shouldn't have surprised. Every time he around he made me lose my self-control.

What was I supposed to do now? Were we just going to pretend nothing happened?

I slid down to a sit in in my shower, let the water scour my back. Water ran down my face and I couldn't be entirely sure whether it was the shower.

After a while, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a dark grey towel around me.
Oh well, I thought to myself, at least I got him out of my system. It was a one-time thing. Now, hopefully, I could go to work without being constantly distracted by this stupid crush.