Jui're

An empty space and empty hands and an empty heart.
I don't feel loss, I feel rage but to whom it's directed to I also don't know.
I was holding you and now my arms are empty, knowing that I will never see you even if I want too is killing me I am dying a very slow death, Yang Yang you let me be happy when you were all alone dying.

What causes love is the same thing that causes hatred, I can't hear my heart beating and I can't understand my thoughts there's this raging fire that wants to escape but something is holding it at bay.

Fangsu was staring at me and her lips were moving but no sound came out, she shook me roughly snapping me out of my trance. "Yang Yang's Godfather wants to speak to you." Hearing his name felt like my soul was getting burned. "Where is he?" My voice sounded different, like it wasn't mine. "Study." I took small steps towards the study but it felt like I wasn't moving at all, eventually I got to the study. "Godfather." I whispered, he had his head in his hands at my greeting he looked up at me. "XiaoJiu." He got up and walked towards me then he pulled me into his arms, I didn't have anymore tears it was like I had cried the whole ocean dry but I had a question. "Why didn't anyone tell me he was sick?" He stiffened. "He didn't want to worry you." I pulled back. "Didn't want to worry me? Now I'll be worried for the rest of my life!" He held my hands. "Stay calm, don't get worked up." He said in an authoritive voice. "Jui're I understand that you're hurt and..." I raised my eyebrow. "Hurt? You think I'm hurt? I'm not hurt, I am angry!!! The person who loved me the most died without me by their side, the same person that I care about is gone. He did so many things for me and I couldn't even repay one of them, he let me be happy without him while he was in pain. I should have known when he spoke to me like he did the last time I saw him, he knew that he wasn't going to be around when I become queen so I'm not hurt but very angry."  He was quiet for a moment. "Jui're who are you angry at? Yourself or Dong Hua?" He asked softly and it was like he opened a can of worms but then at the same time I didn't want to say anything nor until I spoke to Dong Hua. "I don't know." I replied and he sighed. "Xiaojiu, I need to go to the mediation cave for awhile and I need to tell you this before I go." I nodded my head. "Yang Yang, left the whole Ice realm for you and the palace. He knew that you're not a fan of staying in the fox cave because of how much you and your parents quarrel with each other, he also entrusted me with this." He pulled a moonsun locket. "He said you should always wear this it will help you with, the burning sensation." I took the the locket and looked at it. "Jui're I know this is a lot to take in but I needed to leave this with you." He took out a ice crystals chest. "Yang Yang said you will need it because he knows your temper but you can't open it unless you need too." I took the chest and tried smiling. "Thank you, are the deities still here?" I asked softly and he nodded. "They will leave when you want them too." I shook my head. " I don't want them to live but I want the Ice realm to show some life in it, I want the Ice realm to be like Qingqiu and have freedom." He smiled at me. "Very well." I sighed. "I will back later." Then I got up and left.

When I arrived back at the mortal realm Dong Hua was waiting for me or so I thought. "Why did you come back?" He said in a cold voice. "You should have just stayed with your Yang Yang." His face had chilled there was no warmth in it. "Why didn't you tell me that Fangsu asked for me." He didn't say anything but just looked away. "I don't owe you an explanation." He said after a few seconds. "You won't ever change will you? Do you know what you have done to me? Do you know what you have just put me through? Even though I'm supposed to be angry at you, I can't bring myself to do it. My heart is tearing apart because of you, why are you like this to me? Do you like hurting me?" He turned around and looked at me. "You chose to love me, I didn't ask you too." His words cut through like a sword and the cold frost settled on my wounds. "You're right, it was my mistake to think that you could be warm." He snorted. "Even though you removed your name from the stone of fate, I had hoped that there was a will of love in you but there is nothing." His frosty face mask fell. "You knew?" I smiled. "There's nothing I don't know about you, but maybe you should go back to heaven your goddesses must be getting restless without you." He took a step towards me but I took a step back. "Don't, by the Dijiun Yang Yang is dead and I wasn't there for him, so who's fault is that? Mine? For wanting to be with you so badly that the closest person to me kept their sickness a secret from me or yours for not telling me what you should have?" My soul was crying again as the emptiness starting suffocating me. "I never will love you." Another cut to my already bleeding wounds. "Thank you for your honesty, I will go to heaven to collect all of Yang Yang's stuff then I promise you, you will never see me again." Immediately I teleported to heaven.

I wish I could cry because it would make me feel better but there no tears, I am just a badly beaten, bleeding and wounded girl who can't even share her sorrow with anyone.

Even though it hurts, I will not drop my head for my crown to slip down,
For this love I have suffered but I have gotten burnt and cut beyond comprehension something that I will never be able to fix, I gave you my mind and my heart yet it seemed I made a deadly mistake of trusting you with them but it's okay I fear nothing.

As I was walking towards Yang Yang's palace in heaven Kai's daughter was taking a stroll with two fairies. "My.....my.....my.... Look who's here." She said in a condescending voice. "Why do you look so broken? Has Dijiun finally crushed that little heart of yours." She said smugly and I smiled. "Dijiun doesn't have that much power over me." I said sweetly and she blinked at me and the a snow lion started attacking me, I didn't have the power to fight against it so I landed very hard against the concrete floor and I felt the warmth in head immediately, I transformed into my fox form but it kicked me before I could fight back then it stepped on my throat. "There's no place for you here! You're not wanted." The snow lion said harshly before sinking it's claws in my chest, not being able to stand the pain I transformed back to my human form and that was a bad idea because I started bleeding more.

Suddenly the snow lion disappeared and I saw Dijiun starring at me with horrified eyes, Kai's daughter was looking at Dijiun. "XiaoBai." He yelled and rushed to my side but I moved back. "Don't touch me." His hands were in midair. "But you're hurt." Wang Shu also came screaming. "What happened?" She asked her voice laced with panic, slowly I got up until I managed to stand up right. "XiaoBai let us help you." I shook my head. "I'm just here for Yang Yang's things." I limped all the way to his palace and I felt so lightheaded, blood was oozing from my head falling into my face, I chanted a magic collection spell when the palace was empty I went outside only to find the Third Prince waiting. "XiaoBai." He started but I lifted up my hand. "I'm leaving." I passed him but I fell when I arrived at heaven's gate but not allowing that to stop me I jumped off and I fell at the forbidden part of the demon land.

I couldn't see properly anymore, my body was giving up on me and honestly I was giving up on me.
The air wasn't too bad and it wasn't as scary as I thought and in my double vision state I saw a cave and I walked towards it and once inside I passed out.

The dark was never bad or a scary place but it was made like that,
The dark never hurt anyone but provided comfort and release.
Even the demon king was an angel before he became dark, dark is not bad but you have put me into the bad kind of darkness, where I'm cornered and have nobody because of you I full of blood, bleeding for the love I have you and trusted you with you，I was loving you but that has turned me bad, I loved you with good intentions now it's an evil love, loving you has wasted my heart and now I plan to dig a grave in your heart just like you did to mine.