The Funeral (Part 6)

👆You see that title! That means this isn't going to be a happy chapter, so don't read it!

If you're masochistic then fine, read away. But don't blame me for the tears.

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Donovan couldn't breathe. He stood frozen in front of the bathroom sink. Somehow he'd forgotten how to breathe. He knew he should move, back away from the sink, but he couldn't do anything. He remained frozen staring at her toothbrush. There was a spot of toothpaste still clinging to the bristles.

"Donny."

Brock spoke right behind him. Even though he hadn't registered Brock walking into the bathroom, Donovan didn't startle. How could he when he felt hollowed out? Brock placed a comforting hand on Donovan's shoulder.

"Need help with that?" he said.

Donovan blinked but didn't respond. He barely did anything lately. He didn't even cry. 

Gently, Brock turned Donovan so they stood face to face. But still, Donovan stared at the toothbrush as Brock tied Donovan's tie. He should throw out the toothbrush. That's what people did, right? When they knew someone was...

He swallowed, tried to breathe again but it felt impossible.

"Let's go," Brock said, guiding Donovan out of the bathroom.

As they entered the living room, Link and Maddy stood. They both wore matching masks of worry and grief. Maddy held Harrison.

"We helped Kennedy get dressed but she didn't want to put on her shoes," Link said.

Without a word, Donovan knelt before his daughter. Looking at her face felt like a stab to his heart. She resembled Carter so much that at times he couldn't bear it.

Kennedy watched him with Carter's blue eyes as he picked up one shoe and slid it onto her foot. Finished, he lifted Kennedy into his arms. She hugged his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. He held her close afraid she might slip away.

When Donovan faced Link, Maddy, and Brock, they all watched him cautiously like a single word might break him. He didn't know how they couldn't understand that he wouldn't break because he was already shattered inside. 

"Okay," Brock said, cracking the heavy silence. "Let's get going."

Solemnly, the group left the apartment and loaded into two cars. Donovan sat in the back of Brock's SUV holding onto Kennedy's hand. She leaned against him, clinging to a stuffed bunny.

When Brock pulled into the Arlington cemetery, Donovan couldn't move. He couldn't do it. He knew so many would be there, waiting. Wanting to say good-

He couldn't do it.

Brock opened Donovan's door, his quiet gaze understanding. He said nothing. He didn't urge Donovan to get out. Didn't try to help him. Instead, he stood letting Donovan know he was there.

Eventually, more cars pulled into the parking lot and Donovan unbuckled himself and Kennedy. He carried her through the rows of the fallen.

Overhead the sky was a brilliant blue and the breeze tinted with warmth. Donovan didn't understand how the day could be so heartless.

When they spotted a crowd in black waiting beneath a swaying tree, Donovan paused. He couldn't make his feet keep going. Even his heart faltered. He gripped Kennedy closer, crushing the bunny between them. He couldn't do it. He couldn't say...

His mother broke away from the group and crossed over to him. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to see her grief. Didn't want to see her red eyes. Didn't want to see her mourn for her first daughter.

A tender hand cupped Donovan's cheek. He shook his head. He couldn't do it. The hand fell away. When he felt it press gently on his back, he opened his eyes. His mother stood beside him. He didn't look at her as he walked onward.

He didn't look at anyone as he approached the crowd. He didn't want to see his father being stoic. Couldn't bear to see his father-in-law crying. Couldn't watch Danny as he hid his face while Maggie hugged him. Couldn't handle all the sorrow that filled every face. The only person he could handle walked forward.

"Donovan," Mason said. He didn't wear the grief of others. Instead, he looked somber. He placed a hand on Donovan's shoulder. "I..."

Donovan felt something wanting to be said, but Mason simply gripped Donovan's shoulder and turned away.

The crowd parted as Donovan continued walking, leaving him an opening to the opening in the ground. The coffin hovered above it. It hovered like for a moment everything could still be changed, that somehow she could break open the lid and curse Mason for playing a joke on her.

But the lid remained shut, sealing her inside. Forever.

As a pastor appeared on the other side of the coffin, Donovan sensed as his family drew towards him, silently being his support. Donovan didn't look at them, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the gleaming surface of the coffin. In it he could see his reflection, the gaunt look in his eyes. Eyes that had yet to shed a tear.

The pastor spoke, but Donovan didn't hear anything. Steve got up and shared, Donovan barely noticed. Maggie spoke with a strangled voice. His brothers talked in rough tones. Donovan only heard one thing.

"Donovan, would you like to say a few words?" the pastor asked.

His mother held out her arms. Donovan handed Kennedy over and made his way around the coffin to face the crowd. He stood there, staring down.

A few words. A few words. She wasn't a few words, she was a library.

It hit him, that single word 'was'.

Carter was.

Dead.

He didn't know how his brothers knew, but as he started to collapse they caught him. Donovan clutched the back of Brock's suit jacket, shaking with sobs. Both James and Clint gripped Donovan's shoulders.

She couldn't be gone. She couldn't. He needed her to come back. He needed her.

Donovan didn't know anything anymore.

He cried until there was nothing left inside.

His brothers never left him.

It didn't matter, she had.

She'd left him.

She...

When Donovan eventually straightened, his brothers released their hold but didn't go far. Donovan didn't say anything to them, what was there to say?

At some point, the crowd had dispersed leaving only Steve behind.

When James suggested they head to the memorial, Donovan shook his head. He didn't want to leave. He couldn't leave.

He stepped back to the coffin now sat at the bottom of the hole.

Whispers sounded behind him, but he didn't care. Even when his brothers slipped away, he didn't care. He knew he wouldn't care about anything anymore.

A small voice breathed Kennedy's name into his mind.

Donovan stirred from his apathy.

Kennedy.

Kennedy needed him.

Kennedy needed a mother.

Carter.

Steve put his hand on Donovan's shoulder. "Come on, son."

But Donovan couldn't leave, not without her. She needed to come back. He needed her to come back. Kennedy needed her to come back.

When Steve tried to urge Donovan away, Donovan rounded on him and grabbed his suit jacket.

"Bring her back!" he yelled. "You have to bring her back!" He shook Steve. "Please, I...I need her back."

Donovan dropped to his knees, digging his fingers into the grass. "Carter, you promised you wouldn't leave me."

Donovan closed his eyes, begging her to come back-

Donovan jerked upright in his bed, his shirt soaked with sweat, his heart pounding. Around him, the blackness pressed in. He struggled to breathe as his memory slowly receded. Pain and grief lanced through his chest. He blinked, sending tears down his face.

Something stirred in the blankets beside him and he swallowed.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw the outline of a slender form.

Still shaking, he drew her to him, wrapping his arms around her.

Carter murmured and curled into his hold.

Only when he buried his face in her hair could Donovan finally breathe again.

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Hi.

(I don't really need to be threatening because...well you read the chapter, right? I think I've done enough damage)

You can cry out your thoughts and feelings to me. 💬💭🗯

You might be mad that I wrote this but really you should be mad at yourself for reading it. It's not like I hid what was in the chapter! IT WAS IN THE TITLE!

Still, if you feel like being mad at someone you can be mad at me. I've handled your anger before, I can do it again.

I'll still love you!

Also just know, someone did ask for this so I feel like they should share the blame.

Side note: I finally did decide Kennedy's age, it's like 2-3 because then she won't be permanently scarred from this.

Vote, comment, follow but only if you can still see what's on the screen.

Also here's a hug

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