Cause someone asked for it and clearly you enjoy pain. 🙄

Know that my knowledge of anything medical is pretty much zero so judge accordingly.

Yes, I know the birth chapter is before this, just hang in there it will make sense in the end.

***********************************

Carter ran her thumb over the soft felted elephant on the mobile. Donovan had wanted superheroes hanging over the crib but Carter had shot down the suggestion, not wanting to have her daughter growing up with unrealistic expectations about what it meant to be strong.

Letting go of the elephant, Carter stood back, gazing around the nursery. It felt peaceful. She placed her hands on her stomach and bent her head.

"It's all ready for you," she said. She straightened. "Then after you, it will be ready for a baby brother or a baby sister. You'll be that strong older sibling that helps them fight their battles." She cradled her stomach, wishing her baby girl already slept in her arms. "You won't be alone like I was. You'll grow up in a loud and wild house like your father."

Standing in the center of the room, Carter could picture the future, hearing the laughter of children and the arguments of grown teenagers. Their lives would bounce off each other and challenge each other. Friendship wouldn't be an issue, they would have a bond like the Keller brothers. She could see it all and she smiled.

"Come on, let's see if your father is still sleeping. He takes more naps than me, you have to wonder which one of us is eight months pregnant."

As Carter turned away from the nursery a flash of pain sparked in her side. Wincing, she stopped, pressing her hand to her side but the spark had already faded.

"Are you getting excited, baby girl?" she asked, shaking off the weird sensation.

Dropping her hand, she headed towards the main bedroom. When she reached for the door, searing pain sliced up her side. Crying out, she fell to her knees. A tremor ran through her and she clawed the thick carpet, trying to breathe but finding her lungs weren't working.

Another wave of pain crashed into her and she screamed, memories exploding in her mind. A cold concrete room. A metal rod. Hands tied painfully above her head. Blackness.

The bedroom door slammed open as Donovan raced out, hair disheveled, anxiety written over his face. He dropped down beside Carter, gripping her shoulder.

"Carter, talk to me, what's going on?"

Wracked with pain, Carter crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down her face. She held her stomach, praying for the life inside, hit with pain but scared only for her baby.

Donovan scooped Carter into his arms and raced for the door, barefoot and terrified.

"Stay with me, okay?" he said fear weighing his voice. "Carter, just stay with me."

Grabbing keys, Donovan burst out of their apartment leaving the door swinging in his wake. He punched the elevator button and stared at the lit number urging it to move faster.

Another twist of pain coiled around Carter and she gripped Donovan's shirt, face pressed against his chest, gritting her teeth. Through her haze of agony, she heard Donovan mumbling words over and over again.

"God, please, please, please. Don't take them from me. Please, God. Please."

Carter could barely think, words disjointed letters in her mind, but her heart echoed his prayer, pulsing a need, beating out a cry to the One who had gotten her through so many dangerous situations that he would do the same for her daughter now. Her daughter needed to live, that's all Carter wanted.

Donovan ran towards their car, his footsteps reverberating off the concrete floor and walls of the parking garage. Despite his frantic pace, he gently lowered Carter into the passenger seat and buckled her in. As the car roared out of the garage, Donovan put on his siren, cutting a path through the traffic.

All the while, he switched between begging God to keep Carter and his daughter safe and telling Carter to hold on, that they were almost there. Blackness threatened to take over Carter, but Donovan's voice acted as a tether to consciousness and she clung to it.

Fear for the baby in her body helped her fight harder. She held her stomach as if she could protect her baby from whatever danger they faced.

At the hospital, Donovan brought the car to a halt outside the emergency room doors. By the time, he'd ripped Carter's door open, a pair of nurses charged out the sliding doors, armed with a gurney. Donovan laid Carter on it, keeping hold of her hand the entire time.

Carter could hardly hold onto his hand, weak with pain and exhaustion. But he held tight to her, willing her to stay alive, to stay with him. With each new spike, she felt herself fading bit by bit. Donovan spoke, telling the nurses everything, but Carter could only hear blurry words, nothing making sense.

Closer and closer the blackness came, a menacing presence that called to her. Fear threatened to swallow Carter whole, what would happen if she lost consciousness. Would her daughter survive? With everything in her, Carter grappled to stay awake, to stay present, for her baby's sake, that's all that mattered.

But in the end, the pain drowned her, pulling her under, dragging her away from the world. Carter lost consciousness, hearing Donovan's voice calling out to her.

**********

A steady beep-beep-beep stirred Carter awake. The sound told her that her heart still beat. The hum of life slipped from beneath the closed door to her room: hurried footsteps, murmuring of voices, announcements over the PA system.

Slowly, Carter opened her eyes. Beyond the window, a dark sky told her she'd been unconscious for more than a few hours. A single lamp on the table beside her bed offered a small pool of illumination.

Sitting by the bed, with his hands folded and head bent, was Donovan. From his taut knuckles, she could see he was still pleading for his wife and daughter's lives.

Carter laid her hand on her stomach, wanting to feel her daughter's kicking but felt nothing. A sickening dread crept over her. She took in a steadying breath, needing to know, but scared to ask.

"Hey," she said.

Donovan jerked his head up, eyes bloodshot, face ragged, but still he smiled.

"Hey." His voice sounded raw and he swallowed hard. "It's good to see you awake."

"Is she okay?"

He nodded and Carter sank with relief. Her daughter was okay, thank God. Reaching out, she took his hand, unknotting it from the other. Tears trekked down Donovan's face as he kissed her stomach before planting a kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away, Carter brushed her thumb over his cheeks.

"We're alive," she said. "It's okay."

Donovan sank to his chair, resting his forehead on their joined hands.

"I was so scared I was going to lose you both."

Carter ran her fingers through his hair as he released his fear and pain. When his emotions had left her hand and the bedsheet wet, he lifted his head. She smiled at him, cupping his cheek. He covered her hand with his, staring at her like he never wanted to let her out of his sight again.

A knock on the door roused them from their silent moment of relief and gratitude. A round-faced doctor popped her head in. When she noticed Carter awake, she smiled and entered.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Better," Carter said. "Do you know what happened?"

At the question, the doctor's smile slid away.

"Reviewing your medical history," she said. "I noticed that you had an incident eight years back where you were treated for severe internal injuries. The cause of the injuries wasn't explained, but do you remember what I'm referring to?"

Carter swallowed, her memories of being tortured surfacing. Squeezing Donovan's hand, she nodded.

"Do you think these things are linked?" Donovan asked, holding to Carter as fiercely as she held to him.

"Yes," the doctor said. "Permeant damage was made when you sustained those injuries. The pain you felt today was from your baby pressing on that scar tissue. It's amazing this flare-up hasn't happened before. Both you and the baby are still okay, but this last phase of your pregnancy will be the hardest."

Carter met Donovan's gaze and he covered her hand with his. Whatever came, they would weather the storm together. Their baby was all that mattered.

The doctor cleared her throat, drawing their attention. At the discomfort in the doctor's eyes, Carter felt a prick of fear.

"What is it?" She asked.

The doctor tilted her chin and straightened her shoulders. With those two actions, Carter knew what came next would cut into her. Those were the signs of someone building up for a difficult truth.

"The internal injuries you initially faced has left damage that can not be fixed. The fact that you were able to get pregnant even this time is a miracle. But..." the doctor swallowed. "The chances of you being able to have any more children after this one is less than 5%. I'm sorry."

Carter stared at the doctor, the words not making sense in her mind. But they connected for Donovan and he nodded.

"Can you give us a minute," he said, voice thick.

In the silent room, the truth filtered into Carter's mind piece by piece until the full force of it hit her, breaking everything apart. The family, the wild, loud family she'd planned to have, imagined her daughter having crumbled into ashes. The bond her daughter would have with her siblings would never be true. The noise, the arguments, the laughter, all of it gone.

"Carter, say something."

Carter looked at Donovan, seeing her own shock and grief mirrored back at her.

"Our family," she whispered.

A fire burned in his eyes and he held her hand tighter.

"Is right here. This kid is alive and we are going to love her and take care of her. She might be the only one we have but she will not be alone."

She slowly nodded, clinging to his words so she wouldn't fell into a well of sorrow.

"She won't be alone."

*********

A shrill cry cut through the hospital room and Carter collapsed against the bed, sweating, breathing hard, exhausted. She could barely move. Lead filled every inch of her. Donovan murmured again and again that it was over, that she made it through.

When the nurse came forward with a small bundle, Carter struggled to turn her head. She took her daughter into her arms. Tiny, red-faced, and wrinkled she looked more precious than anything Carter had ever seen before. Donovan kissed Carter's head.

"Hi," Carter said, not even noticing the tears on her cheeks, her world turned on its head.

She smiled, remembering a different day only a month ago where she thought her world had shattered but saw how it never had. Her daughter was in her arms. The newest part of their family.

"Hi, Kennedy," she said.

Donovan touched his daughter's curled fingers. "Our miracle."

**********************************************************************

*Flops onto the floor*

Boy that was exhausting!

💵4️⃣👉🤔💬💭🗯

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️Raise your hands if you've ever faced this before. Okay, I don't mean finding out that the torture you went through has destroyed your chance of having more kids, I mean the fear of losing someone.

I had that fear a few months ago. It wasn't that I would lose my sister exactly, but the fear that I might not see her again. It was right when the world was shutting down. She was in a different state and everything was happening so fast and it was terrifying.

Over and over in that time I repeated the Bible verse (2 Timothy 1:7) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I was so worried about never seeing Grace again. This whole shut down situation has been insane, which I'm guessing you know just as well as I do.

But within it God used it to strengthen my faith in Him. And even when it's gotten really bad, I've found peace in Him, in knowing that no matter what happens He loves me and is looking after me.

Look, I get it, you might be thinking 'Joy, stop being so preachy' but here's the thing. If I didn't share God with you, it would be like I wrote a sequel to A Secret Service and never told you, except a billion times worse.

Because here's the thing. I'm not talking about something you have to earn. In fact you can't earn it! No acts or good deeds you do can do can give you salvation: eternal life in heaven.

Instead it comes with simply believing. Believing in your heart that because of our sin (all the bad things we do) we are destined to go to hell. BUT! Because God loves us so much and didn't want that for us, He sent his son Jesus Christ to die in our place. After being buried for three days, He rose again proving He was God.

Simply believing in your heart and saying it to God that you accept that Jesus Christ died for you gives you a home in heaven!

Sounds completely insane, right! How could it be as easy as believing and not doing a million good deeds? It's that easy because Jesus Christ already paid the price and all we have to do is accept the gift by believing.

So why am I telling you this? 🤔

Because I love you more than you could ever know and I want you to understand that you don't have to be afraid, that you don't have to fear death because you know you'll spend it in heaven with God.

(And I would really like to meet you and if we can't do it on earth then we could do it in heaven! Finally share that ice cream I always talk about!)

So yes, you can ignore me. Yes, you can believe that it takes so much more than just believing to earn salvation but that's not true. Why?

Cause the Bible says this.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

And it really is as easy as believing because:

Romans 10: 9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

That's it. I honestly don't know if you've even made it this far in the author's note or if you saw God and peaced out real quick. If you have stayed and you do care about what comes after we die, I hope you'll think about what I said.

And if you have questions, I'm right here! Ask away!

Oh my gosh the little tongue!