obviously not being able to take valerie home, ashtray took her to his house and stayed the night there, and the following afternoon and went home, so her mom wasn't worried about her. she made sure to thank both fezco and ashtray before leaving though, and even apologized for having to 'make' fezco drive to get her late at night, but he reassured her it was all willingly.

once she was home she washed her face and cleaned herself up, throwing the dress she wore in her dirty clothes.

she laid in her bed, wrapping herself in her covers and sighing, but groaned when she heard her phone go off. she picked it up, seeing an unknown number.

her eyebrows furrowed, reading the texts,

                              XXX-XXX-XXXX
XXX-XXX-XXXX
hey

XXX-XXX-XXXX
i saw you leave, i hope you got home safe!

she stared at the messages, before it clicked in her head. the only person that she gave her number to was kiana.

                               XXX-XXX-XXXX
valerie
kiana ?

XXX-XXX-XXXX
yeahh

valerie
oh hi
yeah i got home safe
sorry i didn't come back, my old friend came up to me

kiana
it's all good

the twos conversation continued, they started getting to know each other and found out that kiana went to her school, valerie had just missed her. valerie though kiana was really funny, and she was nice, she wondered if the two of them would ever hangout again, and maybe become friends. soon, kiana told valerie she had to leave and so the conversation stopped, and that made valerie finally get up to het ready for the day, even though it was three pm, she decided she'd do her makeup and put on a comfortable outfit, since she most likely wouldn't be going anywhere.

she set her phone on her vanity, the music playing as she started to do her makeup. she hummed along to it, occasionally skipping the song if she didn't want that one to play at the moment.

once she was done she cleaned up her vanity, organizing it again, before standing up to scan over closet. a small smile came to her face when she saw her hello kitty pajama pants, although she quickly dropped her smile and shook her head as she felt stupid for smiling over something so little. she grabbed them, along with a black crop top.

she changed, putting on deodorant and then sitting back in her bed. she grabbed into her remote, turning on her tv. as she waited for it to load, her eyes moved the the picture wall she had behind it.

her eyes landed on the many pictures she had of her and victoria, and even two or three that had daniel in them. she never took them off of her wall because, well she forgot. she should probably now, since the friendships over.

her mind traveled back to the night before, when her and victoria sat in the bathroom. 'i miss you.' victorias words repeated in her head.

with a sigh, she stood, grabbing the chair that was at her vanity and stood on it, beginning to remove the pictures. there was now many gaps on her wall, but she'd eventually fill them with other pictures or just move the other pictures that were still on her wall closer together.

she sat the pictures she had just taken off the wall on her bed, and began looking at each one.

the fact that each photo had such good memories behind it, made valerie's heart hurt just a little more than it already did. she hasn't even realized that as she was looking at them, tears left her eyes.

but once she saw the tears fall onto her bed, she wiped her face and picked up the pictures, setting them on her vanity so she could put them up somewhere later on.

she forgot she was going to watch a show or movie, and instead picked up her phone, clicking instagram and scrolling through story's. she followed people from her school, as they'd follow her first and she'd follow back.

she came across a story that shared a post, at first she didn't read the name, she just read 'don't let the rumors get to you bro. we know it isn't true.' and her eyebrows furrowed, before her eyes traveled down and saw that the post they shared was none other than xanders.

she shook her head, quickly blocking him and the person that shared his post, before pressing the side of her phone to turn it off. she felt like that was going to forever haunt her. as she tried to move on from it so hard, if followed her. his face, his friends, the rumors.

she scrolled through netflix, trying to find a movie or show that looked interesting, that she hasn't watched already. however, her mood was off now. after crying because of seeing pictures of her ex friend and then seeing xander's face again, she no longer wanted to sit and watch a movie.

her thoughts began thinking about the past few months. in less than five months she went through loosing her two best friends, two rumors, almost being sexually assaulted, and seeing her boyfriend kill a man.

she tried to believe it wasn't much, that people went through way more than her, but she couldn't help but feel stuck. her thoughts weighed her down, and made her feel like so much more was going on that it actually was.

she picked at her acrylic nails, again, tears leaving her eyes as she thought long and hard. she tried to push past all the thoughts and think about ashtray, someone who brought her pure happiness. he made her feel alive, even when sometimes she though otherwise. he made her feel loved, safe, comfortable.

with a shaky breathe, she stood up from her bed, pulling out her notebook. she scanned through the many pages where she wrote down any and everything. she ripped some pages out, throwing them away, before writing less than a paragraph and closing the notebook, leaving it next to the pictures on her vanity.

lover 🫶🏼
valerie
i love you

AUTHORS NOTES:

JESUS CHRIST